The Real War On Women

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To hear the Democrats and their flacks in the kneepad media (hat tip: Brad Thor) tell it, the conservative movement is pressing a battle against the fairer sex with all the ferocity of an islamofascist who just caught sight of a woman who’s showing too much ankle outdoors. With the corporate media horde squawking the “war on women” slogan like meth-addled parakeets, one would think we should have armor-plated Mom’s Volvo, lest a roving band of glowering white men wearing Brooks Brothers ties tries to take a shot at her on her way to bridge club.

The “war on women” meme might not be borne out by actual events (unless I missed a rash of guys named “Chip” storming the cosmetics counter at Neiman Marcus), but it is perfect for the intellectual heavyweights Democrats count on to repeat it ad nauseam. “War on women” is short, it has rhythm and it fits perfectly on a bumper sticker. It’s tailor-made for the cowering liberal masses whose fear feeds the Democrat ideological machine. And it in no way hints at the reality that “war on women” translates from the original liberalese to mean “opposes late-term, third-trimester abortions.”

Casting aside the logical fallacy of “war on women” as a phrase, consider what life might be like if it were real. People could get away with virtually anything. The President might pay his women staffers 80 cents on the dollar compared to their male counterparts. Political party mouthpieces might call female politicians “c*nt” and “dumb tw*t.” People might depict female diplomats as racist caricatures. Political blogs might even attack female politicians’ children and mock their infirmities. Politically motivated mass hate groups might take to raping women at their borderline riots, and the male-dominated media might ignore it completely. Media blowholes might even take to calling their female ideological opponents “slut” or my personal favorite “mashed-up bag of meat with lipstick on it.”

Indeed, the safety of our precious children could hardly be guaranteed in such a gender-war-torn environment. Hopefully, they’d be well-informed by their parents and teachers about the “war on women” well before they had to step onto the battlefield themselves. Certainly, institutes of higher learning could be counted upon to impart the lessons women need to know about self-defense. I can’t imagine any respectable university instructing their female charges to “tell your attacker that you have a disease or are menstruating.” Furthermore, it strains credulity to suggest that all of the aforementioned babble might fall out of the face-holes of the same people who oppose allowing women to own firearms for self-defense.

Not only would that kind of hypocrisy be really, really dumb; it would look terrible on a bumper sticker.

–Ben Crystal

Ben Crystal

is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power.