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Oh No, Poor Joe!

December 27, 2011 by  

Oh No, Poor Joe!

In 1988, then-Vice President George H.W. Bush campaigned to succeed his boss, President Ronald Reagan, in the big chair down the hall. Although Bush was facing the difficult task of filling some of the largest shoes ever to tread the carpet in the Oval Office, the Democrats responded with the very mere Michael Dukakis, the Lilliputian liberal Governor of Massachussetts.

Despite the presence of Dukakis’ somewhat less ridiculous running mate, Senator Lloyd Bentsen of Texas, it became abundantly clear early on that Dukakis could offer little more than enough of a campaign to convince the Democrats to nominate him over an extraordinarily weak field.

Given the massive shortcomings of their ticket, the Democrats chose to try to convince voters that Bush’s running mate — Senator Dan Quayle of Indiana — was too stupid to leave alone in the Naval Observatory, much less the Oval Office. Fortunately, Quayle played into their hands with a series of miscues which were embarrassing enough to give the electorate pause, however brief. As the election approached, Dukakis continued to come up short in nearly every category, prompting The Chicago Tribune to suggest they try the old Herbert Humphrey ’68 tactic of scaring the voters with the spectre of an unprepared Vice President: “The Democrats have been running against George Bush and Ronald Reagan. They ought to be running against Dan Quayle.” So, Dukakis tried the Humphrey suit on for size:

If (then-Vice President Bush) truly believes that Dan Quayle is qualified to be one heartbeat away from the presidency, how can we trust his judgment when America`s future is on the line?

But Dukakis simply didn’t rise to the Presidential challenge, and returned to his Bay State bog.

Meanwhile, one of his erstwhile primary challengers returned to his Senate office. Senator Joe Biden kept a high enough profile to return to the Presidential arena in 2008, this time as the theoretical Bentsen to Barack Obama’s Dukakis. And the Democrats forgot all about their effort to terrify voters into voting based on the cardiac proximity to the Presidency of a grossly underqualified — and, therefore, potentially dangerous — gaffe machine.

And what a gaffe machine Biden has turned out to be. Where Quayle’s spelling was as atrocious as President Obama’s geography, Biden appears incapable of leaving his office without tripping over his own tongue. Whether he’s:

  • Displaying nary a shred of racial prejudice: “You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent…I’m not joking.”
  • Showing sensitivity to the handicapped by exhorting wheelchair-bound Missouri state Senator Chuck Graham to “Stand up, Chuck, let ‘em see ya!”
  • Or proving himself to be a spelling bee rival to Quayle: “…a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S, jobs.”

Biden suffers from the sort of verbal diarrhea which makes opposition researchers feel all warm and fuzzy. However, none of his previous rhetorical missteps could have prepared us for last week’s gallop to goofy-town. Speaking to the liberal glossy Newsweek, Biden blurted out this blooper:

Look, the Taliban per se is not our enemy. That’s critical…There is not a single statement that the president has ever made in any of our policy assertions that the Taliban is our enemy.

Forget Dan Quayle; even former Vice President Walter Mondale would have raised an eyebrow at that blunder — and he played second fiddle to the guy who lost the Battle of the Chattahoochee Bunny. The idea that anyone allowed inside the West Wing would so casually dismiss a movement as evil and committed to destroying freedom (which would include U.S., Mr. Vice President) as the Taliban is slasher-movie scary. This is the man Barack Obama wants “one heartbeat away from the Presidency?” Even prominent Democrats have begun hinting at showing Biden the front door and welcoming Secretary of State Hillary Clinton in the back.

To be fair, Obama’s own Presidential resume is weak enough to allow for a fight to the finish next fall. And in an Administration which includes Attorney General Eric Holder, Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano and their ilk, Biden is far from the lone embarrassment on the roster. But if Obama chooses to keep a backup as appallingly underqualified as Biden on the ticket, then the GOP should absolutely — and fairly — question the competency of a President who would keep him that proverbial heartbeat from the Presidency.

–Ben Crystal

Ben Crystal

is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power.

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  • Dntmkmecmoverther

    Biden suffers from the same malady as most liberal statists: humungus animus…combined with an abnormally high arrogance factor.

    The fact that his mouth is 8x larger than his brain doesn’t help him either. He’s our best bet to get obummer ousted however.

    • Bob M

      Brain! who said anything about a brain? Biden is a goof ball, he is almost as incompetent as his boss.

