Tell It To The Bunny


Last weekend, more than a billion Christians around the world observed the passing of Good Friday and Easter. Well… MOST Christians observed Good Friday and Easter. Rumor has it that some of us were observing the passing of a Good Hangover and/or an Easter discount at the golf course. (Well, that’s what I heard.) For the 234 million self-identified American Christians, the weekend was marked by traditional religious observance, traditional meals, children imprisoned in those traditional — albeit horrendous — pastel Easter outfits their parents think are so ADORABLE, and more than a few traditional three-putts on the greens.

This year, one tradition ended. President Barack Obama — who retroactively proclaimed his attendance at an Easter church service (presided over by Wallace Charles Smith, a sort of junior varsity Jeremiah Wright; peace and love, indeed) — neglected to wish better than three-fourths of the populace a “Happy Easter.” Granted, Obama did mention Holy Week, but he did so in a private prayer breakfast the Tuesday before Easter and then again in his weekend address, but only in passing. And there was an Easter Egg Roll on the White House lawn, but that didn’t happen until Monday morning. According to Scripture, the Son of Man rose on Sunday.  (As if The Savior would ever have visited America’s Gomorrah-by-the-Potomac to begin with.)

Many people have expressed everything from disappointment to outright mortification that Obama would omit Nos. 2 and 3 of the Top 10 Days God Says You Better Remember. Obama has issued Presidential proclamations for most of the major Muslim holidays, excluding the ones only certain Muslims celebrate: Behead an Infidel Day, Firebomb a Synagogue Day and the ever-popular Beat the Crap Out of Your Wife for Showing Too Much Ankle Day. Obama has also noted some of the major Jewish holidays; we can’t blame him if Helen Thomas ruined one of them by doing her Hitler impressions for the kiddies.

I, for one, am just fine with Obama’s deletion of a national Easter-specific message. It’s not that I doubt his faith — provided he observes my Constitutional right to worship freely (and that’s one humongous “if”) — I don’t care about his faith. I am, however, secure enough in my own that I hardly require reaffirmation from a mendacious, self-serving socialist. So, while some among my fellow conservatives are outraged by Obama’s omission of a nod to the Son of Man’s final and finest hours, don’t count me among them.

White House spokespuppet Jay Carney reportedly “laughed off” questions about the lack of a Presidential “Happy Easter,” leaving many of Obama’s critics — and they are legion — murmuring about the President’s own religious identity. For all I know, Obama is a Zoroastrian. My educated guess is that he’s about as Christian as many who proclaim themselves so, meaning he goes to church on Christmas and Easter, and maybe Ash Wednesday. (Wouldn’t it be magnificent if for Lent 2012, Obama were to give up talking to George Soros?) The lingering question about Obama’s faith is yet another in the long line of eyebrow-raisers created by Obama’s tragicomic inability to handle even the simplest elucidations without the assistance of a teleprompter and Valerie Jarrett.

Obama is a babbling, Alinskyite buffoon an astronomical distance down the list of people with whom I’d wish to share a religious greeting. I suspect his piety is on a par with someone who “earned” the title of “reverend” by answering an ad in the back of Rolling Stone or one of those televangelist women with drag queen makeup and fright-wig hair.

I neither want, nor need, to hear Obama wish me a “Happy Easter.” Given his flashes of fascist flair, I’m more concerned that he might order me to have one.

Personal Liberty

Ben Crystal

is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power.

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