Testing Your Mettle (Redux)

All right, kiddies, it’s that time again. Every now and then, Bob Livingston allows me to prod your cerebra with the proverbial sharp object. Actually, every now and then, I turn in one of my clever little civics quizzes so close to deadline that Livingston doesn’t have time to fill my space with old Herbert “Herblock” Block cartoons.

Granted, the average reader of Personal Liberty Digest™ is a veritable Rhodes Scholar compared to the low-forehead types who populate some of our dear liberal web counterparts, but I believe in encouraging you to exercise the old gray matter from time to time. “Use it or lose it,” sayeth the old sage. Plus, if you let your brains atrophy, you will start behaving foolishly. From there, it’s only a matter of time before you decay into liberalism and begin living green, speaking with your eyes closed and subscribing to Mother Jones. Being a cavalier sort, I’m here to help. So put away your laptops and iPhones and shut off the television; here comes the latest edition of the Personal Liberty Digest Citizen’s Quiz.

In constructing this examination, I tried to be fair, but firm. Don’t fret if you fare poorly. Remember: There are no stupid answers, only stupid people — and they are at Dailykos.com, waiting for Dennis Kucinich to tell them where the aliens are going to land.

Question 1:

Dominique Strauss-Kahn is:

  1. The maître d’ at Oprah Winfrey’s favorite restaurant.
  2. A minor character from the film “The Boys from Brazil.”
  3. The disgraced ex-head of the International Monetary Fund.
  4. Trying to figure out if that crossbeam in his cell can hold his weight.

Question 2:

The IMF:

  1. Secretly controls the universe from its headquarters.
  2. Is the real-life basis for the DC Comics’™ Legion of Doom.
  3. An enormously influential — albeit shadowy — intergovernmental economic group.
  4. A national chain of greasy-spoon pancake joints.

Question 3:

President Barack Obama recently sold out Israel in order to:

  1. Demonstrate his commitment to continuing the peace process.
  2. Drive down real estate prices close to the beaches in Haifa.
  3. A result of his comprehensive ignorance of Middle Eastern politics.
  4. Get a discount at the DuPont Circle falafel cart.

Question 4:

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s intransigence in dealing with Obama is:

  1. Uncalled for. Obama is the WORLD’S President! Why can’t Netanyahu see that?
  2. Likely to knock him off George Soros’ Yom Kippur card list.
  3. A bold, statesmanlike stand by the strong leader of an embattled country.
  4. Going to give Jimmy Carter a coronary if he keeps it up.

Question 5:

Pakistan appears to be edging closer to China’s sphere of influence because:

  1. Pakistan leaders figure Islamofascism and communism are no less compatible than Islamofascism and freedom.
  2. The ChiComs ask fewer questions about trafficking in human slavery.
  3. Pakistan is as loyal to its allies as teenage girls are to fashion trends.
  4. Pakistan is taking lessons in “how to roll over dissidents with tanks and still host the Olympics.”

Question 6:

Harold Camping’s prediction of the End of Days didn’t turn out because:

  1. He skipped a couple of important pages in Apocalyptic Cults for Dummies.
  2. God was out enjoying the beautiful spring weather.
  3. Please tell me you didn’t need help with this one.
  4. The world actually DID end Saturday afternoon; it’s just that purgatory isn’t as bad as we had been led to believe.

Question 7:

Herman Cain’s decision to run for President:

  1. Is really a cynical effort to boost his radio talk-show ratings.
  2. Is really a cynical effort to widen the market for lousy pizza.
  3. Will make a somewhat-moribund race for the GOP nomination much more interesting.
  4. Will give liberals another target for their racism besides Clarence Thomas.

Question 8:

Tim Pawlenty’s decision to run for President:

  1. Was greeted with all the fanfare of double-coupon day at the Stop & Shop.
  2. Gives Mitt Romney a challenger in the “Most Stereotypical White-boy Republican” competition.
  3. Gives moderate agricultural-state denizens someone to consider besides Obama.
  4. Will redeem Minnesota’s Presidential politics image after that whole Mondale ’84 disaster.

