Debating Reality

As you read my musings from Outside The Asylum today, keep in mind my deadline was Wednesday morning. I actually typed hours before Governor Mitt Romney and President Barack Obama were to meet in their first face-to-face gabfest of the 2012 Presidential election cycle. Therefore, I can’t wax rhapsodic about what (barring a spectacular flub by Romney or spectacularly honest remark by Obama) will probably be a Presidential debate that relates to the real troubles of the Nation about as well as first lady Michelle Obama does to people who work for a living.

So, I’ll guess instead. After all, if I’m miles off the mark, I can just do what Obama does and claim my perspective has “evolved.” Reality dictates that neither candidate will stride confidently into the hearts and minds of the 5 percent to 10 percent of eligible voters who have yet to make up their minds. Romney will mouth platitudes intended to assuage conservatives that he doesn’t represent a continuation of the super-statist policies that have turned the Obama Administration into the biggest electoral disaster since President Jimmy Carter lost the Battle of the Chattahoochee Bunny. Meanwhile, Obama will do what he always does: lie.

In a debate scheduled to focus primarily on domestic affairs (sorry, kids, we’ll have to wait until next time to hear Obama explain why he lied to the Nation and the world about the murders of four Americans in Libya), Obama will make a number of ridiculous claims that prove only that the best prevaricators really believe their lines.

• He’ll claim he’s a “job creator.” Nothing says “friend of the working man” like a record-breaking stretch of unemployment numbers on the north side of 8 percent (with real unemployment well into the double figures). He’ll also attack Romney and Bain Capital while carefully ignoring the fact that Bain saved hundreds of thousands of jobs by rescuing ailing corporations, including Obama’s own beloved Baskin-Robbins.

• He’ll claim to have “rescued” the American auto industry. As I was driving the other day, I passed by the vacant lot that used to house the local Cadillac dealership. I remember thinking “Good thing Obama saved… er… someone.” So what if the government takeover of General Motors became an 11-figure boondoggle? For just less than $100,000, you too can have the all-new Chevy Volt! At prices this good, how can you pass up the chance to be the first on your block to own an exploding golf cart? Actually, if you’re not one of the 47 percenters, you’ve already paid for one.

• He’ll crow about Obamacare. Now, instead of seeing a doctor, I might get to see someone who has watched all eight seasons of “House.” But I do enjoy knowing my tax dollars funded abortions and Sandra Fluke’s rather impressive birth control needs. Also: Death panels and rationed care! I’m thrilled.

• He’ll claim that he’s introduced meaningful immigration reform. He says “reform;” I say “bypassing the Constitutional Separation of Powers in order to grant amnesty to criminals through executive order.” That’s a long way from “potato/pot-ah-to.” We all know why Democrats want to grant free passes to illegals, and not it’s not just “because Paco does such a great job weatherproofing the teak on Senator Kerry’s yacht.” To be fair, Obama’s grant of amnesty might just have been his way of rescuing Mexicans from the narcoterrorists who wantonly murder people with guns they bought from… Obama (er… this is just awkward).

• And he’ll claim his has been the most transparent, least corrupt Administration in history. As long as you ignore “we’ll have to pass the bill so you can find out, uh, what is in it,” repeated violations of the Hatch Act, collusion between the White House and hate groups like the National Action Network and Media Matters, and pretty much every statement Accomplice General Eric Holder has made, it has been the least corrupt Administration in history.

Come to think of it, Romney doesn’t even need to show up. Democrats will listen to Obama do things to the truth that would cause the hearts of the most diabolical flimflam artists to flutter like teenage girls. And the “undecideds?” They still won’t have an opinion, because they missed the whole thing to watch reruns of “CSI.”

–Ben Crystal

The Best Available

As I have shuffled through my mortal coil, I have had the privilege of building friendships with a wide variety of folks. Admittedly, most of them share my view of the world; but some not only don’t share my starboard lean, they list quite sharply to port. Among them is a fellow who is not only most decidedly not a conservative, he’s not even an American. (He wears his maple leaf with marked pride.) Yet he’s one of the wiser and more impressively politically thoughtful human beings I have ever known.

