Obama To Celebrities: You Determine The Direction Of The Country

President Barack Obama continues to campaign among the finest in the film and fashion business. He believes it will be up to them to get him re-elected.

“What we’re going to have to do is present that choice,” Obama said as he rallied his glitzy troops at a fundraiser at the home of Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker. “You’re the tie-breaker, you’re the ultimate arbiter.”

Fifty donors paid $40,000 to attend the event.

“You’ve done amazing important things these past four years… I very much look forward to the things you’re going to accomplish in the next four years,” Parker said of the first lady.

The same night, Obama had a fundraiser at the Fifth Avenue Plaza Hotel that raised $2.5 million.

Obama’s entourage made traveling around Manhattan nearly impossible. Some New Yorkers found the bustle quite unnecessary.

“From 3 to 6, you’re really inconveniencing a lot of commuters. There has to be a better way to go about it rather than putting out how many thousands of riders out of commission, and having to find another way home,” said commuter Mary Grech.

Some analysts believe Obama is making a major mistake by campaigning to celebrities rather than the thousands of hurting Americans. Nonetheless, Obama’s campaign hopes to convince voters that Mitt Romney is out of touch with the average American.

Department Of Defense Plans Gay Pride Event

Just last year, members of the military could not openly admit their homosexuality. This year, the government plans to honor gay members of the military.

Later this month, the Pentagon will be holding an event as part of LGBT Pride Month, confirmed Pentagon spokeswoman Eileen Laniez. Press Secretary George Little said senior Defense Department officials will take part in the event. Officials have said that Defense Secretary Leon Panetta feels it is important to honor the service of gays.

Around the world, cities observe LGBT Pride Month in June. The celebration in Boston included a pageant and an event known as Guerilla Queer Bar Pride. Ashville, N.C., organized a gay 5K and a gay-bar-q. Atlanta put together the Dyke March.

Few details are known, however, about what the White House is planning.

George W. Bush Beheaded On HBO

George W. Bush is a star on HBO, but he doesn’t have a very flattering role. The former President’s head is impaled on a stick in episode 10 of “Games of Thrones.”

The medieval fantasy show used a mask that resembled the 43rd President for a scene that featured the heads of several decapitated men. The DVD commentary contains this statement: “The last head on the left is George Bush. George Bush’s head appears in a couple of beheading scenes. It’s not a choice, it’s not a political statement. We just had to use whatever head we had lying around.”

The show’s creators, David Benioff and D. B. Weiss, later issued an apology.

We use a lot of prosthetic body parts on the show: heads, arms, etc. We can’t afford to have these all made from scratch, especially in scenes where we need a lot of them, so we rent them in bulk. After the scene was already shot, someone pointed out that one of the heads looked like George W. Bush. In the DVD commentary, we mentioned this, though we should not have. We meant no disrespect to the former President and apologize if anything we said or did suggested otherwise.

The network also apologized. “We were deeply dismayed to see this and find it unacceptable, disrespectful and in very bad taste. …We are sorry this happened and will have it removed from any future DVD production.”

Drone Mistaken For UFO

Washington, D.C., is no stranger to strangeness. But on Wednesday night, some people there thought things were about to get a little stranger. Newsrooms began receiving reports of a UFO in the area.

It wasn’t some strange aircraft being used to scout out and invade; it was just a government drone.

The 82-foot-long aircraft was being towed on Interstate 270 from Garrent County, Md., to Naval Air Station Patuxent River. The trek resulted in tweets.

“We’re receiving reports of a ‘UFO’ on the Beltway near College Park. We’re investigating. Traffic is backed up at exit 25A,” tweeted WTOP Radio.

Other tweets:

  • “That’s what happens when ET parks in DC without a parking permit.”
  • “things are pretty scary until you know what it is.”
  • “Even if the Beltway UFO was real, the government wouldn’t say it was they’ll just call it a ‘military exercise.’”
  • “Don’t worry, that’s not an alien spacecraft just a flying military robot. Totally normal sentence in 2012. I love the future.”

