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Learn to Park, Ya Big Jerk

July 8, 2011 by  

Learn to Park, Ya Big Jerk

Aargh. It just happened again.

I pulled into the parking lot with a couple of minutes to spare before my appointment. I could see a parking spot available just three spaces from the front door and made a beeline for it.

But as I approached, I saw that the car on the left spilled over into “my” spot by half a foot. Yes, I could still pull into the space. But the only way out of my car would have been to climb out the sunroof. So I had to keep going, around the corner and down two aisles, before I found a place to park.

What is it with people these days? Why can’t they park between the white lines? And more to the point for today’s column: What are we going to do about them? If you agree it’s time to teach them to do better, read on.

But first, let’s agree on what we’re trying to accomplish here.

I’m not talking about the people with a brand-new vehicle who deliberately angle across two or three spaces. These folks know exactly what they are doing. They are not the subjects of today’s epistle.

And I’m not talking about the folks who think a bright-yellow line painted along the curb means “this place is reserved for you.” When I lived in Atlanta, that color designation had a special meaning. It told the ladies who lunch, “Sure, honey, leave your Mercedes here.” If you don’t believe me, visit any strip mall or shopping plaza; you’ll see what I mean.

While I’m on that subject, would someone please explain to me why the people who will fight like furies to get the closest space to their target — and will even double- or triple-park, if necessary, to avoid walking an extra 10 or 20 feet — are most often the ones who are headed to their favorite gym?

What’s wrong with these people? You would think they would park as far away as possible from their favorite Buff and Beauty Salon, so they could get in a warm-up walk before they hit the mats with their favorite trainer. But n-o-o-o-o. Nothing less than right by the front door will do.

But they’re not the targets of today’s remarks either… much as they might deserve all the opprobrium we can heap on them. No, today I want to talk about — and propose a solution for — one of the most irritating groups of humanity ever granted a driver’s license.

I’m referring to the people who don’t know or don’t care that they’re terrible parkers. “Close enough” is good enough for them. It doesn’t matter if the front of their car or the rear (or all too often, both) spills over into their neighbor’s space.

What can we do about these people?

You can’t confront them. Most of the time, they’re nowhere to be seen. You can’t tell their momma or poppa that they should have raised them better. And no, as much as you may be tempted to do so, you can’t remove the stems from a tire or two and leave them with a flat. First, that’s against the law. Second, they wouldn’t know why you were punishing them. Third, they might catch you and pound you to a pulp. So don’t do it.

And definitely no keying either, no matter what the provocation. Not even if the driver is a selfish slob who deliberately parks across three spaces to protect his oh-so-precious sports car or shiny new truck. Don’t stoop to his level.

What I propose is a simple, cost-effective educational solution that’s also fun to implement. Each of us should order a bunch of small cards printed with this unmistakable message: “Learn to park, ya big jerk!”

Then, whenever we see someone who needs a gentle reminder about his parking skills and the lack thereof, we can simply take one of these cards and slip it under his windshield wiper. (Make sure it’s the one on the driver’s side. And that the message is pointing into the car, so he will see it when he gets behind the wheel.) And then go on your way, with the warm glow of contentment that comes from knowing you have done your part, in one small way, to make the world a better place.

This is obviously such a terrific idea that I am shocked to tell you I have not been able to garner much support for it. A whole host of people you would expect to love the idea is silent. American Automobile Association, why aren’t you taking the lead here? Rush Limbaugh or Bill O’Reilly, here’s a crusade that could really make a difference. Even my old colleague Neal Boortz ignores me. (I think his preferred solution is tar and feathers. He’s an old-fashioned kind of guy.)

So, good friends, it’s up to us. Get those cards printed. And then, let’s go to work. Let’s vow to straighten out the world, one parking space at a time.

Emily Post Would Not Approve

Well, I’m glad I got that off my chest. I feel much better now. Venting can do that, you know.

On calm reflection, I realize my suggestion might not be the best way to produce the more civilized and considerate behavior that should be our goal. Putting a “Learn to park, ya big jerk” card on someone’s windshield might be a tad counterproductive — especially if the offending parker sees you put it there.

The doyenne of politeness, Emily Post, taught that it was never appropriate to counter rudeness with rudeness. Miss Manners says much the same thing today. So what would they suggest we do about this incredibly pervasive problem?

Is there a chance they would approve of the concept, but not the copy? Would they endorse cards that said something like:

“Pardon me, sir or madam. I couldn’t help noticing that your automobile has intruded into the space where I hoped to park. Would you mind making an extra effort the next time to stay within the painted lines? I assure you, we will all appreciate your thoughtfulness. With very kindest regards, yours sincerely, A Fellow Parker.”

I decided to research the matter. I checked Post’s bestseller, Etiquette In Society, In Business, In Politics, And At Home. Since she wrote it in 1922, you probably won’t be surprised to learn that it has absolutely nothing to say about the subject of parking spaces.

Post’s great-granddaughter-in-law, Peggy Post, is continuing the work Emily began. She now heads the Emily Post Institute. I checked the online archives of the Institute, but the only thing that mentioned parking was an article about being calm at Christmas. It contained some very sweet suggestions, but nothing that addressed this problem.

I didn’t find anything on this subject at Miss Manners’ website, either. So I wrote both ladies, asking if they had advice they would like to share with the gentle readers of this column. It’s been several weeks now, and I have not heard back from either one. That’s rude, isn’t it? Maybe I’ll get a response after publishing this column. If I do, I’ll let you know.

I’m sure many of you have some practical, positive solutions to contribute. So why not click on the “comment” tab below and fire away? I’m eager to hear how you would solve the problem of rude, inconsiderate parkers.

After that, we’ll tackle how they drive. Wait until you hear my paintball proposal.

Until next time, keep some powder dry.

–Chip Wood

Chip Wood

is the geopolitical editor of He is the founder of Soundview Publications, in Atlanta, where he was also the host of an award-winning radio talk show for many years. He was the publisher of several bestselling books, including Crisis Investing by Doug Casey, None Dare Call It Conspiracy by Gary Allen and Larry Abraham and The War on Gold by Anthony Sutton. Chip is well known on the investment conference circuit where he has served as Master of Ceremonies for FreedomFest, The New Orleans Investment Conference, Sovereign Society, and The Atlanta Investment Conference.

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  • Kinetic1

    Is this get along with Kinetic1 month? This is the second or third article that I am thrilled to agree with! My solution is a lot like your original idea, but more subtle. I have, on occasion printed up slips that very politely point out the stress created by poor parking manners. I suggest that we can all spare a minute to straighten out our vehicle, check that we have left enough space for doors to open and close, and that our bike mounts and trailer hitches are not sticking out so far as to cause issues. There are even boxes to check for people using grandma’s handicapped placard when it is clear the lone driver is not handicapped (be careful with this one) and for full bed double cab pickups parked in the compact space. What makes this little slip effective is that it looks very much like a ticket. Yes, that moment of panic really gets you thinking. I can’t swear that it works, but I’ve seen some very satisfying reactions.

    Now, what do we do about people who will walk 10 steps to place their shopping cart in the front of a parking space, but not 14 to place it in the cart return space? My kids are quick to help me round up and straighten up a few carts on the way in or out, but I can’t train everyone to give a damn. What happened to courtesy?

    • TexasPatriot

      Kinetic1, I have seen your ticket-styled ‘warnings’; couldn’t help but peek at them on windshields of vehicles next to mine. They are tirades that make one want to laugh aloud. I agree with you about the shopping carts too. Problem is some of the big box stores with 160 acre lots think 300 yard trips to return carts are reasonable. That just doesn’t work with today’s ‘instant gratification’ public.

      • Jana

        When I see someone has parked that way, I TRY (and I say try because it is inconvenient when they do) to think ok, they parked the best they can see. If they see that badly then this is a good sign I don’t need to be parking next to them.
        So I find another spot even if its a few blocks away. Then I say to myself ok, I am forced to get more walking in this way and its better for me anyway.
        I know its bad when we don’t have a lot of time to spare, but getting mad doesn’t help either. It just ruins the rest of the day. So we might as well smile and go on. We will always have these people (parking hogs) amongst us.

        • Michael J.

          It has been written:
          “that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable”

          But when I find myself in similar circumstances, and am forced to park my truck next to an oblivious idiot such as is decribed above, my mind begins engineering a reactive armour system that when impacted will trigger a claymore devise.

          • Jana

            Michael J
            As I said I TRY. This doesn’t mean I am always successful, but I have found when I am not successful I am only hurting myself. I still don’t park there so I might as well have an attitude adjustment. :)

    • Big-Gib

      I have used similar “cards” in the past. Mine are more racey and to the point. They are the “Mickey Mouse Salute” with the middle finger waived have on the card. The comment on the card reads: “Thanks for parking so close. Next time leave a can opener. I wish you an early transmission failure on the freeway during rush hour”.

      • knights templer

        I’ve enjoyed the screw under the wheel myself. If it’s instant gratification try using laminating paper with a note that they can read from the inside. Course a lengthy bead of lubricant oil on the windshield wiper is a good laugh. When they turn the windshield wiper on ……

        • Mac

          I like both your solutions, Knights Templar, the screw AND the oiled wiper blade. Maybe a dab of silicon seal instead of oil would also get their attention. That is, in addition to the printed “ticket” to make sure they know what they did to get the special notice.

        • BimBam

          Please do not do that. You could cause a FATAL accident and if found out you could be also held liable.

      • gorrie

        ChiP; Contact obama he will issue mandatory correct parking executive order, that should do it.

    • jibbs

      I agree with you to a point, I have as you day, a full bed double cab pick up with snow plow. I always park way out at the end of the parking lanes, but it really sucks when I get boxed and try to get out, I’ve tryed to not park up front, but they still box me in, and by the way…all parking spots are now compact! If you don’t like my truck, don’t call me to plow your snow, pull you out of a ditch, or haul or move anything for you! What do you like most about my diesel engine, the smell or the noise?

      • Kinetic1

        I understand what you are saying as even my minivan seems too wide for some spot. The compact spots I’m referring to are those with planters or other obstacles that cut a couple of feet off the depth. Compacts and mid sized cars, even some small minivans and SUVs can park there if they overlap the curb, but a big truck like yours will stick out into traffic. You sound like a reasonably considerate person, so I’m sure you don’t park in these spots.

        • jibbs

          Gotcha ya, I meant no harm, lol

      • BimBam

        New diesels don’t make as much noise or smell.

        Diesels are fuel efficient, they can idle for days, good for PTO, generating electric with a inverter, or running AC for someone in the vehicle for whatever reasons. Stuck in traffic? No problem.

        What diesels lack in horsepower they make up for in torque (a real work measure).