During one of our regular discussions on the Cirque Du Crazy that has replaced the traditional American electoral process, he posited that Mitt Romney’s failure to truly inspire conservatives precludes a victory in November. Given the slavish devotion Democrats offer to current President Barack Obama, it’s easy to dismiss Romney for the lack of similar zeal he elicits from the right side of the spectrum.

Romney doesn’t inspire conservatives to shout their assent because Romney isn’t a conservative. Thus, while Democrats ignore the crimes and misdemeanors that define Obama’s occupation of our Oval Office and shriek their support for Obama (and against God) across the slums, cemeteries and shuttered coal mines created by their idol’s incompetence, the noise from the other side is decidedly muted. Yet it doesn’t really matter. Obama will lose in November, and his coming Waterloo connects to Romney only because Romney will be the most recognizable beneficiary of Obama’s self-immolation.

In defense of my friend’s assessment, what was once a peaceful transfer of power admired the world over — especially with Obama ascending as the first “celebrity” President — is now an anti-intellectual beauty pageant. Think of it:

My name’s Barry. My turn-ons include golf, hanging with Jay-Z and mom jeans. My turn-offs include the Bill of Rights and Bibi Netanyahu. If I’m elected, I promise to lie to Congress (Accomplice General Eric Holder makes that look so easy!), wipe out the middle class and party like a rock star on your nickel.

Throw in an awkwardly performed dance routine and Honey Boo Boo might have a shot at the White House. She’s easily as qualified as Obama.

In the interest of full disclosure, I’m hardly an ardent admirer of Romney. However, with the departure of Ron Paul from the Presidential stage and the reality (go easy, Libertarian Party; I’m just being honest) that Gary Johnson is as likely to win this fall as an unborn baby is to escape a Planned Parenthood “clinic” unharmed, I find myself east of the intellectual rock and west of the electoral hard place. And I’m hardly the only resident of God’s Little Political Acre.

Romney isn’t going to win in November because Republicans unified behind him in a manner similar to the Democratic phalanx that guards Obama. The membership of the modern Republican Party, unconstrained by the infantile intellectual deficiencies of liberalism and spread across a much more diverse ideological plane, lacks the guilelessness required to worship at the altar of some mere politician. Liberals will ignore failure to vote for the guy with the “D” after his name; most of them — proud members of the 47 percent — don’t and won’t know better.

I and my fellow wanderers in the desert of Presidential disappointment may not share the blindly religious fervor of Obama’s average supporters, but we do possess the unshakeable will to see an end to the four years of shame Obama has delivered to us all. Indeed, as I told my Canadian pal, Obama is going to be the first President since Herbert Hoover to lose an election via what amounts to a nullification vote. Millions of Americans who lack confidence in Romney will vote for him anyway, simply because he isn’t Obama. And in an America torn virtually asunder by Obama’s failures foreign and domestic, that may well be good enough.

–Ben Crystal

Hard For Him To Say He’s Sorry

Earlier this week, between refusing to meet with his world leadership colleagues and bringing his Presidential acumen to bear on the geopolitically destabilizing NFL officials’ strike, President Barack Obama dropped by the set of Barbara Walters’ henhouse cluckfest “The View.” During the course of his interaction with such notable thinkers as stand-up comedienne Whoopi Goldberg and junior varsity liberal shill Joy Behar, Obama once again blamed the catastrophic violence overtaking the Mideast on the so-called “movie” “Innocence of Muslims.” After watching a few moments of that schlock-fest, I can promise you that calling it a “movie” is nearly as big a stretch as calling Obama “Presidential,” or Valerie Jarrett’s face “natural-looking.” But I digress.

During his sit-down with the gals, Obama — who presumably brought along the Mrs. in order to appeal to the all-important Neiman Marcus demographic — abruptly reversed course from his previous declarations regarding the Islamofascist murders of four Americans in Libya two weeks ago. He said:

There’s no doubt that… it wasn’t just a mob action. What’s clear is that, around the world, there are still a lot of threats out there.

