“’Twas the Night Before Christmas, 2012”

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‘Twas the night before Christmas, and the White House heard cheer:
“Kwanzaa is coming! The best time of year!”
A stocking cap hung in the bathroom with care,
In hopes Pluggsy Biden would give up on that “hair.”

Hillary looked toward 2016, while pundits wondered:
“Can she win? She’s so MEAN!”
Reporters joyously exploited our grief,
Except when they smiled and just lied through their teeth.

Susan Rice in the cold, her mouth left agape,
While John Kerry measured his new office for drapes.
Obama sat down with Holder the liar,
To plan throwing the Bill of Rights in the fire.

When out in Benghazi arose such a clatter,
Obama demanded, “What the heck is the matter?
We’ve given you money; covered up stuff as well.
I’ve got a damned Peace Prize; I mean… what the hell?”

Obama and Clinton then both hit the links,
And Boehner surrendered (that sell-out stinks).
Joblessness, homelessness, the debt is ginormous,
But Harry and Nancy don’t want to inform us.

Instead, blame the Tea Party, they say with a wink,
They’re evil and racist; they should be in the klink!”
But when Nikki said Tim was her guy for the Senate,
They called them both tokens, and they actually meant it.

On, Griffin! On, Maddow! On, Sharpton, poo-tender!
On, O’Donnell and that fat guy whose name I can’t seem to remember!
All my millionaire pals who live behind walls,
We’re smug; we’re stupid; we’re hypocrites all!

And I heard Barry say as the limo doors slammed:
“I’d do something worthwhile, but I don’t give a damn.”

Ben Crystal

is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power.

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