Israel, Hamas And The Real SOBs

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Israel and Gaza Strip map

I’ll be the first to admit it: America’s relationship with Israel hasn’t always been smooth sailing — for either party. I don’t think it’s a stretch to suggest that in the years since World War II, and certainly since the Korean Conflict, the United States is the single biggest reason Israel still exists.

I’m not saying that the Israelis would have been dumped into the Mediterranean Sea sometime in the mid-1970s without our largesse, but I am saying that our support kept a lot of Israeli hair dry. And our return on investment hasn’t always been blue chip-worthy. I’m old enough to remember Jonathan Pollard and the spying scandals of the 1980s. And I’m smart enough to know that Israelis haven’t ceased spying on us; they’ve just gotten somewhat better at it.

But I won’t condemn Israel for its occasional breach of our faith. After all, thanks to the machinations of President Barack Obama, if there’s one country on Earth that currently has no moral standing from which to criticize others for spying on their friends, it’s the good ol’ U.S.A. Hell, our President considers spying on American citizens to be completely legal, so it’s hard to hammer the Israelis for wanting to keep an eye on their pals from time to time.

I expect it’s more reasonable to frame American-Israeli relations in familial context. Israel is our wayward younger brother. Sure, we occasionally need to deliver the occasional brotherly beating; but no one else better think about it. Sure, they sometimes threaten to drag into battles with the neighborhood bullies; but they’ve never declared a global jihad against the Stars and Stripes. And sure, they occasionally pick fights with everyone on their block; but consider the block on which they live. How well would you react if every one of your neighbors brought up the idea of exterminating your family and the phrase “because God commands it” in the same sentence?

On that note, riddle me this: Name the only country in the region that doesn’t feature at least a sizable minority that refers to the United States as the “Great Satan?” And the Israelis may have sneaked into the nuclear nations’ house through a secret entrance, but they have yet to fire one at anybody. Imagine how much fun life would be if every Tawhir, Dahran and Hafez were hiding a nuke under their dishdashas.

Meanwhile, “restraint” is hardly a term I could fairly apply to the people with whom the Israelis currently find themselves embroiled in yet another battle. Say hello to the ululating, child-murdering, bus-bombing, rocket-firing, human shield-using, islamofascist terrorists of Hamas. While they’re enjoying their current status as the cause célèbre for the Hollywood bubblehead and pseudo-intellectual set, Hamas is simultaneously lobbing everything they can set aflame at their Israeli neighbors. And that’s not all. In fact, there are quite a few details about Hamas that make the Israelis look almost warm and fuzzy by comparison.

Hamas pulls in a cool $500 million in aid from the United States. Sure, Israel rakes in a great deal more — of which nearly all is earmarked for military projects. The money we donate to Hamas is specifically designated for humanitarian relief. Hamas evidently translates “humanitarian” to “building tunnels through which we can attack civilians, including at least one tunnel evidently designed with the specific goal of murdering Israeli kindergartners.”

If you’d like to discuss return on investment, compare and contrast the benefit we’ve reaped from our Gaza generosity to our Israeli aid. Heck, just look at the two side by side. Israel might not be next on my vacation bucket list, but I know of no sane soul outside a few anthropological niches who has ever even considered vacationing in lovely Gaza. The place is a dump. The Palestinians have taken enough money to fund a green-energy boondoggle with enough left over for Michelle Obama’s next girls’ weekend at the Four Seasons and built… Gaza.

Say what you want about the Israelis, but they’re not officially dedicated to the elimination of an entire country. You can’t say that about Hamas. In fact, the elimination of Israel is considered a “state” priority. It’s right there, in the Hamas “charter.” “Israel will exist and will continue to exist until Islam will obliterate it.” At least Hamas isn’t shy. “The stones and trees will say O Moslems, O Abdulla, there is a Jew behind me, come and kill him.” And lest you think they’re committed to peace: “Initiatives, proposals and international conferences are all a waste of time and vain endeavors.”

This is a good moment to remind you that Hamas isn’t some bloodthirsty gang of dictatorial savages. They’re a bloodthirsty gang of democratically elected savages. That’s right; the same guys who have made Gaza such a party represent a government by the people, for the people and of the people.

The late Israeli Prime Minister Golda Meir once remarked: “We can forgive the Arabs for killing our children. We cannot forgive them for forcing us to kill their children. We will only have peace with the Arabs when they love their children more than they hate us.”

Unfortunately, Meir’s sentiments discount one detail: Hamas’ kids hate Israel as much as Hamas does. At least, they’ve been trained to feel that way. While American kids watch “SpongeBob SquarePants” and “Sesame Street,” Hamas kids watch shows like “Tomorrow’s Pioneers.” Instead of rudimentary academic lessons, “Tomorrow’s Pioneers” featured characters such as:

  • Farfour, a Mickey Mouse knockoff who threw grenades at Israelis.
  • Nahoul, a talking bumblebee who promised: “We will liberate Al-Aqsa from the filth of the criminal Jews.”
  • And Assoud, a bunny who planned to “finish off the Jews and eat them.”

Imagine if Mr. Rogers had swapped out his cardigan for a suicide bomb vest and hosed down the Land of Make Believe with his AK.

Hamas teaches its children to murder people, as long as they survive being used as human shields by Hamas. Hamas deprives its people of precious resources in order to direct those resources to murder and mayhem. Hamas is a terrorist group, period.

To paraphrase a sentiment attributed to President Franklin Roosevelt, “The Israelis may be sons of bitches, but they’re our sons of bitches.” But Hamas, they’re just sons of bitches.

–Ben Crystal

Ben Crystal

is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power.