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25 Years Of Sex And Politics

February 7, 2013 by  

25 Years Of Sex And Politics
PHOTOS.COM

It’s not that Senator Bob Menendez and his Dominican Republic juvenile jamborees are a novel concept. Heavyweight politicos have been tripping over their own — um — feet since the first time some Cro-Magnon decided to drag the cute female with the two-syllable name back to his cave. But some of the more recent dalliances with “girls Friday” have crossed the line between scandalous and enormously entertaining.

Now, I can’t possibly cover all the lawmakers who have been caught with their proverbial pants around their ankles. I eliminated some because Al Gore hadn’t invented the Internet when Thomas Jefferson slipped out the side door with Sally Hemings, others because we don’t have the bandwidth for the Kennedys. I left out still others because they’re just sad (Gary Condit and Chandra Levy), because I did a joke about them recently (Mark Sanford, hiking the Appalachian Trail) or because their sex scandal represented a small part of a much larger personal disgrace (former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick). So this list may be miles from comprehensive, but it is right next door to fun.

Senator Gary Hart (D-Colo.)

Senator Gary Hart actually dared reporters to catch him stepping out during the 1988 Democratic campaign for the Presidential nomination. The girl was named Donna Rice. The boat was named Monkey Business. And the nominee was named Michael Dukakis. You can’t make this stuff up.

Representative Barney Frank (D-Mass.)

In 1989, Representative Barney Frank’s live-in lover, Steve Gobie, was caught using “Bawney’s” digs as a brothel. Hey, we all have a few past paramours whose behavior left us regretting the association. But none of my exes ran a prostitution racket — from my living room. Feel free to insert your own “employer discount” gag here.

Senator Bob Packwood (R-Ore.)

One would think Senator Bob Packwood, who met his legislative end in the middle of President Bill Clinton’s unprecedented womanizing, need only have kept a low profile in order to keep his seat. And by “low profile,” I most certainly do not mean “bragged about his sexual conquests in his diary.” On a related note: What 63 year-old keeps a diary?

Representatives Mark Foley (R-Fla.) And Tim Mahoney (D-Fla.)

Representative Mark Foley sent sexually explicit text messages to underage Congressional pages. Foley was then replaced by Representative Tim Mahoney. Mahoney hired his mistress, fired his mistress and lost a re-election bid in a year when President Barack Obama’s coattails were longer than a union thug’s rap sheet.

Senator Larry Craig (R-Idaho)

I fly through the Minneapolis airport fairly often. I’m still a little nervous about hitting the head while waiting for my connecting flight. Gee thanks, Senator.

Senator John Edwards (D-N.C.)

Even with the corporate media trying to bury the story next to the corpse of King Richard III, Senator John Edwards’ affair — and child — with paramour Rielle Hunter crawled out. The fact that Edwards tried to pay off staffers and lied like a trial lawyer to hide his infidelities was almost as embarrassing as the fact that he did it all while his wife was dying of cancer. What do you get when you cross an ambulance-chaser with a politician? John Edwards.

Governor Eliot Spitzer (D-N.Y.)

How do you know your personal failings have hit the big-time? “South Park” mocks you. New York Governor Eliot Spitzer shall forever be known by his petit nom d’amour: “Client 9.” The best part: Spitzer was replaced by his Lieutenant Governor, David Patterson, who made Spitzer look like a Cistercian nun.

Representative Anthony Weiner (D-N.Y.)

This is the Congressman from New York’s 9th district. And this is the Congressman from New York’s 9th district on Twitter. Any questions?

President Bill Clinton

There’s no way I could file this piece without noting the most famous philanderer since Casanova, if not in all of human history. Clinton remains a “perv” to this day; check out the photo of Bubba giving Kelly Clarkson the twice-over at Obama’s inaugural. Sure, he followed a promising career as an alleged gubernatorial rapist by throwing himself at any White House intern with a blue dress and a weight problem; but Clinton did leave us with some parting gifts: He forced double-talking Republicans like Newt Gingrich to choke on their feigned morality, and his eight-year-long Presidential frat party relegated Al Gore to a career of chasing ManBearPig and “allegedly” pawing massage therapists.

Did I leave some out? Of course I did. The complete list of politicians who let their “little Senators” do their thinking would be as long as the Encyclopedia Britannica, albeit with unsettling photographs.