Obama taped the appearance in Walters’ chicken coop on Monday. And then, in that grand tradition of Democratic aspirants to the Presidency, he flip-flopped again. Addressing the mewling appeasers and parking ticket scofflaws at the United Nations, Obama returned to his blame-the-crappy-video narrative:

I have made it clear that the United States government had nothing to do with this video, and I believe its message must be rejected by all who respect our common humanity. It is an insult not only to Muslims, but to America as well.

That’s a none-too-subtle return to the “it’s the movie’s fault” talking point which made Obama a national laughingstock last week. In addition to being demonstrably wrong (crappy movies don’t kill people; psychotic Muslim fanatics do), Obama’s statement marks what has to be a new record for Democratic duplicity. Obama — who took nearly 10 days to acknowledge that terrorists just might have been involved in the Sept. 11 attack on the U.S. Consulate in Benghazi, Libya — managed to pronounce diametrically opposed reasons for the same event in less than 24 hours. Furthermore, the idea that the President — even one as mortifying as Obama — would apologize to terrorists and their appeasers for a poor exercise in free speech is nearly as appalling as dismissing the rumored rape and the murder of Ambassador Chris Stevens and three other Americans as “bumps in the road.”

How far into the clown car has this buffoon climbed if his latest pronouncement manages to be less offensive than his description of the victims of the Islamofascists’ rape-and-murder-a-thon as “bumps in the road?” Forget about the fact that Obama’s own minions are now openly acknowledging that the Libyan massacre was an act of terrorism (as is Obama himself, depending on the audience). Focus instead on the fact that the re-election of Obama not only guarantees a continuation of the death spiral down which he has driven us, but it also sends a message to the rest of the world that we’re perfectly willing to go along for the ride.

–Ben Crystal

It’s Not Me; It’s You

Dear Democratic Party,

I wish it didn’t have to be this way, but you just haven’t left me with any other choice. We’ve been together for decades now — since the days of President Roosevelt (the “New Deal” one, not the “Man in the Arena” one), if not earlier. I’ve put up with your madness because I wanted to make it work. After all, we do share a home. But this just isn’t working out anymore. And I just wanted to let you know why.

The money is a real problem. I work hard to keep us afloat; yet I can’t seem to make enough to satisfy you. And the things on which you spend my hard-earned dough really don’t work for me. It’s bad enough that you spend my cash like a high-school girl who got ahold of Daddy’s American Express Gold Card, but your spending habits don’t even make sense. Obamacare? So now, not only do I have to cover your doctor’s bills, but the IRS is going to break down the front door if I refuse? And after all that, some stuffed suit from the Department of Health and Human Services is going to means-test my viability? I’m sorry, honey; that doesn’t work for me.

And your pal Bernanke and his “quantitative easing” are making the cash I do earn worth less than the commemorative copies of those Michael Moore DVDs you keep buying. Also: Have you ever considered staying at a regular hotel? You know the Holiday Inn Express may not offer the same high-thread-count sheets as the Four Seasons, but it does have a nice breakfast buffet — and there’s a rumor that staying there can boost your brainpower a bit. You should consider that. And there are perfectly fashionable clothes out there that don’t cost as much as the rest of us make in a month. Some of them even fit — a tip you should share with your BFF, Michelle Obama.

I’m also not comfortable with some of the people with whom you hang out. That Barry Obama guy is a perfect example. He’s never held down a real job in his life, and you think he’s the guy to lead private enterprise back to prosperity? Have you even listened to this guy read a teleprompter? I’ve heard more sense on “The View.” He actually believes in something he calls “redistribution” and the rest of us call “theft.” I can dig your affinity for the whole “retro” thing, but why can’t you just hearken back to the 1980s instead of the 1880s? For someone who pretends to call herself “progressive,” you’re about as forward-looking as the AFL-CIO.

And we need to talk about those clowns, too. Union thugs are not simply bad news, doll. They’re bad guys. I know they seem like fun, but people who cross them have a tendency to meet severe fates. Look at what happened to those old folks who protested Obamacare. For that matter, look at what happened to General Motors. For that matter, look at what happened to Jimmy Hoffa — and he was one of their guys.

