A Wing And A Scare

Ripped from the headlines:

“Show Detective Stabler where the man touched you, Johnny.”

Another riveting episode of Law & Order: SVU? Nope — it’s the newest addition: “Law & Order: TSA.” And don’t look for it on television. Check local listings for time and airport.

There are a million jokes I could crack about President Barack Obama’s new fascist false flag flap at the nation’s airports. But bandwidth limits the space available, even if the situation wrought by Obama and his stooges as the height of the holiday travel season arrives provides endless opportunities for comedy. Well, tragicomedy, anyway.

It’s actually difficult to comprehend how we’ve arrived at this moment. The same liberals who shrieked bloody murder at the very idea of waterboarding Islamofascist terrorists are okey-dokey with the idea of taking dirty pictures of Grandma Kettle and copping a feel off Great-Aunt Ida? During the George W. Bush administration, liberals were apoplectic over the idea that we were denying al-Qaida terrorists bacon-free Happy Meals. The same folks are now telling us to live with being fondled by some guy named Mel with an embroidered badge, mustard stains on his high-water pants and a drawer full of rejection letters from the local sheriff’s department.

Should we even be surprised? An administration which has shown unabashed hostility to the majority of the American people since Obama slithered into the White House has decided to obscure their pathetic record on foreign affairs and national security by endeavoring to distract us with a colossal false flag. And now, the $10/hour mouth-breather who would otherwise be slinging coronaries at the airport Cinnabon is the last line of defense between air travelers and the next shoe-bomber. Doesn’t that mean we’re already screwed?

The stories are coming faster than the voters abandoned the Democrats earlier this month. At school or church, these incidents would be considered pedophilia. At LAX, they’re “security.” Some of the anecdotes are wildly exaggerated. Others are not — and require no augmentation to strain credulity. In some cases, the sordid tales of TSA excess come with the kind of pictures which, if found under your mattress, would lead to a date with the FBI.

Witness the nightmarish video from Salt Lake City starring a kid barely old enough to fly without sitting in a parent’s lap. Shot last Friday, the video revealed Transportation Security Administration thugs treating the tyke in a manner which normally requires police intervention, followed by registration with the state. Even the Palestinians don’t treat their kids this poorly; at least not until they’re old enough to walk under the weight of the Semtex vest.

There’s the miserable story out of Detroit in which poor Thomas Sawyer of Lansing, Mich., was treated far worse than we treat the al-Qaida terrorists about whom the liberals are so concerned. Sawyer is a bladder cancer survivor. As a result of his disease, Sawyer has to wear a urostomy bag. Back on Nov. 7, Sawyer went through security at Detroit’s Metropolitan Airport. And the TSA was ready.

“Evidently the scanner picked up on my urostomy bag, because I was chosen for a pat-down procedure…One agent watched as the other used his flat hand to go slowly down my chest. I tried to warn him that he would hit the bag and break the seal on my bag, but he ignored me. Sure enough, the seal was broken and urine started dribbling down my shirt and my leg and into my pants. They never apologized. They never offered to help. They acted like they hadn’t seen what happened. But I know they saw it because I had a wet mark.”

If only Sawyer had shown up wearing a hijab — then the terrorist front-group CAIR might have demanded security personnel check only his head and neck.

These documented instances are but few of the accounts of TSA behavior which are growing at what appear to be a geometric rate. Women and children have been molested; men like Sawyer have been humiliated, all by Obama’s airport animals. Amidst howls of justifiable rage from the flying public, the administration’s response has been laughable — and laughably disharmonious.

The U.S. Secretary of “I’m really not running for President in 2012″ Hillary Clinton even acknowledged on her dash through the Sunday morning network chat-fests that she would prefer to avoid Obama’s empty security gestures. Asked if she would submit to some alone-time with a TSA thug, Clinton admitted:

"Not if I could avoid it…I mean, who would?"

She CAN avoid it. You and I… can take Amtrak.

At least Clinton appears to get it. Senator Claire McCaskill (D-Mo.), finds humor in the humiliation of her fellow citizens.

"I am wildly excited about the notion that I can walk through a machine instead of getting my dose of love pats."

Surely, Senator McCaskill, even the TSA’s glorified mall security guards aren’t that hard up.

Meanwhile, backed by Obama’s silly statements regarding the necessity of the new measures, Homeland Secretary Janet Napolitano and TSA Director John Pistole have maintained their stance in favor of getting handsy with citizens. Pistole recently told Congress:

"We know the terrorists’ intent is still there… We are using technology and protocols to stay ahead of the threat and keep you safe. (Several near-misses by terrorists on airplane bombings) got through security because we were not being thorough enough in our pat-downs."