        Diesels are naturally built like racing engines, annnddd diesels are not fast but they can haul a**!!!

        • Old Henry


          I think newer diesels have lots of HP. I have a brother-in-law who bought an almost new 2001 Chevy 2500HD with the Duramax. It has 375 HP with dual exhaust and a 3.57 posi rear end. It would break the rear tires loose from a stop. He then had one of those chips put in with about 6 settings.

          To use the name of that oriental dog: Ho Lee Sh*t!

    • lkar

      I have a Suburban and have a hard time fitting into a “normal” parking space as they all seem to be small. However, I always make sure I am between the lines. I once had a Mercedes that was over the lines. I pulled the Sub in nice and close (making sure I was still inside my lines). There was no way the driver was getting in on the drivers side. As it turned out, I left the same time as the lady in the Mercedes and she had the gall to stop behind my vehicle and get out and SHE was the one over the lines and next time I would be a lot less careful and crush the side of her car with my crappy Suburban so STFU! She drove off mad, but so what. A few days later I saw the same car parked the same way! I waited for the spot next to her to open up and I parked even closer and sat in the Sub. She saw me and went back into the store. I waited for about 20 minutes and it became apparant that she was not coming out until I left. I know, she was at least trying to be safe thinking I was a lunatic. I got out and went into the store. SHe some how managed to avoid me and took off. Wish I would of thought of the ticket idea! I am making some now and will be posting them.

    • paintbrushbright

      Chip has not idenified the real problem! Those bad parkers are all liberals and you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

      • eddie47d

        Chip mentioned big jerks and you come along with your programmed remark.

        • jibbs


        • Born in America

          AWWWW Eddie be kind….The problem is a lot of folks didn’t get the teaching of ‘Love thy Neighbor’….or ‘Do on to Others’….etc. So far all I’ve read is anger or get even replies….

          • iam

            The problem is that we have put up with this behavior for years. After being spat on several thousand times, it is time to get angry.

      • Kinetic1

        Really? Isn’t there anything in life that you don’t feel the need to make political? Common courtesy knows no political persuasion, though it is becoming less and less common as you have so graciously shown us.

        • CaptTurbo

          Naw, the liberals are jerks.

      • David Buck

        Your narrow minded point of view is NOT appreciated…I’m a liberal, and I can’t stand poor parking jobs either! Please don’t bring personal philosophes into the conversation, because poor parking is done by people of ALL philosophies, ALL races, BOTH genders, ALL ages, so CANNOT be assigned to ANY ONE group! For those parking offenders reading this, if you don’t get parked right on the first try, keep trying until you get it right!

    • Poppaman3

      Although I disagree with much of what you post, on this subject I am IN TOTAL AGREEMENT!!! (shouting intentional).

      Not sure if anyone mentioned this, as I have not read all of the replys, but there is a bumber sticker out there (along with some humerous photos:

      I am not affiliated with that website in any way, just thought it was appropriate to the discussion…

    • SiliconDoc

      What happened to courtesy is what happened to everything else. The government.
      Here, like everywhere else, the Americans w Disabilites Act has turned it into hell.
      You pull up to whatever store or shopping center it is, and the first endless dozen parking spots have the crip sign on em, with the govenrment ********* warning about how much money they will force from you if you don’t leave all 12 blank for the crippled tards the government favors.
      SO EVERYONE has to bow to the government lord almighty with their invisible crips with blood injuries….
      NEXT, everyone sees the non crip who takes the spot anyway – or the crip with the stupid gov sanction bluedork hanging from their windshield – as they jaunt out out of the car toward the store…
      Frankly, I generally want to beat someone into a crippled condition every time I see this crap at parking lots.

    • Mike

      Not that my reply contains any constructive suggestions, but your post reminded me of a day about 17 years ago when I was with my visiting parents in a Kmart parking lot. My dad saw this lady just drop off her shopping cart in a parking space by her car, not far from a cart return. He asked, “Aren’t you going to put your cart away?” She got a snotty look on her face and said “NO.” He told her, “That’s probably why you’re so fat.”

  • s c

    The problem in dealing with ‘special people’ (in this case, those who never learned how to park), the cure involves letting the punishment fit the crime. Get four shopping carts, and put one on all four sides of the vehicle in question. Put the carts on their side(s), so the perp will have to take time to put them upright to move them away. Place a small piece of paper on the front windshield of the perp’s vehicle that says ‘Your vehicle’s tag is being checked by local law enforcement for traffic violations and suspected drug activity. Unless or until you learn how to behave in public, air will be let out of a tire for each offense. If you dare to commit a fourth offense, your vehicle will look like a low-rider, and you’ll be forced to carry air bubbles to re-inflate your tires. Have a nice day, you #^&*@ jerk.’ This is your first offense. Change your antisocial ways.

    • TexasPatriot

      sc, now that’s dedication to the cause! are you sure i won’t be arrested if caught doing the shopping-carts-on-sides thing? great idea if one has the time, energy, and available shopping carts, tho.

      • http://Consertive Freedom Trucker

        Dear Tex,
        You can lay the carts down. You cannot block a driveway in or out of the parking lot. This is the law in FL. When you leave your card, give a warning their windshield will be different next time they can’t seem to park right. If you can’t wait or recognize a repeat offender then you can get a squirt cam with some oil(not penetrating, get 10w40 or equal) and squirt the glass in drops(no runs) and when they turn the wipers on it will make a mess that will take some time to clean off(normal washer fluid will not clean this off). This will leave you feeling good, them bad and is not illegal.

        • jibbs

          Hmm, thats illegal, and so is using a chain.

        • Kinetic1

          Unless the oil creates a film that causes glare in the late afternoon sun or oncoming traffic lights, enough so that it leads to an accident. I don’t approve of overly harsh or vulgar language, but it’s better than risking costly damage of physical harm. Please stay with something like the “tickets”. If enough of us do this it may get press coverage. Once enough people realize that it’s an issue, maybe then we’ll see a change.

        • Jana

          Freedom Trucker,
          If they happened to have a wreck and kill someone because their windshield was messed up that would be awful.
          I like the ticket idea.
          What could it say? Illegally parked. Next time you will be fined $100. (Scare them a little.)

    • Evermyrtle

      What I think, when I see such a parked car, is to turn myself into Samantha of Bewitched and drag the car out into the street, leave it there. Then I will park, between the lines where the removed car had been parked “illegally!” I just have not been able to figure out exactly how to do this.

      • http://Consertive Freedom Trucker

        Dear Evermyrtle,
        All it takes is a trailer hitch of some kind on your vehicle(it must be heavy enough for good traction), a good tow chain(get at hardware store), one end on your hitch, the the other on their axle or on the corner(try to find something in the middle if you can to pull straight),
        Chain not longer than 6ft between cars will do it.

        • Gravyhaulr

          That reminds me of when I first moved to Anchorage. We had a mobile home then. The court management kept leaving the dumpster right under our bedroom windows. I had a 20′ logging chain and a hitch on my van. I also had a very early start to my day. Somehow, that dumpster ended up right in front of the office steps every morning. Can’t imagine how. Rental agreement specified the court management would provide a place for dumpsters AWAY from the houses. After the fifth day, the manager came whining about the gouges in his pavement. I showed him the rental contract. End of discussion. The dumpster never appeared under our window again.

      • shovel13

        Tire dollies……

    • chapo

      funnier than the article itself!

    • jibbs

      s c,
      placing carts on all fours sides hinders the other parking spaces on the sides and front, and it also creates problems for people passing each other in the lane when there are carts at the rear. Now, your suggestion takes up three other parking spaces. If you did this to me and I knew it was you in the winter, you would find your car with snow plow around it on all four sides….you’ll need a shovel. I always park the farthest away but still get boxed in.

  • Homer69

    Chip…These types of people have existed forever. It is my belief that the numbers increase in a positive disproportionate expotential to the population, i.e., population increase 1 percent, this type of persons increases 5 percent, for example.

    So the solution is “get there earlier.”

  • NJmom77

    If you are fortunate enough to see the driver arrive back to, or step out of, the offending car, let him see you stare at his car and the lines, but say nothing. A look of disdain, as if to suggest he is far clumsier at parking than you are would also be in order. Most people would get the point, which is not to say they would park more carefully in the future.

    Sometimes the problem is the size of the parking spaces, such as at my local Whole Foods Market, where the spaces are often too narrow to allow carts between cars, and barely enough to allow doors to open (and no, I don’t have a large car). I’m waiting to see when they next work on the parking lot, and I will request aisles when the stripes are painted.

    • CJ

      Add in the people who park their SUV’s in a “compact only” marked space.

      • independant thinker

        It seems all parking spaces are compact spaces these days at least around where I live. I live in a rural area with lots of full size pickups and you can have trouble with room between vehicles even when both are parked properly. I will say most large vehicle drivers around here do try to park properly.

    • jibbs

      Well said 77, HIGH FIVE!

  • joe momma

    ….reason # 27…..why i ain’t allowed to carry sidearms in day to day traffic……

  • CJ

    The problem dealing with people like this is… THEY DON’T CARE. They are arrogant, invasive, rude, have an attitude and frequently drive a car in such bad shape a scratch is an improvement. I’m worried about parking next to them because they’re the one who will jam their door against my car as they get in. The are thick headed and couldn’t care less. They think they are above everybody else and can do as they wish. Include in this list those who drive the wrong way down a slanted, one-way lane, and insist others get out of their way. Good luck changing their attitude.

    • Patrick

      Very True,sadly.I have lived in Europe eg Ireland,UK,France etc and the exact samething happens over there.

      • Georg

        It all proves that there are self-centered libtards everywhere. They’re the same ones who don’t signal when changing lanes/turning, drive 47 mph in the left lane in a 60 mph zone, don’t say thank you when you hold a door for them or signal for them to go ahead of you making a turn on the road.

        They talk loud in public, like when in the supermarket line, about their exquisite tastes, new Porshe or night at the country club, or the $1200 pair of sneakers or high heels that thy just bought.

        Ignorance and poor taste are rampant. Humility and looking at someone directly when speaking to them are scarcities.
        They are also the types that change their baby’s diaper on a counter or table in the restaurant.

        Ya gotta love these “special people.”

    • Working Man

      Exhibt #4 of the dumbing down of America. Driver of this vehicle was
      probably tweeting what their cousin’s boyfriend’s sister was wearing.
      “Beam me up Scotty….there is no sign of intelegant life here”

    • Hmmm

      So what you’re saying is that they are likely far left Democrats?, LOL

    • http://yahoo alex

      and if you could check their political affiliation 99.9% would be democRat

    • http://Moreexpensive,moreunknowproblems. Lewis Munn

      How about a small can of fast-drying spray paint with a little tube and fill their lock with spray paint? Quick to do. In a hot lot, only a little would be needed.