The union thugs aren’t even the heaviest hitters around. I know none of your little pals like to talk about it, but that Eric Holder is some piece of work. He’s the top law enforcement official in the United States, and he perjured himself in front of Congress as easily as Obama skips national security briefings to play 18 at Congressional. You really ought to think about the effect an association with a man who thinks engineering and then covering up the murder a Federal agent can have on your reputation.

Then, there are those gals from Planned Parenthood. As I told you before, if you want to vacuum babies out of your uterus, you’re welcome to it. But I can’t be a part of that. I don’t glean any joy from upsetting you; but I’d rather risk your wrath than His, if you get my drift.

And, baby, the fact that you’ll let someone like Joe Biden anywhere near you freaks me out. This is the guy you’re comfortable allowing within one heartbeat of “The Button,” and I’m not convinced he can spell either “heartbeat” or “button.” I’m actually not even convinced he can spell “the.” I’m willing to admit he can be somewhat entertaining, but so can the better Vegas floor shows. And no one thinks the girls with the small clothing and the fans should be one office down from nuclear Armageddon.

I won’t even get into those sock puppets at the Democrat Channel (MSNBC) and the rest of the corporate media flunkies you listen to. The right has some borderline personalities of their own, but your “news” sources are about as informative as those late-night infomercials. Honey, Chris Matthews is absolutely certifiable. Between Chrissie and the rest of the Obama Protection League claiming everything anyone says is racist, we’re all going to end up with a smaller vocabulary than one of those so-called “Occupy” fleabags after a turn in the “hemp tent.”

You also really don’t do well with our neighbors. If someone tries to burn down the house, you don’t give him my money and hope that encourages him to find a new hobby. And you certainly don’t blame me for his lack of compunction. Likewise, blaming our friendlier neighbors because the hoodlums down the street can’t behave themselves is poor form.

We’ve had some good times, baby. But we’ve clearly grown apart. I believe in freedom, justice and American exceptionalism; and you’re a Democrat. It’s time we see other people. I’m going to stay here, since I paid for the place. You should check out some places where the folks share your interests. I’m thinking North Korea. I wish I could say “it’s not you; it’s me;” but I really can’t. It isn’t me; it’s really you.

Good luck,


The Cookie Of Communism

While President Barack Obama and his corporate media minions have tried desperately to dodge the heat they deserve for the Pandora’s box of ills currently dominating the headlines, one of Obama’s lowlights has surfaced; and it literally defines Obama then and Obama now.

Speaking to an audience at Loyola University Chicago in 1998, then-State Senator Obama stated:

I think the trick is figuring out how do we structure government systems that pool resources and hence facilitate some [wealth] redistribution — because I actually believe in some redistribution, at least at a certain level to make sure that everybody’s got a shot.

Although the video doesn’t show it, methinks the erstwhile community organizer must have had a copy of Das Kapital open in his lap, because nothing else could even approach explaining a philosophy so diametrically opposed to everything that makes the American system so much better than the late and unlamented efforts to impose Karl Marx’s ideology on the planet. And though 15 years have passed since young Legislator Obama showed his cards to everyone at the table, older President Obama is still playing the same hand.

Think of it this way: Let’s say someone bakes cookies. I then eat the lion’s share of the cookies, though others hoped for a bite. According to Obama circa-1998 through 2012, the only way to give everyone a cookie is to take some from me — by force, if necessary (and if the cookies are chocolate chip, then force will absolutely be required). It never occurs to liberals like Obama that they could simply bake more cookies. In an ever-diversifying global economy, there are always more cookies. Just because I gorge myself doesn’t mean everyone else has to go hungry. They do have to get in the kitchen, however.

Of course, that would require actual work, which would in turn take time away from standing around in Zuccotti Park demanding I hand over the snickerdoodles. People who work and buy their own dessert quickly learn that once they’ve earned a cookie, they’ll be damned if they’ll hand it over to the deadbeats who join Obama in accusing them of hoarding Mrs. Fields® treats.