Actually, the threats to which Pistole referred in his testimony — would-be terrorists like Richard Reid and Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab — got through because foreign airports allowed them through; a situation which will remain unchanged no matter how many times some TSA creep touches American travelers’ “junk.”

Pistole’s boss Napolitano makes no effort to wrap herself in the false flag with which Pistole covers himself. Instead, she shares the rest of the liberal ruling elite’s disdain for those of us who fly coach. In addition to suggesting that those averse to spending quality time with Obama’s TSA thugs should consider alternative modes of transportation, she’s also warning intransigent travelers that their refusal to subject themselves to humiliation will carry consequences far more serious than simply arriving late to Thanksgiving dinner.

According to recent reports like this one in the South Florida Sun-Sentinel:

“(Those who refuse to submit to invasive screening procedures) will have to remain on the premises to be questioned by the TSA and possibly by local law enforcement. Anyone refusing faces fines up to $11,000 and possible arrest.”

Just lay there, close your eyes and try to live through it.

Of course, we can avoid having to play “hide the cookies” with the TSA, provided we’re willing to:

  1. Be “scanned” by devices which not only reveal enough to make even Larry Flynt uncomfortable, but deliver enough radiation to make frequent flyers grow extra toes.
  2. Gamble that the supposedly instantly deleted images will actually be instantly deleted and not spread across the Internet by perverted TSA personnel. Oops — spoke too soon.
  3. Eschew air travel and go Greyhound. Enjoy 18 hours sitting next to a guy who smells like hamsters and feet.

There is another option. We can refuse. We can grind the nation’s airways to a halt. All right, we can grind the nation’s airways to even more of a halt than the airlines have already ground them. It’s not as if the airlines will suffer for the loss of paying customers — they’ll end up getting another multi-billion dollar bailout.

We can finally stand up to the increasingly despotic liberal regime and cry with one voice:

“We had better get some freaking peanuts after this!”

Plugging The WikiLeaks

Memo to the CIA:

I know that ever since President Gerald Ford signed Executive Order 11905, you have been legally barred from whacking bad guys. And ex-worst-President-in-history Jimmy Carter managed to find time to sign Executive Order 12036, which actually barred you from not only whacking bad guys, but even giving them wedgies.

However, “targeted killings” are an entirely different matter. During the late 1990s, President Bill Clinton began a policy of direct action against those who represented a clear and present danger to the safety and security of American citizens. Clinton was trying to act against al-Qaida — and headlines about Monica Lewinsky’s wardrobe — but the goal was clear:

Self-defense is entirely justifiable.

So call the elimination of WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange a “targeted killing.” Hell, call it a “vacation to EuroDisney.” Assange’s web-based monument to his own vanity is as clear a case of deliberate endangerment of American security as exists without an explosive-laden vest.

Assange’s WikiLeaks project has released hundreds of thousands of classified documents relating to delicate American diplomatic efforts to deal with intransigent and occasionally hostile regimes. WikiLeaks has also revealed information which either specifically identifies individual allies in the war on terrorism, or offered enough about some of these valuable human assets to have piqued the curiosity of some of the most dedicated enemies of freedom on the planet.

Even the redoubtably liberal The New York Times, which proudly printed the Pentagon Papers, has redacted sections of WikiLeaks releases in order to protect people from likely retaliation. In Sunday’s edition of The Times, the editorial board offered an explanation of their decision to publish some of the WikiLeaks material:

The Times has taken care to exclude, in its articles and in supplementary material, in print and online, information that would endanger confidential informants or compromise national security.”

Only the most pathologically dishonest among us would suggest that The Times could list farther to port without capsizing. As for those of us Outside the Asylum, it’s fairly astounding to imagine the same paper, which years ago sacrificed journalistic integrity on the pyre of liberal hypocrisy, would have enough conscience to back off — slightly — from the War on Terror version of publishing the names, home addresses and telephone numbers of the witnesses in a mafia trial.

Even the White House is aghast at the possibility that valuable diplomatic relations, much less individual lives, may be destroyed as a result of Assange’s grab at the brass ring of infamy.

“By releasing stolen and classified documents, WikiLeaks has put at risk not only the cause of human rights but also the lives and work of these individuals.”

Put aside the air of permissiveness fostered by a Barack Obama Administration which has been guided by racism, hypocrisy and unequalled ineptitude, and focus on the fact that even the first truly socialist President has removed Assange from his Kwanzaa card list.

