The Keith To Our Hearts

Pity poor Keith Olbermann. The defrocked high priest of liberal hatred has been left to wander the streets of Manhattan, staring blankly into the middle distance and muttering to himself about how life is so unfair when you’re the smartest man in the history of the species.

Despite a career that has run aground at virtually every outlet that has taken the gamble of hiring the famously high-strung hate-spewer, Olbermann has managed to pop up with the regularity of athlete’s foot in a high-school locker room.

He’s finished. Again. After his ignominious demotion from the liberal media’s varsity at MSNBC, Olbermann needed less than a year to wear out his welcome at Al Gore’s bizarre Current TV sideshow. Keep in mind, MSNBC kept Keith’s creepy mini-me, Rachel Maddow. Gore sent him packing, and Gore invented both the Internet and so-called “global warming.” Olbermann is indeed a man without a country.

Self-important, self-destructive and, above all, self-promoting, Olbermann materialized on ABC News’ babblefest “This Week With George Stephanopoulos” to field easy grounders from the ex-Bill Clinton Administration mascot and miniature human. Among the bons mots vomited up by the wild-eyed (and surprisingly rotund) Olbermann:

There has to be some connection between that being the least busy political moment of a president’s career, where you’re not going to — you’re not going to hurt them, you’re not going to harm him that way, and the price of gas. There has to be an almost deliberate or at least a side effect quality to that. There must be.

Olbermann claimed that some sort of sinister cabal of shadowy partisans has constructed one of the all-time great conspiracies in an effort to pry President Barack Obama’s claws from the Resolute desk. Considering Obama’s own complicity in the skyrocketing price of go-juice, it’s difficult to imagine how Olbermann’s unnamed schemers are managing such a nefarious plot. But facts never made much of a difference to Olbermann. And as long as he’s hanging out with liberal sock puppets like Stephanopolous, they don’t have much of a chance of gaining a foothold in his addled consciousness.

As is so often the case with self-martyred liberals, Olbermann believes he is the victim of a conspiracy that includes not just the many conservative targets of his unhinged rage. He also believes he is a victim of Gore. Consider Olbermann’s wrongful termination lawsuit against Gore and Current TV. The dark forces of anti-Olbermannia are everywhere.

What to do with a fellow like Olbermann? Someone needs to come up with a plan, lest he move into Ted Kaczynski’s old shack and begin working on recipes from the Moody Loner’s Cookbook and Improvised Munitions Manual. One friend of mine suggested sending Olbermann to Canada, but I pointed out that our neighbors to the North have done nothing to deserve such a cruel fate. Plus, sending Olbermann to Canada would depress the entire nation, subsequently threatening their excellent malted beverage industry. My friend then offered Olbermann as our first envoy to the stars — at which point I noted that prospective visitors from out there would certainly possess very advanced weaponry. Should Olbermann be thrust into the role of Ambassador for Humanity, the “visitors” would respond less like “ET” and more like those weird-looking cats from “Independence Day.”

Instead, let us all celebrate Olbermann. Laud his hatred of women who look like women, praise his distaste at having to speak to normal people with normal jobs (or abnormal, if you consider what driving Olbermann to work must entail) and cheer his prima donna prancing through studios from ESPN to Current TV and back. Olbermann is the literal face of the liberal-dominated corporate media. Take every moment you can to absorb what his brief time in the spotlight unleashed across television screens nationwide (albeit, not that many of them). Every red-faced, shrieking, possibly sociopathic talking hairdo out there is one of Olbermann’s children. And every single one of them will stand with the Democrats from here to November. Look at Olbermann. See the Democratic Party. It’s better to keep Olbermann where we can see him.

At the very least, as long as Olberman is on TV, someone else can finally use the bathroom.

–Ben Crystal

A Picture’s Worth A Buck Or Two

Take a gander at the picture at right.

