*Surprise! Those scientists were lying to us. Leaked emails from the University of East Anglia’s Climatic Research Unit confirm what many of us have suspected for years—the chief proponents of global warming manipulated the statistics, ostracized anyone who didn’t agree with them and used “tricks” to get the results they wanted. Told that the revealing messages had been “taken out of context,” columnist Ann Coulter replied: “I have placed the words in context and it turns out what they mean is: gigantic academic fraud.”
*All of our allies have abandoned us. During the past few years about 40 other countries sent troops to fight alongside U.S. forces in Iraq. Now we’re down to one country with combatants there—the United States. As a result, what was once called “Multi-National Force-Iraq” will henceforth be known as “United States Forces-Iraq.”
*Flying the not-so-friendly skies. If you or a loved one flew somewhere over the holidays, you have my sympathy. Air travel, which used to be a grand adventure, has become an unpleasant drudgery. There’s nothing like shuffling along in your socks, or seeing your possessions—or yourself!—pawed over by some mean-spirited flunky to take the joy out of travel.
*Are you hiding a Starbucks there? Here’s a strange one. Starbucks has removed its name from a coffee shop in its hometown of Seattle. Instead, the place is now called 15th Avenue Coffee. Why the switcheroo? Starbucks is conducting a test, to see if more people will patronize the store if they don’t know it’s a Starbucks. Mmmm, maybe K-Mart should have tried a similar strategy… such as calling its stores “Target.”