Snowmagedopocalypse 2014: State Of The Union

At least, that’s what I’m hoping Michael Bay will select as a title when they make a big-budget blockbuster based on the true events of this fateful day. As I’m writing this, the fair-haired maiden city of the South, Savannah, Ga., is under imminent threat of a winter storm the likes of which hasn’t been seen outside those global-warming-run-amok movies in which the irascible old veteran climatologist/ninja braves impossible odds to rescue his estranged son from… winter.

There’s no shortage of irony in a looming snowstorm belting the Deep South on the same night President Barack Obama will likely announce executive orders to combat so-called “global warming.” Moments like this make me realize the blissful cocoon of ignorance in which liberals spend most of their lives. To be fair, it’s getting a bit nippy outside. I’m pretty sure I just saw Al Gore over by the bus stop. He was wearing a sign that read: “Will bore you to tears for money.” At least, I think it was Gore. He looked like a man, crossed with a bear, crossed with a pig. He’ll be fine. I noticed he climbs aboard the private jet parked nearby whenever he gets too chilly.

I noticed The Daily Caller’s Jim Treacher suggested a drinking game for tonight’s festivities:

Hmm… Nah. It’s a dirty job, but someone’s gotta do it. You can’t trust the mainstream media to do it. In fact, if what MSNBC is offering is anything to go by, the talking heads are far too busy hating Representative Michele Bachmann. That’s not really relevant, but neither is MSNBC.

Since I’m already here, and I already made a trip to the liquor store, I guess I’ll endure it.

(Just over an hour later…)

I made a ton of notes during the speech. And then I deleted them. That was the speech he delivered with his political back against the wall? As his party faces an electoral firing squad this fall (largely due to the epic disaster, Obamacare), the heroic President rode to the rescue with… more Obamacare stories. He’s almost as popular as Hillary Clinton in a Benghazi survivors’ reunion, and he wanted to honor the diplomatic corps. The Nation is shivering through more brutal winter weather, and the President says “climate change is a fact.”

What a colossal waste of time. The State of the Union ought to be a rallying cry, a clarion call to energize not only the partisan base, but the entire Nation. Thanks to Obama’s abysmal performance, we’re collectively facing a new national nightmare. Rather that proffer hope, President Change served up a steaming pile of the same old stuff. It didn’t even snow in Savannah. I should have taken Treacher’s advice.

–Ben Crystal

The Liberal List

Last week, as the career of Texas State Senator Wendy Davis slammed into the bridge abutment of political reality, I couldn’t help but notice the liberal establishment racing to the scene of the accident. Despite the fact that she’d been caught lying like a Democrat testifying under oath, her supporters were unfazed. According to the left, Davis was a victim of evil conservative sexism. In much the same vein as countless other exposed liberal liars beforehand, the fact that Davis fabricated some pretty major chapters in her personal biography was immaterial to our Democratic friends. As I’ve said before (and will sadly be forced to say again), it’s not that Democrats lack principle; it’s just that politics is their principle. And Davis is hardly the only person the left has handed a free pass. Take a look at the left’s partisan pantheon. Then join me in asking: Who the hell are these people? Not every major leftist player is here. But each represents a large swath of the teeming horde beneath them. They’re not just typical; they’re archetypes.

Liberal VIP: Barack Obama

Actually, Barack Obama almost didn’t make the list. It’s not that I’m downplaying his ability to effect change for the worse; it’s just that Obama is actually fairly unremarkable. For all his self-important bloviating, Obama is nothing more than the latest actor to step into the starring role in one of humanity’s longest-running dramas: the tyranny of the few. Measured against the others who have held top billing, Obama is an understudy in the touring company. Even if his signature “accomplishment” hadn’t turned out to be the shuffling zombie of Obamacare, Obama is poised to go down in history as the most unpopular two-term President of all time. And that’s about all he’s got. Josef Stalin, Mao Zedong and Adolf Hitler killed far more people. The Islamofascists have more money. Former President Bill Clinton lied more convincingly. The Kims of North Korea have more interesting friends and are — reputedly — vastly superior golfers. Russian President Vladimir Putin looks less pathetic shirtless.

Liberal VIP: Hillary Clinton

After all the wild fantasies about a supposed “vast right-wing conspiracy,” there’s really only one lesson Hillary Clinton’s continued influence teaches us: In order to be classified as a “strong woman” by the soy latte set, you have to let the boys do all the heavy lifting.

Liberal VIP: Bill Clinton

While the rest of the liberal pantheon features the same smug, entitled twerps for whom skinny jeans and “hipster” glasses were invented, “Bubba” stands out like Rosie O’Donnell at a beauty pageant. Every time some smug, entitled twerp dressed in skinny jeans and hipster glasses bellows the “war on women” refrain, I think of Bill Clinton fixing the camera with a steely eye and steelier resolve and saying with all the conviction of a sociopath: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”

Liberal VIP: Jane Fonda

How Jane Fonda keeps resurfacing in the public consciousness mystifies me. A Hollywood princess grew into a marginally talented actress who looked good in small clothing. Rather than slink off into the twilight years of “Love Boat” guest shots and denture adhesive ads, she built a second career as a remorseless traitor. She shacked up with a couple of leisure-class twerps with obvious personality disorders and enough cash to keep her busy with exercise videos and political shrieking. One of them even let her name their kid after a homicidal terrorist. Fonda is really nothing more than Patty Hearst without the kidnapping. Like Hearst, Fonda’s a poor little rich girl who went off the rails. Unlike Hearst, Fonda willingly bought her ticket to crazy town. And now, first lady Michelle Obama, who wasn’t proud of her country for the first 44 years of her life, considers Little Lady Fonda to be an “engaged, politically savvy, sharp woman.”

Liberal VIP: George Soros

Say hello to the Emperor Palpatine of politics-as-Star Wars. This former-Nazi-collaborator-turned-billionaire puppet master is the Bilderbergs, the Rothschilds and the Kennedys with a side order of James Bond villain. Through fronts like the Open Society Institute, George Soros’ tendrils have wormed their way into the geopolitical strata like metastatic cancer with a revenge complex. The list of hate groups that cash Soros-signed checks is longer than his beneficiary Brett Kimberlin’s rap sheet. ThinkProgress,  Media Matters for America,  Common Cause. All propped up by Soros’ billions and all protected by the tax-exempt status conservative groups can’t sniff without an Internal Revenue Service investigation only slightly more invasive than the inmates at a Turkish prison.

Liberal VIP: Harry Reid

Don’t let his tendency to act like he’s House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi’s butler fool you. While Pelosi has been demoted by the electorate, Harry Reid remains the Senate Majority Leader — although his perch is getting wobbly. To stretch the Star Wars similes past their breaking point: If Soros is the Emperor, Reid is the spooky-looking demon-faced guy from the first prequel. He’s never going to be the biggest villain in the show, but he’s 100 percent dedicated to trying. Reid “heard” that Mitt Romney didn’t pay his income taxes. I “heard” that Reid is a bid-rigging corruptocrat who took money from disgraced politico Jack Abramoff. Unlike Reid, what I “heard” actually happened.