The aircraft was an X-47B drone.

“In the coming months, you can expect to see the X-47B flying over the base and surrounding area along the Chesapeake Bay,” said Matt Funk, lead test engineer.

Will Roseanne Barr Be On The Ballot?

Comedian Roseanne Barr is still vying to be on the ballot in November. She hopes to represent the Green Party.

Earlier this year, Barr announced she would try to be the party’s nominee.

“I will barnstorm American living rooms,” she vowed. “Mainstream media will be unable to ignore me, but more importantly they will be unable to overlook the needs of average Americans in the run-up to the 2012 election.”

That was in February. Since then, she hasn’t done very much barnstorming, and Massachusetts physician Jill Stein is the presumptive nominee. But Barr has no intention of quitting.

“Candidate Barr is still campaigning for the Green Party. I don’t have any other official word at this time. She has definitely not dropped from the race. If and when we get any changes to this, we will put out a press release immediately,” wrote spokeswoman Anita Stewart on Wednesday.

Earlier in the week, Barr took to Twitter to champion her cause. She argued that she should get to speak at the convention because she “received nearly ALL votes by ppl of color.”

Apart from her sitcom and comedy, Barr is well-known for her singing of the National anthem.

 

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1-jWl0O34U&w=420&h=315]

 

Obama Will Focus On Climate Change If Re-Elected

If re-elected, Obama will put the hearts and minds of Americans at ease. He will pour his energy into climate change.

According to Ryan Lizza, the Washington correspondent for The New Yorker, the President plans to focus on climate change as a way to “improve the world.”

Lizza writes: “Obama has an ambitious second-term agenda, which, at least in broad ways, his campaign is beginning to highlight. The President has said that the most important policy he could address in his second term is climate change, one of the few issues that he thinks could fundamentally improve the world decades from now.”

The Office of Management and Budget estimates that the Department of Energy has seen its budget increase from $24 billion in 2009 to $38 billion in 2012.

Liberal Talk Show Host Wants To See Romney’s House Burn

Liberal TV personality Joy Behar said she would like to see Mitt Romney’s “house burn, one of his millions of houses burning down.” The comment came during an interview with the website Mediaite.

Behar lamented that Romney, along with Sarah Palin, has never come on to the talk show she co-hosts, “The View.”

Behar is going to be hosting a show on Al Gore’s network, CurrentTV. When asked if Romney would come on the show, she responded that she did not believe he would be willing.

The interviewer informed Behar that Romney did not think more public workers should be hired by local governments, and she responded: “Oh, less government? That is an idiotic statement. Can I just say that? I mean, I’d like to see his house burn, one of his millions of houses burning down. Who’s he going to call, the Mormon fire patrol?

“These statements are so stupid and they sound so ridiculous to the average American person,” she said in regard to conservative ideas.

Behar was asked what five people she would like to interview. She responded with President Barack Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, Abraham Lincoln, Mohandas K. Ghandi and Jesus — in that order.

“He [Obama] knows I’m a big fan,” she said. “I love Joe Biden very much.”

Nanny Bloomberg Administration Wants Popcorn, Milkshakes Regulated

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg is continuing his attack on food and freedom. The Mayor who proposed a ban on large drinks might turn his attention to popcorn and milkshakes.

While meeting to discuss the implementation of the drink ban, some board members suggested banning other food items.

“The popcorn isn’t a whole lot better than the soda,” said Bruce Vladeck, a member of the board.

“There are certainly milkshakes and milk-coffee beverages that have monstrous amounts of calories,” added Dr. Joel Forman, another board member.

Bloomberg is continuing efforts to ban large sugary drinks even though citizens of New York are not in favor of the drink ban. A poll was taken, and the proposal was shot down 51-46 percent.

The New York City Restaurant Association also opposes the initiative. If it passes, they will consider legal action.

The city will have a six-week public comment period before further action is taken.

