Ben’s (And Barry’s) Big Huge Week

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Taylor Jones, Politicalcartoons.com

While settling into my new Friday digs here at Personal Liberty Digest™, I realized that I have a lot more information through which I must sift before chucking it all to type out 1,500 words on why I’m worried that my computer’s spell-checker recognizes “Kardashians,” but has never heard of “Angela Merkel.” Perhaps the next Microsoft Office® update will include the new National Security Agency “European allies” database. Actually, spending an entire week watching headlines scroll by gave me not only a sense of the sheer enormity of what nearly 7 billion people are capable of doing in seven days, but the monstrous nature of those who would purport to rule those 7 billion.

That’s right, kiddies. While you watched President Barack Obama eat hamburgers, crack a few “jokes” and then hit the links at Fort Belvoir, some serious stuff transpired. But don’t worry; I’m on it. And if Obama misses this piece, he’ll hear all about the stories behind it when he catches up with his designated newsgatherers. I think they’re sneaking in a quick chat three Tuesdays from now in Martha’s Vineyard — after the morning mom jeans fitting and before the afternoon bike ride.

The Downing Of Malaysia Airlines Flight 17

For those of you scoring at home, that’s two Malaysia Airlines jumbo jets in four months. As if we needed another example of Russian President Vladimir Putin’s utter disregard for everyone and everything that doesn’t make it easier for him to pose shirtless, the smart money says the Russians were involved in the shootdown from missile launch to crash landing. And why should Putin give a damn what anyone else thinks? Obama is too busy stuffing his face and making “Republicans are stupid” jokes to give more than 40 seconds to the cold-blooded murders of nearly 300 people. And if Putin learned anything from last year’s Syrian misadventures, it’s that Obama is really, really afraid of him; and when pressed, Obama will sell weapons to both sides and then blame the whole mess on the Republicans. Eventually, he’ll get out his diplomatic crayons and start drawing red lines; that worked out super well for the Christians and Jews now facing genocide across the Mideast.

On the plus side: CNN managed to keep its old Malaysia Airlines b-roll going from the disappearance of Flight 370 long enough for its “reporting” to become relevant again.

War In The Levant, Again

If the Israelis and “Palestinians” are at each other’s throats, it must be a day that ends in the letter “y.” The Israelis have a pronounced tendency to act as the Iago to America’s Othello (bet some so-called “progressive” will call that simile racist), but they’re clearly a damned sight better than a collection of islamofascist loons who think using preteens to shield their artillery from airstrikes is sound strategy. Let’s be clear here, kids. Hamas is an unapologetic terrorist group, period. If you hide behind women and children to escape justice for killing women and children, you’re not the victim; the women and children are. Israel isn’t making victims of Hamas’s human shields; Hamas is. Even a cursory glance at the rabble cheering Hamas reveals the same collection of liberal hate groups, America-last nutters and shrieking gasbags you can find in a Waziristan cave, the really ugly sections of Paris or the MSNBC “newsroom.”

The Rise Of Lieawatha

Q: What’s the one thing that could really give Hillary Clinton the willies?

A: An even more self-important liberal woman with an even more suspect curriculum vitae.

If you caught any of the coverage of the annual progressive hatefest known as “Netroots Nation” from this past weekend, then you saw Clinton’s worst nightmare on the stage. Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren, high cheekbones and all, wowed the mommy’s basement refugees, creepy loners and Hollywood B- and C-listers in a spectacular display of raw leftist hypocrisy.

Please, Madame Senator, tell us all about the struggles of the poor and middle class. I’m sure you took the time to learn about them while raking in a six-figure salary to teach a single class at Harvard Law School.

Like Clinton, most of Warren’s “accomplishments” are a credit to her gender rather than to any personal qualities. Like Clinton, Warren’s autobiographical narrative is embellished. Like Clinton, Warren has a fat bank account. Like Clinton, Warren has yet to work an honest day in her pampered life. And like Clinton, Warren isn’t an actual Native American.

