A Wing And A Scare

Ripped from the headlines:

“Show Detective Stabler where the man touched you, Johnny.”

Another riveting episode of Law & Order: SVU? Nope — it’s the newest addition: “Law & Order: TSA.” And don’t look for it on television. Check local listings for time and airport.

There are a million jokes I could crack about President Barack Obama’s new fascist false flag flap at the nation’s airports. But bandwidth limits the space available, even if the situation wrought by Obama and his stooges as the height of the holiday travel season arrives provides endless opportunities for comedy. Well, tragicomedy, anyway.

It’s actually difficult to comprehend how we’ve arrived at this moment. The same liberals who shrieked bloody murder at the very idea of waterboarding Islamofascist terrorists are okey-dokey with the idea of taking dirty pictures of Grandma Kettle and copping a feel off Great-Aunt Ida? During the George W. Bush administration, liberals were apoplectic over the idea that we were denying al-Qaida terrorists bacon-free Happy Meals. The same folks are now telling us to live with being fondled by some guy named Mel with an embroidered badge, mustard stains on his high-water pants and a drawer full of rejection letters from the local sheriff’s department.

Should we even be surprised? An administration which has shown unabashed hostility to the majority of the American people since Obama slithered into the White House has decided to obscure their pathetic record on foreign affairs and national security by endeavoring to distract us with a colossal false flag. And now, the $10/hour mouth-breather who would otherwise be slinging coronaries at the airport Cinnabon is the last line of defense between air travelers and the next shoe-bomber. Doesn’t that mean we’re already screwed?

The stories are coming faster than the voters abandoned the Democrats earlier this month. At school or church, these incidents would be considered pedophilia. At LAX, they’re “security.” Some of the anecdotes are wildly exaggerated. Others are not — and require no augmentation to strain credulity. In some cases, the sordid tales of TSA excess come with the kind of pictures which, if found under your mattress, would lead to a date with the FBI.

Witness the nightmarish video from Salt Lake City starring a kid barely old enough to fly without sitting in a parent’s lap. Shot last Friday, the video revealed Transportation Security Administration thugs treating the tyke in a manner which normally requires police intervention, followed by registration with the state. Even the Palestinians don’t treat their kids this poorly; at least not until they’re old enough to walk under the weight of the Semtex vest.

There’s the miserable story out of Detroit in which poor Thomas Sawyer of Lansing, Mich., was treated far worse than we treat the al-Qaida terrorists about whom the liberals are so concerned. Sawyer is a bladder cancer survivor. As a result of his disease, Sawyer has to wear a urostomy bag. Back on Nov. 7, Sawyer went through security at Detroit’s Metropolitan Airport. And the TSA was ready.

“Evidently the scanner picked up on my urostomy bag, because I was chosen for a pat-down procedure…One agent watched as the other used his flat hand to go slowly down my chest. I tried to warn him that he would hit the bag and break the seal on my bag, but he ignored me. Sure enough, the seal was broken and urine started dribbling down my shirt and my leg and into my pants. They never apologized. They never offered to help. They acted like they hadn’t seen what happened. But I know they saw it because I had a wet mark.”

If only Sawyer had shown up wearing a hijab — then the terrorist front-group CAIR might have demanded security personnel check only his head and neck.

These documented instances are but few of the accounts of TSA behavior which are growing at what appear to be a geometric rate. Women and children have been molested; men like Sawyer have been humiliated, all by Obama’s airport animals. Amidst howls of justifiable rage from the flying public, the administration’s response has been laughable — and laughably disharmonious.

The U.S. Secretary of “I’m really not running for President in 2012″ Hillary Clinton even acknowledged on her dash through the Sunday morning network chat-fests that she would prefer to avoid Obama’s empty security gestures. Asked if she would submit to some alone-time with a TSA thug, Clinton admitted:

"Not if I could avoid it…I mean, who would?"

She CAN avoid it. You and I… can take Amtrak.

At least Clinton appears to get it. Senator Claire McCaskill (D-Mo.), finds humor in the humiliation of her fellow citizens.

"I am wildly excited about the notion that I can walk through a machine instead of getting my dose of love pats."

Surely, Senator McCaskill, even the TSA’s glorified mall security guards aren’t that hard up.

Meanwhile, backed by Obama’s silly statements regarding the necessity of the new measures, Homeland Secretary Janet Napolitano and TSA Director John Pistole have maintained their stance in favor of getting handsy with citizens. Pistole recently told Congress:

"We know the terrorists’ intent is still there… We are using technology and protocols to stay ahead of the threat and keep you safe. (Several near-misses by terrorists on airplane bombings) got through security because we were not being thorough enough in our pat-downs."

Actually, the threats to which Pistole referred in his testimony — would-be terrorists like Richard Reid and Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab — got through because foreign airports allowed them through; a situation which will remain unchanged no matter how many times some TSA creep touches American travelers’ “junk.”

Pistole’s boss Napolitano makes no effort to wrap herself in the false flag with which Pistole covers himself. Instead, she shares the rest of the liberal ruling elite’s disdain for those of us who fly coach. In addition to suggesting that those averse to spending quality time with Obama’s TSA thugs should consider alternative modes of transportation, she’s also warning intransigent travelers that their refusal to subject themselves to humiliation will carry consequences far more serious than simply arriving late to Thanksgiving dinner.