      Or maybe a tube of quick-dry epoxy and glue some tire tread to the pavement! Right where it sits on the white line.

      Unfortunately, if you are caught, have a good vandalism lawyer handy!!

      I think, really, a few squirts of an adherent silicone oil on the windshield is the best idea. Especially if you have some that looks like bird droppings!

  • JiimCO

    Oh c’mon Chip, it is human nature, how many of us don’t get a thrill when we pull into a mall and feel lucky to find a close up spot just as someone is leaving? They don’t even teach how to park in drivers-ed anymore, my daughter can’t park straight between the lines and don’t even suggest she try to parallel park. I tried to teach her that before she took her test and it ended up costing me $500 in bodywork … and then she wasn’t even asked to park in her drivers test!

    • jibbs

      How very vert true, they are counting on all cars being able to self park like the Lexus………oh boy!

    • http://Moreexpensive,moreunknowproblems. Lewis Munn

      Aren’t all teens very skilled in Parking now-a-days? Or was that just a passing fad?

  • Bill

    One other thing, add the license plate information. So when they throw the card on the ground, someone may push the littering button.

  • KL

    Your idea is perfect. A slight improvement might be that the note would be on both sides of an 8.5 X 11 sheet with a peel off protected glue side paper. You simply glue it to the offender’s windshield for all to see until he or she goes through a little effort to scrape it off.

  • jacquie hurlbut

    I laughed when I read the article. Many years ago I worked for a cardiologist who would get numerous requests for Handicapped Stickers,from patients that truly did not need them. He would take the time to explain that he was concerned for their health and wanted them to park as far as they could from the place of business that they would be frequenting,this would be beneficial to them as the exercise that they got from walking would extend their life.

    • Dinah Garrison

      I love your doctor! Someone else mentioned this, but I have to repeat it: The people with handicap stickers that are for some other family member and use them just for themselves are beyond arrogant. You’d think they would worry about tempting Karma.

      • always right


        • Karolyn

          I live in the rural south with a large black population, and have NEVER seen this. Maybe because I mind my own business and live and let live!

          • thinkingoutsidethebox

            The key words are “rural south”. The trash both both black and to a slightly lesser extent white gravitate to the large population centers where they can blend in better.

    • C6Ron

      I totally agree with your Doctor, a cardiologist in an attempt to help his patients whole Heartedly. BUT….. I am a totally disabled veteran that’s missing most of my insides and I am in constant pain. On the outside I look quite fit but on the inside my X-rays look like there is a junk yard in there. Yes I have Handicap Plates & Placards but need them as sometimes I have to get in and out of a store/Doctors office, or where ever as fast as I possibly can! I NEED these plates and those designated parking spots, yet I DO NOT look like I do. Some people look at me like I am taking someone else’s parking spot un-necessarily but they are WRONG! I also know a 21 yr old young lady that looks VERY FIT, quite attractive but has severe R/A, a crippling disease and is in constant pain also! I would not have known this but she worked with my wife and my wife told me her story! She NEEDS these Handicap Spaces, sometimes she can hardly walk and her fingers get so twisted she can NOT move them and that is also VERY PAINFUL! To those of you WITHOUT these debilitating problems, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE think twice before you react in such awful ways to people that may not look like they need these HP spaces! Thank You in advance for your considerations! I did what I could to help keep US FREE, please be considerate of me and people like me!!!

      “Live Free or Die”
      “Freedom is Not Free”

      • Sojourner

        I do know what you’re talking about. My husband has a prosthetic leg and could get an HP placard but refuses to because he knows there are people like you who truely do need the space. Unfortunately, as we age it’s getting harder for him to walk–arthritis in the knee and hip of his good leg. Someday he will have to get it, but not until he has no choice. The other problem I see with this is sometimes you park next so someone who is between the lines but just barely, so you end up between the lines but just barely. The first person leaves and then the one on the other side of you believes you did it out of lack of caring. Sometimes we all need to understand there may be more to a situation then meets the eye. That being said, I do like the ticket idea for someone you KNOW has been an idiot in the parking ares.

  • William Roeder

    “small cards printed” has been around for at least 30 years

    • Jana

      I went to this site. they have fake roaches (the bug kind). We could get some of those and glue it to the car door near the handle.
      Hmm, do they have little pigs for bad Muslims?

  • hal


    Honestly, I sorta like your creative solution, that of printing up cards, but honestly, why re-invent the wheel? God invented guns for just such occasions! I mean, emptying a few mags into the drivers side door can make such an effective statement, don’t you think? Okay, I know some of you must be thinking that this is a little ‘over the top’. So for you folks, instead of using your .357 Magnum, just use your little .22, OK?

    • JimRed

      “…just use your little .22, OK?”

      You forgot your tag. Now the types who monitor this site will have more “proof’ that we FReedom lovers are a violent sort who must be suppressed!

      • JimRed

        That said “sarcasm tag” which got erased by my format!

    • http://WeThePeople Jean

      You don’t have to use a gun. Just buy some of those fake bullet holes and place them on the drivers car door – with your little thank you note.

      • Jana

        I thought of that too. :D

    • jibbs

      Can you say, STUPID! You need help(a shrink)

  • http://aol Kimbo

    If I park on their passenger side and space is limited due to their encroachment I exit my vehicle walk between my vehicle and theirs from front to back and “accidentally” bump their passenger side mirror, folding it in. When they return they usually approach their vehicle on the driver side and do not notice their mirror is folded in until they begin to back out. This action requires that they stop their vehicle and walk around to fold out the side mirror to the proper position.

    • Gravyhaulr

      You’re assuming they actually use their mirrors…

  • Gary Larivee

    Your message on a 8.5″ x 11″ label with permanent adhesive is very effective.

    • jibbs

      Not to mention, it’s illegal and will get you a trip to jail and a court date.

      • always right

        only if you’re stupid enough to get caught. I’d suspect that you’d meet that criteria

        • jibbs

          name me a store without camera’s. Besides, I’m not dumb enough to do something stupid over such a big nothing deal……..grow up and act like an adult!

          • Jana

            Lighten up. We’re just having fun with this. Good grief!

  • http://personalliberty Dan Ewain

    What do we do about municipalities that garner an extra 10% parking capacity by downsizing parking space size to equal the largest sedan in the local new car dealership? That excludes 80% of the vehicles on the road (older cars, new trucks, vans, SUV’s ,etc) and forces them to park over the lines on all 4 sides even when properly parked. Our village did that and garnered a sarcastic set of pictures and commentary from a local newspaper – but that did not get the village to re-stripe the spaces. Even the local police cruisers (Ford Crown vics) hang over – should we give them a ticket?

    • brent

      Planning and Zoning are part of the problem as you indicate. They have shrunk the space and narrowed the aisles. I drive a full sized pickup and when I go to town, I always plan on walking from way-out at the end of the lot.

  • BobS

    How about these people that drive with their daytime driving lights on at night with their headlights also? They may as well have their brights on. I try to get behind them and turn my driving lights on so hopefully they will get the message although I know my efforts are in vain because the stupid jerks just don’t get it.

    • http://yahoo alex

      when im in drive my daytime lights come on i have no choice

    • thinkingoutsidethebox

      Don’t know what kind of vehicle they are driving. My daytime driving lights are my headlights. They come on at 50% or so brightness then go full brightness as it gets dark all I do is make sure they are not on high beam unless it is appropriate.

  • Lawrence

    I don’t worry about these morons. I park further away from the door and go for a little walk, even if it is raining. I don’t need the walk, unlike so many with elevated BMI’s (fatties), but perhaps this is part of the reason. These are the same people that will sit with their motor idling blocking traffic waiting on a person to back out of a space. These people aren’t worth getting hot and bothered about. There are way many other things people do that are so much worse.

    • Sadie

      I don’t know why you decided to pick on people with elevated BMIs regarding this article. Many people with elevated BMIs have health conditions and cannot help it. From what I have seen, these are not the people who are creating the parking problem. In my area, there’s one of those upscale gyms and the people I see being selfish with the parking spaces are the anorexic skinnie minnies in their brand new yoga togs dashing around with their caramel machiada makarena lattes in one hand and smart phone in the other, oblivious to anyone else becasue they are late for “yoga boot camp” class.

  • Kim

    I would prefer to lie in wait cunningly concealed with a H&K MP5 fitted with a Sionics noise supressor…LOL..only kidding guys.

    Bless them and let them go on their on their way, while feeling smugly superior that you as an evolved human being would never perpetuate such a gross infraction of another rights :-)

    • jibbs

      Kim says:
      July 8, 2011 at 7:43 am
      I would prefer to lie in wait cunningly concealed with a H&K MP5 fitted with a Sionics noise supressor…LOL..only kidding guys.
      Another stupid remark for the “left” to pounce on us.

      • always right

        “the left” is going to pounce anyhow…well at least they would if they had the guts, so who cares? Since they’re cowards we know that tehy’ll get their panties all in a wad and that alone makes this worthwihle.

      • Poppaman3

        Hey… I consider myself to be somewhat left of center, at least I’ve been told I am, but I’m in total agreement with much of what’s been said here )i.e.: no pouncing from me!). It’s called respect; a thing fewer and fewer people have these days… Just my $0.02

  • Master Gunny

    We are a nation of anarchists, perhaps we’ve always been that way. The symptoms of the breakdown of simple civility, common courtesy, and good manners abound. Each we year this society sets the bar a little lower, we expect less, demand less, settle for less and thus we are reverse engineering the very nature of civilization.

    This symptom, in and of it’s itself, is almost amusing but imagine a world where some catastrophe has resulted in a breakdown in law and order and this symptom would become unnoticed in the resulting chaos.

    For a society to flourish there must be a certain level of ruthlessness and inflexibility when it comes to the preservation of order. Murderers should be hung, always. Rapists likewise. Those who violate the rules of good manners should be scorned, ignored, and marginalized. Unfair you say? Look at the current state of affairs and argue which is the greater evil. When self discipline breaks down then society has an obligation to enforce extrinsic discipline. A society that is too weak of spirit and the will to protect itself deserves all of the depravity that will result.

    • Gravyhaulr

      I’m an OTR trucker, so I have a somewhat different problem. When I’m at one of our terminals, I leave the tank behind and “bobtail” to the local wallyworld or grocery store or whatever. I’m 8 1/2 feet wide, 11 feet tall, and 22 feet long, so I take almost 4 spaces. But I make sure to part in the farthest corner while I do my shopping for the simple reason that it’s the right thing to do. If you have one of those “large cars” – 6 passenger/full bed pickups or suburbans or whatever – understand that the longer walk is part of the deal.