Liberal VIP: Nancy Pelosi

There’s a reason Nancy Pelosi is the former Speaker of the House. Americans were so appalled by her performance, especially the two abysmal years we endured under the three-headed monstrosity of Pelosi, Reid and Obama in the majority — we actually preferred current Speaker John Boehner. We have to pass it to see what’s in it. We passed it. We saw what’s in it. We like it almost as much as we like you, Mrs. Pelosi.

Liberal VIP: Al Gore

I’m glad this particular Big Tobacco scion found his way in this difficult world. Like so many of the left’s biggest heroes, Al Gore has spent most of his life dining with sterling flatware in the sorts of places where the liberal base isn’t allowed to use the service entrance. The same wooden demeanor that charmed Buddhist monks out of loads of cash beyond the control of legal authority has somehow propelled him into a Nobel, an Oscar and a place in the imaginary scientists’ hall of fame. But the ice- and snow-crusted death throes of so-called “global warming,” easily his defining contribution to history, might have sent lesser men into a tailspin of increasingly bizarre behavior. Under the right stress, he might even have taken to molesting massage therapists. I guess it’s a good thing Qatari oil barons had enough cash to push him out of his pretend news network and into a $500 million dollar retirement.

Liberal VIP: Phil Griffin

Think of Phil Griffin as the junior varsity Roger Ailes. Griffin didn’t invent the faux-journalism his MSNBC charges spew all over the screens, nor does he write the hate-filled invective that they proffer in place of actual news. But Griffin is the guy who continually brings in misogynistic lunatics like Alec Baldwin and Martin Bashir and knockoff hipsters like Rachel Maddow and that cake-eater who looks like a less masculine Maddow. Try to imagine the liberal response if Sean Hannity called a liberal woman a “mashed-up bag of meat” or a “slut.” What if Glenn Beck suggested someone should defecate in a woman’s mouth in response to her opinions or participated in a conspiracy that actually involved smearing feces on a teenaged girl? Now look at the “men” of MSNBC. Liberals love whining about Ailes’ success at FOX News. With guys like Griffin trying to replicate Ailes’ formula without Ailes’ eye for talent, they’d better keep on loving it.

Liberal VIP: Michael Moore

Guys like Michael Moore remind me that liberals set the bar for heroes very, very low. You have to admire his moxie, though. Of all the multimillionaire windbags who turned the so-called “Occupy” riots into marketing opportunities, Moore was easily the most well-fed. Of all the multimillionaires who have pocketed huge piles of money off shlockumentary films entitled “Capitalism: a Love Story,” Moore is… well, he’s the only one. I’m pretty sure he’s also the only multimillionaire who attended $4,000-per-week weight-loss clinics before crowing about the high quality of healthcare available to the tyrannized — and terrorized — people of Cuba. Of course, there are very few people of Moore’s considerable girth in Cuba. Obesity is as difficult to maintain in a starvation-ravaged dictatorship as freedom of expression is in the liberal idea of utopia.

Liberal VIP: Oprah

The great and powerful Oprah rules from atop her Chicago throne. And what an empire she surveys. From her humble beginnings showcasing renegade lesbian cannibals (or whatever), she became as ubiquitous as Coke, McDonald’s and Weight Watchers. Not only does the one-named wonder exert impressive political clout, she can create media sensations of pure will. Dr. Phil, Gayle King and the image of Michelle Obama as a champion of physical fitness are all products of Oprah’s clout. Of course, she has her limits. Hermes still exists, as does James Frey. Meanwhile, O at Home magazine no longer does.

Liberal VIP: Bill Maher

Hey, stand-up comedian: Do that thing where you call conservative women “c*nts” while complaining that conservatives hate woman. Yeah, that never gets old.

Honorable Mention: Al Sharpton, Etc.

Being black in America is tough. If you don’t believe me, ask one of these fine folks: Al Sharpton, Jessie Jackson, Sheila Jackson Lee, etc. They’re barely getting by. In fact, if it weren’t for the scheming of the white man, they might have to cut back on the love children, race-baiting and three-block limo rides. Egads!

Honorable Mention: Debbie Wasserman Schultz

I’m going to assume that Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s behavior stems directly from a reaction to that commercial-grade sludge she slathers all over her head. Every time I see Wasserman Schultz trying to explain away the latest crime perpetrated by the Democrats on the goodly folk of these United States, I can’t help but think: “And I thought Howard Dean was the crazy one.”

Honorable Mention: Joe Biden

The same backroom wire pullers who built an entire cult of personality for a previously unknown “community organizer” from the People’s Republic of Chicago actually settled on Neil Kinnock’s biggest fan as the best choice for a Presidential understudy. Sleep well with that knowledge.

Honorable Mention: (Insert Obnoxious Hollywood Ninny Here)

Actually, we should be glad Hollywood spends so much time pushing leftist causes. Take, for example, Harvey Weinstein who hopes to destroy the 2nd Amendment with a film starring Meryl Streep. And who in Hollywood isn’t green? Without “climate change” conferences, Obama fundraisers and anti-fracking rallies, we’d be subjected to so many more movies about climate change, Obama and fracking.

–Ben Crystal

The 55 Million

America passed a milestone last week, a truly remarkable signpost on our collective societal highway. Just in case some of us nodded off along the way, the Democrats threw a super soiree. Even President Barack Obama took time out of his busy schedule of fraud, theft and vacationing to commemorate the big day. And why wouldn’t he? It’s not every day that the President of the United States gets to wish a happy birthday to an entire industry dedicated to keeping birthdays from happening. That’s right, kiddies, Roe vs. Wade turned 41 years old.

While some people have done more with 41 years than others, it’s hard to imagine many have made the impact with which Planned Parenthood, NARAL, Kermit Gosnell and the rest of the people who inexplicably call themselves “pro-choice” have dented our collective souls in such a relatively short time. Even if one puts aside the enormous political influence exerted by the abortionists’ lobbying efforts and the spectacular amount of money that has risen like a red tide on the port side of American politics, one cannot possibly ignore the abortion lobby’s crowning achievement. In 41 years since Roe vs. Wade, Gosnell and his ilk have killed 55 million people.

Defenders of the abortion industry often claim they wish only to make abortion “safe, legal and rare.” If 55 million abortion victims in just 41 years is their idea of “rare,” I’d be curious to hear how they would characterize “commonplace.”

Pardon the expression, but 55 million is one bloody big number; in fact, it’s this big:

  • 55 million is about one-sixth the population of the United States, regardless of their stance on abortion.
  • 55 million is twice the population of Texas; including State Senator Wendy “Abortion Barbie” Davis.
  • 55 million is every single person in California and New York; including a sizeable number of abortionists and their moral and financial supporters.
  • 55 million is the entire Midwest, including the Democrat-created garden spots of Chicago and Detroit.
  • 55 million is a capacity crowd at nearly every major sporting and entertainment venue in North America.
  • 55 million is twice the number of African-Americans, a group already tragically disproportionately well-represented in abortion statistics.
  • 55 million is more than twice the number of healthcare professionals in the United States, Kermit Gosnell not included.