–Ben Crystal

_________________________________________________________________________

Join Ben Tuesday night, Feb. 12, beginning at 9 p.m. Eastern time as he liveblogs the State of the Union address. You can comment along with Ben or take your verbal shots at him as he employs his unique humor to make sense of the festivities.

Ben Crystal

is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power.

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  • Dennis48e

    ROFLMFAO

    • Nadzieja Batki

      These politicos have to show that they are “virile” and promise they can service all the American women who vote for them.

      • Robert Smith

        Barny Frank was actually investigated and they found no wrong doing on his part.

        When the story first broke the “Hardon & Weaver” show in Washington got a call from a listener who suggested that the new motto for Congress be, “Promise them anything, but give them our page.”

        Rob

      • restorefreedom

        If they cheat on their wives how do you think they treat us? Unethically, treasonously, sell us out etc.

    • Mike in MI

      Dennis48e -
      Ditto and Ditto, congrats Ben on a fine piece of journalistic, albeit “opinionated” excursion into what some of the commenters on PLD might preface with ,”Why don’t you mind your own business. What they do on their off time is too much like what I do (or dream about).” .
      Ben, how long have you been keeping a list and planning to recount their shenanigans for our entertainment? Whatever, glad you did.
      Elegant warning to us that when some erstwhile politician or bureaucrat starts trying to appear “virtuous” we’d better consider more deeply what they probably think “fine upstanding young man” really means to the future of the republic

      • Robert Smith

        Maybe the next list will include that there bunch of supporters of that right wing brutal christian god. Remember George Rekers, the Baptist minister and vocal critic of gay rights, who was photographed returning from a 10-day European vacation with a male prostitute? He co-founded the right-wing Family Research Council.

        It sure looks like Dr. Gene Scott married a porn star who inherited his church.

        Oh my… I found a “List of scandals involving evangelical Christians”

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_scandals_involving_evangelical_Christians

        Rob

        • http://www.boblivingstonletter.com/ Bob Livingston

          Dear Robert Smith,

          You write: “right wing brutal christian god.”
          John 3:16 “For God so loved the world,[a] that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. (ESV)

          I John 3:16 “By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us,” (ESV)

          Romans 8:8 “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

          I would be happy to introduce you to his love, if you wish. Regardless, please cease with the blasphemy.

          Best wishes,
          Bob

      • Mike in MI

        Robt. Smut –
        Well, of course you did Bob. Just one thing you’d in all probability be totally ignorant of…willfully, and by design. It is of the utmost importance, regarding the homo and philandering pastors in what is commonly called Christianity in our culture, to study THE BIBLE for light on these matters.
        Most sucksinctly put. one can draw almost a straight line between the practices of the Old Testament Hebrew clans and the pastors you dug up.
        When they were lined up in accord with the Law of Moses, (what God gave them to do to keep them busy and spiritually wholesome until He sent them their King and Savior) They were healthy, prosperous, great families, protected and blessed in every way. God was proud and pleased to call them His people. Nobody walked in with a few soldiers and put them in bondage. They were a free land.
        BUT, when they got off in spiritual la-la-land they’d start worshiping the gods and idols of the neighboring Canaanites. All of that stuff included a few ridiculous rituals and sacrifices (sometimes human…babies) and then, “PARTY-TIME!” Drunken reveling, sex orgies where anything was permitted and encouraged. Do your neighbors wife then do him, then do his kid, and if you could still walk try the dog. The worship of the Baal gods in their different formats was, to the true God, totally abhorrent, disgusting, a mockery of everything He tried to tell them was good, right, worthy, honorable and intelligent.
        When they were doing that crap He withdrew and took His blessedness with Him. And, He stayed away until they got their heads beaten in by whoever wanted to take them over and put them in bondage.
        Often it was the Hebrew “holy” men who led the falling away and brought on the awful tragedies that inevitably followed.
        Same thing’s true today. When the pastors and priests are trying to outguess God and play at whatever doctrinal stupidity, idolatry or sex trips they find to get into – - – their congregations suffer first, then they get caught with their pants off. Pity is people like you blame God not the jackass with the bare ass.

      • Old Henry

        Bob Livingston:

        Thank you.

  • batch

    All politicians get away with screwing the American people every single day. So why not pick a few selective individuals and allow them to suck off politicians. Seems reasonable in their minds.
    They should all be replaced but the fools in the states keep sending them back and Americans are dumb, they believe the lies over and over and over.

