Snowmagedopocalypse 2014: State Of The Union

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Personal Liberty Poll

Exercise your right to vote.

At least, that’s what I’m hoping Michael Bay will select as a title when they make a big-budget blockbuster based on the true events of this fateful day. As I’m writing this, the fair-haired maiden city of the South, Savannah, Ga., is under imminent threat of a winter storm the likes of which hasn’t been seen outside those global-warming-run-amok movies in which the irascible old veteran climatologist/ninja braves impossible odds to rescue his estranged son from… winter.

There’s no shortage of irony in a looming snowstorm belting the Deep South on the same night President Barack Obama will likely announce executive orders to combat so-called “global warming.” Moments like this make me realize the blissful cocoon of ignorance in which liberals spend most of their lives. To be fair, it’s getting a bit nippy outside. I’m pretty sure I just saw Al Gore over by the bus stop. He was wearing a sign that read: “Will bore you to tears for money.” At least, I think it was Gore. He looked like a man, crossed with a bear, crossed with a pig. He’ll be fine. I noticed he climbs aboard the private jet parked nearby whenever he gets too chilly.

I noticed The Daily Caller’s Jim Treacher suggested a drinking game for tonight’s festivities:

Hmm… Nah. It’s a dirty job, but someone’s gotta do it. You can’t trust the mainstream media to do it. In fact, if what MSNBC is offering is anything to go by, the talking heads are far too busy hating Representative Michele Bachmann. That’s not really relevant, but neither is MSNBC.

Since I’m already here, and I already made a trip to the liquor store, I guess I’ll endure it.

(Just over an hour later…)

I made a ton of notes during the speech. And then I deleted them. That was the speech he delivered with his political back against the wall? As his party faces an electoral firing squad this fall (largely due to the epic disaster, Obamacare), the heroic President rode to the rescue with… more Obamacare stories. He’s almost as popular as Hillary Clinton in a Benghazi survivors’ reunion, and he wanted to honor the diplomatic corps. The Nation is shivering through more brutal winter weather, and the President says “climate change is a fact.”

What a colossal waste of time. The State of the Union ought to be a rallying cry, a clarion call to energize not only the partisan base, but the entire Nation. Thanks to Obama’s abysmal performance, we’re collectively facing a new national nightmare. Rather that proffer hope, President Change served up a steaming pile of the same old stuff. It didn’t even snow in Savannah. I should have taken Treacher’s advice.

–Ben Crystal

Personal Liberty

Ben Crystal

is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power.

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