This is then-Congressman Rahm Emanuel (D-Ill.), Congressman Ed Markey (D-Mass.) and then-House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) in July of 2006. The three were joined by Senator Chuck Shumer (D-N.Y.). The lawmakers gave a press conference at Congressional Exxon, a gas station located a short stroll from Capitol Hill. At the time, the price of a gallon of regular gasoline hovered just above $3.

Pelosi, Emanuel, Markey and Schumer spent that hot summer day six years ago railing against the excesses of President George W. Bush and his evil cronies in the oil industry.

Always a woman of the people, Pelosi roared:

The Republicans’ failed energy policy has taken us in the wrong direction, leading to record gas prices that exceed $3 a gallon… Bush… proposes 46 percent less for renewable energy research than the level promised in the Republican energy law, and cuts funding for energy efficiency and conservation programs…

Markey jumped in as well:

The Bush Administration’s energy policies have proven to be a miserable failure… The reality is that the Bush Administration has fully blown it when it comes to gas prices and the economy…

Pelosi and Markey were joined in their indignation by Emanuel and Schumer (although Schumer may simply have dropped by when he saw the cameras). They claimed outrage at the cronyism shown by Bush and his Republican Congressional allies to presumably evil oil companies at the expense of the poor working people of America. They shouted promises of rescue from the clutches of Bush and his Big Oil backers, presuming the voters in that fall’s Congressional elections send the Republican majority packing.

That fall, the “Exxon Four” got their wish. The electorate gave the GOP the bum’s rush nationwide, leaving Bush politically isolated and sending the Big Oil bad guys scurrying for their offshore tax havens. The Democrats rolled onward to even greater triumph in 2008, ushering in an era of peace, love and fiscal comfort for all Americans. The poor, liberated from the jack-booted Republican oppressors and their sinister allies, emerged into the light of prosperity. American industry, its shackles removed by liberal knights in shining armor, roared back to life under the heroic guidance of the Democrats’ union brethren. And the scientific community, finally free to pursue fuel-independent enlightenment, developed spectacular “green” technologies that produced an America far greater for all than it had ever before been. Gas prices plummeted, unemployment disappeared and the jobs lost to a reduction in oil-exploitation returned dozen-fold in the form of solar, wind and renewable energy industry work. America became a happier, smarter and sounder Nation.

All right, none of that actually happened. But it made for some catchy Democratic campaign sound bites.

Take a gander at the picture below.

That’s the Democrats’ favorite Exxon station, as seen within the past year. There’s nary a member of Congress, formerly poor person or “green” job in sight.

–Ben Crystal

The Race To The Bottom

With the revelation that poor George Zimmerman will be the target of a zealous (not to mention ambitious) Florida prosecutor, the sad saga of the Sanford shootout has cemented its position as the dominant news item of the moment. And while the public lynching of the as-yet-to-be-tried-much-less-convicted Zimmerman is noteworthy in and of itself, behind this sordid soap opera lies a much larger subtext of liberal hypocrisy and racism and its movie-monster lurch from ugly to obscene.

Although it would be unfair to implicate solely the corporate media in overcooking the Zimmerman story — after all, when the President of the United States blunders into the situation like Mr. Magoo on a three-day bender, it is news — there is no question that some in the corporate media have spun rhetorical lead from journalistic gold.

Chief among these is an outlet to which I not-so-jokingly refer as “the Democrat Channel” and you know better as MSNBC. To suggest that the talking hairstyles at NBC News’ idiot sister have stoked the Floridian fires undersells the point like suggesting three-day-old sushi is “ripe.” While nightly anchor Brian Williams and the cast of the “Today Show” try — and fail — to present themselves as journalists, the freak show candidates on NBCUniversal’s commentary outlet have managed to “Lean Forward” and fall out the window of credibility. The problem is not their overt bias; the problem is that when the supposed defenders of the public trust begin actively violating said trust on behalf of politicians, the truth suffers along with us.