In the course of researching this piece I was surprised to discover sizeable opposition to WikiLeaks, even at the tinfoil hat brigadier website DailyKos.com. Given that the owner of Daily Kos once celebrated the murder of four Americans by Islamofacist terrorists, the idea that some of the inmates in that particular asylum are cognizant of the extreme danger posed by WikiLeaks is nothing short of remarkable. According to one Daily Kos poster:

“People who celebrate these leaks are like people dancing on the warhead of a nuclear missile.”

Keep in mind, Daily Kos maintains a policy of deleting posts which its members find contrary. (They call it “hiding.” People with IQ’s higher than broccoli call that “bull.” We don’t do that here at Personal Liberty Digest.) The bigger picture: About the only Americans who support WikiLeaks are likely traitor Bradley Manning (who’s enjoying the hospitality of Marine Corps Detention Center Quantico) and Ward Churchill.

Assange is living the life of a celebrity. In the meantime, lives may be lost. Reports from outlets including London’s Sunday Times acknowledge that WikiLeaks’ war diaries are regularly studied by Islamofascists for details about potential enemies. They are not looking for hints on Ramadan gifts.

Assange will continue to publish every scrap he can find. His sources remain mostly anonymous, a courtesy he does not extend to the potential victims of his hubris.

“…if we were forced into a position of publishing all of the archives or none of the archives we would publish all of the archives because it’s extremely important to the history of this war.”

Again — Ben to Langley: Squash this Assange bug — and his collaborators. You have more than your own reputation on the line here.

Next of Kim

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.  I hate to interrupt your celebration of history, family and living through being molested by the TSA, but before you slip into a tryptophan-induced coma, I thought I’d tell you:

The evil dwarf who essentially owns North Korea is showing signs of ruining everyone’s Christmas.

The headline on the Drudge Report stated simply “It Begins.”  Keep in mind “It” began in 1950.  And while North Korea’s bombardment of the South Korean island of Yeonpyong earlier this week is hardly the only saber-rattling the world has seen from the Pyongyang freak show over the last 57 years, the noise is starting to bother the neighbors.

A little historical perspective is normally required when discussing the peculiarities of Korean peninsular politics:

  1. “Korean peninsular politics” involves pretty much every country with a financial interest, military presence or even vacation plans in the area.
  2. The Korean War was fought by proxy, then in person, then by proxy again by the United States, the Soviet Union/Russia and the Red Chinese — the three biggest heavyweights of the modern era.  Nobody “won.”  Tie ballgames don’t sit well.
  3. The Korean War never actually ended.  The cease-fire of 1953 was just that — a cease-fire.  No armistice treaty has ever been signed by the two primaries.
  4. One of the key players, Kim Jong-Il, is “Ed Schultz with a 9-million man army” crazy.
  5. North Korea has nuclear weapons, but not enough civil energy to keep a 40-watt light bulb burning.

I should probably devote more space to explaining the “Korean question.”  Thanks to the teachers’ unions, most Americans don’t know much more about Korea than “land of the Samsung flat screen.”  Given that most Americans are unlikely to get “where is your state?” right without three guesses and a cheat-sheet, I’m going to move on.

Kim Jong Il IS certifiably crazy.  Unfortunately, his daddy, Kim Il-Sung, created the kind of cult of personality in North Korean politics which gave George Orwell bad dreams and gave Stalin the sort of dreams you don’t want Mom finding out about.   As a result of the odd confluence of autocratic control, Chinese willingness to continue to throw billions at the Kim regime (which he spends on MiG fighter jets, enriched uranium and — evidently — ill-fitting track suits and lifts for his shoes) and the West having no stomach for standing up to communist wackjobs, Kim has become to Asian stability what a drunk guy with Parkinson’s is to a game of Jenga.

North Korea, as personified by Kim, has continually made clear its intentions:  Forcibly extend “Kim-ness” from Pyongyang to Pusan.  Given the paranoia displayed by all the Kims (Dad Il Sung, son Jong Il and science experiment Jong Un), and endemic to all autocrats, one could fairly presume that this nuclear-armed lunatic would likely try to spread his brand of crazy outside the asylum.

And that’s where the situation gets sticky.  Kim has assembled the world’s fourth-largest standing army and has the compunction of a hyperactive teenager.  North Korea’s only “friend” is Communist China, and even they have moments where Kim’s (pick your Kim) behavior seems unsettling.  Hardly surprising, given that the official biography of the current Kim (Jong-Il) is the tallest tale told since Virgil wrote the Aeneid to keep Augustus from sending him to meet Dante ahead of schedule. 