    • Darold Boucher


  • http://Personalliberty Tony

    To Everyone:
    True, Joe Biden is a gaffe machine but what’s the difference between his gaffes and the gaffes of Mitt Romney, Gingrich or Rick Perry, and Michelle Bachmann? Can anyone tell me here. Thanks!!

    • luvmyusadoyou

      None are the VP!

      • Darold Boucher


    • 2WarAbnVet

      The primary difference lies in consistency.

    • Syd

      Tony, you can be sure the media picks up on everything the conservatives say wrong. They try to ignore the liberal gaffes. So, the few you know about have escaped thru the liberal media hatch. Just think of how many there are you don’t know about!

    • Dagney

      Biden is a complete buffoon. There is no question about that.

      I heard something very interesting about Rick Perry that hasn’t been bandied about much. Apparently, mere weeks before his horrible debate performances, Perry had back surgery. Is anyone aware of the lasting effects of anesthesia? It’s amazing but it can make you totally crazed for at least 2 months after. The doctors always tell you never enter into any contracts or make any big decisions in that period after surgery. I’m thinking that if Perry gets more debate performances, we’ll see a marked improvement. I hope he gets that chance! Then we’ll have more choices to look at in candidates.

      • dfinch

        That is absolutely correct. I’ve had 4 back surgeries plus 2 additional over the years. The longer your under anesthesia the longer it takes to move through your body. Then possibly add pain pills and you have difficulty remembering your phone number. When Rick Perry was having those issues I thought his surgery may be playing a part in his flubs.

        • http://Personalliberty Tony

          To Everyone:
          I’m not trying to defend Biden, for he’s inept. All i’m saying. we conservatives need to clean up our act. Thanks!!

        • eddie47d

          Cheney and Bush had their share of gaffs like any public figure and there will be more to come from other candidates or from those in office. We have all made remarks that we wish we hadn’t said. Some even say Ron Paul is to old,a lousy speaker and can’t get his point across. Don’t wish too hard at poking fun at people for making simple errors for what goes around comes around.

  • sean murrey ILLIniois

    What do you expect from a village idiot.

    • Brad

      Nothing, but then Joe Biden believes the Taliban are our friends, they would rather cut Joe’s head off rather then stand next to him as a friend. Joe Biden is going to be one of Ohmamas causes that will bring him down on November 6th 2012.

    • eddie47d

      Unfortunately the Taliban represent an influential part of Afghan society and they have to be negotiated with. They will be there whether we win or lose. Not all Germans were Nazi’s and we did try and kill as many as we could but their comes a point were they are not our enemy. The war has gone on long enough and Biden recognizes that.

  • skippy

    I LOVE THAT LINE BEN….”Biden suffers from the sort of verbal diarrhea which….”

  • CanCan

    Biden is indeed an idiot. However, never underestimate the stupidity and gullibility of the American public. For they may very well vote for these two jokers in (Obama & Biden) for another, four year term.

  • Stephen

    It must be great for a president to have someone like Joe to take the heat for him. It’s exactly what he is supposed to do to make the presidency look brighter.

    6 months ago I predicted Biden and H. Clinton would switch jobs to strengthen the Obama ticket. Clinton becoming the De-facto VP is the only way she can become the first woman president down the road.

  • mtnmantn

    There are some medical remedies for Biden’s problems. First, he should gargle with Kaopectate to get rid of his verbal diarrhea. Then he should undergo an operation to have a navel lens inserted in his belly-button. This would allow him to see clearly when he has his head up his “anal orifice”.

    • Average Joe

      Ah yes, Cranio-Rectal Inversion (CRI)…quite the malady…..not to be confused in any way with Optical-Rectalitis (OR)…Having a generally crappy outlook on life. ;)

    • Brad

      It’s called an upper labotomy…

  • Barbara

    Why is God punishing us with all these idiots in Washington? Is it our life style? Too much pornography in this country? Too many thieves stealing other people’s money? Too much living in sin? Whatever the reason, it’s time for America to clean up it’s act. We can do it…..

    • Average Joe

      God isn’t punishing us. He gave us the choice of free will…and we’ve done it to ourselves through inaction and apathy. We cannot be bothered to do our due dilligence in knowing all of the facts about our candidates before we vote for them. We tend to vote for a candidate because, A) He from OUR PARTY, or B) He talks well (great orrator), or C) He LOOKS PRESIDENTIAL. Those are the three biggest priorities in the mindset of the average voter. When the only thing any of us should be looking at….is…character…period.