    • Sojourner

      Master Gunny, I so agree with you. As a mother of four, it’s frustrating to see the lack of discipline and self control in people. I home schooled all four of mine and though they missed out on the sports thing at school (even though I still have to pay the school tax, we weren’t allowed to participate in the athletics) they grew up with a good sense of right and wrong and civility. You don’t see that much any more. Kids seem to be taught to continue as they were born (because they deserve it for some reson) as totally selfish. You think kids are born with a clean slate that is teachable? Just watch a baby who has learned if he/she cries enough he/she will get whatever they want.

  • http://aol Kimbo

    Went to the post office the other day. A “lady” parked her Cadillac Escalade at the front door behind 3 parking spaces (blocking those autos in)left her drivers’ door open and walked in to check her PO Box. On the way out she stopped to visit with a friend, leaving her vehicle with door open blocking traffic. This inconsiderate action not only blocked the flow of traffic but kept 3 other vehicles from being able to exit their parking spaces. I, being the ever watchful and efficient parking lot monitor that I am, politely interrupted her conversation and brought it to her attention that she was blocking traffic and creating a hazard. The “lady” told me to mind my own business in a very loud tone of voice. Within earshot of several onlookers I explained to her why she was a self-important, rude and obnoxious person. As one of the blocked autos honked she walked to her tank amid applause from several of the rubbernecks.

    • jibbs

      Bravo, HIGH FIVE!!

  • kingd47

    here we have a little different issue, and that we live near 4 lagrge golf retirement communities with glf cars. these peole, like the ones that take 3 spaces, will park their cart up on the parking bumpers and you can’t see them coming down aisle and you think great space then you get there and there is a golf car in the space. i ride motorcycle and when i park i stay back so people can see my bike. it is very frustating and rude that people will park their golf cars up close and take space, but there are nice ones that will allow parking of 2 carts in the space they are good. i won’t go on about the other attrotisies thes do, so the local bumber sticker is get old move north and drive slow

  • william conaway

    Folks, as an old timer, I have seen this for years. It is my considered opinion, that these are the LIBERAL ELITE. These actions are just another example of what they are doing to our country and our children!

    • Margaret

      William, I agree with you wholeheartedly

    • always right

      isn’t “liberal elite” an oxymoron? prehaps just a misnomer, since they’re neither.

    • Karolyn

      Well, if they’re all he “liberal elite”, many people who have posted here today are the “conservative cavepeople” talking about stopping short to cause an accident, putting limburger cheese into vents; etc.

  • Cawmun Cents

    Remember Gallagher?The comic guy who sledgehammered watermelons?He said we should get dart guns wth special darts that stick to cars.The darts would have a flag on them that reads “a$$h*le”.After you get so many attached to your car the cop pulls you over and gives you a ticket for being an A$$H*LE. That would be more efficient than little cards dont you think?Driving around all day with seven a$$h*le darts on your car avoiding(or at least trying to)members of the law enforcement community,wouldnt that be better logic?Either that or buy a sledge-o-matic…and a watermelon…..unsuspecting a$$h*le comes out to get in his car…..are you following my thinking folks?-CC.

  • jimster

    For years I have been putting notes on windshields that take up two parking spaces I usealy write on what I have available which in most cases is a napkin that is in the glove compartment I wright “thank you for taking two parking spaces” and put it under the drivers side wiper.

    • Sadie

      Maybe we should try used toilet paper!

    • ValDM

      Ever noticed they don’t take up 2 spaces when it’s metered parking? They get a ticket for not plugging both meters.

      This parking thing has stuck in my craw for some time. I especially like the ones that drive a small Honda, pull thru so they’re head out, but not enough to clear the line at the rear of their car. I always park my truck so close they can’t access their trunk…….particularly effective at the grocery store.

  • Tom

    It is likely a combination of problems, rudeness being number one. Civility is becomiong a rare asset these days, and you see it’s demise in lots of other situations. Also it’s true, parking spaces are being marked smaller than they used to be. Standards are down to nine feet wide in some places, which means you have to be very precise when parking to get it in the middle, or you’re going to be pushing the limits. One reason not yet mentioned is the way cars are designed today. You often don’t have any clear reference points to tell you where the corners of your vehicle is. From the driver’s seat of my car, I can’t see any of the corners at all. Older cars had higher fenders that you could see. Also, modern cars’ beltlines (basically the line of the bottoms of the side windows) that are sloped downward toward the front of the car instead of level, which makes it difficult to determine if you’re headed in parallel to the space markings.
    It only takes a little extra effort to park properly. Some people don’t have as much skill as others, but mostly it’s lack of courtesy and an “I don’t care about anyone else” attitude. I’ve put a few notes on windshields myself. If it made at least one person think about it, it was worth it.

  • TexasPatriot

    While we’re on the subject of rude, thoughtless people who simply do not care, here’s a story. Recently I was in a long line at the local grocery store, one of the ’10 items or less, cash only’ cashiers. The lady in front of me had a large shopping cart with about 20 items. About every two minutes, another lady with an arm load of items would shoulder past me, dump those in the cart, and hurry away. When this had been repeated two or three times, I pointed to the large sign that read ’10 items or less’ and made a puzzled expression. The lady with the cart unleashed a tirade in Spanish and (very) broken English with plenty of spit and wild gestures. Before I could respond, the store manager pulled me aside and opened a closed register and checked me out, explaining his policy not to confront such ‘customers with special needs’. I picked up my bag of items and headed for the exit – right behind these ‘special’ customers. And guess what awaited us at the door – a third lady in a huge SUV double parked so as to block anyone trying to enter or exit. She had apparently staked out her ‘special’ parking space when the three arrived, for horns were blaring and folks with carts full of items were fussing while they waited for these ladies to load their items and drive away with the cart right where they left it.

    • ValDM

      I have a similar story about the ‘express’ lane that limited purchases to 20 items. I didn’t have a cart and my husband and I were carrying 8 items. The person ahead & behind us had carts LOADED. I stated as loud as I could that I guessed most of these people had never been to school, because they sure couldn’t count. You should’ve seen the mass exodus from ALL the ‘express’ lanes.

  • Don Maresca

    These people couldn’t care less if they’ve inconvenienced anyone. That sign, without retribution, means nothing. They must be inconvenienced. Stuff the note into the passenger side rear tire mag, and let the air out. When they find the flat, which will hopefully be after they’ve pulled out,and can’t find another space nearby, the note will explain it. You’ve just made your day and ruined theirs. Be sure no one is walking towards the car when you do this. Duh.

  • Lee

    LOL This article brings back memories! When I was in 11th grade my father asked me to make up some business cards for him with the following message. (My penmanship was pretty good back them!)
    “Thanks for taking two parking spots, I had to park two blocks away! You Stupid, inconsiderate, BASTARD!”

  • Larry

    I think some of the blame should also go to the shopping centers. The reason being that in order to get more customers the spaces are being made narrower to fit more cars into the parking lot. I also see more spaces marked for compact vehicles. If you look around you will see some people that drive large cars and trucks will not only try to park in a compact vehicle space, they think it is required of them. As an example, I was out one day and stopped to rent a DVD. There was a space next to a wall, since I was by myself, I parked there. There was not enough room to open the passenger door, but I was alone so it did not matter. I got a video and went back to my car, an old vw bug. Behold, some nitwit with a full size van parked next to me. There was not enough room to even try to open the door so I could leave. Guess what, try making a complaint. Private property, local law enforcement is not concerned unless a crime is committed. I ended up waiting for 75 minutes for the driver to return, so that I could leave. The other driver did not care one bit about my inconvieniance. I remained calm and did nothing to cause problems. I believe that one reaps what one sows. I went back the next weekend with a camera and waited, yes the same person returned, only this time they got blocked in. Oh no, this person got really irate and started yelling for someone to do something. I took out my camera and took their picture and said that anyone that would block a person in like that is a real Buttwipe. I recommended that they find the managers office and make a complaint. When they were out of sight I got in my truck and drove home with a smile on my face.

  • Kevlar Linc

    OK, Chip – here’s what ya gotta do: first you round up a good supply of “Obama-2012″ bumper stickers, you know, the ones that are impossible to scrape off without the use of a quart of paint stripper and a disc-grinder? Always have one handy when a trip to the mall is part of your itinerary… and simply apply it to the driver’s-side windshield. Sends a “double message”.

  • Rich

    Occasionally they will spill over on the left side of the space also. It’s doesn’t happen nearly as often, but when it does it gives you the chance to park properly about two inches from their door. It’s one of the small pleasures in life, but it does leave you with a warm, fuzzy feeling.

  • Gary

    Your idea is old….We had card for bad parkers in the 60′s.
    But its good that you brought it up again.

  • JoMama

    I like the one “Pardon me, sir or madame……………..”. Except I would drop my f-bomb a couple of times. Yeah.

  • Bert Cundle

    My ’85 Ford Van; in the painted lines only leave 1′ on each side. Ill be so glad when my li’l Ford courier is back on the road again! But, on some ocaisions… I parh as far away as I can. uasuly 2 or 3 openings on both sides… I come back, an damn if people arn’t parked so close that I need to put my hand on my door, so as not to hit their car!

  • Thomas Avery Blair, EA

    My bad parking card reads: “May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your nasal passages until you learn how to properly park a car like a courteous and mature American always should”
    I don’t know if it works, but it does make me feel better and brings a smile to my face. As for the niceties you mentioned, forget it. Nice people already are concerned for others…the rest really don’t give a crap about much of anything, and most probably never will.

    However, I did enjoy your column today. Do keep up the good work and do keep some of your powder dry! :)

    Respectfully submitted,

    Thomas Avery Blair, EA

  • Terry


    It may be illegal to place things under a windshield of other’s vehicles. In Pennslyvania for instance it is a traffic code violation called “Tampering with a motor vehicle”. Is it likely an officer would write a summons for such a violation? No, but be careful of such things anyway. Just putting this out there. Good luck, everyone.

  • Crystal

    I was in a convenience store a few months ago. Came out and a van was parked so close to my car that Gumby wouldn’t have been able to squeeze through to open my door. To top it off the passenger side door decided to malfunction (child protective locks) and I couldn’t get in that way and just slide over to the drivers side. I went inside and asked a few people if the van belonged to them. Then finally a woman answered when I pointed to the van and asked if it was hers. She nodded. I asked her if she could move her van over so I could leave because she was parked very close to me. She took her time getting out of the store and walked real slow getting to her van. Then she spent another 3 minutes adjusting herself or something. By that time I started protesting and pointing to her showing passerbys what she was doing and ended up with growing crowd just staring at her. She finally decided to start her van and leave.

