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The Second Banana

July 12, 2012 by  

The Second Banana
Vice President Joe Biden is likely to goof when he steps up to a microphone.

Earlier this week, Vice President Joe Biden attended a fundraiser for Senator Maria Cantwell (D-Wash.). During the course of his predictably bizarre and occasionally worrying (This is the guy the Democrats feel comfortable allowing within a heartbeat of the Oval Office?) remarks, Biden claimed: “Republicans have changed the law so you get arrested if you do vote.” To be fair, anything that falls out of Ol’ Plugsy’s blowhole has to be taken with a grain of salt the size of the Superdome; but he’s not exactly breaking new rhetorical ground for the Democrats. All he’s really doing is giving the Biden treatment to a talking point the Democrats have deployed in order to frighten the less — ahem — aware among us back onto the liberal plantation.

But Biden’s latest verbal miscue — which the liberal-constructed pool reports suggested was “apparently” a joke — is miniscule in comparison to the Democrats’ miscue in letting him mingle with unprotected citizens unsupervised. If the endless parade of scandals, failures and outright crimes that have defined President Barack Obama’s tenure to date don’t give voters a case of the shivers, the fact that Biden’s name will probably remain on the ticket ought to. Biden is Dan Quayle with worse hair, or John Edwards with worse hair and fewer “baby mamas.”

There’s an old saw in American politics: “Your running mate can’t help you, but he can hurt you.” Ask George H.W. Bush, whose decision to promote then-Indiana Senator Quayle from the golf course to the Naval Observatory actually made the ridiculous Michael Dukakis seem slightly less like a practical joke. What the saw leaves out is the modern corporate media’s virtually absolute obedience to the Democratic Party. Biden is the biggest public train wreck to even sniff the Vice President’s digs since Senator Thomas Eagleton (George McGovern’s running mate for just over two weeks in 1972) endured his last round of shock treatment. And yet, Biden’s buffoonish antics — be they racist remarks, half-witted attempts to explain away academic fraud, public profanities in grossly inappropriate moments or even his notoriously poor grasp of basic spelling and history — are seldom reported by the corporate media. When they are, they’re usually treated as pure entertainment, like a sideshow at an old-school carnival.

The 2008 election featured the most witheringly misogynistic assaults on a major party Vice Presidential candidate in my lifetime. Even Geraldine Ferraro, who couldn’t have damaged the already laughable Walter Mondale’s Presidential aspirations, was subjected to fire over her politics, not her gender nor her children; a statement which certainly can’t be made about the Democrats’ repugnantly anti-woman treatment of Governor Sarah Palin (jokes about her grandson’s Down syndrome? Where’s the punch line?). And the person presumptive Republican nominee Mitt Romney taps for the second banana spot should prepare himself to run a gauntlet that makes a visit to the proctologist seem like a dinner date by comparison.

To be honest, Biden isn’t so much frightening as he is embarrassing. He’s a living testament to the abject lack of respect Obama and the Democrats have for America and Americans. The idea that such an oaf would be allowed anywhere near the “nuclear football” without a visitor’s badge and an armed guard ought to embarrass the Democrats — not the rest of us. Romney can’t do worse; but he can do much, much better. He can choose a running mate who doesn’t make us pine for Quayle — or, God save us — Mondale. Sometime in the near future, I’m going to examine the field of potential Romney running mates in my own inimitable style — presuming Mr. Livingston doesn’t replace me with some syndicated gossip columnist. In the meantime, enjoy Biden’s floor show. Maybe he’ll do another one of those “duets” with Neil Kinnock.

–Ben Crystal

Ben Crystal

is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power.

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  • Vigilant

    “If the endless parade of scandals, failures and outright crimes that have defined President Barack Obama’s tenure to date don’t give voters a case of the shivers, the fact that Biden’s name will probably remain on the ticket ought to.”

    To be honest, why are you carping about Biden, Mr. Crystal? I would much prefer his presence on the ticket rather than someone who has true liberal voter appeal, like Hillary.

    Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

    • brett

      clinton is a conservative democrat, not very appealing to liberals.

      • 45caliber


        Clinton is a “conservative” Democrat? LOL! Well perhaps he is when you compare him to Oblama. It’s hard to find anyone more liberal than him.

      • Vigilant

        I echo 45 Cal’s comments. If she’s conservative (short memory: Hillarycare), then I’m a Martian.

      • Nancy in Nebraska

        Wow, that is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard!

      • rb

        Conservative? Pull your head out….it’s dark up there, hard to breath and you’re going to get a neck cramp!