According to recent reports like this one in the South Florida Sun-Sentinel:

“(Those who refuse to submit to invasive screening procedures) will have to remain on the premises to be questioned by the TSA and possibly by local law enforcement. Anyone refusing faces fines up to $11,000 and possible arrest.”

Just lay there, close your eyes and try to live through it.

Of course, we can avoid having to play “hide the cookies” with the TSA, provided we’re willing to:

  1. Be “scanned” by devices which not only reveal enough to make even Larry Flynt uncomfortable, but deliver enough radiation to make frequent flyers grow extra toes.
  2. Gamble that the supposedly instantly deleted images will actually be instantly deleted and not spread across the Internet by perverted TSA personnel. Oops — spoke too soon.
  3. Eschew air travel and go Greyhound. Enjoy 18 hours sitting next to a guy who smells like hamsters and feet.

There is another option. We can refuse. We can grind the nation’s airways to a halt. All right, we can grind the nation’s airways to even more of a halt than the airlines have already ground them. It’s not as if the airlines will suffer for the loss of paying customers — they’ll end up getting another multi-billion dollar bailout.

We can finally stand up to the increasingly despotic liberal regime and cry with one voice:

“We had better get some freaking peanuts after this!”

Plugging The WikiLeaks

Memo to the CIA:

I know that ever since President Gerald Ford signed Executive Order 11905, you have been legally barred from whacking bad guys. And ex-worst-President-in-history Jimmy Carter managed to find time to sign Executive Order 12036, which actually barred you from not only whacking bad guys, but even giving them wedgies.

However, “targeted killings” are an entirely different matter. During the late 1990s, President Bill Clinton began a policy of direct action against those who represented a clear and present danger to the safety and security of American citizens. Clinton was trying to act against al-Qaida — and headlines about Monica Lewinsky’s wardrobe — but the goal was clear:

Self-defense is entirely justifiable.

So call the elimination of WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange a “targeted killing.” Hell, call it a “vacation to EuroDisney.” Assange’s web-based monument to his own vanity is as clear a case of deliberate endangerment of American security as exists without an explosive-laden vest.

Assange’s WikiLeaks project has released hundreds of thousands of classified documents relating to delicate American diplomatic efforts to deal with intransigent and occasionally hostile regimes. WikiLeaks has also revealed information which either specifically identifies individual allies in the war on terrorism, or offered enough about some of these valuable human assets to have piqued the curiosity of some of the most dedicated enemies of freedom on the planet.

Even the redoubtably liberal The New York Times, which proudly printed the Pentagon Papers, has redacted sections of WikiLeaks releases in order to protect people from likely retaliation. In Sunday’s edition of The Times, the editorial board offered an explanation of their decision to publish some of the WikiLeaks material:

The Times has taken care to exclude, in its articles and in supplementary material, in print and online, information that would endanger confidential informants or compromise national security.”

Only the most pathologically dishonest among us would suggest that The Times could list farther to port without capsizing. As for those of us Outside the Asylum, it’s fairly astounding to imagine the same paper, which years ago sacrificed journalistic integrity on the pyre of liberal hypocrisy, would have enough conscience to back off — slightly — from the War on Terror version of publishing the names, home addresses and telephone numbers of the witnesses in a mafia trial.

Even the White House is aghast at the possibility that valuable diplomatic relations, much less individual lives, may be destroyed as a result of Assange’s grab at the brass ring of infamy.

“By releasing stolen and classified documents, WikiLeaks has put at risk not only the cause of human rights but also the lives and work of these individuals.”

Put aside the air of permissiveness fostered by a Barack Obama Administration which has been guided by racism, hypocrisy and unequalled ineptitude, and focus on the fact that even the first truly socialist President has removed Assange from his Kwanzaa card list.

In the course of researching this piece I was surprised to discover sizeable opposition to WikiLeaks, even at the tinfoil hat brigadier website DailyKos.com. Given that the owner of Daily Kos once celebrated the murder of four Americans by Islamofacist terrorists, the idea that some of the inmates in that particular asylum are cognizant of the extreme danger posed by WikiLeaks is nothing short of remarkable. According to one Daily Kos poster:

“People who celebrate these leaks are like people dancing on the warhead of a nuclear missile.”

Keep in mind, Daily Kos maintains a policy of deleting posts which its members find contrary. (They call it “hiding.” People with IQ’s higher than broccoli call that “bull.” We don’t do that here at Personal Liberty Digest.) The bigger picture: About the only Americans who support WikiLeaks are likely traitor Bradley Manning (who’s enjoying the hospitality of Marine Corps Detention Center Quantico) and Ward Churchill.

Assange is living the life of a celebrity. In the meantime, lives may be lost. Reports from outlets including London’s Sunday Times acknowledge that WikiLeaks’ war diaries are regularly studied by Islamofascists for details about potential enemies. They are not looking for hints on Ramadan gifts.

Assange will continue to publish every scrap he can find. His sources remain mostly anonymous, a courtesy he does not extend to the potential victims of his hubris.

“…if we were forced into a position of publishing all of the archives or none of the archives we would publish all of the archives because it’s extremely important to the history of this war.”

Again — Ben to Langley: Squash this Assange bug — and his collaborators. You have more than your own reputation on the line here.

Next of Kim

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.  I hate to interrupt your celebration of history, family and living through being molested by the TSA, but before you slip into a tryptophan-induced coma, I thought I’d tell you:

The evil dwarf who essentially owns North Korea is showing signs of ruining everyone’s Christmas.