Question 9:

Jon Huntsman is:

  1. The tennis pro at the Salt Lake City Country Club.
  2. The real-life model for the “Politician Ken” doll; coming soon from Mattel™!
  3. Still a better choice in 2012 than Obama, for whatever that’s worth.
  4. Keeping that “Just for Men™” endorsement deal in his back pocket as an insurance policy.

Question 10:

Obama’s reelection message is “We need more time” because:

  1. He spent too much of his first term kicking it with the New Black Panther Party.
  2. It looks better on a bumper sticker than: “Mr. Soros says he has enough cash left over from the Media Matters for America ‘Hatefest 2011.’”
  3. Four years isn’t enough to utterly foul up both foreign AND domestic policy.
  4. Michelle Obama wants taxpayers to foot the bill for a few more 5-star vacations.

Question 11:

Donald Trump abandoned his Presidential aspirations because he:

  1. Couldn’t face four years of competing with his hair for attention.
  2. Couldn’t face four years of competing with other world leaders for attention.
  3. Couldn’t face four years of guys like me making lame comb-over jokes.
  4. Couldn’t convince NeNe Leakes to join his cabinet as Secretary of Temper Tantrums.

Question 12:

Cynthia McKinney recently appeared on Libyan state TV in order to:

  1. Boost her chances to win the Miss Islamofascism pageant.
  2. Debut her new single: “Let your hate flow.”
  3. Remind people that she’s so much more than just the “crazy broad that even Hank Johnson’s congressional district thought was too embarrassing.”
  4. Give Green Party members something to do besides reread their dog-eared copies of Unsafe at Any Speed.

Question 13:

The floods wreaking havoc in the Midwest are caused by:

  1. Global warming (aka global cooling, aka global climate change, aka An Inconvenient Slide Show).
  2. Al Gore and the staff at Current TV.
  3. The same meteorological and geological cycles which have existed for billions of years.
  4. An evil conspiracy of Piltdown Man enthusiasts, space aliens and the International Society of Phrenologists.

Question 14:

Obama’s trip to Ireland was:

  1. A journey of self-discovery for a man in search of his roots.
  2. A result of the fact that “First Black President” doesn’t mean you can cut in the beer line on St. Patrick’s Day.
  3. A nicely staged photo-op designed to convince American voters that a small Irish village should play a big role in selecting the leader of the free world.
  4. An expensive (for the taxpayers) way to make Obama look like he drinks beer instead of white wine spritzers.

Question 15:

America’s still-declining image in the Arab World is the fault of:

  1. George Bush.
  2. Dick Cheney.
  3. Obama’s ham-fisted, spineless foreign policy and the lack of respect it engenders.
  4. America’s stubborn insistence on allowing women to drive, vote and leave the yurt without being stoned to death in an honor killing.

Time’s up, students.  Pass your papers forward so that I may collect them, grade them and then use them for heating fuel this winter when utility rates are higher than Michelle Obama’s wardrobe budget. If you fared poorly, fret not. The good folk of Detroit are still trying to remember how to spell their names at the top of their tests.

I’ll ring the bell now, as I know you have important matters which require attention. There’s the thanks-to-Obama’s-economic-‘recovery,’-we’re-vacationing-in-the-back-yard trip to plan, the kidney you need to list on eBay so you can afford baked beans next month and the new Lady Gaga video coming up on MTV. I hear she’s going to wear a dress made up of strategically placed Filipino children.

Never let it be said that Professor Crystal isn’t hip enough to know what the kids are into these days. But don’t forget: Your final exam is set for November 2012. Study hard.

The Smell of Defeat

As the parade of potential Presidents of the United States marches toward 2012, I can’t help but notice there’s a scent on the breeze. Watching the Democrats and the corporate media circle the wagons around their idol, it finally occurred to me what the putrescent odor is: fear.

And this fear isn’t the usual vote-Republican-and-you-will-end-up-freezing-to-death-on-some-street-corner-and,-by-the-way,-they-are-evil-racists fear. It’s more of the President-Barack-Obama-is-only-slightly-more-deserving-of-a-second-term-than-Jay-Carney-is-of-a-main-event-fight-with-Floyd-Mayweather-Jr. fear. So cue the corporate media.