Lest those statistics not shake you from your reverie, in the 41 years since the Supreme Court green lit the act that violates every law of man, nature and God, the abortion industry has prevented:

  • 55 million births.
  • 55 million first steps.
  • 55 million first words.
  • 55 million first days of school.
  • 55 million first loves.

All those firsts would have been followed by seconds, and then thirds.  To be sure, the joys would have been separated by no shortage of sorrows. More than a few sinners would have accompanied the saints. Some of the 55 million might have changed the world — not all for the better. It’s a bit of a shame we’ll never know.

–Ben Crystal

Wendy’s (Pretend) Wild Ride

I’ve noted in the past that I believe some of our dear Democratic friends choose partisanship over principle. I realize now that I might have undersold the depth of their perversion. It’s more accurate to say that partisanship is their principle. How else to explain the latest clown to jump out of the Democrats’ tiny little car? After all the scandals midwifed into existence by various Democrats’ seemingly reflexive dishonesty, we are now being asked — nay, commanded — to ignore the news that rising leftist star and Texas State Senator Wendy Davis (D-Kermit Gosnell’s fantasies) is almost as legitimate as the love child of President Barack Obama’s “composite girlfriend” and Senator Cory Booker (D-N.J.)’s imaginary pal “T-Bone.”

Davis is the political equivalent of a one-hit wonder. If not for the fact that she’s become the poster girl for the abortion industry (aka “Abortion Barbie”), she’d be little more than a local curiosity (“That State Legislator who wears the pink shoes”). Actually, if not for her full-throated and oddly single-minded support of one of the modern world’s last socially accepted acts of pure barbarism, she’d probably join her conservative sisters as fodder for the misogynist ramblings of the pay-cable comedy set.

But Davis loves abortion, so we’re supposed to overlook the fact that her resume might as well be printed on rainbow paper and include a job as a unicorn wrangler. In fact, the usual suspects on the political port side claim those of us who refuse to play patsy are no better than he-man woman-haters like Martin Bashir or Representative Jim Moran (D-Va.). According to the George Soros-financed, inexplicably tax-exempt hate group Think Progress, noticing Davis’ fabricated resume notes comes straight out of something they call the “classic sexist playbook.” According to Davis, the Dallas Morning News story that turned the spotlight of truth on Davis was actually a ploy by her Lone Star gubernatorial opponent, Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott.

Davis is a Democrat. Thus, she’s sticking to her story even after it’s been exposed as fiction. She’s a figment of her own imagination — or she’s a bona fide sociopath. Either way, calling her critics “sexist” is offensively stupid. I would add that the left wasted so many gender-bias bullets to protect Susan Rice, Hillary Clinton, Kathleen Sebelius, etc. that the ol’ slander-spewer is empty.

The Democrats are also missing a hidden danger here. At a time when the party leader’s credibility is headed south faster than Senator Bob Menendez (D-the Dominican Republic’s less postcard-y spots) on a Cialis bender and when Madame Clinton has already announced her 2016 Presidential bid, the Democrats are gambling that the majority of the electorate either can’t or won’t differentiate between party and principle. Betting the House, not to mention the Senate and White House, that most people are either that stupid or that cravenly partisan seems unwise.

And honestly, it’s bloody Texas. Davis was already running uphill. Her one-note campaign struggles mightily to raise cash from actual Texans. She recently boasted about her supposed $12 million pile, which includes funds raised by similarly anti-life Democratic hate groups like “Battleground Texas” (funds that are not earmarked for any particular candidate). And her 2013 cash-grubbing swing through the Lone Star State came up almost laughably short; Davis raked in a total of $857 from the six largest cities in the Rio Grande Valley. Contrast that paltry sum to the $34,426.35 she bagged in House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi’s hometown of San Francisco, or the $57,391.84 she pocketed in Manhattan. While I’m sure Davis enjoys rubbing elbows with the well-heeled limousine liberals at Nob Hill and Upper East Side wine-and-cheese gallery openings, her multimillionaire sugar daddies and mommies don’t vote in the Lone Star State.

As if the lying, the fabrications and the obvious disdain for her own home State aren’t enough, Davis has managed to choke herself on her fancy pink sneakers. As the scandal grew, Davis took to Twitter to attack Abbott.

Putting aside the fact that Abbott is not responsible for Davis’s tenuous relationship with the reality, I’m pretty sure he understands “struggle.” He’s been sitting in a wheelchair for 30 years. Moreover, unlike Davis’s purported “struggles,” the wheelchair isn’t imaginary.

He Really Hates Us

Less than a week before the Nation observed Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday, The New Yorker published a story about President Barack Obama. Editor David Remnick asked the obvious question about Obama’s abysmal approval ratings. Sitting in the shadow of King’s dream of a color-blind society that is united in harmony, Obama played the race card: “There’s no doubt that there’s some folks who just really dislike me because they don’t like the idea of a black President.”

Of course Obama played the race card. Excepting those occasions when the target is someone like Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, world-renowned surgeon Ben Carson or some other black person who demonstrated the temerity to allow their accomplishments to speak for themselves, the Democrats default to spurious accusations of racism faster than Texas State Senator Wendy “Abortion Barbie” Davis can shriek “war on women!”

I almost feel bad for our poor President. Facing public approval that is folding faster than Vice President Joe Biden playing Jeopardy!, Obama assumes his detractors must be motivated by what he calls racial animus. It has never occurred to him that his detractors might be motivated by myriad scandals that have come to define his tenure. In Obama’s mind, the Obamacare debacle, the Benghazi murders, unfettered National Security Agency spying on private citizens, politically motivated Internal Revenue Service harassment of innocent taxpayers, Fast and Furious gunrunning to narcoterrorists, and/or the arming of al-Qaida-affiliated Syrians are insufficient to explain the increasing disaffection Obama endures from the electorate.

What a shame that is — not just because it’s dishonest and crass, but because Obama’s tendency to blame racism for everything from political opposition to parking fines reveals a deeper (and actual) animus. This guy simply doesn’t like us.

And Obama is hardly alone. Late last week, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo fantasized about an Empire State free of people who believe in the sanctity of human life. “(C)onservatives who are right-to-life… have no place in the state of New York.” While New York, which has been hemorrhaging population to “red” States over the past few decades, has become increasingly inhospitable to non-liberals, it’s no California. In declaring pro-life citizens to be personae non gratae, Cuomo has essentially given the bum’s rush to the members of his electorate who recognize that there’s more to New York than Manhattan, the Hamptons and the Governor’s mansion. While Cuomo didn’t identify racism as a factor, there’s no mistaking his clear distaste for the millions of people who think life begins before you’re eligible for union membership.