Meanwhile, the Russians have expressed the usual inscrutably measured tones of disapproval over Kim’s latest crimes.  The Japanese are understandably displeased with the idea of him shaking nukes at them from less than 200 miles away.  The South Koreans, who have fended off endless skirmishes, sabotage and subterfuge by their wayward neighbors, are both enraged and terrified.  And the United States, with nearly 40,000 troops in the demilitarized zone (the most heavily militarized real estate on the planet), must either create a solution or force one.

Peace — meaningful peace — seems unlikely.  Kim isn’t interested, unless the peace in question involves him keeping “Dear Leader” embroidered on his track suit.  In 1950, war nearly turned the entire peninsula into a parking lot.  After three years and nearly 3 million dead (including nearly 40,000 Americans), nothing changed.  There are a number of possible outcomes to the “North Korea finally jumps the nuclear shark” scenario; most of them involve Tokyo glowing in the dark.  At the very least, I’m going to stock up on ammunition and bottled water.

Far be it for me to suggest — but maybe the solution isn’t in bombs, but bullets.  One or two should suffice.  Bad diplomacy?  Sure.  But nobody can talk sense into the Kims.  Perhaps dear old daddy Kim (Il Sung) can explain it to them over some kimchee in the afterlife.

These Kids Today

It’s been three weeks since voters across the nation spanked President Barack Obama and his tinfoil hat brigadiers. Normally, when a wayward child — or unresponsive political party — earns the back of their parents’ — or voters’ — hand, the time in the bedroom gulag is best spent reflecting on the reasons for the banishment.

Would that soon-to-be-ex House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) and her pals were as easily disciplined as the average 8-year-old. Sadly, during the time that has passed since Election Day, the Democrat Party has shown no inclination to learn the lesson. In fact, if I had reacted to a paternal upbraiding the way the Democrats have to the electorate’s belt, my fortunes would have dimmed considerably. If the Democrats continue joyriding in the family car and leaving their beer cans where Mom and Dad Voter can find them, they’ll find they end up a lot more than grounded in 2012.

Last week, the Democrats voted to keep Pelosi their House leader. Given that nearly every Republican who ran in 2010 dropped her name on their Democrat opponents the way Bugs Bunny dropped anvils on Yosemite Sam, you would think the Dems would have banished her to the far corner of Congress for a couple of years of timeout. Outside Obama himself, Pelosi is likely the most deservedly identified and reviled face of the Democrat party. The idea of the Democrats emerging from their electoral beating and immediately voting to keep the arrogant architect of their own demise is “Let’s keep Napoleon after Waterloo” logic. Even the French are more tactically sound.

For her own part, Pelosi didn’t exactly step out of character. A week after the Democrats’ disaster, she remarked on her party’s audio talking-points service,  National Public Radio:

“We didn’t lose the election because of me.”

In a sense, she’s correct. The rest of her party could have dumped her like a girlfriend who won’t give up the remote during football season. But they let Pelosi keep the TV tuned to The View.

Returning Pelosi to the top of the pecking order was merely the opening salvo in the Democrats’ pinhead-palooza. Last week, Ms. “Swamp-drainer” was pushed below the fold by The Swamp himself. Democrat Party leader Charlie Rangel (D-N.Y.), until recently the chairman of the enormously powerful House Ways and Means Committee, was caught dead to rights on 40 years of corruption, tax evasion and abuse of the public trust. Former civil rights legend-turned race-baiting liar John Lewis even showed up to lend Charlie his support. Lewis’ statement would have been more meaningful had he not opened by acknowledging that he had no clue what the trial was about. He then drew a moral parallel between the repulsive Rangel and the victims of South African apartheid. And the lame-duck, Democrat-controlled House, suitably chastened by the electorate’s reprimand regarding their perverse corruption, dropped the hammer… and picked up a feather instead.

Censure for Rangel — and even then the vote wasn’t unanimous. They have a word for the consequences faced by a non-40-year-Democrat-veteran-of-the-House, should they dip into the cookie jar like ol’ Charlie: prison.

In the midst of Rangel’s kangaroo court, Representative Sheila Jackson-Lee (D-Texas) blew kisses at MSNBC‘s late-night laughingstock “Special” Ed Schultz. Jackson-Lee, another of the Democrat Party’s standard-bearers, once served on the House Science Subcommittee, which deals with NASA. During one briefing,  Jackson-Lee — whose Texas 18th District includes NASA’s Johnson Space Center — asked whether the Mars Pathfinder would be visiting the flag left on the moon by the Apollo astronauts. Er… no, Jackson-Lee. Marvin the Martian demolished the Apollo site with his PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator.