The headline on the Drudge Report stated simply “It Begins.”  Keep in mind “It” began in 1950.  And while North Korea’s bombardment of the South Korean island of Yeonpyong earlier this week is hardly the only saber-rattling the world has seen from the Pyongyang freak show over the last 57 years, the noise is starting to bother the neighbors.

A little historical perspective is normally required when discussing the peculiarities of Korean peninsular politics:

  1. “Korean peninsular politics” involves pretty much every country with a financial interest, military presence or even vacation plans in the area.
  2. The Korean War was fought by proxy, then in person, then by proxy again by the United States, the Soviet Union/Russia and the Red Chinese — the three biggest heavyweights of the modern era.  Nobody “won.”  Tie ballgames don’t sit well.
  3. The Korean War never actually ended.  The cease-fire of 1953 was just that — a cease-fire.  No armistice treaty has ever been signed by the two primaries.
  4. One of the key players, Kim Jong-Il, is “Ed Schultz with a 9-million man army” crazy.
  5. North Korea has nuclear weapons, but not enough civil energy to keep a 40-watt light bulb burning.

I should probably devote more space to explaining the “Korean question.”  Thanks to the teachers’ unions, most Americans don’t know much more about Korea than “land of the Samsung flat screen.”  Given that most Americans are unlikely to get “where is your state?” right without three guesses and a cheat-sheet, I’m going to move on.

Kim Jong Il IS certifiably crazy.  Unfortunately, his daddy, Kim Il-Sung, created the kind of cult of personality in North Korean politics which gave George Orwell bad dreams and gave Stalin the sort of dreams you don’t want Mom finding out about.   As a result of the odd confluence of autocratic control, Chinese willingness to continue to throw billions at the Kim regime (which he spends on MiG fighter jets, enriched uranium and — evidently — ill-fitting track suits and lifts for his shoes) and the West having no stomach for standing up to communist wackjobs, Kim has become to Asian stability what a drunk guy with Parkinson’s is to a game of Jenga.

North Korea, as personified by Kim, has continually made clear its intentions:  Forcibly extend “Kim-ness” from Pyongyang to Pusan.  Given the paranoia displayed by all the Kims (Dad Il Sung, son Jong Il and science experiment Jong Un), and endemic to all autocrats, one could fairly presume that this nuclear-armed lunatic would likely try to spread his brand of crazy outside the asylum.

And that’s where the situation gets sticky.  Kim has assembled the world’s fourth-largest standing army and has the compunction of a hyperactive teenager.  North Korea’s only “friend” is Communist China, and even they have moments where Kim’s (pick your Kim) behavior seems unsettling.  Hardly surprising, given that the official biography of the current Kim (Jong-Il) is the tallest tale told since Virgil wrote the Aeneid to keep Augustus from sending him to meet Dante ahead of schedule. 

Meanwhile, the Russians have expressed the usual inscrutably measured tones of disapproval over Kim’s latest crimes.  The Japanese are understandably displeased with the idea of him shaking nukes at them from less than 200 miles away.  The South Koreans, who have fended off endless skirmishes, sabotage and subterfuge by their wayward neighbors, are both enraged and terrified.  And the United States, with nearly 40,000 troops in the demilitarized zone (the most heavily militarized real estate on the planet), must either create a solution or force one.

Peace — meaningful peace — seems unlikely.  Kim isn’t interested, unless the peace in question involves him keeping “Dear Leader” embroidered on his track suit.  In 1950, war nearly turned the entire peninsula into a parking lot.  After three years and nearly 3 million dead (including nearly 40,000 Americans), nothing changed.  There are a number of possible outcomes to the “North Korea finally jumps the nuclear shark” scenario; most of them involve Tokyo glowing in the dark.  At the very least, I’m going to stock up on ammunition and bottled water.

Far be it for me to suggest — but maybe the solution isn’t in bombs, but bullets.  One or two should suffice.  Bad diplomacy?  Sure.  But nobody can talk sense into the Kims.  Perhaps dear old daddy Kim (Il Sung) can explain it to them over some kimchee in the afterlife.

These Kids Today

It’s been three weeks since voters across the nation spanked President Barack Obama and his tinfoil hat brigadiers. Normally, when a wayward child — or unresponsive political party — earns the back of their parents’ — or voters’ — hand, the time in the bedroom gulag is best spent reflecting on the reasons for the banishment.

Would that soon-to-be-ex House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) and her pals were as easily disciplined as the average 8-year-old. Sadly, during the time that has passed since Election Day, the Democrat Party has shown no inclination to learn the lesson. In fact, if I had reacted to a paternal upbraiding the way the Democrats have to the electorate’s belt, my fortunes would have dimmed considerably. If the Democrats continue joyriding in the family car and leaving their beer cans where Mom and Dad Voter can find them, they’ll find they end up a lot more than grounded in 2012.

Last week, the Democrats voted to keep Pelosi their House leader. Given that nearly every Republican who ran in 2010 dropped her name on their Democrat opponents the way Bugs Bunny dropped anvils on Yosemite Sam, you would think the Dems would have banished her to the far corner of Congress for a couple of years of timeout. Outside Obama himself, Pelosi is likely the most deservedly identified and reviled face of the Democrat party. The idea of the Democrats emerging from their electoral beating and immediately voting to keep the arrogant architect of their own demise is “Let’s keep Napoleon after Waterloo” logic. Even the French are more tactically sound.

For her own part, Pelosi didn’t exactly step out of character. A week after the Democrats’ disaster, she remarked on her party’s audio talking-points service,  National Public Radio:

“We didn’t lose the election because of me.”