This liberal hatred for the overwhelming majority of their fellow countrymen and women begs a question. In the case of Obama: What kind of man ascends to the highest office in the land despite absolutely despising half the population? For that matter, what kind of man would want to spend the loftiest moments in his career — indeed, his life — in a job that requires he interact with 150 million people (more like 190 million of late) whom he hates more than Martin Bashir (and pretty much every liberal) hates Sarah Palin?

I expect I can add that question to the miles-long list of questions to which Obama will never provide a satisfactory answer. I expect I can add that question to the miles-long list of questions about which Obama doesn’t care.

–Ben Crystal

Ready For Hillary

In the event that you live under a rock, have been trapped under something really heavy or are only just now returning from an all-expenses-paid, 5-star, 17-day getaway in a tropical paradise, I bring news. Hillary Clinton is officially running for President of the United States. Despite a resume that sports holes bigger than her Benghazi testimony, a 2008 Presidential bid that birthed the “birther” stories about now-President Barack Obama and a central role in one of the biggest foreign policy disasters ever to be denied by the Democrats, Madame Clinton is already the presumptive front-runner for the Democratic Party’s nod to handle the sizable cleanup job that will fall directly into Obama’s successor’s lap.

And the former Lady MacBeth of Little Rock is poised to continue her outstanding record of championing the cause of women everywhere.  Well, maybe not women everywhere. Women who struggle to lie convincingly under oath, think “it” makes a big difference, achieved notability without riding the coattails of a disbarred chubby-chaser and/or look like ladies need not apply.

And Hillary isn’t going to miss a chance to let her impressive accomplishments speak for themselves. She’s even offering collectibles. Want to book an early ticket on the Hillary 2016 campaign train? Let your friends know you’re all aboard with Hillary swag! There are “Ready for Hillary” bumper stickers. Slap one on your bailout-mobile today! If that bailout-mobile is a Chevy Volt, I’d recommend doing it right away; the stickers are not fireproof. If you’re looking for a handy-dandy vessel for your organically grown, cruelty-free, fair-trade, half-caff, triple soy latte, look no further than the Ready for Hillary Twitter Mug! Made (no doubt) from recycled hipster eyeglass frames with Libyan sand as an aggregate, the RFHTM (now that’s an acronym) comes emblazoned with the RFH logo, a picture of The Candidate getting outsmarted by a smartphone and even her curriculum vitae — lest you forget that Hillary Clinton was once considered a “hair icon.”

I don’t know about the rest of you. But, clearly, any man who thinks that being married to the Governor of Arkansas — the “FLOAR” item — isn’t qualification enough to answer the “red” phone at 3 a.m. must be fighting a war on women.

But Hillary is going to have to move some serious merchandise if she’s hoping to advance past the opening rounds of the 2016 Presidential tournament. While her own party’s nomination might be all but sewn up, the actual election is far from assured. Even against the backdrop of the so-called “Bridgegate” scandal, CNN’s latest 2016 Presidential poll shows Hillary losing to her barely more-conservative counterpart, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.

And even without a clear front-runner on the opposite side, Hillary doesn’t exactly ring the electorate’s bells. According to a new poll by YouGov.com, Hillary is only the 10th most admired person in America.  Not only does she trail the top vote-getter, committed pro-lifer Pope Francis I, she trails former President George W. Bush. In fact, poor Candidate Hillary finished the poll staring at the prominent backside of talk radio host Rush Limbaugh — although, to be fair, Limbaugh is far more popular among Americans than Hillary. In a final insult, the man who can claim credit for pretty much every notch on Hillary’s career belt since the early 1970s — her husband and former President, Bill Clinton — finished well ahead of her, meaning that Americans prefer a sex-obsessed, disbarred perjurer to his shrieking harpy of a wife.

Granted, election 2016 is still a fair stretch into the future. There’s plenty of time for a conservative to emerge as a candidate who actually wants to unify the Nation torn asunder by Obama’s and Hillary’s incredibly divisive tenure. There’s also plenty of time for Hillary to get tangled up in another scandal. Hell, by this time next year, with more than 20 months still to go until the big dance, we might be discussing Hillary’s chances of clawing her way onto Vice President Joe Biden’s ticket.

At least she’ll have that coffee mug in which she can drown her sorrows.

–Ben Crystal

Dear Media:

Thanks. Seriously, from the bottom of my heart, I offer to you my most profound gratitude. It took New Jersey Governor Chris Christie channeling the ghost of Tony Soprano to get you guys to come out against government corruption, but I’m not going to complain. Clearly, your intent in shrieking to the rafters about Christie’s politically motivated (by staffers, at least) cannonball into the deep end of the scandal pool stems entirely from a newfound belief that executives’ abusing their authority is beyond the pale, right?

Granted, pegging Christie for his involvement in a scheme to alter traffic patterns might not rise to the level of on-the-spot reporting about the corruption inherent in selling guns to narcoterrorists and then perjuring yourself in front of Congress about it; but it’s a start.

I’ll concede that sounding the alarm over a potential Presidential candidate getting tangled in inconveniencing commuters is no substitute for sounding the alarm over a President’s decision to abandon four citizens in some Libyan hellhole, but it’s a bit closer to actual journalism than the Democrats’ media normally wander.

Shouting across the rooftops of the world over gubernatorial meddling with one of the three driving routes between New Jersey and New York won’t un-tell all the lies we were fed over the multitrillion-dollar fraud still masquerading as Obamacare, but it beats cutting the story for a fun kicker about a singing cat.

And though giving the media version of a proctology exam to a political plan to turn the George Washington Bridge into an instant parking lot doesn’t reveal a disease as severe as a Presidential plan to turn the Internal Revenue Service and the National Security Agency into an Orwellian nightmare, it’s still a diagnosis — albeit as worthwhile as a chiropractic “adjustment” on a corpse.

Listen, I know it’s tough for you guys. You have to hear about scandals from someone who is actually paying attention. Then, you have to determine whether the scandal will affect the political elite for whom you work. Then, you have to find out how they want the story covered, if at all. And — with notably few exceptions — you have to rely on the starry-eyed neophytes, self-important hacks and/or talking hairdos to actually report the story. So maybe you missed a few major scandals that might normally have sent a Presidency to the bottom of a Hawaiian lagoon (covertly selling guns to al-Qaida within a year or two of whacking its leader comes to mind); you’re a bunch of epileptic Neanderthals trying to conduct surgery in the Superdome. At least you’re trying, right?

Now, I know some people think you’re only gnawing on Christie’s “bridgegate” scandal because the Democrats hope “bridgegate” will sink Christie’s alleged Presidential campaign before he can steer it out of the harbor. If they’re right, then you media types are nothing more than paid button men for the Democratic crime family. Given that Christie is the political equivalent of Hillary Clinton in a slightly less-well-tailored pantsuit, I’m actually fine with that, as well.