As if the unfortunate business involving the phantom NBC editor who deliberately turned Zimmerman’s 911 call into a racist rant worthy of one of those “let’s lynch Clarence Thomas and his wife” psychos at Common Cause wasn’t enough, the junior varsity is so consumed by hatred that they make people like Williams look like Edward R. Murrow.

Forget about every mentally unbalanced host, every Barack Obama Administration flunky, every ivory tower elitist, every feminist harpy, every overheated eco-loon and every apologist for every tin-pot fascist from Hugo Chavez to Rahm Emanuel.

Remember instead: Al Sharpton. If there is one man who rivals Obama in tearing asunder the public discourse, it’s Sharpton. The man actually participated in a hoax that involved smearing feces on a teenaged girl. When Sharpton decided to make Trayvon Martin a pet cause, the left erupted in paroxysms of race-baiting animus. And now, he’s pushing a network that sent Pat Buchanan packing for expressing opinions considered detrimental to “the national dialogue,” to carry his racist hatefests live as both coverage and content. Worst of all, as of last week, he sports the endorsement of the President. Attorney General and alleged Operation Fast and Furious mastermind Eric Holder spoke to the Sharpton-led hate group National Action Network last week, suggesting he was “honored to be included in this annual gathering once again and bring greetings from a friend of mine, President Obama.”

MSNBC hosts were perfectly happy to demand everything short of execution for Rush Limbaugh when he got rough with Nancy Pelosi’s pawn Sandra Fluke. And now, with Sharpton leading the parade, Zimmerman is virtually a dead man walking. Interesting, considering the effort Sharpton expended trying to exonerate cop killer Troy Davis.

Obama’s ascendency has split this Nation in two (or more). Sometime soon, I’ll probably examine his role in the death of American civility more closely. But liberals are fond of demanding the government step on the throats of anyone who dares question them. I somehow doubt the same government that has allowed an unhinged cable network to tie Zimmerman to the whipping post without the benefit of a trial is likely to step in on the increasingly vile venom spewed daily on MSNBC. Therefore, it falls to us to know who is speaking and what’s being said. Sharpton and the tinfoil hat brigadiers are speaking.  And I am repulsed by everything they’re saying.

As an aside: I would be remiss if I omitted the fact that we are playing taps over the caskets of our servicemen and servicewomen to the tune of about a soldier, sailor, airman or Marine per day on average. Thank God for MSNBC. How noble of the network to distract us from maudlin reality with a good old-fashioned lynching.

–Ben Crystal

In The Bag

Most people might not give a second thought to the recent decision by the Los Angeles City Council to ban non-reusable grocery bags. After all, LA — like most of the rest of California — exists so far outside the realm of human normalcy that it seems appropriate that its elected leaders would introduce a law that tests the bounds of credulity. It’s not as if the good public servants of that Gomorrah-by-the-Pacific (Sodom-by-the-Pacific being about 400 miles north) have anything more important on their plates. It’s also not as if they could competently handle anything more important if they did.

So, I wouldn’t blame anyone for remaining blissfully unaware that LA is moving to ban not only plastic grocery bags, but also to add a surcharge to and ultimately eliminate paper bags as well. But allow me to ring the alarm bell for a moment.

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg diverted taxpayer dollars to a program designed to convince denizens of the Big Apple that soup is a serial killer in a can. The circus freaks of San Francisco tried to ban McDonald’s Happy Meals because Bay Area parents apparently can’t say no to their squalling tykes’ pleas for Hello Kitty figurines. Michelle Obama spends most of her time away from eating fatty, high-calorie food to nag the rest of us about the dangers of eating fatty, high-calorie food. (Don’t eat like the first lady or you’ll end up looking like — well — the first lady). Democrats have even endeavored to legislate the manner in which we turn on the lights. And now, LA is moving to ban a convenient method of transporting household items. This is precisely the sort of incrementalism at which liberals excel and of which the rest of us ought to be wary.