      Biden is in good company with the other liars in the WH, because for years he lied about his first wife being killed by a “DRUNKEN TRUCK DRIVER”. There was never any evidence of this being true, and in fact, she pulled out in front of the truck that killed her. All of these phonies play the sympathy card for pure political gain.

    • John

      Clinton is a female dog not very appealing to males!

    • http://msn bambi3

      I agree. He cuts off BO’s nose and spites the faces of them both!

  • sean murry

    Dont pay any attention to the village idiot he is babbling agin.

    • Ed

      Did you know that about a year ago, a drug bust in DE included Biden’s daughter..all hushed up. Apples don’t fall far from the tree.

      • Dwight Mann

        I had not heard that fact Rasta. I live about 10 miles from the Bidens, in Delaware. Any links to that news.

      • Dwight Mann

        Sorry I your name wrong there ED, and you can not edit on this site. . .

    • Vigilant

      sean murray says, “Dont [sic] pay any attention to the village idiot he is babbling agin [sic].”

      Thanks for the heads up. I won’t read any of your posts today.

  • Hedgehog

    I always thought that Joe Biden was Obama’s ace in the hole, or his insurance policy. Sort of put up with me, rotten as I am, because if you shoot me look who becomes president But then I’m just a dumb canuck.

    • wandamurline

      Obama picked Biden because Biden always makes Obama look smart. If only looks counted in the intellectual community.

      • http://N/A CintiCB

        My thoughts, EXACTLY! Long before now, I’d thought that the O’bummer had such a bumbling fool as vice-president to make himself look smarter.


    • 45caliber

      I’ve always felt the same way about him, LOL!

  • Rasta

    Of course this is the cleanest administration in 20 years!

    • momo

      Of course this is the cleanest administration in 20 years!

      What the hell are you smoking?

      • Vigilant

        The only way to interpret Rasta’a comment is sarcasm. If not for that, there’s not a shred of truth in it.

      • Mike the American

        “What the hell are you smoking?” Hey momo, he doesn’t call himself rasta for nothing.

      • TIME

        Well sure they are very clean, hell they spend at least 12 hours per day in the shower. So they really are very clean indeed!

        Now – if they would just use some soap!

        Peace and Love


      I realize you are being facetious, for if this is the cleanest administration, I am a Chinese astronaut who has been to Mars, Saturn and Pluto.I

  • 45caliber

    No one really cares who is Vice President even though he is one heartbeat away from the Presidency. But if Oblama got someone else, there would be serious questions as to why. It possibly wouldn’t reflect well on Oblama. Actually, I think Biden simply likes to say wild things as his trademark.

    • Nadzieja Batki

      Biden may just be playing the “fool” so we let our guard down. “Fools” can be cunning and viscious.

  • Pete0097

    And they say that education in the past was better than today! Look at the difference between the old Biden and the young Rubio. Who was better educated and speaks the best?

    • Nadzieja Batki

      Trust neither one.

  • Brian Fortier

    Excellent article with one exception. It is not only shameful to include Dan Quail in the panoply of vice presidential duds, but it reveals the author’s lack of objective research into Quail’s record. Other than revealing a second authorized spelling of potato, what were Quail’s sins?

    • http://yahoo Larry

      I watched the news reel with quyale sitting on a stool next to the chalk board while the kid was writring potato on the board. When the kid started to walk away quayle tells the kid, Go back and put the e at the end of the word. It was very easy to see the flash card quayle was holding had the word potato spelled on it with an e at the end, potatoe. With all the news people around i always thought he was set up.

    • 45caliber


      Quayle addressed a meeting of the law association where he proposed revising tort law by putting a limit on the amount one could get and requiring the loser to pay the winner all court and lawyer costs in a court suit. They almost had heart attacks and then threatened to tar and feather him. It would have ruined most of their business! That is certainly wrong, isn’t it? All the other lawyers thought so.

  • Antirino

    That was Sarah Palin’s son, not grandson of whom you write. Yes, the verbal assaults on a special needs child is is sinful, and I wish, criminal.

  • Antirino

    Oh, one more thing——-Joe Biden is a plagiarizer.

  • Smitty


    Hedgehog: You hit the nail right on the head. You are not dumb at all. It wondered me why Obumu picked Biden when it happened, but I drew the same conclusion you did.

  • Darlene Caban

    Well said though to correct you, Sarah Palins SON has Down Syndrome not grandson.