The Democrats attempted to dismiss Obama’s remarks as somehow out of date or unimportant by deploying the corporate media’s self-proclaimed “fact checkers,” which is the political equivalent of assigning Marion Barry to lead an anti-drug task force. The same guys who thought vaguely sourced tales of Mitt Romney’s five-decades-old amateur hairstyling were worth a mention have decided that Obama’s statement in support of what amounts to Marxism isn’t relevant because he said it way back in the 1990s.

Herr Marx said essentially the same things way back in the 1890s. His ideas led to the deaths of uncountable millions, oppression on a global scale, two world wars and nearly a century of proxy conflicts. Should Obama succeed in his clearly stated plan to impose the same “redistribution” on the rest of us, no one outside his select group of hypocrites will get any cookies at all.

Ben Crystal

What They Aren’t Telling You

As I have often said, if it were my job as a liberal flack to lay in traffic for President Barack Obama, I’d be feeling a bit run down at this point. After all, Obama’s series of epic failures on virtually every front is spreading his apologists thinner than their own excuses.

Witness the aftermath of the murder of Americans by Islamofascists in Libya and the rising tide of violence across the Muslim world. Following the murders of Ambassador Chris Stevens and a number of Americans, the corporate media raced to the presses to inform us all that Mitt Romney had spoken out about the attacks — and Obama’s mishandling thereof — inappropriately. As soon as that tactic failed, the same liberals attempted to steer the ship of discourse toward the idea that the perpetrators of such nefarious overseas deeds were driven mad by a movie that makes “Ishtar” look like “Lawrence of Arabia.”

The violence abroad — in concert with rapidly declining American prestige — belies the Democrat/media narrative that Obama has ever demonstrated any more skill in the foreign arena than he clearly lacks on the domestic front.

Yet the desperate distractions continue. Even as the corporate media stagger from deserved criticism for their deliberate attempts to recast the Libyan atrocities (aided, as they were, by Obama policies that left Stevens and his fellow victims virtually defenseless), they have spun back for their masters in the Obama Administration.

As the week began, a recording of Romney surfaced through the leftward slums of the media village. Leaked by the grandson of the previous worst President and eternal national embarrassment Jimmy Carter, the tape supposedly reveals Romney writing off campaigning for the votes of 47 percent of the populace — a group he refers to as “dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it.”

Although Romney’s remarks are entirely accurate, the Democrats and their media flacks — who saw nothing worth criticizing in Obama infamous God and guns smear — have deployed denigration of Romney’s statement as yet another deflection from the chaos that has consumed the Mideast.

Romney thinks too many Americans have sold their souls to the empty promises of unquantifiable “hope and change.” Romney knows that striving for the votes of people who are still backing Obama amid the veritable misery he has inflicted on not only our Nation but members of his own Administration is a waste of resources.

Even now, Obama and Romney are racing neck and neck for the White House. Neither seems to be able to claw his way past the 50 percent mark. It would appear that somewhere between 5 and 10 percent of the actual electorate remains undecided. Romney can either devote resources targeting the 47 percent who are sticking with Obama through record unemployment, record national debt, Operation Fast and Furious, “quantitative easing” and the train wreck of a foreign policy Obama has conducted; or he can acknowledge the 47-percenters exist, target instead those who are receptive to his campaigning and play to win.

Meanwhile, as the corporate media dutifully focus on Romney’s accurate assessment of the core of Obama’s support, they’re revealing their true partisan bias. In a recent Obama presser, not one reporter asked about Stevens and his fellow martyrs. No one queried about Obama’s decision to leave them exposed. No one even asked about the rising anti-American violence in the Mideast. One reporter did ask whether Obama was privy to updates from Afghanistan (which is taking a similar turn for the worse); and another asked about the President’s golf game. No one even approached the as yet barely reported story that Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius brazenly violated the Hatch Act. That would normally result in termination, but apparently earns the violator applause in an Administration so bereft of respect for the law that the Attorney General has been found in both criminal and civil contempt of Congress — another disgrace that should have earned the violator a stretch in the pokey. The corporate media even got caught coordinating their questions for Romney.

