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President Zero (Jobs, That Is)

September 8, 2011 by  

President Zero (Jobs, That Is)

None. Goose egg. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Zero. That’s the total number of jobs added to the American economy during the month of August. During his Presidency, Barack Obama has continually managed to surprise me — but almost always in the a-satellite-fell-out-of-the-sky-and-landed-on-my-car manner never in the oh,-look,-I-found-a-quarter manner. Obama has certainly taught me to lower expectations. Well, congratulations, Mr. President, here’s a new low!

I hardly need to remind you that allowing Obama to spend one moment in the White House after January 2013 – unless he’s taking the tour – borders on national suicide. And you certainly don’t need me to tell you not to touch the third rail; the entire nation electrocuted itself in November 2008.  Most of you get it: Another four years of President Obama may well cook our collective goose.

For those among you who still don’t get it: Obama’s economic plan led the nation to produce nary a new gig in August. The domestic economy hasn’t managed to post a doughnut on the jobs scoreboard for an entire month since 1945. Even President Jimmy Carter’s dreaded malaise never spawned an employment whitewash quite so bleak; and he was outsmarted by the White House tennis court schedule (not to mention one fierce bunny). The United States comprises more than 300 million souls. Those 300 million (minus the babies, the infirm and the bulk of the population of Detroit) combine to produce a gross domestic product of $14.6 trillion. That’s a lot of scratch, especially considering how poorly we all fared in 2010.

And 2011 is worse. The economy, strangling in the grip of Obama’s Keynesian madness, is spiraling downward faster than the ratings for a television program hosted by a disgraced race pimp who once engineered a hoax which included smearing a teenage girl with actual feces – not that any channel would ever allow such offal in its studios. The national unemployment rate is still hovering above the 9 percent mark; that’s 4 points above the mark at which it stood on the day of Obama’s inauguration. The national underemployment mark – denoting people who work part time because they can’t find full-time work – is close to 20 percent. The latest figures from the Congressional Budget Office suggest that we may wait nearly a decade before the jobs picture brightens; although, the CBO was too polite to add “longer if we let Obama keep the keys to the Oval Office.”

For those who will accuse me of being unfair, consider Obama’s performance so far. The bailouts have flopped like fish on a dock. The decision to hand General Motors over to the union thugs who destroyed it in the first place left the taxpayers holding the note on a multibillion-dollar boondoggle. Obama’s “green jobs” campaign has not only provided no boost to the economy, it has tied the proverbial millstone to its neck. Solyndra swallowed more than half a billion taxpayer dollars only to choke to death. Democratic crony-run corporations such as GE ship jobs overseas while Obama and the Democrats whine about the lack of gainful employment. The union thugs openly threaten violence, and their anointed savior refuses to condemn their borderline-treasonous hostility. America teeters on the edge of a yawning chasm of depression, yet rather than come up with a plan to pull us back, the President of the United States will deliver… another speech. The only plus side to tonight’s latest edition of Obama’s Alinsky-ite blather lies in the sweet relief of knowing most Americans won’t be watching. The President’s popularity has plumbed such depths that he has fallen to the undercard for a football game.

Maybe this is his plan: babble endlessly enough to bore us all into submission. Offer inane ideas with all the forethought of throwing darts while blindfolded: “Hey, maybe this will work.” Judging by past performance, it won’t.

–Ben Crystal

Ben Crystal

is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power.

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