Some people might suggest that focusing on a bizarrely intrusive city ordinance in the lost colony of Southern California is a fool’s errand. I would counter that any time liberals focus their legislative intent on anything that seems insignificant, everyone ought to sit up in rapt attention. The Democrats are well aware that the little things make a world of difference.

President Barack Obama’s persistent assaults on Constitutional liberties deserve our scrutiny — mostly because Obama doesn’t particularly care about our Constitutional liberties. But when liberals begin leaning into us over our preferred method of grocery conveyance, room-illumination or even dining choices, then they’re not only infesting our homes and lives with roach-like familiarity, they’re kicking out the legs of our social table. Of course, they are liberals, so they’re kicking out those legs while starving in the dark because they forgot their reusable grocery bags, they don’t eat fast food and those mercury-filled light bulbs made the kids act funny.

Consider this: We conservatives fight the big battles every day — against Obamacare, the Stop Online Piracy Act and whatever Attorney General Eric Holder has planned for Border Patrol personnel and/or the Constitution this week. Meanwhile, Democrats send small cells to chip away at life’s smaller choices, worming their way inexorably into our decisions, our homes and our lives. Canned soup, light bulbs, grocery bags, cigarettes, blue laws, fuel-economy standards and automobiles are all elements of a free enterprise system that works exceptionally well when Democrats are kept from inflicting real harm. But Democrats are as likely to leave well enough alone as NBC is to report actual news.

The LA grocery bag ban seems stupid — mostly because it is. But it’s also an excellent example of liberalism’s ultimate goal: total, pervasive and permanent control over the people. If they can tell you which doctor you (probably won’t) get to see, which car to drive and even how to get the low-sodium soup from the store to your kitchen, then you not only don’t have to make personal choices, but you’re not allowed to do so.

And if the Democrats start making small decisions for you, imagine how much input they’re going to seek for the big ones.

–Ben Crystal

H.R. 613

I have never been much for writing indignant notes to my — or any — Congressman. Having spent the bulk of my professional career in and around the political class, I am well aware that most of them on both sides of the aisle can at least pretend to have concern for people, but few of them care about individuals.

Politicians consider any one-on-one discussion with an individual voter a hassle. Most of them lose interest faster than a copy editor proofreading an in-depth piece about House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi’s latest facelift the moment they recognize that whoever is hassling them is unlikely to produce either a check with more zeroes than a Netroots convention or a pantload of votes from some disaffected group of grasping oxygen thieves.

Therefore, I have decided against dashing off some outraged missive to the Congressional Black Caucus (CBC) — specifically Representative Emanuel Cleaver (D-Al Sharpton’s back pocket); Representative Corrine Brown (D-Sharpton’s other back pocket); Representative Alcee Hastings (D-Federal Judiciary Impeachment Proceedings); and Representative Frederica Wilson (D–Hanna’s House of Hideous Hats) — in the wake of their disgraceful and exceptionally stupid introduction of H.R. 612:

Honoring the life of 17-year-old, Trayvon Martin, urging the State of Florida and others to repeal the Stand Your Ground law, and admonishing involved parties to pursue full investigations into all homicides, regardless of defenses asserted by the offender.

If the “good” Congressmen don’t have time for you, then the clowns of the CBC would probably charge you for their time.

In the text of H.R. 612, the “Florida Four” declared, among other effrontery: “[George] Zimmerman’s… racial bias led to the use of deadly force.” Logic dictates that the Congressmen ought to be familiar with the concept of “facts not in evidence,” even if they do avoid reason the way I avoid process servers. Granted, Hastings is excused from knowledge of any legal concepts beyond “soliciting bribes is bad form.”

Tragic though it is, I understand that their constituents are silly enough not only to vote for them, but to support them in their appalling efforts to tar and feather Zimmerman without the benefit of the doubt, a trial or even a CliffsNotes understanding of the facts surrounding his case (which, as NBC News will tell you, increasingly favor Zimmerman’s version of events). Nonetheless, given the fact that the Congressmen are as likely to read any messages I might send their way as Michael Moore is to peruse the Fit Fare® section of the Denny’s menu, I decided against a pointless email and instead headed in a different direction.