–Ben Crystal

Mom Knows Best

Like any good son, I call my mother every week. I sit through the usual litany of complaints about how I don’t call enough, I don’t visit enough, three dogs are a poor substitute for even one grandchild, and my brother’s kids are perfect but that doesn’t mean that I’m off the hook and she’s not getting any younger, you know, and it would be nice to have one more baby to play with before she’s too old to enjoy it and by the way, I’m not getting any younger, either.

Sometimes, Mom gives me both barrels. Take last Sunday. Following the aforementioned golden oldies, Mom turned to a topic that disappoints her more than I ever could have: politicians. She bemoaned new New York City Mayor Bill De Blasio’s bizarre inauguration, surmising it might have been the most embarrassing few hours of television in history. “You can count the seconds until someone hints at redistributing wealth,” said Mom. I murmured my assent, blundering into her trap. “If you agree, then why don’t you say more about it?” she asked. “In fact, there’s a lot about (President Barack) Obama you could say, but don’t.”

She’s right. All right, Mom. Here you go:

Obamacare is the biggest fraud in human history. You just can’t say that enough. The lone benefit Obamacare actually offers is that it reveals the Democrats’ absolute obedience to politics over people. Obama has lied about virtually everything related to his signature “achievement.” Yet the Democrats are still desperately trying to impose it on a Nation that never wanted it to begin with. Imagine if Bernie Madoff had had the Internal Revenue Service on his payroll, forcing unwilling victims into his scam at gunpoint while exempting his accomplices. That’s Obamacare.

The Obamacare disaster is just getting started. Just less than a year from now, the so-called “employer mandate” delay will expire. Even with enrollment figures dramatically lower than promised, Obamacare fell on its face at the starting line like its shoes were tied together. Imagine the hijinks come this time next year, when a few million new victims are forced into the queue.

Obama’s friends are serious creeps. Granted, everyone has a friend or relative who makes them cringe from time to time. I’m willing to acknowledge that I’m probably that guy for a couple of folks. But I can’t help but notice that Obama doesn’t appear to have any associates who don’t give even the moodiest loner ever to buy a black overcoat a case of the willies. Of course, there’s homicidal terrorist Bill Ayers, racist flamethrower Jeremiah Wright and whichever ACORN thugs missed the audition for Jerry Springer’s next pay-per-view extravaganza. But there’s also his big-dollar bundler and current prison inmate Tony Rezko, Islamofascist and terrorist sympathizer Ingrid Mattson, convicted check-kiter and Illinois Democrat heavyweight Robert Creamer, head Service Employees International Union thug Andy Stern and even Charles Manson superfan Bernadine Dohrn. There are movie villains who hang out with less spooky sidekicks.

Under Obama, the United States is a state sponsor of terrorism. Remember last year, when Russian President Vladimir Putin turned Obama into punching bag over Syria? Well, what disappeared behind the bear’s brutal beatdown of Barry O. was the origin of some of the weapons being wielded by the Islamofascists fighting to take control of Syria from other Islamofascists. President Peace Prize took the U.S. from 9/11 to selling guns to al-Qaida in just more than a decade. Some of the weapons the al-Qaida-linked Syrians are playing with came from a U.S. controlled stash in Benghazi, Libya. No wonder the Benghazi victims’ pleas for help were ignored. Must have coincided with a shipment date.

Obama and his minions are inveterate liars. These guys seriously make the Freemasons look like Wikipedia. What happened to his promise of transparency? We’ll have to pass it to see what’s in it. We can keep our doctors/plans/lives. Pretty much everything Attorney General Eric Holder has ever said out loud. Pretty much everything Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius has ever said out loud. Pretty much everything White House Press Secretary Jay Carney has ever said out loud. I’m still waiting for someone to tell us what exactly Obama was doing while the Benghazi Four were being murdered and why exactly the Benghazi Four weren’t rescued. Maybe we can find the answers we’re looking for on YouTube.

Of course, this list could be much, much longer. I hope you’re happy, Mom.

–Ben Crystal

The Costs Of Global Warming

Here at Personal Liberty, we make fun of the pseudoscience carnival ride that is so-called “global warming” on a fairly regular basis. Like my colleagues here and throughout the rest of the non-lapdog media, I enjoy a good laugh at the expense of the biggest cult in operation as much as the next guy.

After all, what’s not funny about a theory that needs a boost to see over trephining, phrenology and the belief that the moon is made of green cheese? In a purely rhetorical sense, global warming is bloody hilarious. If anyone else can come up with a theory that has required no fewer than four name changes since its invention just to keep up with actual weather patterns and yet remains a significant driving force in geopolitics, I’d sure get a kick out of hearing it.

The real cost of global warming goes well beyond the usual annoyances — such as giving liberals another reason to talk with their eyes closed at their wine-and-cheese parties, whine about SUV emissions while their private jet cruises at 33,000 feet and bark at Middle America from the red carpet at the Oscars while wearing enough jewelry to send an average family’s kids to college.

Global warming costs us all billions of dollars annually. Global warming jacks up your utility prices, thanks to the regulatory and tax burdens placed on the energy industry. Ask anyone with so much as a peripheral connection to the coal industry how much fun global warmists can be. Global warming skims a layer of cash off the top of the taxpayers’ till through treaty obligations and Federal study programs. According to a recent report submitted to the United Nations by our State Department, the United States has spent upward of $7 billion on global warming studies in other countries in the past three years. And global warming pollutes the airwaves and consumes bandwidth with every “news” report on the plight of the endangered arctic spiny snail darter (or whatever).

Sometimes, global warming exacts a real human cost beyond even forcing the rest of us to endure the continued celebrity of people like Al Gore. Last week, the world sat transfixed by the plight of the Russian ship Akademik Shokalskiy. It seems the good ship, loaded with a full complement of wide-eyed global warmists, found itself in a bit of a frozen pickle. While retracing the 1912 voyage of Sir Douglas Mawson, the Akademik Shokalskiy got stuck in pack ice not far from the coast of Antarctica. Lest you think the irony of global warmists trapped in ice they’d been told didn’t exist isn’t enough of a howler, consider the following image:

tundra0106

That’s a photograph of Commonwealth Bay, Antarctica. It was taken in 1912, decades before even global warming’s previous incarnation “global cooling” had been invented. In fact, it was taken almost 112 years to the day before the Akademik Shokalskiy sailed into the exact same harbor. You’ll notice the January 1912 edition of Commonwealth Bay is relatively ice-free. Fast-forward a little more than a century and not only is the harbor icier than whatever flows through Hillary Clinton’s veins, but the whole continent’s ice has increased to its highest level in 35 years.

One might think even someone on a boat full of global warmists might have bothered to at least check the actual weather forecast. As the cast and crew of the Akademik Shokalskiy discovered the hard way, global warmist icons like Gore make the perky morning weather gal on a small-market community public access channel look like the Oracle at Delphi. And yet, there they were, desperately awaiting rescue from one ice-bound ship after another. The whole saga took a few days to unfold, as ship after ship ran into the same subzero conditions.