However, while the Democrats try to keep us focused on what Romney’s saying, I can’t help but notice what Obama and his media minions aren’t saying.

–Ben Crystal

At The Movies

Generally, I approach the endless stream of foibles, flaws and failures which have defined President Barack Obama’s occupation of the Oval Office with humor. After all, I can either laugh or cry; and I’m not much for tears — except when I’m out of Scotch and the liquor store is closed. Following the events of the last few days, even I am finding it difficult to put a happy face on the clearly coordinated “chaos” in the Middle East and Obama’s hapless response thereto.

Late last week, Obama tried mightily to make the murder of Americans and attacks on our embassies a story about Mitt Romney. When that craven political move failed (mostly because it was so transparently stupid even the corporate media didn’t swallow it), the new talking point surprisingly shifted to parroting the Islamofascist instigators. According to a segment I like to call the Obama Protection League (OPL), the Islamofascist attacks for which our people were deliberately underprepared — as a direct result of Obama Administration orders — were and are due to a movie entitled “Innocence of Muslims.”

Being the diligent sort, I sat down to watch the film on YouTube. I presumed that it must be an exceptional bit of artistry for it to inspire such rage across the world and such mewling weakness from the White House. I steeled my resolve and clicked “play.”

Let me be absolutely clear: “Innocence of Muslims” is as much a “movie” as Obama is a “good President.” I made it almost three minutes into the show before I went back to checking my fantasy football roster. To suggest that “Innocence of Muslims” is a steaming pile of Maddow is — incredibly — an understatement. I remarked to a colleague that I could have out-auteured the shlockfest with a cell phone camera and a cast of ill-trained puppies. His response: “Sure, but why bother?”

Presume for a moment that the OPL is right, and the rising tide of Mideast chaos counterpointed with the downward spiral of the Nation’s prestige is happening in some geopolitical void where z-grade “movies” cause what would otherwise be peaceful folk to morph into bloodthirsty savages. By that logic, not only are the Democrats suggesting that Muslims are incapable of even marginal self-control in the face of minor provocation; they’re also suggesting that Jodie Foster is responsible for the attempted assassinations of President Reagan, Press Secretary James Brady, police officer Thomas Delhanty and Secret Service agent Tim McCarthy; the Beatles are complicit in the Manson murders and J.D. Salinger killed John Lennon.

“Innocence of Muslims” is garbage. It’s badly scripted, badly acted and badly shot. In fact, if you turn the sound off during viewing, it’s entirely possible you’ll wonder where they found what appear to be a tribe of gigantic and very angry “oompa-loompas.” It was also uploaded to YouTube months ago. To suggest — as Obama has continued to do since abandoning his shamefully mendacious attacks on Romney — that “Innocence of Muslims” is anything more than a convenient excuse for Islamofascists to do precisely what they’d be doing anyway is not only callous but also fairly racist.

I take the divine gift of American citizenship as seriously as I take almost nothing else. I observe Obama and his Democratic accomplices denigrate, demean and defile our precious freedoms on an almost daily basis. And there’s no doubting the Islamofascists’ ultimate plans for us. Nonetheless, I have stormed nary an embassy, set nary a flag alight and murdered nary an ambassador. Those qualities are shared by most members of the human species; including a fairly impressive majority of Muslims.

The recent crimes in the Mideast were committed by violent Islamofascist thugs; not some shot-on-a-lunchbreak “movie.” And the attacks’ efficacy was a direct result of the same lackadaisical ineptitude with which Obama has met every other challenge.

Granted, the OPL has to come up with SOMETHING. We’re inside two months to electoral zero hour; and Obama appears to be trying to throw the fight. He has piloted the economy into a death spiral; our geopolitical prestige lies in ashes in the streets of Benghazi, where the ambassador lacked the sort of protection that Obama crony Valerie Jarrett employs to keep the unwashed masses from disturbing her. Corruption, duplicity and perjury have tainted his legacy.

All things being equal, perhaps we should allow Obama and his minions to blame the movies. After all, they’ve subjected the rest of us to a horror film for nearly four years.

-Ben Crystal