Jackson-Lee left her interstellar interrogatives out of her makeout session with Schultz, instead choosing to focus on recent comments by radio supervillain Rush Limbaugh. With the simpering Schultz leading her by the nose, Jackson-Lee scurried to the safety of smearing Limbaugh with the specious claim of racism. Jackson-Lee, who sees racism in virtually every situation which doesn’t work to her advantage (she once claimed congressional hearing time limits were a racist conspiracy), even assigned victim-of-racism status to the pasty-faced Schultz:

“You’ve been called Sergeant Schultz. Is that because you have a name that may be ethnically connected to being a sergeant? I’m not sure what that is. I find that insulting as well.”

Stand with Sheila: Stop the oppression of Sitcom-Americans today.

Three weeks since America sent Congressional Democrats to their rooms, and clearly, the kids have not learned their lesson. Most galling of all: with the liberal bad seed running amok, the whole country has to go to bed without dessert.

The Lucky Man

The opening lines of Keith Koffler’s recent effort in Politico just missed the mark:

“President Barack Obama, fresh from his drubbing in the 2010 midterms, is trying to revive his fortunes by pursuing a path toward the middle.”

At least he got the “drubbing” part right. But Obama is about as likely to steer toward the so-called “middle” as Paul Krugman is to admit that Obamacare will require death panels. (Oops. Spoke too soon.)

Koffler’s piece, entitled “Freudian Slips May Haunt Obama” is actually a marginally astute examination of Barack Obama — Unplugged, and the routinely unfortunate circumstances he creates for his liberal accomplices through unscripted revelations of his true nature.

Koffler actually does a bit of a soft-shoe on Obama’s tendency toward verbal diarrhea. But his recounting of the lowlights of Obama’s lamentable tenure in the White House does spell out in black and white this revelation:

He may be shrewd, even clever; but Barack Obama is no more intellectually supercharged than Joe Biden’s hair plugs.

For all the port-side travelers who took such delight in mocking the brainpower of George W. Bush, chew on this: Obama is far from brilliant. He’s a manufactured genius, a fictional savior, cut from whole cloth. He’s a talking haircut, a speech-making savant. The liberally reviled Bush is a Jeffersonian polymath compared to this mendacious marionette.

Despite the best efforts of Obama’s handlers, his occasional ventures off script have not only required a universal liberal whitewash, they’ve also given us an unedited glimpse at the real Barack Obama.

This is the Alinsky-ite babbler who thinks that his political opponents are “enemies” whom he exhorts his liberal acolytes to fear far more than the illegal aliens, Islamofacists and outright communists he works so hard to appease.

He’s the lout who derides his fellow Americans who “cling to their guns and religion.” Of course, only reactionary psychopaths openly celebrate that pesky Bill of Rights.

He’s the “shovel-ready” leftist shaman who’s obviously as familiar with hard work as Charlie Rangel is with Jenny Craig.

During the 2008 Presidential campaign, he encountered Samuel Joseph “Joe the Plumber” Wurzelbacher, to whom he proclaimed:

“I think when you spread the wealth around…it’s good for everybody.”

That’s Das Kapital for Dummies. Liberals reacted to the exchange by crucifying Wurzelbacker. Few noted that the economic battle of wits between Joe and Barack was like the New York Giants squaring off with the local junior high school… cheerleaders.

I could continue to recount examples of tragicomic ineptitude which has become the stock in trade for Obama, but I have to take the President’s advice and find a seat in “the back of the bus” with my “Slurpee.”

Koffler notes what he calls Obama’s “cool opaqueness” and suggested he might be an “elitist.” Obama is not opaque, he’s vacuous. Whether he’s calling the majority of Arizonans racist — and ratting them out to the United Nations like a 5-year-old tattling to mommy — or bowing down to some America-hating tin-pot, his actions suggest a nearly comprehensive lack of awareness.

And he’s no elitist. His gourmet meals with Oprah, plush sojourns to the Subcontinent and endless tee times may make us yearn for Bush’s brush-clearing misadventures; but his lavish lifestyle in the face of economic hard times for his constituents suggests he’s an elitist wannabe.

The Kennedys are elitists. Having personally trod the perfectly manicured grounds of their palatial Hyannis Port homestead, I can assure you that — despite their “people of the people” act — the Kennedys only allow folks like Obama through the gates to re-line the tennis courts and fish campaign volunteers out from under the bridge at Edgartown. Overtly public displays of excess are so gauche.

Let’s be honest; if Jack Ryan had kept his hands to himself (or been a Democrat, where that sort of behavior amongst Senators is acceptable), Obama would probably be helping ACORN teach Chi-town hookers how to qualify for Clintoncare.