Socialist Party In Sweden Wants Men To Sit Down To Pee

Swedish men must have really bad aim. If the Left Party in Sormland has its way, men at the county council building will be required to sit down when they urinate. The party is pushing the proposal as a way to promote public health.

The Left Party, which at one time was a communist party, is now a socialist and feminist party. They offer two reasons why men should sit instead of stand.

First, if men are required to sit, then there will be fewer puddles of urine in the restroom.

Second, they cite medical research which shows that men empty their bladder more easily when they are seated as opposed to standing. And an empty bladder leads to fewer prostate problems.

The man behind the proposal, Viggo Hansen, eventually wants office bathrooms to be unisex since everyone will be sitting down. When asked if the idea is an example of government intruding in people’s personal lives, he responded: “That’s not what we’re doing. We want to give men the option of going into a clean toilet.”

Police Are Called After TSA Agent Touches Woman’s Breast

A woman at Sky Harbor International Airport had police called after a Transportation Security Administration official allegedly touched her breast. The woman began yelling that she had been molested. The ordeal was posted online in May 2011 but is just now receiving national recognition.

“I want a police officer now! She just molested me,” she yelled. “This is illegal. You can’t do that.”

Officers quickly surrounded the woman.

Thanks to her son, the ordeal was caught on camera. The full video is below.

He was told he could not film in a security area. He left the area, but continued to record from a distance. He was then informed that he could not have his camera rolling in that location either.

When he asked to see the law, an officer responded: “We don’t have to show you the law; we have to carry out the law.”

The mother, still hysterical, was escorted by police to another location. “Why won’t you help me?” she asked as she was being led away.

TSA has not commented on the incident.

 

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZdp13LFtOY&w=420&h=315]

 

Barack Obama: The American Idol?

Tom Willis of WJXT in Jacksonville, Fla., recently suggested that President Barack Obama should try his hand at another occupation once his Presidency expires.

“I was just wondering if you would give any thought to being on ‘American Idol’ or ‘America’s Got Talent’?” the reporter asked. “You’d be a big hit, Mr. President.”

Obama said: “My wife and my daughters find me embarrassing enough when I start performing. They certainly don’t want a large national audience seeing me in those kinds of situations. So I’m going to try to keep my singing to the shower most of the time.”

Obama has taken heat for being one the coolest Presidents.

 

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZhpUEWJD44&w=560&h=315]

 

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsWpvkLCvu4&w=420&h=315]

 

His coolness has even inspired a rap.

 

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5I7VlIyJfwM&w=560&h=315]

 

But conservative are quick to point out that coolness does not equal competence.

Jerusalem Tests DNA In Dog Poo, Fines Owners

According to some pet owners, a new program in Jerusalem really stinks. The city is planning to put together a DNA database of dogs which will be used to track down owners who allow their pet to defecate in public spaces.

Saliva samples will be collected from dogs during their annual veterinarian appointment, allowing authorities to put together a database of dogs in the city. This will allow law enforcement to test droppings and then locate the owner. The owner will be fined the equivalent of $193.

The pile left behind by the offending dog will be photographed as part of the crackdown.

“The municipality pilot project calls for establishment of a database of dog DNA to allow us to reduce the soiling of pavements, parks and public spaces,” said a statement issued by the city.

Veterinarian Dr. Zohar Dvorkin added that the agenda is not a way “to make money; it might even cost us money. The main thing is we won’t be stepping in dog poo when we leave the house.”

Liberal Economist Paul Krugman Says Economy Is ‘Incredibly Awful’ Under Obama

Liberal Keynesian economist Paul Krugman said during a recent speech that the economy under President Barack Obama is “incredibly awful.”

Krugman is a staunch believer that big-government policy and economic stimulus will reverse the situation. The economist is well-known for his many awards in the field and his print-more-money-no-matter-what philosophy.

During a keynote at Netroots Nation, a group that says its events should be thought of “as a giant family reunion for the left,” Krugman compared the current economic times to that of the Great Depression.