Closer to home, the San Francisco 49ers beat the Green Bay Packers in an NFL playoff game that made even the legendary quote about “the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field” seem like an understatement, against the backdrop of a winter storm that delivered subzero temperatures in record numbers to a wide swath of the North American continent. If this global warming keeps up, we might all freeze to death.

–Ben Crystal

It Was A Very Bad Year

If I were coming off as miserable a year as the one President Barack Obama and his Democratic accomplices endured in 2013, I suppose I might try some wild stunts to distract the increasingly unhappy electorate. Hell, if my 2013 had been as bad as Obama’s, I’d be almost desperate to turn my New Year’s frown upside-down. My own 2013 wasn’t all that bad — especially compared to the one through which Obama and his horde long-marched. Of course, I didn’t follow up an electoral victory by sticking my thumb in the eyes of 300 million people. But even if I’d taken it on the chin like Obama did throughout 2013, I doubt I would have tried to distract people from the Obamacare scandal by bringing back the other worst disaster of my tenure.

And yet, the once-respectable New York Times hit newsstands Sunday morning with a rehashing of the Benghazi tale that makes Obama’s previous fumbling of that disaster look Swiss-watch precise. According to David Kirkpatrick’s “reporting” in “A Deadly Mix in Benghazi,” the attack on the U.S. compound in Benghazi, Libya, which resulted in the Islamofascist murder of four Americans, was the result of a previously unknown YouTube video, after all.

The Times tale itself stops just short of Jayson Blair-esque journalistic fraud. In weaving his fable, Kirkpatrick proffers:

… interviews with Libyans in Benghazi who had direct knowledge of the attack there and its context, turned up no evidence that Al Qaeda or other international terrorist groups had any role in the assault.

In order to have “direct knowledge of the attack there and its context” in advance, Kirkpatrick’s sources would have been party to it. In essence, Kirkpatrick balances his case on accomplice testimony, the journalistic equivalent of: “Akbar, the Jihadi, didn’t do it; because Ahmad, the Jihadi, said so.” Kirkpatrick later claims “… on Sept. 8, a popular Islamist preacher lit the fuse by screening (The infamous YouTube video) on the ultraconservative Egyptian satellite channel El Nas” in an effort to bolster the rehashed “YouTube made them do it” claim. Perhaps his editors missed this contradictory note in the very next chapter:

“Security vacuum,” Ambassador Stevens wrote in his personal diary on Sept. 6… “Islamist ‘hit list’ in Benghazi. Me targeted on a prominent website…”

If the YouTube video (which Stevens never mentioned in his pre-attack security cables) were to blame, then how did Stevens know about the threat two days before the attackers even had a chance to see the infamous video?

The fact that The Times chose to run a “report” that contained the already-debunked YouTube nonsense, a lie that cost National Security Adviser Susan Rice her shot at the Secretary of State gig vacated by the equally dishonest Hillary Clinton, is nowhere near as interesting as the timing of the rotting “Gray Lady’s” exhumation of already-debunked talking points.

At this moment, Obama is polling only slightly more better than a transvestite Hillary 2016 volunteer singing Lady Gaga at a Northern Idaho truck stop. His declining status among the electorate can be easily traced to the absolute train wreck that is Obamacare. “A Deadly Mix in Benghazi” is a joke, but nowhere near as funny as the fact that the best distraction from Obamacare the left could conjure up is a disaster like Benghazi.

But if protecting Obama’s multimillion-dollar fraud doesn’t seem like a good enough reason for The Times to pimp its front page, that’s because it probably isn’t. The ferocity with which the Democrats have latched onto The Times’ fictionalization of the Benghazi events belies more than their usual partisan rancor over Obamacare. Indeed, the multi-car pileup that is Obamacare will play a big role in this fall’s midterm Congressional elections. And the all-but-decided ascension of Clinton to the Democrat’s 2016 nomination will require at least as much cover as Obama and his Congressional Democrat accomplices need this year.

If Obama and the Democrats thought 2013 was a tough slog, then 2014 might as well be a climb up Mount Everest in bedroom slippers. By having The Times remind everyone of the Benghazi scandal, they’ve merely added more weight to their already-heavy pack. Good luck, Mr. President. You’re going to need it.

No Gift For The Holidays

Last week, as the rest of us roasted chestnuts by an open fire, posed for the obligatorily horrendous Christmas sweater family photos or spiked the eggnog at the office Christmas party, President Barack Obama donned his best Santa suit and took to the skies to wing westward for a 17-day vacation in Hawaii. On his way, he did manage to airdrop a present to us, his beknighted minions.

At least, that’s how Weekly Standard editor Bill Kristol (no relation) saw it. During the Standard’s weekly podcast with Michael Graham, Kristol suggested Obama’s latest casual acknowledgement that his crowning achievement — the bureaucratic Frankenstein’s monster that is Obamacare — is little more than a really poorly constructed and implemented game of three-card monte.

According to Kristol, by offering yet another extension to the sign-up date for Obamacare, “President Obama has given us a gift.” Graham went so far as to describe Obamacare’s tragicomic failure as a “wonderful gift that President Obama has given us of seeing how wildly the wheels can come off.”

Now, I suppose the mirthful types can find the political benefit in Obama’s refusal to back off his gross overstepping of the Constitutional limits of executive authority. Clearly, his dedication to Obamacare has cost the Democrats dearly. The American people, who are never as stupid as the Democrats think they are, have turned their backs on Obama in record numbers. And their distaste for his Democratic accomplices is even more pronounced. Presuming you join Kristol, Graham and the rest of the neocons in considering the failure of the biggest swindle in human history a “gift,” then you’re probably looking at the Obamacare blowback as a big box with a big bow under a big tree.

And this is where I have to leap from the neocon sleigh. Obamacare may well prove to be the anchor that drags the Democrats under in 2014. It may even sink the S.S. Hillary Clinton 2016. But Obamacare is not a “gift.” I may not have the right rose tinting in my glasses; but I could never regard a deliberate, Presidentially approved scam as a “gift.” Perhaps Kristol has spent too much time inside the Beltway, but it worries me when I hear our neocon pals cheer the failure of a boondoggle like Obamacare. I understand that they tend to view all political discourse in the context of a scoreboard. If Obamacare goes under, then the GOP wins points with the disaffected electorate; and that may translate to Congressional seats. However, there’s a major flaw in that logic.

In order for the GOP to “win” on Obamacare, someone has to lose. And Obama won’t be the only one who suffers. Obamacare passed. It passed under fraudulent circumstances, which ought to render it as null and void as virtually everything Obama’s appointees have said under oath; but it passed. Kristol’s logic demands that we celebrate it as a “gift.” But millions of Americans were forced at proverbial gunpoint to suffer mightily in order for us to learn that Obama is a liar and his crowning legislative achievement is a criminal enterprise.

