Outside the Asylum
Last summer, a 66-year-old Chicago-area insurance broker named Denny McCann met his tragic end when he was run down by a motorist named Saul Chavez. At the time of the accident, Chavez — who dragged McCann’s body a few hundred feet while trying to flee the scene — had a blood alcohol content (BAC) of .29.
I will grant that Whitney Houston’s apparently self-induced death is a cautionary tale, but let’s not overstate the case. The cautionary tale told by Houston’s death centers on the fact that Americans care far too much about precisely the wrong people.
The echoes of his oath of office had barely faded when President Barack Obama added another accolade to his resume. Just nine days after he began his occupation of the White House, Barack Hussein Obama was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, which he infamously won. Obama’s promises of a more peaceful world under his watch flitted like ash from the pyres of global conflict.
In a Chrysler ad that aired during the Super Bowl, Clint Eastwood wandered like a senile pensioner through some steamy concrete jungle while lecturing us like a cranky old neighbor about the value of an automaker that has been bailed out more than a leaky rowboat. That’s lousy advertising.
When the Susan G. Komen Foundation announced it would cut funding to Planned Parenthood, a firestorm of controversy erupted. Moveon.org went so far as to suggest that Komen had “declared war on women.”
Retired Lt. Gen. William Boykin has decided not to speak during a prayer breakfast at the U.S. Military Academy. Islamofascists had asked West Point to rescind Boykin’s invitation. They don’t want anybody to hear what the outspoken Christian has to say.
As the housing bubble expanded in the run-up to its inevitable crash, the Federal Reserve’s Federal Open Market Committee meetings became a veritable laugh fest. Scribes have been perusing transcripts from FOMC meetings up to 2006 that the Fed released in January. They have found that, as the bubble expanded, the giddiness in the meetings likewise increased.
This past Friday evening, Obama’s cleaning service cleared out a few more file cabinets. Included in the latest peculiarly timed document dump was an email chain extending to the office of Attorney General Eric Holder regarding the murder of Border Agent Brian Terry. The electronic exchange began just after midnight the day after Terry was shot.
Ladies and gentlemen, Ben Crystal delivers the State of the Union address that President Barack Obama would have liked to have given as Americans mark the third anniversary of his ascent.
The infinite monkey theorem states that a monkey given enough time at a keyboard can randomly produce the work of William Shakespeare. Give a monkey enough time at a keyboard and whatever it produces will be closer to the work of the Bard than anything Newsweek might excrete.