“It was obviously horrible. And so it is again today,” he noted.

“It’s not as bad as the Great Depression — there’s a winning slogan,” he said tongue-in-cheek. “Not as bad as the Great Depression, but it’s incredibly awful.”

In the midst of his analysis, Krugman found an opportunity to criticize Republican Mitt Romney. Krugman told the audience that if they did not know someone who was suffering they “must be a member of the Romney clan or something.”

In April, Ron Paul debated Krugman on economic policy on Bloomberg TV.

“You want them to print more money faster,” Paul said during the discussion.

“Well, of course I do,” answered Krugman.

The Zombie Bug-Out Bag

There’s been a lot of talk lately in the prepper world about how to prepare for the collapse of the U.S. dollar. But the fact is, if you are attacked by a zombie, it won’t matter how much gold you have. “Zombie apocalypse” continues to be one of the most popular searches on the Web. In the event that zombies start running amuck, here are some things you might want to have handy.

Deer Repellent

According to Westlake Ace Hardware, deer repellent has been known to deter zombies. Cover your tracks and you might be able to prevent an encounter with a zombie.

Zombie Bullets

In the event that you come face to face with a zombie, zombie bullets made by Hornady will give you the edge you need. The product includes the following disclaimer:

Hornady® Zombie Max™ ammunition is NOT a toy (IT IS LIVE AMMUNITION), but is intended only to be used on…ZOMBIES, also known as the living dead, undead, etc. No human being, plant, animal, vegetable or mineral should ever be shot with Hornady® Zombie Max™ ammunition. Again, we repeat, Hornady® Zombie Max™ ammunition is for use on ZOMBIES ONLY, and that’s not a nickname, phrase or cute way of referring to anybody, place or thing. When we say Zombies, we mean…ZOMBIES!

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQWb-5nblx4&w=560&h=315]

Blow Torch

You should always have a backup weapon. If you run out of zombie bullets, a blow torch can be used as an ancillary mode of defense. Zombies move slowly, making a blow torch an effective means of protection. A blow torch has many other helpful uses. Fire comes in handy when in a survival situation.

Low Beam Flashlight

Zombies are attracted to light, so steer clear of lanterns and torches. Instead, opt for a low beam flashlight and use it sparingly.

Brain Gelatin Mold

Zombies dine on brains. Use Zombie Brain Gelatin Mold to trick them and satisfy their craving. Zombies are easily duped.

Machete

A machete can be used for cutting limbs: those that belong to trees and zombies.

Bite Suit

If you have the money and the stamina, wearing a bite suit may be a viable option. Just be aware that bite suits do not typically cover the neck and head, a zombie’s favorite area.

Full-Face Helmet

Even if you don’t have a motorcycle, a helmet will still be helpful. A helmet combined with a bite suit will give you 100 percent protection from the mouths of the living dead.

The Zombie Survival Guide

The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead by Max Brooks will provide you with all the information you will need in the case of a zombie attack. With topics ranging from organization to clothing to transportation, Brooks will help walk you through the steps of survival.

Zombie Identification Chart

In the event of zombie attacks, people will become sickly. Zombies have been known to spread illness. It will be difficult to decipher between a sick human and a healthy zombie. Several zombie identification charts are available which will help you know the difference.

In order to keep your head, you’re going to have to use your head. Pack these 10 things and you’ll be more prepared than your neighbors.

Pets Must Wear Seatbelts In New Jersey

New Jersey lawmakers have determined that man’s best friend needs to act more like a man and less like a dog. Any pet who is a passenger in a vehicle must be buckled up.

Drivers who fail to comply could be tagged with a $1,000 fine for each unrestrained animal. In the event of a wreck, owners can even be charged with animal cruelty and face jail time.

In the same State, people who do not wear a safety belt can be fined $46 dollars for the first offense.

“You wouldn’t put your child in the car unrestrained so you shouldn’t put your pet in the car unrestrained either,” said Frank Rizzo, superintendent of the New Jersey Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. “What people come to realize only too late is that animals act like flying missiles in an impact and can not only hurt themselves but hurt their human family members too.”