Kristol is a smart man. I’d prefer having him fight against Obamacare than fight for it. But those who treat Democratic disasters as “gifts” have forgotten that politics isn’t actually a game and that winning shouldn’t be the only goal of a political party. That’s the sort of “win at all costs” logic that delivers weak standard-bearers like Senator John McCain, Mitt Romney and the whole RINO herd.

In the case of Obamacare, the GOP may well “win.” But every productive American had to endure the governmental version of a mugging. Sure, we got a good description of mugger (he was tall, skinny and had ears like satellite dishes); but we got mugged. The “gift” would have entailed us not getting mugged.

Of course, I hope the Democrats take it in the teeth in 2014, 2016 and beyond. Since Obamacare exists, I hope it becomes the millstone that chokes out liberalism like an MMA champion finishing off the salutatorian of a junior high school karate class. But let’s not forget: Obamacare is no gift. And those who are willing to cheer it as such in order to win elections forget the millions of Americans whose holidays Obamacare ruined.

–Ben Crystal

New Year’s With The President

By the time you read this, 2014 will be banging on the door like a government storm trooper trying to serve an arrest warrant for removing your home from the power grid. The arrival of a new year often brings not only a chance to reflect on the year that just ducked out the back door, but also to make the usual empty promises we call “New Year’s resolutions.” The average person who bothers tends toward the rote. “This is the year I: quit smoking, lose the weight, cut back on the sauce, finish (insert as-yet-incomplete home improvement project here) and/or become slightly less of a TV-entranced couch potato.” For some people the resolutions might be more ambitious: “This is the year I: start my own business, marry my dream girl, retire and/or become slightly less of a TV-entranced couch potato.”

Being the ruminative sort, I considered the New Year’s resolutions President Barack Obama might make were he the resolution-making sort. I wondered: Would he resolve to come clean about the myriad scandals, disgraces and outright fraud that have marked his Administration like an oversized cattle brand? Perhaps he might resolve to stop treating the Bill of Rights like off-brand toilet paper. He might even resolve to spend less time playing celebrity fun-time in Vegas while Americans die in Libya. But those are the sort of resolutions a man capable of introspection might make. Even a cursory examination of Obama’s tenure thus far reveals a man who not only believes his own cult of personality, but believes in it.

Obama would never make a New Year’s resolution, because a man who can lie that easily about even mundane things (that skeet-shooting picture looked as uncomfortable as Eric Holder driving back across the border after a weekend in Juarez) would never think he had any resolutions to make. The logical next question follows like rape charges after an “Occupy” riot: What resolutions would I want Obama to make?

Sure, I’d like him to resolve to admit that Obamacare is a clumsily executed racket. I’d love to hear him resolve to cough up a few seconds of honesty about something (anything!). Hell, I’d even settle for an Obama resolution to stop wearing “mom jeans” on his bike rides. Isn’t this guy friends with Jay-Z? You know Jay-Z is way too baller for “mom jeans,” yo. But there’s actually only one resolution with which I’d like Barack Obama to kick off 2014: “I, Barack Obama, do hereby resign the Office of the President of the United States; effective immediately.”

Now that would be a happy New Year, indeed.

–Ben Crystal

The Reality Of Obamacare

Guess what, kiddies? While most of the civilized world focused its attention on the seismic repercussions of someone on so-called “reality television” saying something someone else finds objectionable, something far more important occurred just outside the duck blind that is the average American’s attention span.

Now, I’m not dismissing the weird saga of Phil Robertson and A&E as being entirely devoid of interest. It’s just that I’m not really a fan of the whole “reality” genre — partially because I know most of those shows are almost as “real” as your average daytime soap opera, and partially because I believe that “reality” programming jumped the proverbial shark the day Bob Barker retired from the “Price is Right.”  Did you ever see some suburban housewife win the fabulous dinette set in a game of “Plinko” and then do everything short of the “Thriller” dance onstage? That was genuine emotion. But Phil Robertson got fired after an outcry by people who think Bill Maher is highbrow entertainment. Call me when liberals do something that isn’t hypocritical and when reality television actually surpasses tyranny, domestic spying and war in importance.

Meanwhile, back in the Nation’s cesspool capitol, another nail was driven into Obamacare’s coffin. Already exposed as the biggest fraud in human history, Obamacare suffered another crippling blow on Dec. 19, and this wound was self-inflicted. The Department of Health and Human Services announced a partial delay in the individual mandate portion of the massive government overreach.

This delay affects the millions of Americans whose policies were canceled by Obamacare’s ludicrous regulations. In granting it, Obama is re-acknowledging that his “if you like your health care plan, you can keep it” promise was an outright lie. And he’s acknowledging that Obamacare’s central promised tenet — that it guarantees immediately superior healthcare for all — is just as fraudulent. Moreover, in granting the delay by fiat, Obama has once again violated the Constitutionally guaranteed separation of powers. Obama has developed a disturbing habit of forgetting that matters involving dispensation of the people’s dollars requires input from Congress. Of course, Obama has also been forgetful of involving Congress on matters involving selling guns to al-Qaida and mass executions by drones, so perhaps Congress should be thankful he doesn’t involve them more. People whom Obama views as opponents experience an oddly short life span. Nonetheless, in ordering the delay, Obama has acknowledged that he lied about the central tenets of Obamacare and that the delay was necessary at all.

Most interesting of all was Obama’s attempt at spinning his decision, accidentally repudiating his own signature achievement in the process. Obama claimed in a Friday presser that the exemptions — which already include Federal staffers, union thugs, Democratic cronies and the President himself — “don’t go to the core of the law.” I must admit: I admire his moxie. That kind of straight-faced mendacity is a virtual art form. Without the already — and unilaterally — suspended employer mandate, the only core of Obamacare that still existed was the individual mandate. In one ill-considered remark, Obama eliminated the only remaining reason for Obamacare to exist. Among the things Obama didn’t admit: The newest round of escapees from Obamacare’s healthcare gulag will add an even greater burden to the already-faltering taxpayers who can least afford to bear it.

But seriously, let’s keep losing our collective cookies every time some slice of the professional victim class gets a burr under their saddle over something someone said on reality television. The mere existence of “Duck Dynasty” proves that something about Robertson resonates with a great many people. In fact, the ratings would indicate more people like Robertson than every single cable newscast combined. But the entire cable lineup can’t touch the number of people who have been forced at gunpoint to play victim to Obamacare.

–Ben Crystal

Christmas Fun With Obama

So the questionably tax-exempt hate group formerly known as “Obama 2012” suggested big fun this Christmas. Instead of sitting around a crackling fire, holding steaming mugs of hot chocolate and opening presents to the soundtrack of the Pandora Christmas channel and Dad cursing under his breath about how difficult it was to put that bike together, Organizing for Action says we should all #GetTalking about enrolling in Obamacare. The group even produced a supremely creepy visual aid featuring a dude who looks oddly like a flannel-onesie-clad Screech from the old “Saved By the Bell” TV show to inspire us.