However, unlike Clinton, Warren hasn’t been hanging around on her husband’s coattails for the better part of four decades. And unlike Clinton, Warren is possibly related to someone with high cheekbones. No wonder the left loves her; she’s a figment of their imagination.

The Fall Of Obamacare

Another stroke of the pen, another exemption for millions of people. Don’t get too excited, though. Unless you live in the outlying U.S. territories, you’re not one of those millions. However, Obama’s amateurish mishandling of his signature legislation continues unabated. With the employer mandate now only months from expiring, a situation sure to turn the already-chaotic system on its ear, Obama granted an exemption to residents of the U.S. territories from Puerto Rico to Guam. While his promises of lower premiums and universal care have not — and never will — come to fruition, people in places like the Mariana Islands found the post-Obamacare landscape devoid of available policies. No problem! Obama just issued another royal proclamation freeing them from Obamacare’s fraudulent clutches.

This time, however, all the President’s accomplices and all of his cronies might not be able to put Obamacare back together again. The new “hardship” exemption applies to anyone who can credibly claim the need for a hardship exemption. Obamacare advocates rushed the bill through Congress without allowing anyone to read it, and the law has been revised ever since it was passed. One glaring problem: Obama doesn’t have the authority to change so much as a comma splice. And now, his extralegal tinkering has accidentally opened the floodgates.

Scratched, Then Shredded

I can’t be sure, but I think the number of different versions of the saga of disgraced Internal Revenue Service storm trooper Lois Lerner’s computer must be approaching the number of different versions of the Benghazi narrative cooked up by the White House. The latest, revealed earlier this week, holds that Lerner’s computer — which joined those of up to 20 other IRS agents assigned to harass Obama’s political opponents in conveniently disintegrating before they could be examined for more evidence — was “scratched” and only later “shredded.” Watching Obama and his stooges fail, get caught and then fail again would be amusing were it not for the fact that their bumbling crimes may be bumbling, but they’re still crimes. If you got audited for donating to the Tea Party, you’re not laughing. Just remember: If you were targeted by the IRS, it’s because you’re a racist. We know this to be true because Attorney General Eric Holder said so; and if you can’t trust Eric Holder, whom can you trust — other than Mexican narcoterrorists?

The Run From The Border

I might be willing to accept the humanitarian crisis Obama engineered on our southern frontier with less outrage if Obama would consider actually visiting any of the border facilities being overrun by armies of illegal aliens. However, none of those stations are close enough to any of the stops on his eternal fundraising tour to make a Presidential flyby convenient. Perhaps now that the Feds are shuttling illegals across the Nation, one of the towns Obama has turned into an illegal alien ground zero will be near an airport, multimillionaire’s mansion or Presidentially preferred golf course. Perhaps Vice President Joe Biden will say something out loud that actually makes sense. I’m not holding my breath for either. With hundreds, if not thousands, of Central American gang members joining the northward flood, at least Holder won’t have to travel internationally to meet his “customers.”

It’s The Economy, Stupid

What’s everyone complaining about? According to Obama and his cabal, the jobless rate in the United States has dropped below 7 percent. Yippee! Well, according to Obama’s own pals at The New York Times, “part-time jobs accounted for two-thirds of all new jobs in June.” They’re the lucky ones. While millions of Americans struggle to make ends meet with “McJobs,” millions more can only hope. For the 49th out of the past 50 months, more people gave up looking for work than actually found it. As I said, “yippee.”

At least the stock market is doing well — even though, to quote the Democrats from pre-Obama days, “That’s Wall Street, not Main Street.” It’s a shame the Main Streeters can’t raise millions of dollars. Perhaps if they could, then Obama would care. At the very least, he might let them cross the street to have their babies somewhere other than a park bench.

Just imagine having to deal with all of that while simultaneously trying to fix your short game. No wonder Obama looks tired. Lucky for him, he’s got another vacation coming up soon. We need Obama to get his rest. Otherwise, he might do something stupid. That’s the week, kids. See you tomorrow morning for The Great Eight.

–Ben Crystal

Ben Crystal

is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power.

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