  • Leona

    eh…i would love nothing more than to tell off the parking morons…and let’s face it, the Jesus-fish people…9 times out of ten if you’re utterly frustrated by the driver in front of you, look real hard, you’ll see it on there somewhere…i wish i was kidding. but back to parking, it’s even better when you’re coming out of the store with four kids, two of which are in car seats and the moron that pulled in next to you pulled within a half foot of your car on your side AFTER you’re in the store. i’ve had to go through the back of my volvo and hoist kids over seats to get them in the car. unfortunately, the cards if even seen (remember the class of people we are discussing), will be glanced at and flicked to the ground without care…thus creating more litter…though maybe the extra litter will create ONE job at a store parking lot (isn’t that the latest campaign, “just one” or something?). so really…no solution…except maybe “towanda’s” that has to be one of the best scenes in fried green tomatoes…”face it girls, i’m older and have more insurance”. ha!

    • Cawmun Cents

      Two things.1>Perhaps you wouldnt be so frustrated if you had more Jesus in your life.2>You actually watched”Fried Green Tomatoes”?That should be a sign from God right there.-CC.

  • Debbie

    So, according to Chip, we should permit those with NEW cars to take all the space they need. Hmmmmm.

    • Jim Dandy

      Actually, I think he was eluding to a different mindset and a different cause for a similar problem. In my opinion the solution should be the same.

  • pat johnson

    This is not about parking, but another annoying and dangerous driver habit – following too close. I want to have a horn installed on the BACK of my car and when somebody rides my bumper, they get a loud (very loud) blast. I think something like this would be a real money-maker and very effective.

    • always right

      The brake pedal works real well. After all a dog DID run in front of you and you can’t hit Fido. They’ll never know, they were riding to close to your bumper to see what went on in front of you.

      • Sojourner

        Actually, the brake pedal doens’t always work. I was coming home from work and this guy was tail gating. I was going 5 miles ph over the speed limit (which our sheriff has said is acceptable) and the guy was on me regardless. I tapped my brake several times to get him to back off a bit as we came up around a curve and you no what he did? He passed me on the shoulder!! Talk about idiots!

  • Joey Biden

    For years I’ve always had cards in my glovebox for special occasions. Mine are much more explicit than Chip’s. Do they work? Absolutly. After using one I begin to smile more and I notice I feel better right away. I think I enjoy letting a driver know what an inconsiderate a**hole they are for improper parking.

  • John R. Harbison

    Boy–You guys really hit on one of my pet-P’s I am in south Texas about 5 or 6 miles off of the Mexican boader. These people with no driver lic. or insurance are running around everwhere. They can’t park or drive. Then the winter Texans get here in the winter manths. You’ve heard about a 3-ring circuse, you-all should come to the Valley and watch this. All of this used to really get me going,now I just go the the far conner of a parking lot and walk back to the store watching the free for all

  • http://peronalliberty Kevin

    I just drive a _hit box of a car, for a # of reasons,this being one of them,what I do is try an park right up to there car(still in my space not theres)when they come back an they can’t get in there car they moght get the Idea! the other reasons are excise tax an insurance. My truck may not look like much, but goes stops handles, and is very comfy.

  • Butch

    My solution is better. Get out of your truck, hook the winch to the offender and pull them out of the stall. Leave them in the aisle way and let the police take care of them.

  • LJ Russell

    Chip, Cheer up. I’m a missionary living in the Philippines. I was a driver’s instructor in the US for my children, nephews and nieces, so I know the rules and regulations and obey the law. Here NO ONE abides by the law. Why? Because there is no enforcement and even if there was, the police don’t even know the law. Its an everyday occurrence that someone taking a left hand turn has pulled into your lane about a 1/2 block before the corner and you have to cross the center line to keep from hitting him head on. Furthermore being an American, if I do have an accident while obeying the law, I will be at fault. There is so much corruption that its the one who can come up with the biggest bribe who gets to go free. When I first came, I approached an unmarked intersection the same time as the person from my left. The law reads that the driver on the right has the right of way, but that isn’t so in the Philippines, especially if the driver on the left is a Catholic priest. Here they live above the law and are held accountable to no one. So to me, though I feel for you and know how frustrating it can be, take you pick. Would you rather be there with the careless parkers or be here with the lawless drivers? Thank for keeping me up with what happening back home. Oh by the way, we feel the result of Obamanomics here. Under President Bush the US dollar was worth 56 Pesos today it hovers between 42 & 43. OUCH!

    • Gravyhaulr

      Hey, I grew up in the Philippines – went to Faith Academy. I absolutely know what you’re talking about.

  • Suzanne

    While we’re on the subject of parking lot angst lets review an often overlooked issue: parking lot design. When our area’s latest grocery store was built they did a terrible job of designing the lot. The store sits at the apex of a hill. Logically one would assume that the designer appreciated the necessity of levelling the ground on which the lot would be built. Yes, you guessed it. The lot slopes so that it is impossible to let go of a cart while putting groceries in the car. If you have shopped alone you must somehow transfer bags from the cart to the car while immobilizing the cart with a hand or foot. I have seen carts flying through the lot while customers chase after them. It’s so bad that, to prevent a runaway, I have to carry a block of some sort to put behind a cart wheel. And don’t get me started on the size and number of parking spaces. Where my daughter lives in Virginia you have to both drive a subcompact and be grossly underweight to use the lot at her grocery store. And that’s if you can find a space; they seem to have only a handful of spaces per store in the strip mall where the grocery store is located. Doesn’t anyone think about the end user when these places are designed?

  • http://BobLivingston Rachel

    It might be that the person was in just a big of hurry as you. Some time we are all guilty of seeing the other person as a jerk when sometimes we also can be a jerk in other areas of life. Parking is just an extremely annoying example of being a jerk. But like miss manners said you being a jerk is not the answer. Looking at this issue with compassion and understanding will help you sleep better tonight. Remember that had you not been in a hurry to get to your appointment you may not have been so annoyed. Remember that driver is a person also.

    • always right

      No they’re not, Rachel. If the other driver was a person also, they’d show a little respect for their fellow man. They’re selfish türd$, plain and simple. It takes no more time to park properly than to just poke it in and ~sKrEw~ everybody else.

  • Elevenarrows

    I drive a F350 crew cab dually that has a terrible turning radius. I have to usually park quite far back in the parking lots to avoid having other people park right up against me. I got tired of coming out to my truck only to discover someone had literally parked so close I would have to levitate the truck out of the spot. Did they really think I could do that?! No, of course not. They just didn’t care. As for leaving behind calling cards, people have gotten so nasty over the last few years (I’m convinced taking morality and God out of gov’t schools contributed to that)that I’m afraid if I leave a note on their car and then go do my shopping, I’ll come back to a truck that has been keyed or tires slit. My son wanted a soft top convertible and I said no way because nowadays people would slit the top just to be mean. It is a different world we live in….

  • David Burbee

    I have a son who prints bumper stickers for his pops.
    An example…”I’m a willfully ignorant human being, If I’m parked incorrectly please let the air out of my tires”

    I also have a few dozen round spades (as in a suit from playing cards) when I happen across one of those I “heart” my dog or I “heart” my cat I simply stick a spade over the top of the heart. This helps me cope.

    • Jim Dandy

      Instead of a spade you need some with an image of a screw. ;-)

    • http://Moreexpensive,moreunknowproblems. Lewis Munn


  • Jim Dandy

    You can download templates from Avery, Quill (and probably a few others) that make formatting and printing business cards a breeze. You can also buy card stock with micro perf to separate the cards at the appropriate size, centered in those templates. OR for a less expensive alternative, download and use one of the free templates with a piece of heavy paper, such as standard blank card stock, photo paper or whatever else you may have handy and cut them out with scissors. The standard size of a business card is 2″ X 3½”, but for this purpose the actual size isn’t important as the card will most likely be ignored, torn up, crumpled or thrown away rather than get filed with cards that the recipient may actually want to keep.

  • jomba

    Once upon a time, I found myself at a very busy mall parking lot in the city. After circling for about ten minutes looking for a spot, I watched a gigantic Lincoln Continental pull into a handicapped spot. A well-dressed, tanned, and obviously non-challenged man got out and strode into the mall. Being the repressed vigilante that I am, I drove another loop, eased the bumper of my truck up to his bumper, and pushed his Lincoln forward about 6 feet, not enough to impede traffic, but to make a statement. Several weeks later, I received a letter in the mail charging me with hit-and-run. Not wanting the onus of being a scofflaw, I asked for a hearing. Arriving at the Magistrate’s office at the apointed time, I saw Mr. Lincoln talking to three people. Since Mr. Lincoln had to give his evidence first, I listened as the three unknown people testified they had seen me “drive into Mr. Lincoln’s car at “at least 25 MPH”, back up, and drive away.” The judge asked for an accident report or any repair records. Of course he didn’t have any. When it was my turn, I simply told the truth as it had actually happened. “Case Dismissed” said the magistrate, who promptly lectured Mr. Lincoln about “filing false charges and subborning false testimony from paid “witnesses”. Apparently the judge had been outraged by this type of inconsiderate and self-important jerk before, because I was given no reprimand for my vigilantism. I got a lot of mileage telling that story over the weekend,ds and knowing looks. Turns out Mr. Lincoln was the TeeVee critic for a major newspaper. I’m not sure whether he was chastened by the experience, but his newspaper folded not long after. Take what you may from this little morality story.

  • steve in AZ

    While I don’t see this as a major problem, I do see it as indicative of the serious problems we do have in our society today.

    Those of us who were able to overcome a public education to some degree by continuing our educations on our own after the indoctrination ended are aware that our rights as Americans end where another Americans begin. If we are to take that theory to a logical conclusion, it means never doing anything that inconveniences our fellow Americans, if the same act perpetrated by them would inconvenience us. In short, we should all take the Golden Rule to heart and practice it as an art form.

    This of course, is idealistic and will never be achieved, as some folks are just always going to be ignorant of the many blessings of living in the (still) greatest nation ever born into this world. You know – slobs.

    VOTE RON PAUL 2012!!!

  • DaveH

    Wow, Chip, woke up on the wrong side of the bed, did we? :)

    Your observation about the people headed to the gym reminded me of a job I had in the 1980s. It was a large parking lot, and I always parked far away from the building as I have observed that the closer people parked, the more likely they were to have dings on their doors. Occasionally, we would go to lunch and I would volunteer to drive. There were a couple of my friends who often walked around the block for exercise during lunch (about 1 mile). These same guys would piss and moan all the way out to my car about how far away I parked.

    • Vigilant

      What? No anti-Lincoln diatribe?