The rationale is that unrestrained pets distract drivers, leading to more accidents. Several harnesses are available for restraining pets.

According to the law, any animal must be restrained. In some States, it is illegal for a pet to ride in the back of a truck or in the owner’s lap.

Michelle Obama Continues To Seek Celebrity Status

As anticipation about the coming election escalates  — and with it Americans’ concerns about the faltering economy — Michelle Obama found time to advertise her book on “The Late Show with David Letterman.”

While many politicians are spending time digging up dirt on the competition, Obama has been busy promoting her gardening book.

The first lady’s book, American Grown: The Story of the White House Kitchen Garden and Gardens Across America, has been her focus as of late. Her appearance on Letterman was just one of many television cameos promoting the book.

Letterman gave Obama the chance to show her comedic ability, allowing her to present the Top 10 list:

  • No. 10: Gardening was invented in 1822 by Albert Gardener.
  • No. 9: Plant avocados, tomatoes, onions and cilantro together and grow a guacamole tree.
  • No. 8: Eggplants were originally cultivated for use as doorstops.
  • No. 7: In his lifetime, the average American will eat half a radish.
  • No. 6: The largest zucchini ever grown contained a Starbucks.
  • No. 5: Later this year the Supreme Court will finally rule on “tomato” vs. “tomahto.”
  • No. 4: If you have an actual green thumb, it might be scurvy.
  • No. 3: Lettuce is 96 percent water and 4 percent lettuce.
  • No. 2: The White House tool shed contains shovels, trowels and Weed Whacker One.
  • No. 1: With enough care and effort you can grow your own Barack-oli.

Cannibal Attacks Continue

Those who claim we are in the midst of a zombie apocalypse have more evidence to place in their folder.

On June 2, Carl Jacquneaux, a 42-year-old in Lafayette Parish, La., bit Todd Credeur and removed “a large amount of flesh,” according to police reports. The report states: “The above named suspect began biting Mr. Credeur in the face, removing flesh the size of a quarter below the victim’s left eye.”

On Wednesday, Miami police were briefed about the trendy crime after a man threatened to eat two officers. “I’m going to eat you,” Brandon De Leon told officers after he was arrested. Reportedly, De Leon was fitted with a bite mask after he growled and attempted to bite an officer’s hand.

The use of bath salts is suspected in both cases.

On Tuesday, Lowpel Davis of New Haven, Conn., bit a store owner after being accused of shoplifting. According to police, Davis tore a piece of flesh from the store owner’s bicep and spit it in his face.

Also in the past week, gay porn actor Luke Magnotta made waves in international news for posting a video of himself killing and eating Chinese student Jun Lin.

The zombie scare began when Rudy Eugene, also known as the “Miami Zombie” and the “Causeway Cannibal,” chewed off 75 percent of a homeless man’s face.

Economy Improving? Law Firm Pays Lawyer $10,000

If the pay package offered at Gilbert & O’Bryan LLP is any indication of the economy, things are not headed in a good direction. The small Boston law firm posted a full-time position for which the employee can expect “to earn $10,000 in compensation in the first year.”

A minimum wage worker in Massachusetts makes about $16,000 a year.

The low compensation raises legal questions.

“In general an employee who is not exempt from wage and hour requirements has to be paid minimum wage for every hour they work,” said Josh Davis, a partner with Boston’s Goulston & Storrs. “If an exemption applies, that may not be true.”

The firm has received 32 applications from law school graduates. The pay may be low; but, according to firm partner Larry O’Bryan, the one hired will get valuable experience.

“What we emphasize is that we do provide the opportunity for new associates to have their own case load right from the start,” he said.

Boston College Law spokesman Nate Kenyon responded to questions raised by Boston Business Journal: “We wouldn’t necessarily endorse a full-time job that pays $10,000 a year, but there may be graduates who feel that the experience combined with health and retirement benefits are worth it.”

