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Satire Be Damned, Fluke In Running For Time Person Of The Year

November 28, 2012 by  

Satire Be Damned, Fluke In Running For Time Person Of The Year
Sandra Fluke is in the running for Time magazine's Person of the Year.

A Chinese news site got egg on its face when it failed to realize that satire news site The Onion was only joking when it named Kim Jong Un as the sexiest man of 2012. But some Americans are likely wondering if the once iconic Time magazine is taking cues from the satire site as well with its inclusion of Sandra Fluke as a contender to be named its Person of the Year.

Here’s what the magazine says about her:

The daughter of a conservative Christian pastor, Sandra Fluke, 31, became a women’s-rights activist in college and continued her advocacy as a law student at Georgetown. After she complained about being denied a chance to testify at a Republican-run House hearing on insurance coverage for birth control, Rush Limbaugh called Fluke a “slut.” Democrats and many Republicans reacted with outrage, and the left made Limbaugh’s slur Exhibit A in what they called a GOP “war on women.” Fluke, meanwhile, weathered the attention with poise and maturity and emerged as a political celebrity. Democrats gave her a national-convention speaking slot as part of their push to make reproductive rights a central issue in the 2012 presidential campaign — one that helped Barack Obama trounce Mitt Romney among single women on Election Day.

If being a pawn used to spark political meme war is one of the Time editors’ requirements for becoming the most influential people on Earth, Fluke certainly is a high achiever.

This author suggests a rewrite of the aforementioned biography as follows:

Sandra Fluke, 31, helped the Democratic Party to avert American voters’ attention from a failing economy, continued illegal wars and an ever-growing Federal government long enough to get the guy who promised to change things and failed miserably in his first term reelected. She did this by brilliantly confusing the more troglodytic among the GOP into believing that this election was more about unborn children than the economy and a growing government that will eventually make it useless to worry over the rights of potential fetuses, as it strips grown men of those rights that are God-given and Constitutionally guaranteed. By creating memes such as “War on Women,” the Democrats were able to use Fluke’s Congressional testament to promiscuity to highlight idiots like GOP Senatorial candidates Todd Akin and Richard Murdock, who insisted on discussing how forcible they felt a rape must be to be considered legitimate. This left little room for the fiscal conservative arm of the GOP to have its message of responsibility heard in any meaningful way, clearing the way for government to “legitimately” rape Americans worse than ever before.

At press time of this article, Fluke was trailing behind Kim Jong Un — also in the running for Time’s Person of the Year — in a reader poll on the magazine’s website. The poll has no bearing on who the editors choose. Who has money on Fluke?

Sam Rolley

Staff writer Sam Rolley began a career in journalism working for a small town newspaper while seeking a B.A. in English. After learning about many of the biases present in most modern newsrooms, Rolley became determined to find a position in journalism that would allow him to combat the unsavory image that the news industry has gained. He is dedicated to seeking the truth and exposing the lies disseminated by the mainstream media at the behest of their corporate masters, special interest groups and information gatekeepers.

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