Dear Media:


Thanks. Seriously, from the bottom of my heart, I offer to you my most profound gratitude. It took New Jersey Governor Chris Christie channeling the ghost of Tony Soprano to get you guys to come out against government corruption, but I’m not going to complain. Clearly, your intent in shrieking to the rafters about Christie’s politically motivated (by staffers, at least) cannonball into the deep end of the scandal pool stems entirely from a newfound belief that executives’ abusing their authority is beyond the pale, right?

Granted, pegging Christie for his involvement in a scheme to alter traffic patterns might not rise to the level of on-the-spot reporting about the corruption inherent in selling guns to narcoterrorists and then perjuring yourself in front of Congress about it; but it’s a start.

I’ll concede that sounding the alarm over a potential Presidential candidate getting tangled in inconveniencing commuters is no substitute for sounding the alarm over a President’s decision to abandon four citizens in some Libyan hellhole, but it’s a bit closer to actual journalism than the Democrats’ media normally wander.

Shouting across the rooftops of the world over gubernatorial meddling with one of the three driving routes between New Jersey and New York won’t un-tell all the lies we were fed over the multitrillion-dollar fraud still masquerading as Obamacare, but it beats cutting the story for a fun kicker about a singing cat.

And though giving the media version of a proctology exam to a political plan to turn the George Washington Bridge into an instant parking lot doesn’t reveal a disease as severe as a Presidential plan to turn the Internal Revenue Service and the National Security Agency into an Orwellian nightmare, it’s still a diagnosis — albeit as worthwhile as a chiropractic “adjustment” on a corpse.

Listen, I know it’s tough for you guys. You have to hear about scandals from someone who is actually paying attention. Then, you have to determine whether the scandal will affect the political elite for whom you work. Then, you have to find out how they want the story covered, if at all. And — with notably few exceptions — you have to rely on the starry-eyed neophytes, self-important hacks and/or talking hairdos to actually report the story. So maybe you missed a few major scandals that might normally have sent a Presidency to the bottom of a Hawaiian lagoon (covertly selling guns to al-Qaida within a year or two of whacking its leader comes to mind); you’re a bunch of epileptic Neanderthals trying to conduct surgery in the Superdome. At least you’re trying, right?

Now, I know some people think you’re only gnawing on Christie’s “bridgegate” scandal because the Democrats hope “bridgegate” will sink Christie’s alleged Presidential campaign before he can steer it out of the harbor. If they’re right, then you media types are nothing more than paid button men for the Democratic crime family. Given that Christie is the political equivalent of Hillary Clinton in a slightly less-well-tailored pantsuit, I’m actually fine with that, as well.

–Ben Crystal

Personal Liberty

Ben Crystal

is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power.

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