  • jim capy

    How did we get in such a mess. Obama, Biden, Pelosi, Reid, Schumer, Rangel, and the list goes on. Have we lost our senses, with this leadership. OMG

    • DonR

      Jim, too many people were asleep, including me for a while. My family can’t understand why I switched from Dem to conservative about 20 years ago. Johnson and Carter would make any thinking person cringe. The freeloaders like the empty promises the Dems make.

      • http://msn bambi3

        When you are young and not a DEmocrat you don’t have a heart, when you are an adult and vote for a Democrat you don’t have a brain. obviously, you DO have a brain!!!!!!

  • Smitty


    Ask a psychologist that question. SMART people won’t want those jobs. Only nutcases yearning for recognition mostly ?

    • 45caliber


      Actually I think it is criminals who want to become tyrants who want those jobs in Washington.

  • Tom Cook

    Ben, Biden is absolutely perfect. I’d love to see some discombobulated mus blow obongo up and old Joe in the White House. The only accurate way to describe him is dufus. He is the alpha dufus. What harm could Biden do? He is so stupid he is almost autistic. There would be so much confusion that the democraps could not organize to do any slightest more harm. Yeah, old hair plugs would be my democrap leader.

    • Nadzieja Batki

      Biden “plays” the dufus but be careful that we don’t underestimate him. A snake can play dead and then bite you.
      When we listen to Biden we write him off as a dufus but we don’t know behind his facade how much loathing and grudges he carries against the American people and biding his time to really put the hurt on us.

      • JUKEBOX

        You are right, that Dufus can’t be as stupid as he acts, or he couldn’t have survived for 40 years in DC, but he is an excellent liar.

      • Jay

        Is Joe Biden really an idiot, or is he just pretending? You decide.

        Joe Biden famous gaffes:

        “My mother believed and my father believed that if I wanted to be president of the United States, I could be, I could be Vice President!” –Joe Biden, campaigning in Youngstown, Ohio, May 16, 2012

        “I promise you, the president has a big stick. I promise you.” –Joe Biden, citing Theodore Roosevelt’s famous quote, “Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.” (April 26, 2012)

        “This is a big fuc****g deal!” –Joe Biden, caught on an open mic congratulating President Barack Obama during the health care signing ceremony, Washington, D.C., March 23, 2010

        “His mom lived in Long Island for ten years or so. God rest her soul. And- although, she’s- wait- your mom’s still- your mom’s still alive. Your dad passed. God bless her soul.” –Joe Biden, on the mother of Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowen, who is very much alive, Washington, D.C., March 17, 2010

        “I wouldn’t go anywhere in confined places now. … When one person sneezes it goes all the way through the aircraft. That’s me. I would not be, at this point, if they had another way of transportation, suggesting they ride the subway.” –Joe Biden, providing handy tips to protect against the swine flu and freaking us out, “Today Show” interview, April 30, 2009

        “An hour late, oh give me a f**king break.” –Joe Biden, caught on a live mic speaking to a former Senate colleague after arriving on Amtrak at Union Station in Washington, D.C., March 13, 2009 (Watch video clip)

        “You know, I’m embarrassed. Do you know the Web site number? I should have it in front of me and I don’t. I’m actually embarrassed.” –Joe Biden, speaking to an aide standing out of view during an interview on CBS’ “Early Show,” in the midst of encouraging viewers to visit a government-run Web site that tracks stimulus spending, Feb. 25, 2009

        “If we do everything right, if we do it with absolute certainty, there’s still a 30% chance we’re going to get it wrong.” –Joe Biden, speaking to members of the House Democratic caucus who were gathered in Williamsburg, Va., for their annual retreat, Feb. 6, 2009

        “Am I doing this again? For the senior staff? My memory is not as good as Chief Justice Roberts’.” –Joe Biden, mocking Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts’ botched effort to swear in Barack Obama as Biden was set to swear in White House senior staff one day after the Inauguration snafu, Washington, D.C., Jan. 21, 2009

        “Jill and I had the great honor of standing on that stage, looking across at one of the great justices, Justice Stewart.” –Joe Biden, mistakenly referring to Justice John Paul Stevens, who swore him in as vice president, Washington, D.C., Jan. 20, 2009 (Watch video clip)

        “Look, John’s last-minute economic plan does nothing to tackle the number-one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S, jobs.” –Joe Biden, Athens, Ohio, Oct. 15, 2008 (Source)

        “When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn’t just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, ‘Look, here’s what happened.” –Joe Biden, apparently unaware that FDR wasn’t president when the stock market crashed in 1929 and that only experimental TV sets were in use at that time, interview with Katie Couric, Sept. 22, 2008 (Watch video clip)

