Ben Crystal Archive
Ben Crystal is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power. Email this author.
Ladies and gentlemen, Ben Crystal delivers the State of the Union address that President Barack Obama would have liked to have given as Americans mark the third anniversary of his ascent.
Mitt Romney rolled into South Carolina wearing his new title of “presumptive nominee.” Then, the Romney Express missed the curve and slammed face-first into the wall at full speed.
The infinite monkey theorem states that a monkey given enough time at a keyboard can randomly produce the work of William Shakespeare. Give a monkey enough time at a keyboard and whatever it produces will be closer to the work of the Bard than anything Newsweek might excrete.
Given the endless series of crimes committed by President Barack Obama and his accomplices, it’s hard to imagine why the liberal elite have their panties in a knot over a video of a few Marines answering nature’s call while standing above the corpses of the latest Islamofascists to run headlong into the outstretched fist of the U.S. Military.
On Tuesday morning, President Obama signaled that more of his “change we can believe in” was approaching from south of the border. He promoted Cecilia Muñoz, a former lobbyist for the racist hate group National Council of La Raza, to the position of Director of the White House Domestic Policy Council.
I have no doubt that Barack Obama daydreams about appointing himself an eleventy-star generalissimo, wearing a garish uniform he found on Tinpots-R-Us and assigning himself a title which would make Idi Amin blush. But the dream and the reality of imposing a dictatorship on the United States live a far cry from one another.