In a sense, she’s correct. The rest of her party could have dumped her like a girlfriend who won’t give up the remote during football season. But they let Pelosi keep the TV tuned to The View.

Returning Pelosi to the top of the pecking order was merely the opening salvo in the Democrats’ pinhead-palooza. Last week, Ms. “Swamp-drainer” was pushed below the fold by The Swamp himself. Democrat Party leader Charlie Rangel (D-N.Y.), until recently the chairman of the enormously powerful House Ways and Means Committee, was caught dead to rights on 40 years of corruption, tax evasion and abuse of the public trust. Former civil rights legend-turned race-baiting liar John Lewis even showed up to lend Charlie his support. Lewis’ statement would have been more meaningful had he not opened by acknowledging that he had no clue what the trial was about. He then drew a moral parallel between the repulsive Rangel and the victims of South African apartheid. And the lame-duck, Democrat-controlled House, suitably chastened by the electorate’s reprimand regarding their perverse corruption, dropped the hammer… and picked up a feather instead.

Censure for Rangel — and even then the vote wasn’t unanimous. They have a word for the consequences faced by a non-40-year-Democrat-veteran-of-the-House, should they dip into the cookie jar like ol’ Charlie: prison.

In the midst of Rangel’s kangaroo court, Representative Sheila Jackson-Lee (D-Texas) blew kisses at MSNBC‘s late-night laughingstock “Special” Ed Schultz. Jackson-Lee, another of the Democrat Party’s standard-bearers, once served on the House Science Subcommittee, which deals with NASA. During one briefing,  Jackson-Lee — whose Texas 18th District includes NASA’s Johnson Space Center — asked whether the Mars Pathfinder would be visiting the flag left on the moon by the Apollo astronauts. Er… no, Jackson-Lee. Marvin the Martian demolished the Apollo site with his PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator.

Jackson-Lee left her interstellar interrogatives out of her makeout session with Schultz, instead choosing to focus on recent comments by radio supervillain Rush Limbaugh. With the simpering Schultz leading her by the nose, Jackson-Lee scurried to the safety of smearing Limbaugh with the specious claim of racism. Jackson-Lee, who sees racism in virtually every situation which doesn’t work to her advantage (she once claimed congressional hearing time limits were a racist conspiracy), even assigned victim-of-racism status to the pasty-faced Schultz:

“You’ve been called Sergeant Schultz. Is that because you have a name that may be ethnically connected to being a sergeant? I’m not sure what that is. I find that insulting as well.”

Stand with Sheila: Stop the oppression of Sitcom-Americans today.

Three weeks since America sent Congressional Democrats to their rooms, and clearly, the kids have not learned their lesson. Most galling of all: with the liberal bad seed running amok, the whole country has to go to bed without dessert.

The Lucky Man

The opening lines of Keith Koffler’s recent effort in Politico just missed the mark:

“President Barack Obama, fresh from his drubbing in the 2010 midterms, is trying to revive his fortunes by pursuing a path toward the middle.”

At least he got the “drubbing” part right. But Obama is about as likely to steer toward the so-called “middle” as Paul Krugman is to admit that Obamacare will require death panels. (Oops. Spoke too soon.)

Koffler’s piece, entitled “Freudian Slips May Haunt Obama” is actually a marginally astute examination of Barack Obama — Unplugged, and the routinely unfortunate circumstances he creates for his liberal accomplices through unscripted revelations of his true nature.

Koffler actually does a bit of a soft-shoe on Obama’s tendency toward verbal diarrhea. But his recounting of the lowlights of Obama’s lamentable tenure in the White House does spell out in black and white this revelation:

He may be shrewd, even clever; but Barack Obama is no more intellectually supercharged than Joe Biden’s hair plugs.

For all the port-side travelers who took such delight in mocking the brainpower of George W. Bush, chew on this: Obama is far from brilliant. He’s a manufactured genius, a fictional savior, cut from whole cloth. He’s a talking haircut, a speech-making savant. The liberally reviled Bush is a Jeffersonian polymath compared to this mendacious marionette.

Despite the best efforts of Obama’s handlers, his occasional ventures off script have not only required a universal liberal whitewash, they’ve also given us an unedited glimpse at the real Barack Obama.

This is the Alinsky-ite babbler who thinks that his political opponents are “enemies” whom he exhorts his liberal acolytes to fear far more than the illegal aliens, Islamofacists and outright communists he works so hard to appease.

He’s the lout who derides his fellow Americans who “cling to their guns and religion.” Of course, only reactionary psychopaths openly celebrate that pesky Bill of Rights.

He’s the “shovel-ready” leftist shaman who’s obviously as familiar with hard work as Charlie Rangel is with Jenny Craig.

During the 2008 Presidential campaign, he encountered Samuel Joseph “Joe the Plumber” Wurzelbacher, to whom he proclaimed:

“I think when you spread the wealth around…it’s good for everybody.”

That’s Das Kapital for Dummies. Liberals reacted to the exchange by crucifying Wurzelbacker. Few noted that the economic battle of wits between Joe and Barack was like the New York Giants squaring off with the local junior high school… cheerleaders.

I could continue to recount examples of tragicomic ineptitude which has become the stock in trade for Obama, but I have to take the President’s advice and find a seat in “the back of the bus” with my “Slurpee.”