      As I stated, God is not punishing us…he is issuing a wake up call…that it is time for some major changes in how we, as a people, choose to proceed from this point. Do we contine down this path of self destruction? Or, do we look for a candidate with moral fiber and solid, conservative, Christian convictions? Will we choose to elect mainstream, business as usual candidates? Or, will we choose to elect a Statesman…to do the work of “We the People” rather than doing the work of the “corporate elite”?
      The choice is ours to make…..choose well.

      Ron Paul / Andrew Napolitano 2012!

      • Winston Smith

        We in DEEP doo-doo! NIV Romans 13:1 states “The authorities that exist have been established by God.” God “established” this America hating, Muslim leaning Socialist as our “Authority”?

  • s c

    Apparently, utopians think that wannabe village idiots MUST come in pairs, so they found Motormouth Joe to be Gore’s ‘twin.’ Between the two of them, they don’t know the difference between a ‘job’ (being employed) and a bj.
    Maybe Joe’s hair plugs were defective, and they’re acting like slow-acting solvents that rot minds.
    He must have a fistful of meaningless titles from some group, as his “intellect” will always get in the way. Maybe he should try standup comedy. Once in a while, he’ll be funny, but he’ll never make any sense.
    He is a TRUE UTOPIAN. He’s also been in Washington for FAR TOO LONG, and that makes him DANGEROUS, people.

  • KennyB

    Tony, you have to admit Ole Joe has been an embarrassment to this country when he said “this is a big F&%@#ing deal” about the passage of obummercare. But let’s not forget our leader and cheif who claimed that Puerto Rico would be welcomed as our 57th state, and the time he was introducing one of our military personal and said he was in the Marine Corpse. Without fail this is the most embarrassing administration I have seen in my lifetime. As for the republicans running in the primaries, they have had their moments, but nothing like the current leaders!

    DON’T FORGET TO GO TO http://WWW.INFOWARS.COM AND CHECK OUT THE NDAA STORY. This new law now has FEMA prison camps being set up in this country and also strips all Americans of their civil rights.

    • dfinch

      These Fema Camps have been set up all over the US. A friend of mine sent me a couple of links about them a few months ago. Interesting…

  • Wyatt

    My cousins , who live in Delaware had told me about Biden and his arrogance and ignorance . It was a major factor in my 2008 vote . I was not totally happy with McCain but I did like his pick of Sarah Palin for VP. While still not happy with McCain , he would have been a far better choice than what we have now .
    Now as Obama is shrewd not smart as some claim him to be , I am certain he picked Joe Biden for comic relief and because he would be no threat in future elections . Just an affable stooge who could deflect attention and also entertaine those living in statw #51-57.

    • ValDM

      You are sadly mistaken if you’re of the opinion that McCain would have made a better prez than the current circus-master we have now. After all, McCain is the co-sponsor of the NDAA bill. McCain would have been doing the same things as the O’boy; we would just have been more accepting of all the new bills & regulations coming from a decorated war vet. The candidates we are seeing run now are just NWO advocates.

  • Jon

    Whatever you say about Obama, few people would say he’s stupid. Biden is life insurance!

    • Syd

      That’s very good !

  • Linda R

    LOL!!! Biden is the best insurance Obama has of not being assasinated! If Hillary Clinton were the next in charge after Obama, our crazy president would be having to watch over his shoulder to make sure Hillary wasn’t trying to assasinate him. Makes perfect sense to me. ;-).

    • alex

      the clintons do have a tendency to make people commit suicide their total stood at twenty-two the last i heard

  • ricardo russo

    Joe Biden reminds me of the school clown, seems every school had one. Not to be taken seriously but rather, more of a bufoon. Often whispers in peoples ears, and then laughs. Moments of intimacy with the receiver but laughs when the camera is spot on him. Maybe court jester? In a land of Kings and Queens?

    • bob wire

      Well he’s no match for Dick Perry if that’s what you mean.

  • http://liberyalearts john p.


    • Palin16

      I agree john,
      Governorships are the most common path to the White House. Bush2, Clinton, Reagan, Carter….go Sarah!

  • DumbStruck

    If I recall George W. Bush didn’t do so badly in the same area of expertise, i.e., tripping over words and tongue. That trait seems to be embedded in many high ranking politicians. Ever hear any of Obama’s gaffs? Real dillies!!! The problem is that the media doesn’t expose those ‘brain fogs’ BEFORE politicos run for elected office. It seems gaffs surface only after one gets into office and as ‘slam’ tactics.
    I say don’t blame hapless politicians trying to be’wordsmiths’, blame the media for not pointing out such inadequacies before hand. If the media did their job correctly, I think, maybe we’d have less gaff and more words of wisdom.