Obama is part Chauncey Gardner in Being There — unintentionally blessed by incredible serendipity; and part Tom Grunick in Broadcast News — a creepy savant, able to regurgitate impressive talking points without seeming comprehension of their depth or consequence. He can mime emotional reaction, but only in the rote manner employed by Asperger’s sufferers.

But the White House is not a back lot at one of Obama’s Hollywood pals’ studios. And our national plight, clearly beyond the meager capabilities of our Commander-in-Chief, is no cinematic epic. Sadly, at the end of the Obama version of Being There, the clueless hero doesn’t walk on water — he falls in.

And we all drown.

It’s a Banned Ol’ Flag

The Flag of the United States. The Stars and Stripes. The emblem of the land we love. It’s adornment, apparel, even automotive appliqué. As the avatar of American liberty, it’s deservedly revered. As the embodiment of American eminence, it’s unfortunately reviled.

While most of our hearts bleed true for the Red, White and Blue, some of the more puerile pinheads on the Left consider Ol’ Glory a punch line. They sully it, stomp on it, even set it on fire; all the while wrapping themselves in the very protections it epitomizes.

Last week the flag took on a new role for one 13-year-old in Denair, Calif.: Scarlet Letter. Cody Alicea is a student at Denair Middle School. Cody proudly displayed the flag on his bicycle in homage to his grandfather’s service in the military. Then, three days before Veterans Day, Stanislaus County, Calif. School District officials put an abrupt stop to Cody’s patriotic expressions. They demanded he remove the flag from his bike.

Allegedly, the flag was drawing complaints from some of Cody’s peers and fellow teachers’ union victims. According to Superintendent Edward Parraz, the mere sight of Cody’s flag-festooned five-speed was racially inflammatory.

"Our Hispanic, you know, kids will, you know, bring their Mexican flags and they’ll display it, and then of course the kids would do the American flag situation, and it does cause kind of a racial tension which we don’t really want… We want them to appreciate the cultures."

So, the Mexican kids are displaying the flag of an entirely different country (for now, anyway); and the Stanislaus County School Superintendent is concerned about their sensitivities should someone display the flag of the country in which they’re living? It’s been said before, but it bears repetition: If it’s the dumbest thing you’ve heard all week:

  1. Liberals—especially teachers’ unions—are involved.
  2. It’s happening in California.

Parraz went on to describe “racial tensions,” citing some unfortunate incidents during a Cinco de Mayo celebration. So, the English-as-a-second-language crowd objected to the American flag, months after a chaotic observance of… a Wednesday. (Mexican Independence Day is actually Sept. 16. In Mexico, Cinco de Mayo is… May 5.) We’re supposed to appreciate Mexican culture? Which Mexican culture—the culture of Mexico, or the culture of Mexican restaurants?

Either way, Cody should thank Parraz. I’m sure he’d be mortified to learn his shamelessly jingoistic flag-waving was upsetting Paco and Jorge while they celebrated the wrong holiday.

School officials did squeak out a weak claim that their primary concern was to keep Cody safe. From whom: Paco? Jorge? Presidente de México Calderón? If the Stars and Stripes incites violence, shouldn’t the Stanislaus School System have cracked down on the potential offenders, or at least taken away their case of Dos Equis?

By the end of last week, popular outcry had cowed the school into relenting on their bicycle flag-ban. But it’s worth noting that they even thought to bar Cody from displaying the flag in the first place. For every liberal whose idiotic action gets publicly pounded, how many go unnoticed? And considering we’re talking about an Orwellian overstepping of authority with our children, how many kids will simply assume their schools are right?

While the bizarre flap over Cody’s flag deftly demonstrates how the Stanislaus County Public Schools have successfully fostered racial hostilities based on elementary misconceptions about not one culture, but two, it also demonstrates just how far down the rabbit hole we’ve come thanks to our liberal friends. A 13-year-old kid was denied the right to fly an American flag three days before Veterans Day in order to assuage the delicate sensibilities of… other 13-year-olds.

The Democrats’ desperate bid to make room in their tent for people who speak English with a tilde has pushed out the people who speak English at home. The racial divisions deliberately exploited by the Democrats have left American children on the other side of the proverbial border. Cody Alicea just wanted to honor his veteran grandfather. But school administrators were concerned such honor would bring dishonor to them — I’ll presume in the eyes of Presidente Calderón.

The Barack Obama Administration says supporters of meaningful immigration reform are racist. Democrats claim that opposition to amnesty is racist. Presidente Calderón says the same thing. I say: when Democrat-backed teachers’ unions start going after our children — and our flag — racism is the issue, but it’s Americans — in the person of Cody Alicea — who are the real victims.

Meanwhile, out in front of Denair Middle School in Stanislaus County, Calif., there stands a flagpole…

Flying the American flag.

