The Pax Obama

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Josh Earnest

When former White House Press Secretary Jay Carney stepped down earlier this year, I remarked that I felt bad for the guy. The poor little fellow looked like he’d aged enough during his sentence of servitude to President Barack Obama that he’d finally put puberty in the rearview mirror. I have no idea what the long-term effects of working as a mouthpiece for the Washington equivalent of an old-school Chicago crime family might entail, but I suspect the psychic scars would run fairly deep. Of course, it’s possible that Carney is as cravenly soulless as the rest of Obama’s accomplices, and he just wanted a new audience at whom he could sneer through his hipster glasses; but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.

I’m not sure I can offer the same largesse to Carney’s replacement, the ironically named Josh Earnest. After all, Earnest served as Carney’s top deputy prior to replacing Lil’ Jay, so the only way he could not have known what awaited him would involve a lot more “choom” than Obama pocketed during his recent stop-flop-and-photo-op in Colorado. And Earnest seems to take to lying for President Nobel Peace Prize with alarming panache. During a press session on Tuesday morning, Earnest landed this whopper:

I think that there have been a number of situations in which you’ve seen this administration intervene in a meaningful way that has substantially furthered American interests and substantially improved the tranquility of the global community…

To think, we were mystified as to how Carney could refer to Benghazi, Obama’s illegal National Security Agency spying programs, Obama’s illegal use of the Internal Revenue Service as a political weapon and even the ever-disgraceful Obamacare disaster as “phony scandals.” For Earnest to make a claim like that without so much as a wink or a nudge requires that he be either stoned out of his gourd or be a sociopath to rival even Attorney General Eric “Fast and Furious” Holder.

Beyond the still-unaccounted for Benghazi disgrace, Obama’s tenure has been marked by such foreign policy triumphs as the action in the Levant. Whether he’s getting played by Syria and then responding by selling weapons to al-Qaida-linked islamofascists or getting played by Syria over the chemical weapons they supposedly didn’t have (they still have them, by the way), Obama has essentially thrown lighter fluid on the grill. Just east of the Syrian game, al-Qaida-linked islamofascists, likely the same ones murdering Christians in Syria, are well on the way to establishing the kind of caliphate that makes the Taliban jealous.

Meanwhile, Israel and Hamas are after each other like rabid dogs. I’m willing to admit America’s relationship with Israel has been rocky at times, but I’d take them any day over a terrorist group which fires missiles at children from behind other children. In the vacuum left by Obama’s detached laziness, anti-Israel sentiment has exploded across the planet. Hell, there are so many anti-Semites roaring their approval for the Hamas animals worldwide, you’d think Al Sharpton and former President Jimmy Carter were making house calls to every lunatic jihadi from Britain to Baghdad.

During Obama’s tenure, he has brought his considerable diplomatic acumen to bear on Russia, whose president Vladimir “Blofeld” Putin was so cowed that only he only invaded the Ukraine a little bit. Iran was so impressed by Obama’s CV that they’re totally not developing nuclear weapons. And speaking of nuclear weapons, North Korea totally doesn’t have any, either; and the North Koreans are totally not working on more and more advanced delivery vehicles for them.

Even our allies have begun treating us like we brought a Kennedy to the Church social. The Germans have even begun a program to defeat Obama’s blatant, and blatantly disgraceful, attempts to spy on them the way he spies on — well — us. Africa is the usual funhouse, and the Chinese are leading multi-party discussions on the global economy in the post-dollar world.

By no means should Obama be embarrassed that his most effective diplomatic envoy in dealing with any of the aforementioned crises has been Dennis Rodman, who never asks: “What difference does it make?” After all, Obama has “improved the tranquility of the global community.” Sure he has; just look at Chicago — er — Martha’s Vineyard.

–Ben Crystal

Personal Liberty

Ben Crystal

is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power.

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