    ” I did not have sex with that girl” while pointing the finger. Classic move by dems, she had sex with me. I did nothing but sit down. What did you expect, Bill Clinton stop a withdrawal. He just stops the withdrawals from his check book

    • pat wright

      Also, I tried marijuana once but didn’t inhale…..all the other times,
      I got blitzed.

      • Robert Smith

        How ’bout the guy who tried being gay but didn’t swallow?

        Rob

      • Robert Smith

        “You don’t have to smoke it, have a brownie,” Alice B. Toklas.

        That will be a day I can say, “Good job brownie.”

        Rob

  • http://www.cindynel.co.za peter

    Ben, you forgot to mention that dear old Bubba will be in the Whitehouse again in 2016, albeit as the underdog. We shall see then if he has lost any of his perversions. Wonder if Monica will be there too? Nah- guess she is too old already now.

    • Chuck S

      It’s 3 am. President Hilary answers the phone. “Hillary, it’s Bill. You have to help me. Her husband came home early and hit me and kicked me out. It’s cold out here and I can’t get a hold of my driver.”

  • Cyblade

    Good article, except you may desire to be historically accurate concerning Jeffereson. The rumor concerning Sally, has been proved to be just that. The story picked up traction in the 90s, but was retracted. A Pulitzer prize winning writer has disproved this rumor. Wall builders founder and author David Barton, has an excellent book concerning Jefferson and the untruths, which have written about him, and taught by progressive teachers.

    • eddie47d

      Ho Hum! Yes but those “rumors’ were first spread in 1801 by James Thomson Callender a Republican journalist who had been an unrelenting critic of Jefferson.He was also jailed and then pardoned by Jefferson. Yet he still wanted a political position especially the Postmaster General. He didn’t get it and then turned against all Republicans. He spread that rumor about Jefferson having children with Nancy Hemming. I think to this day a few Republicans still eat their own!

    • Robert Smith

      Actually the story of Sally and Thomas is true.

      Check out: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/jefferson/etc/genemap.html

      The genetic trail has been confirmed.

      Rob

      • Dad

        Bon Jour… ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
        If you received a public education, you need to ask for your money back.

      • http://www.boblivingstonletter.com/ Bob Livingston

        Dear Robert Smith,

        You write: “The genetic trail has been confirmed.” Maybe not so much. http://www.monticello.org/site/plantation-and-slavery/thomas-jefferson-and-sally-hemings-brief-account

        Best wishes,
        Bob

      • Carol J

        It has NOT been proved. Jefferson had a brother who is the more likely candidate for the offspring. DNA could only prove it was a member of his family.

  • Nick

    Makes the term” we are in a sorry state of affairs”
    As clear as can be!! Maybe time to put them in standing head and wrist lock up for a bit of public
    Appreciation!!
    What part of “Honorable” do men not get!!
    Good news! They will carry their shame to the grave!!

    • Mike in MI

      Nick – Love it!
      In the future maybe we should just become resigned to the idea that where politicos are concerned the old admonition, “No display of public affection” be changed to. “No display of pubic affliction”.

  • Chester

    Afraid you just listed the ones who got caught in flagrente dllecto. It seems like anyone in a position of power is a target for some horny lady or guy, or sometimes both, so the wonder is the fact we haven’t heard of more of these. It takes a good amount of drive and ambition to get to these seats of power, and once you are there, that drive takes on a new aim, sometimes leading to places you really shouldn’t be found in.

  • mark

    Hey Ben, I noticed you forgot to include many of the very infamous, recent REPUBLICAN SEX SCANDALS and weighted your article heavily against the Democrates. Gee, what a surprise from such an unbiased commentator like you? Well, let me refresh your memory since you could only remember a couple of them. Senator David Vitter (R-LA) call girl scandal: Senator John Ensign (R-NV) mistress on the payroll scandal; Governor Mark Sanford (R-SC) Argentine mistress scandal; Congressman Henry Hyde (R-IL) adulterous affair that he claimed was a “youthful indiscretion”, he was 43 at the time scandal; Congressman Robert Livington (R-LA) who admitted to having an affair and resigned right before he was about to become the Speaker of the House; Congressman Newt Gingrich (R-GA) numerous adulterous affairs with his staff, he married one of them who is his current wife, as well as with other women. He served divorce papers to one wife that he was cheating on while she was being treated in the hospital for cancer .