MNSBC comedian Chris “Tingle-boy” Matthews, noteworthy for nestling most joyously in President Barack Obama’s pocket, has announced he wants nothing to do with any of Obama’s challengers. There was a time when a self-proclaimed journalist would be exiled to the celebrity-rehab beat for that sort of statement. In the age of Obama, Matthews will probably get a contract extension.

But be fair to Matthews. Unlike the rest of the tinfoil-hat brigadiers who have made MSNBC a funhouse-mirror image of a reputable news outlet, he has never even pantomimed legitimacy. During one of his “interviews” with fellow corporate media bobbleheads on his socialist shriekfest Monday night, Matthews has already made up his mind (or had it made up for him) regarding the potential 2012 GOP slate: “I don’t want an interview with any of these guys.”

Er, Chrissy, not to burst your bubble there, but you have obviously made the classic blunder which befalls most liberal media stooges: You actually think you are that important. It’s not as if Romney, Huntsman or Pawlenty are clamoring for the chance to sit at your table and drink bad coffee while you read Democratic Party-scripted talking points and refuse to let them get a word in edgewise. I also suspect that all three — along with the other, more conservative candidates — are a little too big for cable news’ never-going-to-be-ready-for-primetime crew.

And with the profoundly stupid Matthews going so far as to call former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin “profoundly stupid,” conservatives will avoid his channel like Ed Schultz avoids the heart-smart section on the menu. And MSNBC’s campaign-season programming will feature Democrats talking to Democrats — meaning the rubber-room programming which has made MSNBC an industry joke will stay unchanged and unwatchable.

Over at New York Magazine (yes, it’s still alive), the most recent issue touted a long-on-words, short-on-actual-sources piece titled “The Elephant in the Green Room,” designed to continue the Democratic Party’s myth that Roger Ailes runs the GOP. While the piece was written for the liberal faithful (making you wonder why it was printed at all, considering the liberal faithful already believes Fox News and the GOP are inextricably linked), it was really just a compendium of dubious innuendo and outright nonsense: “You can’t run for the Republican nomination without talking to Roger.”

Definitive statements like that look good on paper and are easily believed by Democrats who have heard that nonsense from their dear leaders for the better part of a decade. Of course, New York Magazine is about as legitimate in the world of journalism as a junior high school yearbook, but the question is: Why now?

The answer, my friends, is fear. Obama’s unparalleled incompetence has left him highly vulnerable to a solid challenge. The sock puppets at the low-forehead media outlets are lambasting conservative candidates and anyone who won’t read Soros-authored talking points as news copy because they have realized their beloved Obama can lose. The economy has not recovered and isn’t showing strong signs of doing so to any great extent. Gas prices remain stratospheric, and Obama’s response has been to continue the Democrats’ policy of protecting foreign oil interests instead of American consumers. The execution of Osama bin Laden provided a negligible polling bump. (It should be noted that Obama may have coughed that one up himself. Hey, Mr. President: When Navy SEALS kill the world’s most wanted terrorist, try cutting references to yourself down to the mid-30s per page in your congratulatory remarks.)

In fact, Obama has even begun conducting opposition research on New Jersey Governor Chris Christie — despite the fact that Christie isn’t running. But the real joke mid all this sound and fury is that a Presidential reelection campaign normally focuses on accomplishments. You have about 18 months, Mr. President. Accomplish something.

Israel, For Real…

Give President Barack Obama credit. Having proved himself the most domestic policy-impaired president since Jimmy Carter “lusted in his heart” (if not since Warren Harding got his Teapot Domed), Obama has evidently decided to set his sights overseas. Bad luck for the citizens of our best strategic ally in Middle East. As of Thursday, Israel had to take a backseat to Obama’s visceral need to appease anyone with a dishdasha and a dream.

From the opposite perspective, bad luck for Obama. Of all the populations he might have thrown under the bus, he chose the group which has won the “Most Likely to Refuse to be Annihilated” award for about 4,000 years running. The people of Israel have been around, in various iterations, since Obama’s ancestors were running the Honolulu (or Nairobi) chapter of ACORN. To put a fine point on it: They’re a tough kill.