NO SOUP FOR YOU!

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, heart disease is the No. 1 killer of Americans. More than 1.1 million Americans will have a heart attack this year. A quarter of us who shuffle off this mortal coil each year will be felled by heart disease, often due to a high-sodium diet. High blood pressure, Heart Attacks, STROKES — WHO WILL SAVE US?

Have no fear, beefy brothers and stout sisters! The mighty Michael Bloomberg, mayor of New York City, is on the case even as we speak. Fresh off a victory against the scourge of public smoking, he’s fixed a new target in his sights — one of the truly diabolical demons of the dietary dominion:

Soup.

It appears the elevated levels of sodium in some canned foods have incited His Honor into action. The City of New York is embarking on a taxpayer-funded, $500,000 campaign to demonstrate to the denizens of the Big Apple that eating soup is… bad. Subway walls will be festooned with posters depicting cans of Bean ‘n Bacon machine-gunning customers outside the Carnegie Deli. Actually, the posters will depict soup cans overflowing with geysers of salt. It’s more of a kinder, gentler, patronizing tone.

And patronizing is the operative word here. This is a half million dollars which could have sent a couple of kids to college, to the store for a decade’s worth of groceries or even to a Yankees home game (obstructed view seats).

Let’s assume that Bloomberg’s heart is in an appropriately low-sodium place. He’s going to plaster the walls of the electric sewer with posters warning Noo Yawkezz to lay off the salt. Wouldn’t the half million be better spent simply having Bloomberg run around Central Park pelting passerby with broccoli florets? In a city renowned the world over for culinary excess — e.g. those curbside carts where broccoli is most decidedly NOT served — at least Bloomberg would give his loyal constituents a laugh. Remember kiddies: happy = healthy! At the very least, the Mayor himself would be safer. Just imagine this unfortunate exchange:

Bloomberg: See here, Paulie! Unhand that minestrone! It’s full of sodium!

Paulie: Yo, Nico! Get duh sim-ment. Hizzahnna’s goin’ fuh a swim.”

Mr. Mayor — put down the roughage, and back slowly away.

Paulie’s steady diet of cured meats will likely have him swimming with the fishes ahead of schedule, presuming he doesn’t die of — ahem — lead poisoning first. But $500,000 to convince Paulie and the crew that high-sodium diets are bad for you?

Imagine instead of working in “second-hand plumbing supplies,” Paulie is a chef at Teodora. Are we to believe that he’s going to serve up the finest linguine con vongole on the Eastern Seaboard, but dine on cauliflower in the kitchen? Does Paulie play football in Flatbush on Saturday afternoons? He could get hurt. How about $500,000 to convince him to take up knitting? Those needles can be pretty sharp. Better we just take the half million and wrap Paulie and his pals in foam rubber.

Come to think of it, when we consider all the ills which may befall us, perhaps the Federal government could step in. Instead of $500,000, it could be $500 BILLION. We’ll wrap everyone in foam rubber. We’ll spend the rest of the cash on organic vegetable farming. Of course, we’ll be wrapped in foam rubber, so we’ll have to import labor to do the actual farming, get the veggies to the market, to our houses, to our plates and even our mouths. But then, the farmers and feeders will want benefits; and that means more foam rubber.

We’re going to have to take our chances. Despite Bloomberg’s crusade against the Campbell’s Kids, along with similar nanny-state efforts against smoking, carbon emissions and even light bulbs, some people drive their hybrids to the co-op to buy candles, and others pick up the Fatty-Fatty-Fat-Fat Platter at the Stop’n’Gorge after installing new halogens on the F-350. And some are going to grab their chests at 55, and others will check out much later.

Take some advice from Dr. Mark Wiley and Bob Livingston at the Personal Liberty Digest: Try to live a reasonably healthy lifestyle. Although I could use a little improvement in a few areas, I don’t require the Federal government or Bloomberg to spend your money and mine to do it. (Dr. Wiley’s advice is free!) Even McDonald’s doesn’t tell you that the All-Big-Mac diet is going to prolong your life.

Eat healthier. And avoid socializing with “used plumbing supply salesmen.”

Of course, you still might get hit by a car, a bus or someone aiming at Paulie. Memo to Bloomberg:

This is going to cost a lot more than $500,000.

The End of “Olbermania”

With the exception of the occasional troll who bumbles onto our message boards, liberals are few and far between here in the enlightened empire of the Personal Liberty Digest. Therefore, something tells me the number of Bob Livingstonians who bemoaned the indefinite suspension (which NBC has since announced would end today) of MSNBC’s reigning rant-meister Keith Olbermann is lower than the number of transgender census takers working the northwestern Montana survivalist compounds.