I suppose we could turn everyone’s favorite family morning into a roundtable discussion on how lucky we are to be the victims of the biggest fraud in human history, but that sounds about as fun as celebrating the Winter Solstice with Patchouli Pete and hairy-legged Mary at the local Atheists of America Annual Cruelty-Free Vegan Chili Cook-off and Richard Dawkins Lookalike Contest. Besides, we could never get the stink out of our matching sweaters.

But we can get political, and we can do it without sacrificing Christmas cheer. And I’m going to help. Just sing along with this jaunty little jingle and satisfy the whole family — even your daughter’s deadbeat boyfriend, the one who looks like Screech in hipster doofus glasses and a flannel onesie.

(Sung to the tune of “The Internationale, probably.):

On the first day of Christmas, Obama gave to me: a canceled insurance policy.

On the second day of Christmas, Obama gave to me: two dead border agents and a canceled insurance policy.

On the third day of Christmas, Obama gave to me: three illegal wiretaps, two dead border agents and a canceled insurance policy.

On the fourth day of Christmas, Obama gave to me: four Benghazi victims, three illegal wiretaps, two dead border agents and a canceled insurance policy.

On the fifth day of Christmas, Obama gave to me: MORE HILLARY! Four Benghazi victims, three illegal wiretaps, two dead border agents and a canceled insurance policy.

On the sixth day of Christmas Obama gave to me: six cabinet liars, MORE HILLARY! Four Benghazi victims, three illegal wiretaps, two dead border agents and a canceled insurance policy.

On the seventh day of Christmas, Obama gave to me: seven bows to fascists, six Cabinet liars, MORE HILLARY! Four Benghazi victims, three illegal wiretaps, two dead border agents and a canceled insurance policy.

On the eighth day of Christmas, Obama gave to me: eight crony bailouts, seven bows to fascists, six cabinet liars, MORE HILLARY! Four Benghazi victims, three illegal wiretaps, two dead border agents and a canceled insurance policy.

On the ninth day of Christmas, Obama gave to me: nine Congressional subpoenas, eight crony bailouts, seven bows to fascists, six cabinet liars, MORE HILLARY! Four Benghazi victims, three illegal wiretaps, two dead border agents and a canceled insurance policy.

On the 10th day of Christmas, Obama gave to me: 10 Holder perjuries, nine Congressional subpoenas, eight crony bailouts, seven bows to fascists, six cabinet liars, MORE HILLARY! Four Benghazi victims, three illegal wiretaps, two dead border agents and a canceled insurance policy.

On the 11th day of Christmas, Obama gave to me: 11 death panels, 10 Holder perjuries, nine Congressional subpoenas, eight crony bailouts, seven bows to fascists, six cabinet liars, MORE HILLARY! Four Benghazi victims, three illegal wiretaps, two dead border agents and a canceled insurance policy.

On the 12th day of Christmas, Obama gave to me: 12 unlawful gun grabs, 11 death panels, 10 Holder perjuries, nine Congressional subpoenas, eight crony bailouts, seven bows to fascists, six cabinet liars, MORE HILLARY! Four Benghazi victims, three illegal wiretaps, two dead border agents and a canceled insurance policy.

Merry Christmas.

–Ben Crystal

A Majority Of Fools

By the time President George W. Bush had finished his second term in office, the same voters who had re-elected him had tired of him in then-record fashion. With the exception of the Watergate-befouled latter years of President Richard Nixon’s second term, one needed to search back to the dark days of the stock market crash of 1929, the Great Depression and “Hoovervilles” to find a chief executive the electorate disliked as much as “W.” Of course, the Democrats and their corporate media lapdogs played up Bush’s unpopularity as often — and as loudly — as a “tween” girl who just downloaded the new One Direction single.

When Bush finally pulled up his Presidential stakes, his approval ratings were mired in the low-30s, including a slight bump upward from the 25 percent number he scored at the same moment President Barack Obama won the 2008 election. Despite murky political origins and a backstory that featured holes large enough for Michael Moore to waddle through, Obama rode into the Oval Office on a wave of “hope and change.” Obama’s approval rating on Jan. 23, 2009, was a gaudy 68 percent.

Bush’s extreme lack of popularity created a “negative coattails” effect in advance of Obama’s miraculous ascension. Obama took the executive reins bolstered by a Democratic majority in both the House and Senate. Nothing but smooth sailing lay ahead for the liberals.

Yet despite a seemingly unbreakable hold on the American political rudder, the Democrats managed to founder the ship of state. An incredibly badly planned bailout of the auto industry cost the taxpayers billions of dollars. Sketchy loans in the nine- and 10-figure range disappeared into fly-by-night rackets run by Obama’s cronies. Obama attacked the coal industry, Boeing and even Gibson Guitars with regulatory gestapo tactics. He deployed the National Security Agency and the Internal Revenue Service against his political opponents in almost Stalinist fashion. And of course, he reanimated “Hillarycare” as “Obamacare,” forcing Americans to endure what is indubitably the biggest and dumbest fraud in human history.

Obama’s pursuit of his own political utopia at the expense of virtually everyone else on the planet sent the economy into a further tailspin. His virtually unprecedented incompetence in the foreign affairs arena made Bush seem Disraeli-esque. And back on the home front, he turned the 68 percent approval he enjoyed on his first day in office into 43 percent. By comparison, Bush finished off the first year of his second term at 47 percent.

Granted, the self-destruction of Obama’s veneer of feigned competence during his first two years in office cost the Democrats control of the House; but national polls still indicated a distrust of Republicans. The Democrats, led by Obama, had a majority. And according to Democrat logic, circa the Senate Democrats’ recent murder of the filibuster, a majority translates to unfettered freedom to do anything — up to and including the failing Obamacare fraud.

Presuming the Democrats are correct in believing that a majority trumps everything, then I have some very bad news for Obama, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and the wire-pullers, corruptocrats and outright criminals who run the portside party: You’re done. Finished. Kaput. Sh*t-canned.

As of this moment, Obama has the approval of only 43 percent of his employers. That’s 4 points worse than Bush at the same point in his Presidency. That’s actually 1 point better than Obama’s polling solely on the economy. That’s 9 points better than the rating sported by Congressional Democrats. As the Democrats are fond of reminding us, Bush’s second term was the political equivalent of a BASE jump without a parachute. So I suggest we learn from our mistakes. Since Obama is even worse than Bush, why prolong the fall?

Come to think of it, the Republicans have done such a grand job of almost standing up to Obama and his accomplices on everything from profligate spending to personal privacy, they’re polling as poorly as the Democrats. Someone tell Obama to pick up Speaker of the House John Boehner, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, Congressman Paul Ryan and the rest of the spineless ninnies who prove with every idiotic “compromise” that they’re essentially interchangeable with their supposed opponents. I’m sure he has room for them on Air Force One.

I am well aware that governing by poll numbers is a poor substitute for governing by principle. But the current political elite either don’t or won’t understand the difference. They wanted a simple majority rule. Let’s give it to them. Pink slips all around!

–Ben Crystal