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As I have shuffled through my mortal coil, I have had the privilege of building friendships with a wide variety of folks. Admittedly, most of them share my view of the world; but some not only don’t share my starboard lean, they list quite sharply to port. Among them is a fellow who is not only most decidedly not a conservative, he’s not even an American. (He wears his maple leaf with marked pride.) Yet he’s one of the wiser and more impressively politically thoughtful human beings I have ever known.

During one of our regular discussions on the Cirque Du Crazy that has replaced the traditional American electoral process, he posited that Mitt Romney’s failure to truly inspire conservatives precludes a victory in November. Given the slavish devotion Democrats offer to current President Barack Obama, it’s easy to dismiss Romney for the lack of similar zeal he elicits from the right side of the spectrum.

Romney doesn’t inspire conservatives to shout their assent because Romney isn’t a conservative. Thus, while Democrats ignore the crimes and misdemeanors that define Obama’s occupation of our Oval Office and shriek their support for Obama (and against God) across the slums, cemeteries and shuttered coal mines created by their idol’s incompetence, the noise from the other side is decidedly muted. Yet it doesn’t really matter. Obama will lose in November, and his coming Waterloo connects to Romney only because Romney will be the most recognizable beneficiary of Obama’s self-immolation.

In defense of my friend’s assessment, what was once a peaceful transfer of power admired the world over — especially with Obama ascending as the first “celebrity” President — is now an anti-intellectual beauty pageant. Think of it:

My name’s Barry. My turn-ons include golf, hanging with Jay-Z and mom jeans. My turn-offs include the Bill of Rights and Bibi Netanyahu. If I’m elected, I promise to lie to Congress (Accomplice General Eric Holder makes that look so easy!), wipe out the middle class and party like a rock star on your nickel.

Throw in an awkwardly performed dance routine and Honey Boo Boo might have a shot at the White House. She’s easily as qualified as Obama.

In the interest of full disclosure, I’m hardly an ardent admirer of Romney. However, with the departure of Ron Paul from the Presidential stage and the reality (go easy, Libertarian Party; I’m just being honest) that Gary Johnson is as likely to win this fall as an unborn baby is to escape a Planned Parenthood “clinic” unharmed, I find myself east of the intellectual rock and west of the electoral hard place. And I’m hardly the only resident of God’s Little Political Acre.

Romney isn’t going to win in November because Republicans unified behind him in a manner similar to the Democratic phalanx that guards Obama. The membership of the modern Republican Party, unconstrained by the infantile intellectual deficiencies of liberalism and spread across a much more diverse ideological plane, lacks the guilelessness required to worship at the altar of some mere politician. Liberals will ignore failure to vote for the guy with the “D” after his name; most of them — proud members of the 47 percent — don’t and won’t know better.

I and my fellow wanderers in the desert of Presidential disappointment may not share the blindly religious fervor of Obama’s average supporters, but we do possess the unshakeable will to see an end to the four years of shame Obama has delivered to us all. Indeed, as I told my Canadian pal, Obama is going to be the first President since Herbert Hoover to lose an election via what amounts to a nullification vote. Millions of Americans who lack confidence in Romney will vote for him anyway, simply because he isn’t Obama. And in an America torn virtually asunder by Obama’s failures foreign and domestic, that may well be good enough.

–Ben Crystal

Personal Liberty

Ben Crystal

is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power.

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