Koffler notes what he calls Obama’s “cool opaqueness” and suggested he might be an “elitist.” Obama is not opaque, he’s vacuous. Whether he’s calling the majority of Arizonans racist — and ratting them out to the United Nations like a 5-year-old tattling to mommy — or bowing down to some America-hating tin-pot, his actions suggest a nearly comprehensive lack of awareness.

And he’s no elitist. His gourmet meals with Oprah, plush sojourns to the Subcontinent and endless tee times may make us yearn for Bush’s brush-clearing misadventures; but his lavish lifestyle in the face of economic hard times for his constituents suggests he’s an elitist wannabe.

The Kennedys are elitists. Having personally trod the perfectly manicured grounds of their palatial Hyannis Port homestead, I can assure you that — despite their “people of the people” act — the Kennedys only allow folks like Obama through the gates to re-line the tennis courts and fish campaign volunteers out from under the bridge at Edgartown. Overtly public displays of excess are so gauche.

Let’s be honest; if Jack Ryan had kept his hands to himself (or been a Democrat, where that sort of behavior amongst Senators is acceptable), Obama would probably be helping ACORN teach Chi-town hookers how to qualify for Clintoncare.

Obama is part Chauncey Gardner in Being There — unintentionally blessed by incredible serendipity; and part Tom Grunick in Broadcast News — a creepy savant, able to regurgitate impressive talking points without seeming comprehension of their depth or consequence. He can mime emotional reaction, but only in the rote manner employed by Asperger’s sufferers.

But the White House is not a back lot at one of Obama’s Hollywood pals’ studios. And our national plight, clearly beyond the meager capabilities of our Commander-in-Chief, is no cinematic epic. Sadly, at the end of the Obama version of Being There, the clueless hero doesn’t walk on water — he falls in.

And we all drown.

It’s a Banned Ol’ Flag

The Flag of the United States. The Stars and Stripes. The emblem of the land we love. It’s adornment, apparel, even automotive appliqué. As the avatar of American liberty, it’s deservedly revered. As the embodiment of American eminence, it’s unfortunately reviled.

While most of our hearts bleed true for the Red, White and Blue, some of the more puerile pinheads on the Left consider Ol’ Glory a punch line. They sully it, stomp on it, even set it on fire; all the while wrapping themselves in the very protections it epitomizes.

Last week the flag took on a new role for one 13-year-old in Denair, Calif.: Scarlet Letter. Cody Alicea is a student at Denair Middle School. Cody proudly displayed the flag on his bicycle in homage to his grandfather’s service in the military. Then, three days before Veterans Day, Stanislaus County, Calif. School District officials put an abrupt stop to Cody’s patriotic expressions. They demanded he remove the flag from his bike.

Allegedly, the flag was drawing complaints from some of Cody’s peers and fellow teachers’ union victims. According to Superintendent Edward Parraz, the mere sight of Cody’s flag-festooned five-speed was racially inflammatory.

"Our Hispanic, you know, kids will, you know, bring their Mexican flags and they’ll display it, and then of course the kids would do the American flag situation, and it does cause kind of a racial tension which we don’t really want… We want them to appreciate the cultures."

So, the Mexican kids are displaying the flag of an entirely different country (for now, anyway); and the Stanislaus County School Superintendent is concerned about their sensitivities should someone display the flag of the country in which they’re living? It’s been said before, but it bears repetition: If it’s the dumbest thing you’ve heard all week:

  1. Liberals—especially teachers’ unions—are involved.
  2. It’s happening in California.

Parraz went on to describe “racial tensions,” citing some unfortunate incidents during a Cinco de Mayo celebration. So, the English-as-a-second-language crowd objected to the American flag, months after a chaotic observance of… a Wednesday. (Mexican Independence Day is actually Sept. 16. In Mexico, Cinco de Mayo is… May 5.) We’re supposed to appreciate Mexican culture? Which Mexican culture—the culture of Mexico, or the culture of Mexican restaurants?

Either way, Cody should thank Parraz. I’m sure he’d be mortified to learn his shamelessly jingoistic flag-waving was upsetting Paco and Jorge while they celebrated the wrong holiday.

School officials did squeak out a weak claim that their primary concern was to keep Cody safe. From whom: Paco? Jorge? Presidente de México Calderón? If the Stars and Stripes incites violence, shouldn’t the Stanislaus School System have cracked down on the potential offenders, or at least taken away their case of Dos Equis?

By the end of last week, popular outcry had cowed the school into relenting on their bicycle flag-ban. But it’s worth noting that they even thought to bar Cody from displaying the flag in the first place. For every liberal whose idiotic action gets publicly pounded, how many go unnoticed? And considering we’re talking about an Orwellian overstepping of authority with our children, how many kids will simply assume their schools are right?

While the bizarre flap over Cody’s flag deftly demonstrates how the Stanislaus County Public Schools have successfully fostered racial hostilities based on elementary misconceptions about not one culture, but two, it also demonstrates just how far down the rabbit hole we’ve come thanks to our liberal friends. A 13-year-old kid was denied the right to fly an American flag three days before Veterans Day in order to assuage the delicate sensibilities of… other 13-year-olds.

The Democrats’ desperate bid to make room in their tent for people who speak English with a tilde has pushed out the people who speak English at home. The racial divisions deliberately exploited by the Democrats have left American children on the other side of the proverbial border. Cody Alicea just wanted to honor his veteran grandfather. But school administrators were concerned such honor would bring dishonor to them — I’ll presume in the eyes of Presidente Calderón.