For those who doubt the veracity of that last statement, ask most of Israel’s neighbors. When Obama submarined Israel last week, endorsing a Palestinian state which would be demarcated by what Obama called the “pre-1967” borders, he was simultaneously sticking his thumb in Israel’s eye and proving himself to be as poor a student of history as so many others who have given the mythical “Palestinian State” credit for borders which never really existed. Prior to 1967, the territory which Obama and those who would choose to appease Islamofascism didn’t belong to “Palestine,” it was simply in a region known as “Palestine.” The land Obama unsuccessfully tried to force Israel to hand over to the same people who have benefitted from the Arab world’s unremitting warmongering belonged to Jordan, Syria and Egypt in 1967.

In fact, peruse the history books, and you will discover the so-called “chosen people” have been around the Levant for the better part of four millennia, giving them a 2,400-year head start on Obama’s new best friends. True, Israel has occasionally offered less-than-magnificent moments as our allies. I’m old enough to remember Jonathan Pollard.  Nonetheless, compared to the rest of the Middle Eastern nations, Israel is a rock, a redoubt, a reliable friend in a region of the world in which most of our “friends” are flightier than the White House Press Corps.

And yet, the President of the United States cast his lot with the same lunatics who celebrate murdering Israeli children the way I celebrate getting a bottle of 18-year-old The Macallan for Christmas. These are the same folks who freely elected a terrorist group — Hamas — to run their “government.” Hamas, in turn, broadcasts a children’s television program featuring a nightmarish knockoff of Mickey Mouse™ who teaches the kiddies to kill… I’m guessing… everyone. (His name is “Farfur,” which translates from the original Islamofascist as “Unnaturally Short Lifespan.”)

To be fair, there’s a great deal about the Jewish faith which doesn’t really work for me. And I’m not just talking about the fact that my mother’s linguine with white clam sauce is verboten on the kosher menu. But Israel, which often serves as the geopolitical proxy for Judaism, faces a daily existence which entails a great deal more than simple dietary restrictions. Its neighbors want Israelis dead, and its best friend just surprised it with the news that he’s going to the neighbor’s house for dinner.

For those of you who ask “where are they (the Palestinians) supposed to live?” I would respond: “Since they find sharing a region with the Israelis so appalling, how about one of those fine countries that is so quick to bolster their efforts to annihilate Israel?” The Iranians and Syrians (among others) seem quite happy to offer training and financial assistance to Hamas and the other homicidal/suicidal circus freaks; perhaps they should be amenable to putting some fresh rugs down in the guest mosque.

Tragically, the President of the United States isn’t standing behind our strongest (and some might say “only true”) ally in the Middle East because he’s “got their back.” Instead, he’s standing there because it’s an easier way to stick a knife in their ribs. The Israelis can take it; but they shouldn’t have to.

Savannah’s Vile Visitors

During my older brother’s college years, the Ku Klux Klan planned a march through the sleepy Southern town in which his school tended the delicate young minds in its charge. As the fateful day approached, the college administrators wrung their hands over the best approach to dealing with the potentially explosive mixture of goose-stepping knot heads and a couple thousand college students drunk on school spirit and youthful vigor. The students ultimately formulated a plan to hold a giant picnic on the intramural fields located on the far side of campus from the Klan’s planned steel-toed strut. The residents of the town were all personally invited, and nearly all attended. The Klan marched through a town empty of all but the ghosts of their sad delusions.

I think the picnic idea was nothing short of brilliant, if for no other reason than that loosing my brother and his friends on the Pinhead Pageant would have generated a bigger crowd of shrieking lunatics in white dresses than the half-off sale at a Manhattan bridal superstore. Where better than college to learn that even soft-underbelly-of-society types like Klansmen have the right to hoot, holler and wear the laundry? Where better than college to learn the value of ignoring them?

But the Klan is easy to ignore. Not that its particular brand of hate isn’t noteworthy; I just can’t get that worked up about a bunch of clowns who have trouble spelling multisyllabic words but know more about thread count than a Beverly Hills madam.

This weekend in Savannah — a city that has endured my presence for years — another group of more virulently venomous villains will be smearing this lovely town with filth. Fred Phelps and his twisted minions of the Westboro Baptist Church have delivered to Savannah the dubious honor of being the latest locale to suffer their foolishness. Unlike a Klan march in a sleepy college town, the Westboro sideshow in a city of more than 250,000 is likely as difficult to ignore as a palmetto bug in your grits.