      I’m sure if you research DiLorenzo’s propaganda, you can find some way to tie parking problems in to Lincoln. You’re getting slow, Dave.

      • DaveH

        Bugger off, Troll.

        • DaveH

          For those who are curious about why I don’t respond respectfully to the lying, slandering Vigilant, just follow this thread:

          Do a find on ‘apologist’ to see how this guy will give you his version of “it depends on what the meaning of the word is is”, no matter how well you pin him down.

          • Vigilant

            Sonny, as I’ve said before, no one is interested in the thread of some argument we had weeks ago. But you don’t give up, do you? My, my, you actually are so obtuse as to believe that the link puts YOU in a favorable light? Fine, keep posting it as often as you can, and you will understand that (1) no one gives a damn and (2) if they do check it out, you will confirm the fact that you are an arrogant ass.

          • Vigilant

            And as far as the “apologist” argument goes, I quoted the dictionary definition to King Dave at the get-go (since he didn’t understand it), and I stand by my assertion.

  • http://mine d:-)

    Sounds like a lot of people pissin and moanin’! I have better things to worry about than some dork parking poorly.

    • always right

      ▲▲spoken like a dork who parks poorly.▲▲

  • LuluBelle

    I think Chip should write a column about the people inside the store who don’t pull their shopping carts over and leave room for others, as if they are the only ones in the store. That is much more frustrating, especially when you’re aready frustrated about the parking spot thing.

    • always right

      no such thing as “hit and run” with a shopping cart on a shopping cart. I just plow them out of the way.

  • TIME

    Wow Chip,

    This one is a killer blog. Years ago I used to collect vintage Cars as part of my companys 401K plan. Now and then I would have to drive one of them about for the day, you just can’t let beauty sit around and look good with out a tad of splash.

    One of the events that stuck in my mind as I was looking over your blog is the day I took out a 1966 Corvette that was dead stock Mint and had all of about 3500 OM on it.
    I had to stop at the local store of what is a P,I,T,A to get in and out of as its an old strip mall set up in Osyet Bay called Blueberry’s.

    I parked out on the street behind the store and low and behold when I came back out a large Blue GMC truck had double parked so close that I could not get in by way of the door. I waited for a while and no one came out.
    So I called the police, they arrived as well as a tow truck to remove the noted GMC truck.
    As it worked out the truck owner had broken off the side view mirror as well scrapped the paint and cracked the body, but of coures that was not visible when looking down the sdie of the car as the truck was on top of the car.

    The dork with the truck was here Illegaly from Mexico he lived in the basement of the house next door. He had no insurance.

    My out of pocket cost to repair the damage was $7100.00, plus as now the car had a body repair it lost % of its value.

    • Old Henry


      Your story brought back some memories. When I was a kid I was very annal about my cars. In ’69 fI bought a ’66 Mercury Montclair with a factory 4 speed that was in very nice shape. Whenever I went to a place like K-Mart I would park on the far side of the lot near the highway where no one else parked. Invarabley when I came out some *sshole had parked out there next to my car just close enough that their door would hit my car when the numbnut got out. The offending car was always a piece of crap.

      The same thing would happen with my ’70 Torino convertible. However, it had the lazer stripes and that sometimes would prevent a ding.

  • Dan az

    You know what I hate worst is when you see a 4 wheel jacked up truck that would take a latter to get in that has a handicap plate.And did I mention the quad in the back?

  • Dan az

    I forgot to mention that the paint ball gun idea is old,been there did that and got the T shirt.I hate people that tail gate! :)

    • Cawmun Cents

      Go into the store and go to the deli.Purchase some Limberger cheese.Go directly out to the offending vehicle. Vigorously rub Limberger cheese directly on the air vent at the front of the car.This works especially well on those hot summer days when folks cant help but use the air conditioner.Their car will smell like a crap factory for ever after.Nothing they try will get the smell to go away,and resale will be tough because of the smell.Just a little tip from CC.Worked for me…it can work for you too.Ms/Mr.Manners will definitely remember the day when their car started reeking.Cheers!-CC.

      • Dan az

        sounds like one of your car friends below me here :)

      • TIME

        Oh you little devil you made me LMAO!!!!!!!

  • TML

    Oh, come on people… Are we running out of any actual stories of interest to write? What the hell does this have to do with “liberty”?Maybe the person parked 6 inches into the other spot was in a hurry too… find another damn spot and shut up. There’s your liberty.

    • always right

      sure glad the thought police came by and set us all straight. I guess we know how HE parks, huh?

    • iam

      That’s right! To hell with courtesy! To hell with wanting to be treated with respect! Just let everyone walk all over you! You are less than human, and should be treated as such.

  • DrSmythe

    I’m in a wheelchair from a diving accident over 30 years ago. Over the years, I have been so frustrated by all the handicapped placards that the doctors are handing out like candy. Everyday, I see people park in a handicapped spot someplace like Home Depot, jump out of their 12′ high truck, walk 200 yards all around the store, and come out and load up their truck with lumber. Even though an open spot might be three spots away. I actually NEED the spot so that I can fully open the door and unfold my wheelchair and put on the tires so I can transfer into it. I often wish that they would put handicapped spots in the middle of, or at the far end of parking lots so that people would quit using them and allow me a place to park since I cannot park in a regular place!

    • always right

      you shouldn’t be shopping HOMO dumpo anyhow. They are big proponents of queer marriage; are allied with queers and child molestors and hold teaching days to get the Cho-mo’s all up close and personal with kids.

      I call in people like that. Out here the placard isn’t a free pass if the person using it isn’t the one to whom it is assigned.

      • Karolyn

        What are you talking about???????

    • Mac

      At every Home Depot I have shopped at, there are always 10 to 15 open handicapped parking spaces among the 20+ usually provided. If all your handicapped spaces are filled up you must live in an area with an unusually large handicapped population.

      • libertytrain

        Mac – it seems nearly anyone I know from the 40′s on up have managed, without being handicapped, to ask their doctor for a slip that gets them the handicapped tag/sign – I do not have one; it would be tacky.

    • iam

      What aggravates me about this issue is that there are so few handicapped spots. I don’t need them, I park halfway across the lot, but who decided that two spots are sufficient?

  • Sheila

    I didn’t get a chance to read all, so don’t know if someone already thought about and said this, but, my feeling is if you are going to leave a message, remember this person is not playing with a full deck, so make sure you leave it just before leaving the scene……never, ever before leaving the scene!!!

  • Old Henry

    Well Chip, just be glad your car was not parked there before the slob arrived.

    I have always wondered why they do not WALK TO THE GYM.

    Judging from their actions I’m guessing these people are democraps. They are used to taking / using what they are not entitled to.

    • eddie47d

      I know you are not the only one to slam Liberals/Democrats but is that suppose to be Conservative humor or typical ignorance. Since the Southern states have the most overweight people and vote Red maybe you have your comment backwards. Have a nice day and please check your tires! LOL

      • JeffH

        …may I remind you the score was 9 to nothing that nobody believes you…just a reminder…

        • eddie47d

          You know where you can stick your phony set up poll.Any Moron can be as devious as you are and you proved yourself to be one. You must be one of those creeps that parks over the line for your conscience is thin and even farther over the line.

          • JeffH

            eddie :) …I DON”T BELIEVE A WORD OF WHAT YOU SAY… :)

          • eddie47d

            …and you are still a phony so who cares!

          • JeffH

            eddie, nobody believes you! Remember, 9 – 0, that’s nine to nothing in english! :)

        • Dan az

          I needed a good laugh today!Thanks eddie! :) ;)

          • JeffH

            Brother Dan, everyday is more like it…

          • Dan az

            Everyday we beat him like a red headed step child and yet he just keeps going like the energizer bunny ;)

      • always right

        I see that eddie is still including both his IQ and waist size in his screen name. How ironic that they match.

        • JeffH


          • eddie47d

            Jeff only proves that ignorance is bliss and he can play stupid with the facts all day long. Why would I run from that cowardly clown? At least Jeb Clampett had money!

          • JeffH

            always right says: “eddie is still including both his IQ and waist size in his screen name. How ironic that they match.” LMAO!

            eddie’s comment to Jeff was, uh, not believablele, meaningless and typically childish. It’s as if that is his own personal “brand”.

          • Old Henry


            I think it was JED Clampet.

      • Old Henry

        Thanks eddie, that one made me chuckle.

        I truly do not understand that driving to the gym thing. Yesterday I did a 9 mile round trip walk to town in 90 degree heat.

  • Roberts

    you all might appreciate this. I use to be a commercial truck driver and drove a gasoline tank truck. I pulled into a station one day and a man was exiting his car he had parked illegally. I asked him to move his car. he said blank you. he left to do what he wanted to do. I pulled up a little so I would be able to deliver the gas and started to deliver the gas. he said I had to move the truck because he had to leave. I said I told you to move the car thought you could do whatever you wanted but you can not . I am delivering gas and can not legally move this truck untill it is empty. he said I do not care I have to go. I said you are going nowhere until I am done unloading. He called the police officer that was at the signal light. who came in to the station and he told the officer that he had to go somewhere. I realated what happened and also told him that by law I could not be forced to move the until it was empty. the officer must have knew the law because he said take your time and do not move the truck until you are completely done and ready to leave I will wait because he seams like he will try to take action against you and I can not have that happen on my shift.

    • Gravyhaulr

      I used to be a gashauler. Some of the worst idiots I ever came across were at c-stores w/ gas pumps. One knocked me off my feet as I was “sticking” the tank. Another one ran over my fittings, causing a 150 gallon spill. He couldn’t understand why “alphabet soup” was so mad at him.

  • patriot1776

    I have ALWAYS parked farther away and enjoyed it. Why do you people let the little things bother you so much? Relax and enjoy very moment of the day that God has blessed you with! you don’t get to live it again.

    • Karolyn

      Amen! Why stoop to their level? I’m grateful to have a car and money to shop with!

    • always right

      because buttholes need to know that being a butthole has a price. After all, not everybody can park far away and take their time like you.
      Some of us are disabled yet won’t use a handicapped placard and space because we’d be depriving a young black male in an Escalade with granny’s handicapped placard, of a place to park. (/sarcasm)

    • Old Henry


      That was well said. We seem to get so wrapped up in life at times that we lose sight of how short it really is. As a kid I had a boss tell me that “Life is not a dress rehersal”. At the time it kind of went over my head, but a few years later it sunk in….

  • Lost in Paradise

    Sorry Chip, but this time you are being over critical and very “picky picky”. I do understand your frustation, but lets not make anymore laws to bog down America. Do not expect perfection from the masses.

