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Welcome Back, Carter

November 22, 2011 by  

Welcome Back, Carter

I know remakes are all the rage in Hollywood these days, but when did former President Jimmy Carter get written into the script at the White House? It has been three decades since American voters — exhausted by his epic incompetency and appalled by a supporting cast that made the Sweathogs from “Welcome Back, Kotter” look like the board of directors at the Cato Institute — canceled Carter’s show. I hardly expected a comeback three decades after it went off the air.

To be fair, President Barack Obama is more Carter’s evil twin than his reanimated political corpse. Carter never employed an Attorney General who may have been an accessory after the fact to the murder of two Federal agents. Griffin Bell’s worst offense during his tenure at the Department of Justice involved sneaking rooster pepper sausage into the White House. And Carter never kissed up to oil-rich Islamofascists by selling out Israel. But Carter did deliver us to a rather infamous national malaise. If Obama’s recent statements and actions are any indication, he is determined to march us back there.

In a recent speech to the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation summit (which took place in his home state of Hawaii, which is not “Asia” — unless Brunei is the 58th state), Obama described us as “lazy.” It’s offensive to hear a profligate, socialist buffoon blaming us benighted taxpayers for the economic doldrums he and his liberal accomplices created. We shouldn’t have to endure direct insults such as:

We’ve been a little bit lazy I think over the last couple of decades. We’ve kind of taken for granted — “Well, people would want to come here” — and we aren’t out there hungry, selling America and trying to attract new businesses into America.

Unfortunately, that was hardly the first time Obama has channeled the bumpkin from Plains, Ga. Last month, Obama told a ballroom filled with well-heeled liberals: “We have lost our ambition, our imagination, and our willingness to do the things that built the Golden Gate Bridge.” Where did I leave my ambition? It’s probably in the other room, with my religion and my guns.

Of course, our current national plight is in no way related to his crony capitalism — including, but not limited to — his political relationship with General Electric Co. CEO Jeff Immelt, who shipped 36,000 jobs to China while exhorting American corporate executives to hire more Americans.

And Obama’s politically motivated protection of dead-end schemes like making a loan guarantee of $500 million to Solyndra Inc. couldn’t possibly have contributed to our current situation. After all, who’s going to miss a half-billion taxpayer dollars flushed down the rabbit hole of unproven and unnecessary technology? At the same time, Obama killed more than 200,000 energy industry jobs on the altar of environmentalist dogma. If this keeps up, we will all have to drag that scooter we bought during the 1978 gas crisis out of the back of the garage.

Obama even told a group of Australian kids that their American counterparts have “fallen behind.” The President’s union thug brethren have choked the life out of our government schools despite record funding levels, a problem which has grown exponentially since Carter cut the ribbon on the Department of Education. Yet the union thugs (and, therefore, Obama) have stood steadfast in opposition to every idea to improve the stewardship of future generations — except for the ones that included more money for the union thugs and fewer chances for the kids. It’s worth noting that Obama, like many of his fellow upper-echelon Democratic pals, sends his brats to private school.

Obama says the Nation’s problems are the fault of everyone but him and his Democratic accomplices. By Obama’s reckoning, we taxpayers are stupid, immobile, unimaginative and superstitious. We linger in the economic swamp because we’re a bunch of gun-toting, Bible-thumping rubes who drag our dull-witted whelps about in the backs of pickup trucks (as opposed to, say, a Chevy Cruze).

I say: “Why, President Carter! Wow, you are really, really tan!”

Ben Crystal

is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power.

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