Diplomas Withheld At Graduation Ceremonies

Don’t get too excited about high school graduation. Doing so may cost your graduate his diploma. Or even worse: It may land you behind bars.

In Florence, S.C., Sharon Cooper was cuffed and taken to jail when she cheered for her graduating daughter, Iesha Cooper. She was charged with disorderly conduct.

Reportedly, parents were told to hold their applause until the end of the ceremony.

“It got to the point where people were hollering and then grabbing their things immediately to leave. I think EVERY person that acted this way should at least be fined and if taken to jail is what the police officer thought was needed then so be it,” wrote parent Tiffany Bell Dawkins on a local news site. You can see the conversation here.

In Mount Healthy, Ohio, senior Anthony Cornist had his diploma withheld because his family was too loud as he walked across the stage. The principal wrote in a letter to Cornist, “I will be holding your diploma in the main office due to the excessive cheering your guests displayed during the roll call.”

In addition, the football player got sacked with 20 hours of community service. In order to be awarded his diploma, he must serve the 20 hours.

“I have no clue where the logic comes in,” said his mother, Traci Cornist.

At McMinn County High School in Tennessee, diplomas were withheld because students decorated their caps. According to the graduates, more than 50 diplomas were withheld. Several graduates were ordered to complete community service.

40 Innocent People Cuffed After Bank Robbery

In an attempt to apprehend a man who robbed a Wells Fargo bank in Aurora, Colo., every adult at an intersection was detained. Some people were held for more than two hours. The cops had a “virtual certainty” the culprit was at the intersection.

When asked to describe a “virtual certainty,” Police Chief Daniel Oates explained that a virtual certainty is “a virtual certainty. That’s the language I’m using.”

The suspect was eventually apprehended, but the strategy of the police department raises questions about personal liberties.

Legal expert Jim Miller weighed in: “The concern is that the officers involved couldn’t point to any of these people they stopped and say ‘here’s my articulable suspicion for believing you did something wrong.’ They could individually file their lawsuits for false arrests.”

Oates apologized to innocent bystanders, but was quick to note that the end justifies the means.

“The law is clear that investigative detentions are lawful for a reasonable period of time,” he said. “Reasonableness is determined by the facts and circumstances at issue, and the facts and circumstances were the suspect was in one of 19 cars.”

Bon Jovi Flies To New York On Air Force One

In the 1994 chart topper “Wanted Dead Or Alive,” Jon Bon Jovi boasted of riding on a steel horse. His mode of transportation has changed. On Monday, the rocker flew to New York on Air Force One.

A White House official said that Bon Jovi was a “guest of the President.” Bon Jovi’s trip was paid for courtesy of the Obama campaign because he was scheduled to play at a fundraising event held in the Waldorf-Astoria hotel.

Since reaching the national stage, Obama has been criticized by conservatives for his affinity for celebrities. Obama’s plane ride with Bon Jovi comes a month after a dinner with George Clooney. Earlier in the year, Obama held a fundraiser at director Spike Lee’s New York townhouse.

On June 14, “Sex and the City” star Sarah Jessica Parker will be hosting a fundraiser for the President alongside Vogue editor Anna Wintour.

The first nationally televised Obama campaign advertised the fundraiser Sunday night during the MTV Movie Awards. Parker touts her support of “that guy” who “ended the war in Iraq… and who says you should be able to marry anyone you want… and who created 4 million new jobs.”

But Obama’s celebrity socializing may not land him as many votes in 2012 as it did in 2008.

“All our polling shows an increased level of frustration with the pace of change, with the control of money and corporate interests in our political process,” said Heather Smith, president of Rock the Vote, an organization that organizes young people to participate in politics. “The question for the president will be not whether he uses celebrity spokespeople, but how he uses them and what kind of message they convey. People are worse off than they were four years ago. So it’s not just a straight to camera ‘go vote’ campaign. They need to leverage celebrities to actually talk about the issues.”