Outside the Asylum
Memo to the CIA:
I know that ever since President Gerald Ford signed Executive Order 11905, you have been legally barred from whacking bad guys. And ex-worst-President-in-history Jimmy Carter managed to find time to sign Executive Order 12036, which actually barred you from not only whacking bad guys, but even giving them wedgies.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I hate to interrupt your celebration of history, family and living through being molested by the TSA, but before you slip into a tryptophan-induced coma, I thought I’d tell you: The evil dwarf who essentially owns North Korea is showing signs of ruining everyone’s Christmas.
It’s been three weeks since voters across the nation spanked President Barack Obama and his tinfoil hat brigadiers. Normally, when a wayward child — or unresponsive political party — earns the back of their parents’ — or voters’ — hand, the time in the bedroom gulag is best spent reflecting on the reasons for the banishment.
The opening lines of Keith Koffler’s recent effort in Politico just missed the mark: “President Barack Obama, fresh from his drubbing in the 2010 midterms, is trying to revive his fortunes by pursuing a path toward the middle.” At least he got the “drubbing” part right. But Obama is about as likely to steer toward the so-called “middle” as Paul Krugman is to admit that Obamacare will require death panels. (Oops. Spoke too soon.)
The Flag of the United States. The Stars and Stripes. The emblem of the land we love. It’s adornment, apparel, even automotive appliqué. As the avatar of American liberty, it’s deservedly revered. As the embodiment of American eminence, it’s unfortunately reviled.
Have no fear, beefy brothers and stout sisters! The mighty Michael Bloomberg, mayor of New York City, is on the case even as we speak. Fresh off a victory against the scourge of public smoking, he’s fixed a new target in his sights — one of the truly diabolical demons of the dietary dominion: Soup.
With the exception of the occasional troll who bumbles onto our message boards, liberals are few and far between here in the enlightened empire of the Personal Liberty Digest. Therefore, something tells me the number of Bob Livingstonians who bemoaned the indefinite suspension of MSNBC’s reigning rant-meister Keith Olbermann is lower than the number of transgender census takers working the northwestern Montana survivalist compounds.
The precincts are dark. The campaign signs are already fading. The absentee ballots have submerged beneath the Chicago River. ACORN has returned to teaching “girls” how to conduct “business.” The rough beast is reborn. The GOP is back.
Today we will exercise one of the most fundamental of the freedoms granted us by the greatest assemblage of intellect in human history. Today, thanks to the foresight and forbearance of our Founding Fathers, we rise together to choose the path we shall collectively — and individually — follow into the future.
Democrats, driven to the heights of hysteria by an impending Election Day which may well send Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) to smaller digs, and her Senatorial Deputy Droopalong Harry Reid (D-Nev.) back to Reno, were literally driven to paroxysms of joy at the images of a purported Rand Paul backer taking President Barack Obama’s own strategy of “stepping on their necks” a little too literally.