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The Last Man Standing

May 28, 2013 by  

The Last Man Standing
UPI FILE

Last week, as I slogged my way through the reams of scandal-related material flowing out of President Barack Obama’s funhouse like a tsunami of sewage, a sudden realization interrupted my research. With the scandals Obama and his henchmen have created polluting the national discourse, it is becoming increasingly apparent that a special prosecutor will be appointed soon. In fact, with even members of the Democratic Party demanding Obama appoint someone untainted by the stench of White House shame, a special prosecutor may well be unpacking his gear in some K-Street office even as we speak. Hooray for us; within 12 years, we managed to not only elect but re-elect Presidents who were so decency-averse that scandal defined them to the point of potential impeachment.

Whether the linchpin turns out to be the lies about Benghazi, the Internal Revenue Service or wiretapping the media (or some combination of the three), it would seem likely that the least transparent President since the days of Warren Harding and the Teapot Dome is headed for the kind of limelight that doesn’t include photo-ops with Jay-Z and Steven Spielberg. There’s a better chance of Administration officials seeing the inside of a prison cell than the inside of George Soros’ private jet.

I would hardly complain. The disgraces with which Obama and his minions have saddled the Nation will take years to undo. In some cases, the damage may well be permanent. And I’d rather see the President and some of his more sinister sidekicks do time than see them continue to wage their full-frontal assault on the Bill of Rights. If we learned anything from the tribulations of the Richard Nixon Administration, we learned that the Constitution — and by extension, America — can withstand the slings and arrows of executive arrogance.

However, a caveat lurks behind the curtain of comeuppance. Let’s presume that someone in Obama’s gang will follow I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby — who certainly didn’t kill anyone — into the clutches of the Federal penal system. What if that newest resident at the least recommended bed and breakfast in either Petersburg, Va., or Danbury, Conn., turns out to be Attorney General Eric “Guns” Holder? What if Holder doesn’t take his perp walk solo? What if former IRS Commissioner Doug Shulman joins him? What if former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton gets Martha Stewart’s old cot at the Alderson, W.V., prison camp for wayward women?

The answer to all of the above: not much. Perhaps fewer bodies will pile up in Mexico and Benghazi, Libya. It’s likely that educating people about their Constitutional rights will lose its place on the list of “things that will earn a proctological exam from the taxman” list. But no one of any consequence would miss any of Obama’s backup dancers.

But here’s the thought that ought to keep you awake tonight: What if Obama himself ends up facing the pokey? Although even Nixon escaped with an “unindicted co-conspirator” nametag, he didn’t actually join his minions in prison. Nixon’s lies and cover-ups didn’t involve letting the phone ring off the hook while a U.S. ambassador and his colleagues died alone in the desert, and he never sent IRS goon squads after any liberal organization. (Unlike the Tea Party and similar groups, liberal groups during Nixon’s time built and used bombs against Americans; just ask Bill Ayers.) Nonetheless, if Obama’s lease on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue is terminated by the landlords (that would be we, the people) and his accomplices in his Administration also get the bum’s rush, then the Presidency would be assumed by the next person in the Presidential order of succession who remains unsullied by Obama’s misdeeds. Not only would that person have to be clear of any wrongdoing, but he would have to have been unaware of said crimes.

That person is Vice President Joe Biden. Go ahead and take a belt straight from the whiskey bottle. You read that right. To the best of my knowledge, Ol’ Pluggsy really didn’t know. Granted, that ignorance was likely a result of his inability to keep his mouth shut, in combination with the fact that Biden makes former Vice President Dan “Potatoe” Quayle look like Marcus Tullius Cicero. But the Constitution doesn’t specify the President must be intellectually capable of handling the duties of the Oval Office, only that he be eligible.

Biden may well be the last man standing. Of all the frights flung at us by Obama and his circus, that’s the scariest of all.

–Ben Crystal

Ben Crystal

is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power.

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