        “Stand up, Chuck, let ‘em see ya.” –-Joe Biden, to Missouri state Sen. Chuck Graham, who is in a wheelchair, Columbia, Missouri, Sept. 12, 2008 (Watch video clip)

        “Hillary Clinton is as qualified or more qualified than I am to be vice president of the United States of America. Quite frankly, it might have been a better pick than me.” –Joe Biden, speaking at a town hall meeting in Nashua, New Hampshire, Sept. 10, 2008 (Source)

        “A man I’m proud to call my friend. A man who will be the next President of the United States — Barack America!” –Joe Biden, at his first campaign rally with Barack Obama after being announced as his running mate, Springfield, Ill., Aug. 23, 2008 (Watch video clip)

        “A successful dump!” –Joe Biden, explaining his whereabouts (dropping deadwood at the dump) to the reporters outside his home, Wilmington, Del., Aug. 20, 2008

        “I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that’s a storybook, man.” –Joe Biden, referring to Barack Obama at the beginning of the 2008 Democratic primary campaign, Jan. 31, 2007 (Source)

        “You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent…. I’m not joking.” –Joe Biden, in a private remark to an Indian-American man caught on C-SPAN, June, 2006 (Watch video clip)

    • http://msn bambi3

      I laughed out loud in my agreement with you. My kids actually feel sorry for him, poor dude is such a dope!

    • momo

      Some village in Delaware is missing their idiot.

  • http://none Dan

    Second Banana, a good article, makes good common sence about an issue many may take too lightly. But, Biden certainly makes it very easy to prove the case.

  • Tigerous

    Ben Crystal: thanks for the well-written article. Many DE residents call Joe B “Crazy Joe”. Here’s a nightmare: If Joe B became first banana, whenever he spoke, you’d see Nancy P’s lips move because she is so much smarter than he. He’s just stupid and coarse, she’s truly vicious.

  • chuckb

    the bolsheviks had a hard time finding someone intellectually deficient enough to run with barry, someone who would not overshadow him, biden was a winner for them.

    if things keep going downhill, don’t be surprised if “hillazoga” replaces barry as the nominee. the only thing barry has going for him is the media.

  • Donald York

    Biden is to Obama like Pat Butram was to Gene Autry, someone who is just plain dumb, and that is the way Oblamo wants it.

    • 45caliber

      Actually Pat only pretended to be dumb when in public to make Gene look better and act as a comic relief. I wonder if Biden isn’t doing the same thing.

  • Neil Swan

    Ben Crystal just puts out BS to make money.


    • 45caliber

      Too bad you aren’t smart enough to do that too, isn’t it?

      • Neil Swan

        No before I retired I was happy to be a field Engineer working on milatary electronics and main frame computers. I think that’s a lot better than putting out BS like Rush Limbau and the people on fox.


      • Jay

        Come on Neil, you just made that up.

      • Jazzabelle

        Yeah Jay, if Neil actually worked on “military electronics,” he would know how to spell it.

    • http://msn bambi3

      Don’t be bitter Neil. It is uninspiring and really, so typical in politics these days.

  • George Vieto

    Joe Biden makes Tim Botsford look like Robert Young in “Father Knows Best” by comparison.

  • Steven

    Yet anouther good peice of “comentary”mr.crystal,..running on all cylinders,and running smoothly,..

  • Neil Swan

    Jay thinks it’s better to be a BS artist than people who do good things for a living.


  • Harold Olsen

    There’s no way Obama is going to dump Biden. He picked Biden, not because he likes him but because Biden is so stupid. Obama wanted him as VP so he could appear as intelligent as his groupies claim he is,

  • hoser

    Biden truely is the “Villiage Idiot!” Only “Idiots” will vote this duo back into office. When he said that Jon Corzine was their go-to-guy, I knew then, he was dumber than a box of rocks.

    • Neil Swan

      Biden certainly isn’t as stupid as you are and many of the commenters here.


  • ralph norton

    Hey Biden is smarter than Obama. Obama makes as many goofs as Biden.

    The Obama, Biden ticket is the sequel to Dumb and Dumber

  • jopa

    You have got to be kidding.A person doesn’t qualify to be VP because of bad hair.Sarah Palin should not have qualified for the VP slot because of her over consumption of moose meat that causes horrific flatulation.Then the Alaskans are so uncouth about it they let it blow like a whale no matter what their surroundings are.Did you ever notice the look on John McCain’s when he was standing behind her.Priceless.


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