The Barack Obama Administration says supporters of meaningful immigration reform are racist. Democrats claim that opposition to amnesty is racist. Presidente Calderón says the same thing. I say: when Democrat-backed teachers’ unions start going after our children — and our flag — racism is the issue, but it’s Americans — in the person of Cody Alicea — who are the real victims.

Meanwhile, out in front of Denair Middle School in Stanislaus County, Calif., there stands a flagpole…

Flying the American flag.

NO SOUP FOR YOU!

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, heart disease is the No. 1 killer of Americans. More than 1.1 million Americans will have a heart attack this year. A quarter of us who shuffle off this mortal coil each year will be felled by heart disease, often due to a high-sodium diet. High blood pressure, Heart Attacks, STROKES — WHO WILL SAVE US?

Have no fear, beefy brothers and stout sisters! The mighty Michael Bloomberg, mayor of New York City, is on the case even as we speak. Fresh off a victory against the scourge of public smoking, he’s fixed a new target in his sights — one of the truly diabolical demons of the dietary dominion:

Soup.

It appears the elevated levels of sodium in some canned foods have incited His Honor into action. The City of New York is embarking on a taxpayer-funded, $500,000 campaign to demonstrate to the denizens of the Big Apple that eating soup is… bad. Subway walls will be festooned with posters depicting cans of Bean ‘n Bacon machine-gunning customers outside the Carnegie Deli. Actually, the posters will depict soup cans overflowing with geysers of salt. It’s more of a kinder, gentler, patronizing tone.

And patronizing is the operative word here. This is a half million dollars which could have sent a couple of kids to college, to the store for a decade’s worth of groceries or even to a Yankees home game (obstructed view seats).

Let’s assume that Bloomberg’s heart is in an appropriately low-sodium place. He’s going to plaster the walls of the electric sewer with posters warning Noo Yawkezz to lay off the salt. Wouldn’t the half million be better spent simply having Bloomberg run around Central Park pelting passerby with broccoli florets? In a city renowned the world over for culinary excess — e.g. those curbside carts where broccoli is most decidedly NOT served — at least Bloomberg would give his loyal constituents a laugh. Remember kiddies: happy = healthy! At the very least, the Mayor himself would be safer. Just imagine this unfortunate exchange:

Bloomberg: See here, Paulie! Unhand that minestrone! It’s full of sodium!

Paulie: Yo, Nico! Get duh sim-ment. Hizzahnna’s goin’ fuh a swim.”

Mr. Mayor — put down the roughage, and back slowly away.

Paulie’s steady diet of cured meats will likely have him swimming with the fishes ahead of schedule, presuming he doesn’t die of — ahem — lead poisoning first. But $500,000 to convince Paulie and the crew that high-sodium diets are bad for you?

Imagine instead of working in “second-hand plumbing supplies,” Paulie is a chef at Teodora. Are we to believe that he’s going to serve up the finest linguine con vongole on the Eastern Seaboard, but dine on cauliflower in the kitchen? Does Paulie play football in Flatbush on Saturday afternoons? He could get hurt. How about $500,000 to convince him to take up knitting? Those needles can be pretty sharp. Better we just take the half million and wrap Paulie and his pals in foam rubber.

Come to think of it, when we consider all the ills which may befall us, perhaps the Federal government could step in. Instead of $500,000, it could be $500 BILLION. We’ll wrap everyone in foam rubber. We’ll spend the rest of the cash on organic vegetable farming. Of course, we’ll be wrapped in foam rubber, so we’ll have to import labor to do the actual farming, get the veggies to the market, to our houses, to our plates and even our mouths. But then, the farmers and feeders will want benefits; and that means more foam rubber.

We’re going to have to take our chances. Despite Bloomberg’s crusade against the Campbell’s Kids, along with similar nanny-state efforts against smoking, carbon emissions and even light bulbs, some people drive their hybrids to the co-op to buy candles, and others pick up the Fatty-Fatty-Fat-Fat Platter at the Stop’n’Gorge after installing new halogens on the F-350. And some are going to grab their chests at 55, and others will check out much later.

Take some advice from Dr. Mark Wiley and Bob Livingston at the Personal Liberty Digest: Try to live a reasonably healthy lifestyle. Although I could use a little improvement in a few areas, I don’t require the Federal government or Bloomberg to spend your money and mine to do it. (Dr. Wiley’s advice is free!) Even McDonald’s doesn’t tell you that the All-Big-Mac diet is going to prolong your life.

Eat healthier. And avoid socializing with “used plumbing supply salesmen.”

Of course, you still might get hit by a car, a bus or someone aiming at Paulie. Memo to Bloomberg:

This is going to cost a lot more than $500,000.

The End of “Olbermania”

With the exception of the occasional troll who bumbles onto our message boards, liberals are few and far between here in the enlightened empire of the Personal Liberty Digest. Therefore, something tells me the number of Bob Livingstonians who bemoaned the indefinite suspension (which NBC has since announced would end today) of MSNBC’s reigning rant-meister Keith Olbermann is lower than the number of transgender census takers working the northwestern Montana survivalist compounds.

As a result, something tells me an NFL-sized crowd is going to object when I say:

MSNBC was wrong to give Keith Olbermann the hook.

To be sure: Olbermann is a supercilious, simpering sleazebag. From his first steps on the national stage as Dan Patrick’s gal Friday on ESPN, to his now-toes-up tenure as the Democrat Party’s high priest of hate on GE’s liberal propaganda outlet, Olbermann has never risen above the minimal standards expected of the shrieking lunatics infesting the mainstream media.

