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Let’s All Get Together Tonight And Jam Up The NSA!

June 12, 2013 by  

There is much buzz about an Internet initiative encouraging as many Americans as possible to produce electronic communications using certain terrorist-sounding words and phrases in unison this evening. The goal is to create a blip on the National Security Agency’s radar in hopes of overwhelming the Federal government’s surveillance apparatus.

Creators of the website “Operation Troll The NSA” explain that the effort will involve Americans making calls or sending emails using a script chock-full of the kinds of terror-related words that the NSA supposedly screens communications for in order to “give our Nation’s impressive security apparatus the kind of test it deserves.”

The script, which participants are instructed to deliver via their chosen mode of electronic communication at 7 p.m. EST this evening, reads as follows:

Hey! How’s it going? I’m all right.

My job is so shitty I wish I could overthrow my boss. It’s like this oppressive regime where only true believers in his management techniques will stay around. I work marathon-length hours and he’s made all these changes that have made it the worst architecture firm to work at in Manhattan. Like he moved the office to the Financial District and fired my assistant. She was the only one who knew where the blueprints were! I need access to those blueprints to complete my job! F my life, right? And he keeps trying to start all these new initiatives to boost revenue, but seriously we just need to stick to what we do best. There’s only one true profit center. I seriously feel ready to go on strike at any second.

I just read this article about how these free radical particles can cause the downfall of good health and accelerate aging. These could actually cause death to millions of Americans. If these particles are flying around undetected everywhere, does that mean we’re all radicalized?

Have you seen the second season of Breaking Bad? I just finished it. I couldn’t believe that episode where they poison the guy with ricin! That was the bomb! I won’t say any more because I don’t want to reveal the earth-shattering events to come.

Oh! So I’ve been planning a big trip for the summer. I’m thinking of visiting all of the most famous suspension bridges in the United States. So probably like the Golden Gate Bridge, The Brooklyn Bridge, and the Verrazano Narrows Bridge. I’m gonna bring my younger brother and I know he’ll want to go to bars, so I’m thinking of getting him a fake drivers license, but I hope that doesn’t blow up in my face.

Okay, I gotta run! I’m late for flight school. I missed the last class where we learn how to land, so I really can’t miss another one. Talk to you later!

Buzzfeed employees Chris Baker and Mike Lacher, creative directors, are behind the stunt. They said in an interview this week that they hope millions of Americans take part in the act of civil disobedience, but that the effort is mainly focused on giving NSA officials pause to reflect on their policies.

“It would be amazing if we actually did screw with their systems a little bit,” said Baker.

“But the ultimate goal is that the site itself will get enough attention … that NSA becomes aware of it on some level and gives them a moment to reflect on their duties,” he told the Daily Beast.

The masterminds behind the project say that they don’t believe that the effort will have any measurable impact on the NSA’s data-collection efforts — and even if it did, there’s no chance that the NSA would let malfunctions become public knowledge.

Even without any promise of thwarting NSA spying, the plan has a growing number of supporters on social networking sites and forums all over the Internet, seemingly spanning generational and socio-political divides.

While it would probably be inadvisable to deliver any electronic communications that could be perceived as a real threat by anyone who happens to be listening, there have also been suggestions on forums and message boards that participants could come up with their own buzzword-filled scripts for the jamming effort.

Care to get an early start in the comment section below?

Sam Rolley

Staff writer Sam Rolley began a career in journalism working for a small town newspaper while seeking a B.A. in English. After learning about many of the biases present in most modern newsrooms, Rolley became determined to find a position in journalism that would allow him to combat the unsavory image that the news industry has gained. He is dedicated to seeking the truth and exposing the lies disseminated by the mainstream media at the behest of their corporate masters, special interest groups and information gatekeepers.

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