To wit:

H.R. 613

Deploring the shameless lack of decency displayed by the Congressional Black Caucus in trying to exploit the George Zimmerman/Trayvon Martin incident in Florida, urging America to turn its back on these vermin as they use tragedy to further their pursuit of the trappings of power and deliberately obfuscate the truth in their effort to do so, and rebuking them for the legislative abomination which is H.R. 612.


Representatives Emanuel Cleaver, Alcee Hastings, Frederica Wilson, Corinne Brown, the Congressional Black Caucus and their accomplices Al Sharpton, NBC News, Jesse Jackson, the New Black Panther Party, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People and the National Action Network are race-pimping filth who debase not only the national discourse but the legislative process with grotesqueries such as H.R. 612.


Cleaver, et al. are slightly less worthwhile than the stuff most people fish out of their shower drains.

Now, be it therefore resolved:

Cleaver, et al. should — with all due haste — get stuffed.

I would gladly vote for the Congressman who introduces H.R. 613 on the floor. Too bad I’m not a CBC constituent; if I were, I could vote for said Congressman twice.

–Ben Crystal

They Win, We Lose

Since I submitted my column The Worst Week Ever,” I’ve found myself musing on the politically pathological behavior displayed of late by President Barack Obama and his accomplices. Not that I don’t recognize Obama’s tenure so far has involved some fairly — ahem — befuddling benchmarks; but, as I suggested Tuesday, the Democrats must be in full panic mode. And their reactions under electoral pressure of their own creation remind me of a drug dealer with two strikes on his record getting popped for selling crack to an 8-year-old.

Of course, to hear liberals tell it, they’re as comfortable as the furniture in one of Warren Buffett’s private planes. If we presume the liberal elite are correct and Obama’s re-election is a foregone conclusion, then we can also fairly presume that his erratic behavior is not born of fear of rapidly declining fortunes. Instead, it is a nationwide dance of liberal celebration.

And what a dance it is! The shockingly violent Occupy rallies, the union thug attacks on the people of Wisconsin (among other places), the incursions against the Bill of Rights and the foreign policy miscues are all steps in an elaborate number that has reached a crescendo in Florida. Down in the Sunshine State, Democratic Party leaders and mouthpieces have descended like a biblical plague of locusts. Spurred on by Obama’s ill-advised remarks about Trayvon Martin, leading lights of liberalism — including the “Reverends” (that means you, Jesse Jackson, and the rest of the usual suspects) — appear to be doing their best to incite a race war.

Meanwhile, Obama has reacted to what he feels were excessively insightful Supreme Court questions regarding Obamacare by edging toward a turf war with the judicial branch. Following Obama’s inappropriately disparaging remarks about the “unelected group of people” on the High Court, the three-judge panel at the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals demanded clarification from the Administration, with the Judges issuing a none-too-subtle reminder of just how far the long arm of the law can reach.

In major cities across the Nation — from the crack dens of Washington, D.C., to the festering swamp of New Orleans and from the smoldering ruin of Detroit to the freak shows in California — the Democrats have established hegemony, crime, poverty and misery as the rule. And the same Democrats who would have us believe Obama is guaranteed four more years in the Oval Office are spreading the same seeds of discord across the fruited plain.

I’ll grant that taking as legitimate the Democrats’ proclaimed confidence requires a greater suspension of disbelief than a North Korean propaganda film. But I’m willing to admit it’s possible Obama and his cronies have deluded themselves into believing that they’re unbeatable. If they really are convinced that victory is assured, then it follows that their bizarre behavior is the planned result of their schemes, and the cities I mentioned before are testament to the long-term effects of repeated Democratic victories.

Ill-conceived economic policies resulting in crushing debt, shocking corruption, virtually apocalyptic urban tableaus, a comprehensive disregard for the Constitution and submissive dealings with our adversaries are the modus operandi of Democrats when they think they’re winning.