But when did that become a source of concern for MSNBC?

Just days after National Public Radio — the Democrat party’s radio division — gave Juan Williams his walking papers for expressing his opinion, MSNBC announced they were suspending Olbermann indefinitely for donating money to political campaigns in violation of NBC policy. In fact, Olbermann gave the $2,400 maximum to Rep. Raul Grijalva (D-Ariz.) the same day Grijalva appeared as a guest on his Countdown program.

Olbermann evidently failed to report his donations to management, a clear violation of that policy. But Olbermann has been spewing Democrat talking points for seven years; it seems odd that NBC would suddenly decide ethics are important at a network which employs not only a tinfoil hat brigadier like Olbermann, but Chris Matthews, Rachel Maddow and Ed Schultz, none of whom possessed journalistic integrity from the start. As for the donations, Olbermann has been the most partisan commentator on cable news for more than half of the last decade. What has the aggregate monetary value of his shameless shilling for liberals been during that period?

To be fair, Olbermann’s financial largesse merely reminded us that he’s a hypocrite. Of course, he’s a liberal commentator, so calling him a hypocrite is like saying the earth is round, or that Joy Behar is an idiot.       

According to the free-market economic principles most sincerely NOT espoused by the journalism school factory seconds on MSNBC, the network has the right to send Olbermann packing for violations of his contract, common sense or even common decency.

But why start now? If NBC’s reasoning is that Olbermann’s high-volume vituperation is detrimental to MSNBC’s flat-lining ratings, then I would counter that Olbermann has been chained to the network’s stern since 2003. On many nights, the entirety of the MSNBC primetime sideshow can’t equal the ratings for a single episode of Olbermann’s nemesis, Bill O’Reilly on Fox News.

If their concern is a lack of credibility, then they should lock all four of their primetime anchors in the clown car and push it down to the Daily Kos parking lot. Matthews’s election night “interview” with Michelle Bachmann was so overtly partisan and hostile that it embarrassed even Maddow.

Maddow recently slandered former Rep. Steve Stockman, falsely claiming he had advance knowledge of the Oklahoma City bombing. When she was caught in the lie, she offered the weakly transparent excuse of “an editing error.” She lied — and her excuse was thinner than the poor guy behind Schultz in the line at the MSNBC commissary. As for Schultz himself; in the run-up to Scott Brown’s victory in January’s Massachusetts Senatorial special election, Schultz offered his take:

“…if I lived in Massachusetts I’d try to vote 10 times…Yeah, that’s right. I’d cheat to keep these bastards out. I would…”

And the powers that be at America’s least-watched cable news network are concerned about their ethics? If the indefinite suspension of Olbermann is an effort by MSNBC to reclaim journalistic integrity, I’d say that they’re national debt-late and Janet Napolitano-short. And now that Olbermann’s science project, the ridiculous Maddow, is the de facto face of the network, the effort to boost MSNBC out of “fat kid at the Olympic trials” position in the news ratings is deader than Olbermann’s career.

MSNBC decided to snuggle up with liberalism’s lunatic fringe long ago. It was their right to terminate their own credibility, just like it’s my right to watch something more compelling — like “Not Without My Daughter IV — Sharia’s Revenge” on Lifetime.

While I — and everyone with an IQ higher than Play-Doh — recognize that Olbermann and his MSNBC mouth-breathers for the intellectual dandruff they are, allow me to make a suggestion: Keep Olbermann on MSNBC. Then change the channel.

Slouching Toward Washington

The precincts are dark. The campaign signs are already fading. The absentee ballots have submerged beneath the Chicago River. ACORN has returned to teaching “girls” how to conduct “business.”

The rough beast is reborn. The GOP is back.

All right Republicans, you shrugged off the vituperative venom, the mendacious mudslinging and duplicitous defamation to exile the liberals to the nosebleed section of the Congressbowl. Two years of Barack Obama’s Alinsky-ite babble and four years of Nancy Pelosi’s bug-eyed cacophony led to the immolation of the Democrat Party’s ambitions on a bonfire of political inanities. Good for you? Of course. Good for us? It had better be; or you’ll be joining your erstwhile opponents on the electoral unemployment line.

If you, the freshly minted Republican House majority, can’t engineer significant reversal of the runaway economic disaster the Democrats have foisted upon us, expect 2012 to resemble 2006 instead of 1980.

Being a charitable fellow, I thought I would offer a few suggestions as to how you might ensure that your time in the political limelight lasts longer than a sparring session between Roy Jones, Jr. and Harry Reid.

