Back To The Whine


My apologies for rousting you from your post-“bin Laden sleeps with the fishes” reverie (or not, depending on your perspective); but the Democrats are apparently not done with “The Donald.”

If you’re carrying what the industry calls “heat” — show up at the annual festival of self-congratulations known as the White House Correspondents’ Dinner and you’ll find yourself the virtual belle of the ball. That is — unless you’re ostensibly Republican and ostensibly running for President. In that case, prepare to get savaged like you were the new guy on the cellblock.

Just ask Donald Trump. Trump was an invited guest, but gate-crashers at exclusive parties in Vegas receive classier—if not better—treatment. Trump sat through a ream of snarky material by the master of ceremonies, “Saturday Night Live” head writer Seth Meyers. Meyers did the usual liberal dance on Trump:

“Donald Trump has said he’s running for president as a Republican—which is surprising because I thought he was running as a joke.”

Meyers later went back to the well for a cheap hair joke.

“(Trump) often appears on Fox, which is funny because a fox often appears on Donald Trump’s head.”

Granted, I abuse the make-fun-of-Trump’s-hair gag as much as anyone, but that one was weaker than the logic at a global warming conference. Trump should have been aware that his presence in a room filled with the unabashedly liberal flacks who pass for the White House Press Corps would put the crosshairs squarely on his… comb-over. But Meyers spent more time on Trump than Nancy Pelosi does on her face.

And Meyers was far from the biggest player in the room to take Trump to the woodshed. President Barack Obama himself put the crosshairs on The Donald:

“Donald Trump is here tonight… no one is prouder to put this birth certificate matter to rest than the Donald… because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter, like, ‘Did we fake the moon landing?’ ‘What really happened on Roswell?’ And ‘Where are Biggie and Tupac?’

Oh, dead gangster-rapper jokes. Even Meyers didn’t stretch that hard. Mr. President, the 1990s called, ACORN has an opening for a “community organizer.”

Here’s something most people missed amidst the mirth and merriment: Donald Trump just became the most important person in American politics. It’s one thing for Meyers to devote special attention to The Donald, but the President went in front of the other most powerful person in politics—Oprah—to acknowledge that Trump accomplished what no one else could for more than two years in forcing Obama to release a birth certificate. If I had just been forced by a reality television star to fight out of my weight class, the last thing I would do is shine a light on how badly he hurt me.

While the supplicant sycophants who pass themselves off as the corporate media gasped, giggled and guffawed at Obama’s Trump-centric stand-up routine, Trump sat tight-lipped, managing a grin despite being the butt of a joke which went on far too long. As the blogosphere lit up with liberal celebrations—and conservative condemnations—of the ersatz roast of Trump, many missed the best line of the weekend:

“I don’t think the American people are having a good time with $5 gas.”

While gas prices rise to record levels, tornadoes turn much of the Deep South into a pile of kindling wood and April provided the highest number of American war casualties in two years, the President of the United States returned from a command performance at the Court of Oprah to… make fun of Donald Trump’s hair. And Trump countered with an EF5 haymaker.

As many of you are well aware, I am seriously NOT on board The Donald Express. But The Donald has pushed around The President with surprising ease. I hope the truly conservative aspirants to the highest office in the land are paying attention.

Perhaps it’s a result of his sheltered political career, protected from the slings and arrows of deserved fortune by the thick-walled monolith of liberal dogma; but Barack Obama is surprisingly thin-skinned; and if his WHCA dinner performance was any indication, he reacts to rhetorical beatings like a preteen girl.

For what it’s worth, the very first joke I heard following the reports of bin Laden’s execution:

“BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump demands Osama Bin Laden’s death certificate.”

That’s funny. Mr. President, maybe you could start making jokes after you stop being one.

Personal Liberty

Ben Crystal

is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power.

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