Faking The News

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I’m not sure why MSNBC chose network honcho Phil Griffin to host a briefing on their decision to abandon the pretense of balanced journalism in a web transformation which started beta-testing this morning. Surely, they could have presented a video compilation of Chris Matthews’ top tantrums, thereby allowing everyone to go back to playing Robot Unicorn Attack on their IPads without seeming rude. Perhaps Al Sharpton was forced to bow out after a tragic Soul-Glo mishap at the barbershop. Whatever the reason, Griffin took full advantage of the opportunity; bemoaning the trials and tribulations he faces trying to keep the flagging Democratic Party’s primary mouthpiece from imploding.

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To that end, Griffin has decided the reason his charges can’t achieve the same ratings success as those crazy kids on Fox News isn’t that Megyn Kelly is a lot easier to look at than Rachel Maddow; nor that Kelly is eminently more trustworthy. Nope, our boy Phil thinks something fishy must be going on; and someone ought to get to the bottom of it.

According to Griffin, Fox News, which regularly trounces not only MSNBC but MSNBC and CNN combined, has somehow found a way to cheat the ratings system. Whined Griffin: “You guys should be doing some investigations – I have never seen it in all my years of cable. Same overnight, same everything, and they doubled their ratings in a day? It is impossible…”

Since Griffin and his retinue of has-beens, never-wases and never-will-bes operate as a de facto branch of the Administration of President Barack Obama, it’s clear that they suffer from the same cloudy thinking which has allowed the Democrats to transform from the party of slavery, Jim Crow and Chappaquiddick into an even sleazier collection of thugs, crooks and lunatics. In the twisted liberal mindset, conservative opposition to Obama’s daily drumbeat of disgrace must be a product of racism. Likewise, MSNBC can’t beat Fox – or that noisy guy hawking “Flowbies” on the Home Shopping Channel — and that must be a result of a secret plot involving Fox News, the Nielsen Corporation and the cable providers (one of which is MSNBC step-parent Comcast).

It never occurs to liberals that conservative opposition to Obama’s daily drumbeat of disgrace and dishonesty is actually a product of revulsion at his tendency to behave like a cheap knockoff of one of those old guys who used to own the Soviet Union. And it never occurs to a liberal like Griffin that MSNBC’s poor showing is actually a product of a lineup comprised of racist filth like Sharpton, two talking hairdos who are clearly clones of Keith Olbermann gone horribly awry (Maddow and that squeaky little fellow with the hipster glasses; like most of the universe, I’ve forgotten his name), and the essentially-unwatchable daytime filler MSNBC features instead of actual news.

Just as those who refuse to bow down to Obama’s fraudulent assaults on everything from our health to our wealth are smeared as “terrorists” and “traitors” by Democrats; those who refuse to waste viewing hours on a channel which the Pew Research Center noted is by far and away the least reliable in delivering unbiased reporting are presumed to be non-existent. Poor Phil Griffin; he’s confusing the available television viewing audience with Lawrence O’Donnell’s viewing audience.

To be honest, I’m not much of a Fox News watcher. Actually, I’m not much of a television “news” viewer. With resources like the Personal Liberty Digest™ and others, expecting to gain a meaningful insight into current events from the aptly-nicknamed “boob tube” is every bit the fool’s errand that is expecting MSNBC to attract viewers by hiring a violent – and quite possibly disturbed — racist like Alec Baldwin.

I have no idea who Griffin expects to lead the “investigation” of Fox News’ ratings. Evidently, the millions upon millions of Americans who find the Democrat Channel less palatable than the local cable-access channel’s “Houseplants with Henrietta” didn’t make his short list of TV detectives. Given that the incestuous relationship between the Democrats and the lapdog media produces inbred refuse like MSNBC, I wouldn’t be stunned to learn Attorney General Eric “Guns” Holder is on the job.

Let’s look at the bright side, kids. After carrying President Barack Obama’s water on Operation Fast and Furious, Benghazi, the IRS intimidation program, the NSA spying program and the rest of the scandals which have defined Obama’s tenure, the Democrat Channel finally found something worth investigating.

-Ben Crystal

Ben Crystal

is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power.

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