Food for thought: Why is it that in order for Obama and the Democrats to win, everyone else has to lose?

–Ben Crystal

The Worst Week Ever

Ask any liberal, and he will tell you: President Barack Obama is three years into an eight-year occupancy of the White House. Some people think Obama entered office as the coolest kid in school, but he’s coughing up that popularity faster than a cool kid who pukes at the prom. Since all liberal accounts declare Obama a lock for another term, why did he recently panic like a gambling addict who just blew $50,000 he borrowed from a guy named “Vinny.”

Panic led Obama to wade blindly into the case of George Zimmerman. After all, virtually every Democrat worth his weight in fraudulently cast ballots shifted his gaze from his beloved savior to joining the Zimmerman lynch mob. In suggesting Trayvon Martin would “look like” him, Obama played to the racist bilge that has consumed the foundation of the Democratic Party.  It’s hard to imagine that it’s a particularly good strategy to blow bigoted kisses to the reprobates who were already solidly in his camp; but, then again, it’s hard to imagine someone who’s supposedly a celebrated law professor tainting an entire State’s jury pool just to make Al Sharpton smile.

Having set the hounds of hubris on the good people of the Sunshine State, Obama hightailed it to the Far East, where he partied down with outgoing Russian President Dmitry Medvedev. In between photo ops and looking at cool Korean stuff from a safe distance, Obama made time to whisper sweet nothings in Medvedev’s ear. While the obvious stumble involved offering even a whiff of improper diplomacy with the top minion of a guy who makes Bond villains look like Girl Scouts, Obama’s bizarre overconfidence stands in stark contrast to his bumbling incompetence.

Before Obama could board Air Force One for the return trip to the Nation’s Capitol, bad news headed from the Capitol to him. His signature socialist stunt, Obamacare, was flopping in front of the Supreme Court like a fish on a dock. Facing stiff questioning from the Justices, Obama’s Solicitor General Donald Verrilli stammered like the president of the chess club trying to ask the captain of the cheerleaders out on a date.  Democratic Party mouthpieces responded to Verrilli’s efforts by blaming him — not Obamacare’s gross overstepping of Constitutional boundaries — for the Justices’ reaction. By the end of the week, the White House offered Verrilli the dreaded “vote of confidence.” Hey, Don: When NFL coaches hear that, they call the movers. One jaunt through the highest court in the land, and Obama took a broadside square in the legacy and his accomplices turned on each other like starving wharf rats.

In one week, Obama turned a local matter into a national embarrassment, fumbled the ball on foreign policy and watched his planned centerpiece to an unprecedented expansion of state power virtually laughed out of court. Even if the Justices decide not to bury Obamacare in the backyard, its political value is cooked.

Then, Congress reared back and booted him like an angry mule. As the Obamacare proceedings wound down, the House of Representatives voted down Obama’s obese Federal budget 414-0. Granted, some 21 House members didn’t vote. (They were busy fitting George Zimmerman for a noose.) But even if all 21 non-voters had fallen on their budgetary swords for Obama, that’s still the kind of score the Harlem Globetrotters would run up on the pickup team from the White House Protocol Office.

The hits just keep on coming. The Muslim Brotherhood is moving toward political domination of Egypt, turning “Arab Spring 2011” into “Islamofascist Summer 2012.” The drums of war beat loudly from Tel Aviv, Israel, to Tehran, Iran (not to mention Kabul, Afghanistan). North Korea’s new leader Kim Jong Un is just as crazy as his old man and his grandfather. Evidently, the rogue nation is building the missile to prove it. On top of all that, another one of Obama’s millionaire cronies is facing fraud charges.

It’s only Tuesday. I have some advice for Obama:

This whole “President” thing turned out to be a lot more than great seats for the games and dinner with Oprah. And it’s only going to get nastier. If you thought last week was tough, just think: Before this is over, you’re going to remember it as fairly mild. Do yourself a favor. Quit.

–Ben Crystal