Ever since word filtered out that the Westboro crazy caravan was headed this way, all Savannah has been abuzz with plans to assemble to demonstrate against Westboro, prank them or simply gawk at the goings-on. There are Facebook groups dedicated to organizing peaceful counter protests, and there are other groups that have more “energetic” responses planned. I will be among neither the former nor the latter.

I am man enough to admit I lack the compunction to stand within range of reprobates like the Westboro flock. If one of them shoved one of those “God Hates Fags” signs in my face, I would make him eat it. (Just in case my mom is reading this, I would be polite about it. I’d offer him some sweet tea to wash it down.) One of my more spiritual friends recently reminded me that Jesus would not only tolerate Phelps and his herd, He would likely love them in accordance with Scripture. My response was a fairly colorful version of: “Do we think there’s a great deal of confusion over which one’s Jesus and which one’s Ben?” I will eschew a visit with Phelps, because I suspect writing “Outside the Asylum” while inside the big house would be fairly difficult.

Allow me to offer the inevitable caveat: As long as Phelps and his accomplices abide by local ordinances (which they seem maddeningly willing to do), they are — and they should be — allowed to make absolute buffoons of themselves. Those of us with crania larger than Georgia white shrimp are allowed likewise to either point out observable buffoonery or pointedly ignore Westboro’s cavalcade of crazy.

Whether it’s Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church, Louis Farrakhan and the Nation of Islam or “Creepy McStalkerston” and the Montana chapter of the Moody Loners’ Militia, America endures even its most aggressively stupid children. At the very least, their presence reminds us how blessed we are to know better than cheer the deaths of men and women in uniform, 9-year-old girls and/or Ronnie James Dio.

This weekend, while the Westboro Baptist Church slithers into my neighborhood to offer its high-decibel condemnations of military heroes, children and former Monsters of Rock mid-carders, I will be playing in my flag football league’s playoffs. It’s not that I don’t have some choice words for Phelps, it’s just that I would rather sweat, wheeze and limp for three or four days than find a way to make bail.

A Black Mark For The Democrats

Herman Cain is a fascinating subject. A self-made millionaire, Cain is a deeply conservative man who recently announced his intention to seek the 2012 Republican Presidential nomination. Cain is a graduate of “historically black” Morehouse College in Atlanta — the alma mater of famous African-Americans including auteur Spike Lee, actor Samuel L. Jackson, banker Walter Massey and a certain clergyman from Atlanta who made quite a name for himself back in the 1960s civil rights movement — and woe be unto the pundit who denigrates the name of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

To put a fine point on it, Cain is black. Granted, he’s a long shot to snare a starring role in the next Lee movie about racist pizza (or whatever), but he’s an even longer shot to snare a role in the next Merchant/Ivory film about 18th century Europeans being… boring. It’s hard to imagine someone questioning the “blackness” of a man who rubbed shoulders with such notables at such an institution of higher learning; especially if the questioner is a liberal hack who’s only slightly less white than the Queen of England.

Fortunately for Bill Maher, Democrat Party mouthpieces are evidently exempt from their own standards. On his HBO bobble-head program, the nauseatingly unfunny Maher did NOT call Cain an “Uncle Tom.” However, he did employ Cain as a token to take another gratuitous swipe at the conservatives whom Maher despises more than — well — anything:

“Herman Cain, I never heard of this guy, but apparently he ran Godfather’s Pizza, and Republicans say they love him so they’re not racist — right.”

Actually, the presence of a black man (Cain is not the only African-American whose name has come up. Florida Representative Allen West isn’t exactly Swedish) in the Republican Party Presidential race has no more bearing on the racial politics of the Republican Party in general than President Barack Obama’s mixed-race heritage does on the racial politics of the Democrat Party. In fact, I would posit that a white guy — such as Maher — who would draw such a vertex is himself a racist. Maher, likely out of desperation to denigrate anyone who would challenge his beloved Obama, has attempted to reduce Cain from successful businessman to lawn jockey.