  • jopa

    The best thing to do is get there a little earlier and look for a parking spot elsewhere.If you start messing with someones ride and he or she is having a bad day and packing heat, This may be your last day.If you’re packing heat yourself good; but try not to shoot any innocents.People have been shot just for just looking at someone the wrong way so it really isn’t worth your life.The extra walk will do us all good.

    • Cawmun Cents

      Yeah….but making hasty assumptions about all the characters involved is what gets people shot.However,should you run into someone with malice of forethought,you may be in for a rude awakening.It may be that they will watch from a distance,obtain critcal information,observe visible behavior patterns,ascertain locale,use data to formulate a plan,and act accordingly.So chin up jopa,and make sure you mind your manners.You never know who is watching you,when its time to know whos watching you.Cheers!-CC.

  • jopa

    DanAZ:Whenever I buy a new vehicle I always have the tow package put on.I also keep the ball on the vehicle at all times and noticed it is quite a deterrent for tailgaters.If they do rear end me they will receive the most damage.

    • Cawmun Cents

      I SUGGEST YOU PUT TRAILER HITCHES ON YOUR WHEEL WELLS.That is where I back into when I want to get someones attention.Hard to steer when the wheel wont move,from being pinned into the well.Makes that towing hitch critical for getting to the body shop.Have a nice day…..

  • Jack Harrell

    I am not defending idiot parkers but recently I parked beside a car that was way over into my space and the car on the other side was parked well away from my space so I parked off center. When I returned to my car, the parking hog was gone and I was parked way over near the car on my other side with lots of space on the side where the parking hog had been. It appeared that I was the parking hog.

    • libertytrain

      Jack – I understand – that has happened to me as well and I always feel “guilty” when I return and no one is parked there to “prove” why I now look like the idiot – n :)

  • A Freeman

    I’ve let the air out of the tires of such jerks: it is very satisfying. The card idea would be better if one made the notes resemble official parking tickets, with fines and court dates. Hmmmmmm … I’m on my way to Staples to see what paper they have which resembles parking ticket paper. My word processor and/or photo-shop should do the rest.

  • Granny Franny

    Yes these are the same people that stop their grocery cart in the middle of the aisle blocking everyone else while they make a “decision” about a product. They also walk backward into you while they engage in mindless chatter and jam their overfilled cart into the ten items or less line. Ever notice the food products they buy, no wonder they are brain dead. And Dr.Smythe, I hear ya’ manuveuring out the the car with my walker can be a hassle, too. I am glad I moved into a smaller community with civil, cheerful people and do most of my shopping online to avoid the slugs at major malls.

  • Ruth Bacon

    My pet peeve is people leaving their shopping carts in a parking space; you start to pull in, have to shove it with your bumper, get out and move it, or find another space. I once commented about it to a young man who carried my groceries out – started to say I always pushed mine back to the door, just before he replied that his peeve was people who pushed the carts to the door so why didn’t they just take them on in?
    I have an idea – I probably wouldn’t bother – but if you feel the need to write a note. Leave the following message and deliberately make it fairly long: “Sorry I dented your car, but please notice that you are parked over the white line on the ___ side, and I could barely get out. I have no insurance and cannot afford to pay any repair bills.” (etc., etc.) They are going to look and see their mistake. Hint: make SURE there are no dents in the other car that could possibly be new! Th

  • Brad

    A large majority of drivers are deathly afraid of parallel parking. They just do not have the skills, and they will not take the time to practice to learn or to do it right, because they think that their time is too valuable. Ticket is probably the only solution.

  • Jack Harrell

    I once lived in a condo in a tourist area where we all had an assigned parking area with an overflow area across the parking lot. Some of the condos also rented to vacationers on a weekly basis. The rental agency told the renters thay had 2 spaces in front of their condo and any additional cars had to park in the overflow area. One Friday afternoon my wife came home and had parked in one of our spaces and an out-of-state car pulled in beside her. She told the young male driver that he was in her husband’s space and he remarked he was only going to be there about 5 minutes. When I arrived 30 minutes later he was still parked in my space. I parked across behind his car and we went to dinner. When we came back from dinner we went inside and went to bed. About 6:00 am on Saturday morning a loud pounding was heard on our front door and when I went to the door the young male asked me to move my car so they could “load up” to go back home. I told him I would be leaving between 7:30 – 8:00 and he could get out then reiterating that he was told not to park there. As he walked away he did some extreme profanity and I watched as he carried his “stuff” and loaded the car. About 7:15 he came back and asked me to let him out. I refused again informing him that I would move within 15-45 minutes when I left. After about 30 more minutes a loud knock sounded on my door (using other than a human hand). Expecting to meet someone with a baseball bat or worse, I took my handgun with me to the front door and opened it cautiously from behind the door and was greeted by a cocky deputy sheriff who ordered me to move my car. When I told him I would move it in 15 minutes as I had informed the driver he became very angry and threatening. The deputy threatened to have my car towed but had finally calmed down and was asking me to please move my car. After a couple of minutes I advised the driver in front of the deputy that I hoped the driver had learned his lesson and I agreed to move the car. It was almost 8:00 a.m. anyway. After that incident I placed a letter explaining the parking rules on the front door of the rental condo each week before the new renters arrived.

  • gumby

    Oh man, don’t get me going on this one!!!!!!
    Also, when you are carefully backing out of your precisionly placed vehicle you have a speeding yahoo buzzing your rear end because he/she is in a hurry to get to that ” 10 foot closer ” parking spot.

  • 1 Son of Liberty

    In high school they had stickers they put on your car window if you parked in a spot you were not supposed to be. They were about 7×8 and a real bear to remove. A friends dad had a printing shop and made us some that were real hard to get off. We put them on cars that parked to close. They stated…” Thanks for Parking so Close A@&hole. Next time leave a can opener so I can get in my car. A@&holes like you should take the bus”. It would require soaking and a scraper to get them off and would take a hour or two to remove all the glue residue. we would see some cars weeks later with glue still on the drivers window. Did they work? I would say it was a great deterrent to the jerks that received them.

  • John

    The card on the windshield seems the most civilized, however I think I would word it a little differently. Something like, “Your driving skills may be great, but your parking skills seem to have sufferd since you took your driving exam.” or how about, “If you can’t find the parking space, please take the bus.” and then theres this, “Parking spaces have a purpose, Idiots have to guess what it is, but it appears your guess failed” Any of those may go a long way toward solving the issue.

    However, this will not solve the problem on a permanent basis.

  • Susan

    My favorite thing is to print up cards that say,”Sorry about the scratches but you were hogging two spaces.”

    • BimBam

      Two mistakes won’t correct the problem.

      Instead wait all day for them to show up, pull up a table with charts and then proceed to give them free parking lessons and reward them after with hot dogs (or whatever is in season) and drinks to go around.

      Don’t forget the awards stickers!

  • Mac

    I have a compact SUV, but always make it a point to park as far as is inconvenient, for me, just to get the extra exercise. At age 75 I need all the exercise I can get. Often the distance I walk IS enhanced by the long-bed extended cab pickups parked close to the front of the store.

  • http://None Earl

    My solution to the problem of people parking over the lines in Parking Lots is very simple. Simply call one of those large Tow Trucks with the enormous wooden front bumper and have him push the offender sideways into the proper position. This is guaranteed to quickly get the space hog’s attention.

  • Raggs

    Problem.. we have created an immoral selfish nanny state.
    Solution.. Buy a bigger truck. or a clunker… nobody wants to park close to a clunker especially if you throw out a few beer cans.

  • BimBam


    • Raggs

      In that case.. TWO JERKS DON”T MAKE A RIGHT.

      • BimBam

        Some people do not realize they are parking off-line but simply are lining up with the other vehicle and think they have correctly parked and off they go, but when the perp leaves they come back and find out they have parked way off!

        It’s a mistake that happens more often than you think.

  • Brooks Lyman

    Then there are the elitists (?) who deliberately take up two spaces (by parking bullseye-dead-center on the line or at an angle across it) so that nobody is likely to ding their beautiful paint job with a door edge. Hey, people – it’s transportation, not a museum piece; if you want to give your beautiful car to an automotive museum, feel free, but the rest of us need to get the groceries/get to work/do work/whatever…

  • bruce

    Chip, you’ve definitely hit a nerve here, bud. It’s 6 pm in Atlanta and I cant believe the number of posts!!!
    I decided years ago after getting my doors dinged by some rude ja in a Kroger parking lot that I’d just avoid the issue by parking way out at the farthest end of the lot and walk. I realize some folks cant do that, but that has worked wonders for my type A bloodpressure. My kids love to make fun of me for doing it and I love to make fun of a teenager who’s too lazy to walk 300 ft. Works fine.

  • Mike

    Maybe a stick on sticker that says ” I’m a inconsiderate person”

  • Josh

    Gee it must be nice to nothing else to whine about than some person parking a bit over in the other stall…the economy is going in the tank, wars are going on around the globe, our rights are being eroded by the hour, we are fed genetically modified garbage for food, etc etc, and you all are worried about parking????????????? strange priorities indeed!!!!!

    • BimBam

      A nation erodes in little ways. That big rust spot on your car didn’t happen overnite, ya know!

  • EileenM

    I would be reluctant to leave a card on somebody’s windshield because of the fear of getting caught. Also, I’m not sure if it would be effective because people like this probably don’t care what people think of them. I will confess though, that I have occasionally straddled the line, taking two spaces, but let me explain before you judge me. I park at the back of the lot, and I only take up two spaces if there are lots of empty spaces closer to the door. Why would I take up two spaces? The short (and hopefully amusing) answer is: because I need room for my ego. The truth is, I’m not really that full of myself. Sometimes there are situations when I want plenty of room to load my truck (I can’t believe those idiots who pull up behind trucks and don’t leave room to get in the back – don’t they realize that people sometimes need to get into the campershell from the back!?!?) So…if I caught someone leaving a card on my windshield, I would feel like tearing it up in little pieces and throwing it at him/her. Now, I realize that this makes me sound like an arrogant jerk, but I’m really not. I actually agree with this article, and I wish there was a good solution for these jerks who take up two spaces in a crowded parking lot and almost always up near the front of the door. Maybe people should be required to take a parking class before they can get their license, although driving classes aren’t helping people drive, for that matter. (LOL) Anyway, I mostly support the idea of the cards, but please have mercy on the person taking up two spaces at the back of the lot, and just laugh as you mutter under your breath something about the person needing extra space for his or her ego, while you enjoy that space closer to the door. (Chuckle, chuckle)

  • iam

    Why not just set the car on fire?

  • Sutekh

    What about the people who never pull a trailer, never carry a load in their pickup bed, or have more than two people in the car, but insist on driving a giant SUV or pickup? I have a pickup truck, but I only drive it on weekends. Since I am not a tradesman or a house mover, I have a mid-size truck with a six-cylinder. When I drive to work, I drive a small compact (not a subcompact — I’m too big for that.)