  1. Cut spending. Check that — axe-murder spending. Don’t “rein in wasteful outlays.” Do “relate to runaway budget deficits the way Jason Voorhees related to scantily-clad teenagers.” Start with something worthwhile and visible, such as taxpayer funding for National Public Radio. It is not lost on me that the same liberals who say NPR shows no discernable bias are the ones crying for soulless conservatives to spare it from the legislative guillotine. If their programming is so marvelous (to be fair: some of it is), let them sell sponsorships like the saps operating above 92.1 on the FM band. Let’s see how many people are willing to snatch scratch from their own registers so Nina Totenberg can wish West African Death Virus on some Republican’s grandchildren.
  1. Cut taxes. I know — groundbreaking stuff. But I’m not merely referencing extending the Bush tax cuts for the leisure class — I don’t particularly care if Paris Hilton has to wait a month before buying her next pink-hued… thing. I’m talking about burying the entire dimwitted concept of the “rich paying their fair share.” The rich already pay their fair share, along with quite a few others’ fair shares, as well. What the Democrats want to do is send the American economic football team onto the field without the varsity offense. Enough badly mixed sports metaphors. Give the Bush-era tax relief another decade.
  1. Drive a stake through Obamacare’s undead heart. Tell the liberals that it “fails means-testing for long term viability.” Meanwhile, perhaps one of the left-wing jacklegs would like to enlighten the class about the new 3.8 percent real estate surtax slipped into the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act to pay for all of us to have our tests evaluated by a guy whose medical experience was gleaned from watching “Marcus Welby, M.D.” reruns. You Republicans will stand behind every state which sues to throw Obamacare overboard. Otherwise, in 2012, it will be ye who walk the plank, maties.
  1. Kill the bailouts, dismember them and bury them in deep holes miles apart. General Motors pocketed more than $50 billion in taxpayer swag and it’s increasingly unlikely they will make enough from their upcoming initial public offering  to pay back more than one-fifth of that. The same vehicular virtuosos who gave us mind-numbing Chevy rent-a-boxes and the Dali-esque (nothing else would do it justice) Pontiac Aztek can go pound tire dust. Ford didn’t take a nickel, and they’re doing just fine.
  1. Nail the pork barrel lid shut. Two words: West Virginia. Everything in that state which stops moving for more than a few moments ends up with a sign commemorating a dead Klansman-turned-legislator. Congress stuck nearly $17 billion in earmarks to legislation this year. We’re a trillion in the hole, and these clowns want to keep building proverbial bridges to nowhere. Yes, I mean you, Thad Cochran (R-Miss.)! Don’t think that R spares you from responsibility, pal.

Since the polls indicated the economy was foremost on the voters’ minds when they activated the ejector seat in the American Batmobile, I have focused primarily on economic issues. The Democrats will accuse you of causing gridlock, of distracting Obama from the business of governing. I would retort that distracting Obama from the business of governing is like distracting a wolf from gnawing on your wallet — or your kids. But the lesson remains immutable: Republicans, the nation has granted you an electoral reprieve.

Don’t screw this up, or more than mere anarchy will be let loose upon your world.

Return To The City On A Hill

My Fellow Americans:

Today we will exercise one of the most fundamental of the freedoms granted us by the greatest assemblage of intellect in human history. Today, thanks to the foresight and forbearance of our Founding Fathers, we rise together to choose the path we shall collectively — and individually —  follow into the future.

In the largest cities and the smallest villages, we will stride confidently into our polling places and offer our electoral endorsements to those whom we deem worthy to do our bidding as our proxies in city council chambers, State legislatures, Governor’s mansions and the Nation’s capital.

Despite the increasingly shrill calls from the left for a halt to the intellectual and industrial progress which has fueled this magnificent Nation’s greatness for nearly two and a half centuries, today we can add our voices to the mellifluous chorus of those who have gone before us on behalf of those who will come behind us. We can join hands and call out across the fruited plains:  Do not despair, brothers and sisters of this American family. The greatest days of the greatest Nation the Almighty has ever allowed to grace His green earth lie eternally ahead.

Even the most beloved President was merely a man. Without the blessing of the electorate, his most noteworthy accomplishments would have existed only in his imagination. The finest Senator was simply an aspirant to eminence without a collective nod of the peoples’ heads at the ballot box, consigned to the humdrum routine of daily life. The Governors, State legislators, mayors and even dog catchers who climbed the heights of distinction were faces in the crowd without the acclaim afforded to them by the people whom they served. 

Today, amidst the endless line of applicants and also-rans who have spent time and money begging for electoral scraps from the peoples’ table, we have the joy of granting the worthy our assent and barring the unworthy from our corridors of authority. Today, we remind them — at the loftiest moments of their political existence, from city council chambers to the U.S. Senate chamber itself:  The power is ours to lend you. The clout you crave is ours to bestow…or deny. Despite the gripes and groans of those who have lost faith in the American system of government, thus has it always been, and thus should it always be.

I often marvel at those who would sell their vote so casually; whether for cash, for patronage, or empty promises of governmental largesse. The idea of offering up that greatest reminder of personal authority over even the most grotesquely greedy, the most fanatically fatuous and the most stupefying and smug office-seekers for the promise of a potential plum is anathema to me. On this one day, no matter how humble our circumstances, we can tell those who yearn to be our masters: The Obamas, Pelosis, Reids and Rangels — that even in the lofty heights of electoral dominion — WE are the masters of America’s fate, the Captains of the National soul. 

Office-seekers: You are ours. You serve us. The mandates you claim, the authority you seek, even the remuneration you may receive is all contingent upon you performing the duties of your employment to our satisfaction.

My fellow Americans: Today we are the hope of the nation. On behalf of those who came before us, many of whom sacrificed their very lives on the altar of American virtue, I urge you to remember the promise of an American future they passed down to you. I urge you, on behalf of those yet to come, to consider the sacred liberty entrusted to us all, and consider which among those who clamor for your ballot is likely to preserve it for future generations.

Under the watchful eyes of your fathers and sons, those who have passed and those yet to present themselves; indeed, under the gaze of Almighty God himself:

Vote.

And if that soaring requiem for the American Dream didn’t move you, think of it this way:

You might as well vote. Most of the Democrats are going to do it at least twice.