Obama’s political career has largely rested upon some of the most disingenuous race-baiting politics in recent memory. From the 2008 corporate media claiming an Obama loss equated institutional racism, to endlessly Democrat-accepted — albeit factually unsupported — claims of Tea Party racism, to the presence of unrepentant bigots like the repulsive Eric Holder in the Attorney General’s office, the Democrats have made race the centerpiece of the response to virtually every criticism of their Presidential hegemony.

Earlier this year, Democrat Party affiliated hate group Common Cause held a rally at which they unabashedly called for the lynching of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. Following that outrage — which went largely unreported by the corporate media — Common Cause issued a half-hearted apology. The “apology” was accepted without question by everyone whom the Democrats consider important; a list which did NOT include the target of the racist invective — Justice Thomas himself. The lily-white Democrats who wished for Thomas to meet his end dangling from a rope made their own bigotry clear in their own words. I have a hard time believing that they’d have demanded a lynching or for Thomas to be sent “to the fields” if he looked like — say — Jay Carney.

Maher noted Cain’s Presidential campaign in an effort to repeat the tired old Democrat smear that Republicans are racist. Assuming that Maher is telling the truth about not recognizing Cain — which reveals a serious lack of professionalism on the part of Maher’s writing staff — then he only noted Cain’s political affiliation because of Cain’s race. THAT, my friends, is racist.

Herman Cain is not “my guy” in the 2012 field, although he’d be a damned sight better at dispensing the duties of the Presidency than the manufactured buffoon who’s squatting there now. But in true liberal fashion, Maher treated Cain like a politicized “Stepin’ Fetch it” in order to prove a Democrat fantasy — Republicans are racist — which doesn’t exist in fact.

–Ben Crystal

If You Can Read This…

So the economy is not exactly hitting on all cylinders of late. Unemployment hovers around the double-digit mark (the Department of Labor says 9 percent; it’s likely higher). The dollar is showing signs of losing its position in the currency market’s starting rotation (even currencies named AFTER ours — the Canadian dollar is one example — are ahead of our dollar in the batting order). And close to 15 percent of our fellow Americans receive government aid of one sort or another.

But it could be worse. In my Tuesday column “Want Fries with That?,” I mused on the tragedy of a Democratic Party that has delivered such a beating to the economy it now touts as proof of some mythic recovery the very same McJobs it once reviled.

Imagine if close to half of the work-eligible population was so ignorant that a McJob was as much a pipe dream as a winning McLottery ticket. Imagine if even the simplest tasks — especially filling out a job application — were beyond the scope of possibility for nearly half of the adult population. From the standpoint of civilization, a place saddled with a populace so helpless would be an absolute wasteland. There would be little chance of President Barack Obama’s “Hope and Change.” Indeed, Hope would have pulled up stakes and hightailed it for the hinterlands long ago, while Change would consist of little more than whatever one might find on the sidewalk.

Welcome to Detroit. The Motor City’s population is 714,000. The literacy rate among adults is 53 percent. That last figure is doubtless one of the more important reasons why Detroit’s population is less than half of what it was during the heyday of (read: pre-union-thug destruction of) the American automobile industry.

I would like to believe that even among the greedy, union-thug-backed Democrats, someone would at least hesitate before employing a workforce that is incapable of real work. After all, we are discussing neither senior citizens beset by the jackbooted Service Employees International Union nor other senior citizens pleading for their lives in front of Obamacare death panels.

Much like the victims of liberal programming in New Orleans, Louisiana and Washington, D.C., the citizens of Detroit may not have made their bed, but they certainly helped fluff the pillows. Detroit, like NOLA and D.C., has long been a Democratic Party stronghold. A 2005 study by the Bay Area Center for Voter Research indicated Detroit is the most liberal large city in America.

In the past decade, despite the virtually epic decimation-from-within of their city, the goodly folks of Detroit elected the repulsive criminal Kwame Kilpatrick mayor – twice. Their school system, which is so atrocious that the entire board was once ousted by the Michigan State Legislature, recently posted the worst test scores ever reported by the National Assessment of Educational Progress. Close to three-fourths of fourth graders in Detroit have “below-basic” academic skills. The numbers get progressively worse as students approach and enter high school.