  • Spyder Jack

    These liberal Democrapps are never short in supiting us with a bunch of mellifluous grand eloquence, sesquipedalian elocution which arbitrarily and politically metascludes itself by virtuous intelligence *breath*.

    I just want to hurl.

    • Darold Boucher


  • Jumbo

    May be David Letterman will start to feature him like he did Bush… Wouldn’t that be the ultimate honor….

  • RichardS

    We from DE warned you about about this blowhard and you voted for him anyway. He is a class clown, a buffoon a plagiarist and in his long and illustrious political career always suffered from “foot in mouth disease”. Truth be known, we were happy to get rid of him.

  • Mutantone

    “parrots” do say things out of hand sort of like the Taliban now being our friends, oppose! that was not supposed to come out till after the elections? to bad the administration then came out saying it was true that we are negotiating with the Taliban, or the Muslim Brotherhood is in our homeland security and the white house as advisers, and strange how all our CIA operatives were outed in the middle east especially regions under the control of the Muslim Brotherhood. But keep focused on Biden the village “Idiot” and not look at who is controlling the strings

  • Freedom

    Joe “Foot In the Mouth Disease” Biden is the only person that can Tickle his Tonsuls with ALL TEN TOES AT THE SAME TIME.

  • Disabled War Vet

    Every president needs to be smarter tan his VP, Hillary does not fit that mold. In the political arena there may be no better running mate for Obama than Biden!

  • Buck

    Get off Biden , he is just your standard demonrat , his only problem is he keeps people aware of it by constantly running his mouth . Go Biden !

  • William L Collins

    we dam sure don’t need hil hillary clinton in any office of the government priod she obams and everybody he a pointed and put in office and his hole addminastrition need to be out priod and all the reast that supports him priod thats why i’ll only vote for ron paul

  • Jay

    “Vice President Joe Biden said there has been no ‘substantive damage’ to the United States by Julian Assange in the whole WikiLeaks scandal. He says it has been embarrassing, but you can’t prosecute people for embarrassing the United States. If that were true, Joe Biden would be serving life in prison.” –Jay Leno

  • bob wire

    Ben’s be gazing at his Crystal Ball again.

    That flopper flopper and rambled all over the place

    I’ve got one too! I see 44 enjoying a second term and Joe will be there beside him. I can see no farther then that.

    How we got to this secs pool, they now call politics that Ben omitted in his telling.…/B0037E8HMY

  • gnafu

    Joe Biden said he is a Zionist. Zionist are known to screw up everything by forcefully taking things/land that don’t belong to them. Give him a break.

  • Steven

    He was specially selected because he was only one with IQ lower than obamination’s….which is somewhere in the minuses…….

  • John Wootten

    Joe’s going to go, Hillary will be the V.P. running mate.She is Obamas biggest threat.

  • AWKingsley

    Look at this scenario: Republicans take the House and the Senate, but they do not take the presidency, so the House and the Senate impeach Obama. We do not want Billary as president. We will keep old Joe. He is a better friend to live with for 4 years than Billary, and he stands no chance at becoming president. If Billary became Vice-President, she would run again for president in 2016. Secondly, Joe’s supposed gaffes are based on honest appraisals, just like Ron Paul’s newsletters. Ron Paul was called racist for honest exposes in his newsletters, information about which every American should be apprised. The point is that Biden spoke the truth about a situation, and so did Ron Paul. That type of statement is not a gaffe, nor is it racism.

  • hitthedeck

    Don’t ever work for penny pinching Joe! Several home improvement Contractors will attest to that and said that Joe screwed them out of money for work they did on Joe’s Mother estate house.

  • Darold Boucher


  • Noreaster

    Upon one campain at our expense Obummer said it`s nice to be back in the good ole state of Tex—Oops Kansas and the media said nothing of it. So the media can make or break A candidate. This gives us reason to ignore the media.

  • Susan

    Our second in command suffers from a terrible disease. Symptoms are Diarrhea of the Mouth, Constipation of the Brain. God Please Bless America….. With Oafs like this in office we need it :(

  • Truth Be Told

    Ben Crystal: you must be proud of yourself, being so perfect. Of course, Perry, Cain, Romney, they all have the gift of gab, unless it is not in the script.


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