    What is most incredible about these last three Republicans is that these very men voted to impeach President Clinton for having an affair when they themselves were doing the exact same thing at the same time! This is off-the-charts hypocrisy but typical. Personally, I could care less about any sexual scandal involving consenting adults in political office. To me, it has zero impact on these people’s ability to serve. Gen Petraeus for instance should never have had to resign over his adulterous affair. The country is now losing his expertise and national security experience over this nonsense younger woman scandal. But what is most galling in the case of the vast majority of Republican sex scandals is the glaring and overwhelming HYPOCRISY! All these individuals I listed above including Larry Craig who you mentioned, were huge proponents of family values, defending the heterosexual American family from gays and immorality, defence of marriage act etc. The Democrats caught in sex scandals could care less about any of this crap and never pontificated about the familiy and the sanctity of marriage. They were guilty of sexual sins for sure – but not of the far more egregious sin of sanctimonious and shameless HYPOCRISY. Republicans due to their party platform seem to have an absolute lock on behavior.

    • Mike in MI

      mark –
      Interesting you only note them with the “Republican” party. As time has – progressively – done its work of revealing facts, most of them are actually
      “R-I-N-Os”.
      So, it basically comes back to the condition seen as Progressive Mental Derangement lifting the flapper arm in the toilet tank.
      They’re basically there to rule, not lead.

  • ranger09

    You really dont think these politicians hire all these nice looking women for their offices JUST to do paper work, Heck WE are even paying for it. Also its been going on for a lot more than 25 years, JUST ask the SS boys they know everything.

  • http://midcontent ridge runner

    mark, you have to be a muslim marxist loving scrot hanger. You forgot the pres. Wilson who traveled on months llong (vactionc), the gimp FDR who could walk but was always loping the lizard, or the JFK, his brother RK, both were riding double on Marylin, Whorehound the rapist, and now the muslim marxist and his position as pivit boy for his 4 buddy roommates who marked out the (dead) reconiging of the 4 direction since Barry had his head down, facing east towards Mecca. when you list the republicans that were democraps before they tried to try and change their colors. Spector proves the point of a RINO, once a facist/communist, always a USA turncoat puke.

    • speedle

      Good points Ridge Runner, but you forgot LBJ (who probably engaged more excessive trim than anyone in the White House outside of the Kennedys). And speaking of, how could you forget Teddy (Chappaquiddick) Kennedy, the olympic swimmer. I don’t think Mary Jo was taking dictation right before her unfortunate water adventure.

      No Mike, I’m sorry, but you really don’t want to keep score on this one.

      • speedle

        Make that “Mark” not “Mike”. sorry

  • charlie

    Wasn’t Barrac H Obama involved with some girl from Caribbean before becoming potus? How come we never hear about it.?

    • Liberty Lover

      It’s been alleged that Obama’s in-office sex interests have centered on Reggie Love and Kal Penn.

    • http://midcontent ridge runner

      Omuslim has been involved with queer steers, all who died under strange Chicago flu, never solved. All were worm castings a month before the muslim marxist announcement of running for Pres., the flu could been lead poisoning.

  • Michael Clement

    The Jefferson-Sally Hemmings affair is historically inaccurate. It is based on attacks by Mr. Jefferson’s political opponents and has been discredited.

    • http://midcontent ridge runner

      Mikey, Sally was his wife’s half sister, down south they beleive in keeping it in the family. That is why in black neighborhoods father’s day cause so much confusion, and a new crop welfare wards. Look at the muslim marxist mother’s breeding history.

  • “membir” of con gris, Fay Guht

    Remember a place called Sodom and Gemorrah? History repeats itself. Who wd have ever thought that a leader wd allegedly be turned on by sniffing stool? (See Chicago club Mans Country. Be sure to include the collectivistic, oligarchic stooge Obama in the search). How about the stooge Dick Morris? Prostitutes anyone.? And who was the security guy who loved to wear dresses? Jefferson is rolling in his grav……wait a minute! An affair with a slave? Buchanan? President.”Bachelor?” Lincoln? Bunked with a male law pardner? Saddle up! Eisenhower? Secretary. Roosevelt? Same. Eleanor? Xxxxxx. JFK? MLK? RFK? Jesse Jackson? Ad infinitum.

  • Old Henry

    These reprobates are merely a mirrored image of the immoral self-centered feel good electorate who place them in office, and keep them there until it simply gets embarrassingly obvious that they are indeed human POS.

  • Carter

    Well as long as we keep putting up with folks like HSBC managers who laundry money, proven, for terrorist organization, and drug cartels, and just receive a fine, and no prison time, and poor old Joe Blow down the street get pull in jail for a couple of joints. I we as a country get what we get.

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