    I have to admit, though, some people DO know how to park large vehicles. I used to be a parking attendant while in college. At a small lot that I manned, an old lady came in driving a (then brand new) 1975 Olds Ninety-Eight –over 19 feet long, 6.5 feet wide. I thought, “Oh, great!” But she wheeled the car around and backed it into the exact center of a parking space, leaving her tail fins and rear overhang extending over the grass beyond the curb, so as to leave room for everyone else to maneuver.

    If you can’t drive and park as well as a 90 year old lady, maybe you need a chauffeur. And, of course, those who have bought an unnecessarily huge vehicle to compensate for the puny size of their manhood — you know who you are — learn how to park, or get some kind of implant so you won’t need the darn truck any more.


  • meteorlady

    Someone gave me a pad of sticky backed notes. You can actually check the infraction you want and paste it to the window or windshield It’s fun and sort of funny.

  • DonnaAngelStar

    I like the card solution. It gives you a chance to have your say without resorting to illegal methods that, as you pointed out, they won’t “get” anyway.
    I live in Costa Rica, land of the really bad drivers and parkers. I’m gonna have some fun. Thanks for the suggestion Chip.


  • Skyskiers


    I grew up cheering the Mercury (original seven) astronauts.
    Then the Gemini, Apollo, Skylab, Space Shuttle and finally
    the International Space Station. The American taxpayers are
    being swindled once again by progressive-liberals in our
    congress. Each Space Shuttle was designed to fly 100 missions
    per shuttle. That’s a total of 400 Space missions.

    To date, there has only been 134 Space Shuttle missions. This
    includes the two man-made disasters (faulty decision making)
    that resulted in the loss of the Challenger and the Columbia!
    it was the bad decisions of the NASA directors (who were in
    charge) to violate the flight safety rules that resulted in
    the loss of two BILLION DOLLAR Space Shuttles and 14
    The NASA DIRECTOR during the Challenger disaster was a
    political appointee’s of RESIDENT CARTER. This Carter
    appointed NASA DIRECTOR allowed the Challenger to launch
    (after 4 postponements) during a cold snap of 25 degrees,
    at the launchsite. The 4 “O rings” in the Solid Rocket
    Boosters were designed to be forced into the cracks
    (at engine start) between each of the five segments that
    make up oneSolid Rocket Booster. The flight safety rules
    required that no Space Shuttle could launch in any
    temperature below 65 degrees! At this temperature, the “O
    rings” were flexible and easily blocked the heat and flames
    from leaking out the sides of the SRB’s as intended.
    The Carter appointed NASA director allowed the Challenger
    to launch with frozen O rings, so that the rocket exhaust
    escaped out the side of one of the SRB’s which burned away
    the bottom attachment (to the External tank) allowing the SRB
    to rotate and punch a hole in the External Tank which allowed
    all of the fuel to ignite in a tremendous explosion which
    destroyed the Challenger and killed (they fell from 40 miles
    up, still alive) the 7 astronauts. The Carter appointed head
    of NASA committed a criminal act of negligence but was let off
    scott free.
    The Clinton appointed Head of NASA allowed the Columbia to
    leave orbit and re-enter the atmosphere where the 3,000 degree
    heat (generated by hitting the atmosphere at 17,000 MPH) was
    forced into the basket ball sized hole in the leading edge of
    one of the Columbia’s wings. The Hole was the result of a 500
    LB hunk of foam (insulation from the external tank) hitting the Columbia’s wing during the launch sequence. Video cameras
    documented the foam hitting the Columbia’s wing, (Columbia was accelerating over 1,500 MPH) and the Clinton appointed head of
    NASA should have immediately declared and emergency.
    The Columbia was on a 16 mission, but had enough reserves for
    25 days of oxygen. It’s very possible that if an emergency had
    been called, Another Shuttle could have been launched to rescue
    the Columbia astronauts. Instead the Clinton appointed head of
    NASA let the mission continue as if nothing had happened. The
    CIA offered the use of their in orbit spy satellites to look at
    the Columbia’s wing, but the brain dead director of NASA said
    “NO THANKS!”
    If the Clinton appointed head of NASA had used the spy
    satellites, the immediate danger to the Space Shuttle and the
    crew would have been verified. The Space Suits the astronauts
    use are fire proof. One of the astronauts could have done a
    space walk and jammed one of the spare space suits into the
    basket ball sized hole in the wing to at least slow down the
    effects of the 3,000 degree re-entry air that was the cause of Columbia’s wing falling off, because the inside melted.
    The Clinton appointed head of NASA committed a criminal act of
    negligence, by not declaring an in-flight emergency (and giving
    at least a chance to the crew) which resulted in the loss of the BILLION DOLLAR Columbia and it’s 7 astronauts! And the Clinton appointed head of NASA got off scott free.
    Because of the two accidents the Space Shuttles were no longer
    allowed to launch multiple satellites (where they were making a profit) using multiple different orbits around the earth. All
    flights since the last so-called accident were restricted to
    only the space station’s orbit (to be used as an emergency
    life-raft) so the Space Shuttles are being scrapped because it’s
    too expensive to operate them with out paying satellite
    It was the criminal negligence of the NASA administrators that
    is causing the loss of AMERICA’S Manned Space Program. Obama
    has cancelled the follow on Man-rated space vehicles that were
    to replace the Space Shuttle. Of course the only way to make
    Muslims feel good about themselves, is to end Americas’ Space

    The Space Shuttle Atlantis has just blasted off for the last
    flight of the Space Shuttle program. After it lands there won’t
    be a U.S. manned Space program. All Space Shuttles are being
    moth balled.
    We now have to beg a ride to our Space Station from the Russians
    at $55 million dollars per seat on their Soyuz Space Capsule.
    Let’s hopethe Russians don’t get mad at us and stop giving us

    Did the American TAXPAYERS get their moneys worth?
    134 missions vs. 400 missions? YOU BE THE JUDGE!!!

    • BimBam

      WOW! If what you say is true maybe we should have a complete collapse of society and winner take all.

      Hunt ‘em down and the one with the most liberal pelts wins!!

  • jopa

    The trouble was when they got to the space station the Russians were parked cross-ways in the parking lot and the Americans were just too tired of all that spacewalking.I hope they put a note on the windshield of that spacecraft of theirs.Damn Russians!

  • robert


    • Karolyn

      There ya go, robert! If there was more of that, there would be a lot less turmoil in the world!

    • patriot1776


  • The Other White Meat

    I carry a rubber glove and grease to place under the door handle. Discreet, have yet to use it. But the cards will accompany this with stronger “opprobriums”. Thanx, Chip!

  • Roberts

    why not just put some silly glue in the key slot?

  • Roberts

    i ment slots

  • Lanya LaPunta

    I believe that something akin to the following, might be polite yet to the point:

    Dear fellow driver:

    I beg your pardon if this seems forward, however, I could not help but notice that you failed to park between the well delineated lines.

    Rather than assume you to be some arrogant, thoughtless fat slob, I choose to believe that you suffer from one of the following two maladies …

    One, you simply are an extremely poor driver. If that is the case, for your reference, here is the number to a local driving school that has a stellar reputation (555)-555-1212

    Two, you are visually challenged. I realize that is not an easy cross to bear. However, there is help. The following number is for a local ophthamologist who is board certified and has an excellent reputation (555) 555-1517.

    I am always happy to help a fellow driver.

    Best regards and warmest wishes for improved driving skills and/or visual improvement.

  • SherylS

    To a person who is inconsiderate enough that they would thoughtlessly park over the line into the next parking space, the “Emily Post” solution that you suggest would make no impact at all.

    I’m definitely in favor of the “Learn to park, ya big jerk!” message. In fact, I think I will use my Printmaster program to print up a bunch of business-size cards with that message and start using them. ;)

  • 45caliber

    Whenever I catch someone parked as noted, my preferred way to handle it is to park right next to them on the driver’s side of their car – so close they cannot get into the car. Since they usually over the lines on the driver’s side, I fit into my spot quite well. When they walk out and cannot get into their vehicle due to their carelessness (or whatever) and must climb in their passenger door (or wait until I get back) it makes them think.

    And if they wait until I get back, they don’t say a word as long as I’m in my spot and they can’t get into their car. After all, THEY were the ones who are parked wrong.

    (And I drive an older vehicle so I’m not really worried if they bump my vehicle trying to get out.)

  • 45caliber

    Speaking of someone not wanting to walk – many times I’ve pulled into a parking lot to see someone circling to try to get a spot right up front. I’ve parked in the back of the lot, walked in, made my purchase, and am back in my car leaving before they finally get a spot up front.

    Many down here like to get a temporary handicapped tag. That’s one that hangs on your mirror to show you are hauling someone who is handicapped. They don’t actually haul anyone – they just have the sticker so they can park there. Texas passed a law that forbids anyone who does not have a handicapped person from parking even if they have the tag. If the police see someone parking in such a place who does not appear handicapped, they can demand to see papers proving that person is handicapped. And if they don’t have the appropriate papers, they get an expensive ticket.

  • fantomnutt

    I drove an MG Midget for many years and actually liked these parkers. This was an instant parking space for me. Besides I really liked agrevating these type of people. Especially those with new cars that took 3 spaces. My MG was short enough to get into at least 1 of the spaces.

  • Bob Penry

    Those crooked parkers (have I invented a noun?)are most likely the same idiots that are too lazy to take his/her/its cart to the cart corral even if only two cars away. Don’t you love to pull into a parking spot only to find a shopping cart parked there? If I see someone get into a car,leaving the cart instead of taking it to the cart corral, I quickly grab the cart, wheel it directly behind their car and walk away. I have earned a few choice words and even a one-fingered wave, but I just chuckle as I go on my merry way. My wife says I am going to get shot one of these days, but life isn’t really fun without an occasional risk!

  • NyNita

    I hope none of you live near me – of course, I don’t have a problem parking properly in a parking space – I’ve been driving longer than most of you have probably been alive. For anyone who tries to mess with my car in any way, I have a very hidden surveillance system on-board and it records video and audio – so I’d have the goods on who it was – and guess what, the system also records the license plate numbers of all vehicles nearby when they are moving in and out of parking slots near my vehicle – that way, the picture, audio, and tags can be hooked up to one person and one person only if anything happens to my car by any ass in a parking lot. Again, I don’t park like that – I get sick and tired of the young punks racing for the closest spots leaving we oldsters to park far away if we don’t have disabled tags/placards. But, I don’t mind, I’ve got more get up and go than most of the young punks in my area – they’re a bunch of spoiled whiney brats.

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