The whole world watched in 2005 as vast numbers of New Orleans residents, left not only indigent but incapable by decades of nanny-state government, ignored warnings as Hurricane Katrina approached. Then, abandoned by their Democratic providers, they fell either upon the ground outside the Superdome or predatorily upon each other.

The residents of Detroit, similarly enslaved by the callous greed and inhuman ineptitude of liberalism, have lost not only the ability to care for themselves, but the ability to care at all.

A major urban center in the heart of the greatest Nation in history has become a graveyard of progress, littered with the broken headstones which mark nearly every place which falls victim to Democratic Party hegemony. Whether a village or a metropolis, a place in which nearly half of the adult population cannot read simply cannot survive.

Want Fries With That?

As George W. Bush entered the stretch run of his 2004 reelection bid, the national unemployment rate hovered around 5.4 percent. Any economist worth his slide rule (sit down, Paul Krugman) would agree that 5.4 percent is barely a Joe Biden hairplug’s breadth above nominal zero. Bush’s economic “strategery” in the years following the tech sector dive and the plunge of the housing and construction markets was no small accomplishment – especially considering Bush spent taxpayer money like a second wife.

Americans were working. And the Democratic Party, growing desperate after a few years of minority-party status, was furious. So the Democrats went retro and reintroduced the old 1980s McJobs canard. They couldn’t run against Bush on unemployment, so they ran against Bush on the quality of employment, claiming the jobs created by the Bush economic plan were low-paying, minimal-advancement work in the service sector. The McJobs strategy didn’t work, at least partially because those willing to work were glad to be able to do so.

Late last week, the employment figures ventured onto the front page, and they were hardly a cause for celebration outside corporate media outlets. According to the Department of Labor, the national unemployment rate is just north of 9 percent. That’s poor. That’s also likely an understatement. President Barack Obama’s Department of Labor has a habit of initially lowballing unemployment numbers, then quietly releasing “revised” (upward) figures once the President has taken a curtain call. In fact, the Department of Labor engaged in that exact sort of economic subterfuge (read: lying) in both March and April.

But let’s examine the “recovery” which Obama and the Democrats have foisted upon us. Stipulating for the sake of discussion that the April employment figures are more accurate than they were in February and March, then the economy added just shy of 250,000 jobs in April. The Democratic Party is so overjoyed by this news that Democrats are shouting of “Obamanomic” success from the highest rooftops. But they are leaving something out.

Of the jobs “created” during the most recent reporting period, 224,000 were in the private services sector. Nearly half of those – 103,000 – were in the tertiary economic sectors: retail, restaurant and leisure services. That means they were the same McJobs the Democratic Party reviled during the Bush Administration. (Author’s note: Despite rumors to the contrary, the McJobs in question do not reflect the recent McDonald’s hiring binge. Those 60,000+ jobs came after the reporting period, meaning Obama will take credit for them next month.)

Fewer than a tenth of the new jobs “created” were in construction or manufacturing. Even as Obama’s stewardship relegates the dollar to the sort of monetary status enjoyed by such noteworthy currencies as the mighty zloty, the manufacturing sector is not rebounding as it should with export costs being so low.

You might assume Obama would respond to the flagging primary and secondary economic sectors by proactively working to improve economic conditions. You might be wrong.

We are all aware of Obama’s hostility to the mining and oil industries, except for those headquartered in Brazil. Not only is Obama not leading any cheers for American manufacturing, he is doing the exact opposite. The National Labor Relations Board is pursuing action against Boeing’s plan to open a facility in South Carolina. The NLRB, under the auspices of recess-appointed Big Labor puppets like Lafe Solomon and Service Employees International Union thug Craig Becker (who needed a recess appointment because the Senate rejected him), is of the opinion that the aircraft manufacturer should be precluded from opening its new 787 Dreamliner plant in the Palmetto State because its workers enjoy the freedom to work without being forced to join the union-thug horde.

Following an economic downturn engineered by four years of Congressional Democrat mismanagement and two years of a President who is almost as competent as, say, one of the has-beens on “Celebrity Apprentice,” the most recent jobs report indicates the only growing sector is in McJobs, with which the Democratic Party is suddenly comfortable. Obama responds by punishing the very workers he claims to represent.