As a result, something tells me an NFL-sized crowd is going to object when I say:

MSNBC was wrong to give Keith Olbermann the hook.

To be sure: Olbermann is a supercilious, simpering sleazebag. From his first steps on the national stage as Dan Patrick’s gal Friday on ESPN, to his now-toes-up tenure as the Democrat Party’s high priest of hate on GE’s liberal propaganda outlet, Olbermann has never risen above the minimal standards expected of the shrieking lunatics infesting the mainstream media.

But when did that become a source of concern for MSNBC?

Just days after National Public Radio — the Democrat party’s radio division — gave Juan Williams his walking papers for expressing his opinion, MSNBC announced they were suspending Olbermann indefinitely for donating money to political campaigns in violation of NBC policy. In fact, Olbermann gave the $2,400 maximum to Rep. Raul Grijalva (D-Ariz.) the same day Grijalva appeared as a guest on his Countdown program.

Olbermann evidently failed to report his donations to management, a clear violation of that policy. But Olbermann has been spewing Democrat talking points for seven years; it seems odd that NBC would suddenly decide ethics are important at a network which employs not only a tinfoil hat brigadier like Olbermann, but Chris Matthews, Rachel Maddow and Ed Schultz, none of whom possessed journalistic integrity from the start. As for the donations, Olbermann has been the most partisan commentator on cable news for more than half of the last decade. What has the aggregate monetary value of his shameless shilling for liberals been during that period?

To be fair, Olbermann’s financial largesse merely reminded us that he’s a hypocrite. Of course, he’s a liberal commentator, so calling him a hypocrite is like saying the earth is round, or that Joy Behar is an idiot.       

According to the free-market economic principles most sincerely NOT espoused by the journalism school factory seconds on MSNBC, the network has the right to send Olbermann packing for violations of his contract, common sense or even common decency.

But why start now? If NBC’s reasoning is that Olbermann’s high-volume vituperation is detrimental to MSNBC’s flat-lining ratings, then I would counter that Olbermann has been chained to the network’s stern since 2003. On many nights, the entirety of the MSNBC primetime sideshow can’t equal the ratings for a single episode of Olbermann’s nemesis, Bill O’Reilly on Fox News.

If their concern is a lack of credibility, then they should lock all four of their primetime anchors in the clown car and push it down to the Daily Kos parking lot. Matthews’s election night “interview” with Michelle Bachmann was so overtly partisan and hostile that it embarrassed even Maddow.

Maddow recently slandered former Rep. Steve Stockman, falsely claiming he had advance knowledge of the Oklahoma City bombing. When she was caught in the lie, she offered the weakly transparent excuse of “an editing error.” She lied — and her excuse was thinner than the poor guy behind Schultz in the line at the MSNBC commissary. As for Schultz himself; in the run-up to Scott Brown’s victory in January’s Massachusetts Senatorial special election, Schultz offered his take:

“…if I lived in Massachusetts I’d try to vote 10 times…Yeah, that’s right. I’d cheat to keep these bastards out. I would…”

And the powers that be at America’s least-watched cable news network are concerned about their ethics? If the indefinite suspension of Olbermann is an effort by MSNBC to reclaim journalistic integrity, I’d say that they’re national debt-late and Janet Napolitano-short. And now that Olbermann’s science project, the ridiculous Maddow, is the de facto face of the network, the effort to boost MSNBC out of “fat kid at the Olympic trials” position in the news ratings is deader than Olbermann’s career.

MSNBC decided to snuggle up with liberalism’s lunatic fringe long ago. It was their right to terminate their own credibility, just like it’s my right to watch something more compelling — like “Not Without My Daughter IV — Sharia’s Revenge” on Lifetime.

While I — and everyone with an IQ higher than Play-Doh — recognize that Olbermann and his MSNBC mouth-breathers for the intellectual dandruff they are, allow me to make a suggestion: Keep Olbermann on MSNBC. Then change the channel.

Slouching Toward Washington

The precincts are dark. The campaign signs are already fading. The absentee ballots have submerged beneath the Chicago River. ACORN has returned to teaching “girls” how to conduct “business.”

The rough beast is reborn. The GOP is back.

All right Republicans, you shrugged off the vituperative venom, the mendacious mudslinging and duplicitous defamation to exile the liberals to the nosebleed section of the Congressbowl. Two years of Barack Obama’s Alinsky-ite babble and four years of Nancy Pelosi’s bug-eyed cacophony led to the immolation of the Democrat Party’s ambitions on a bonfire of political inanities. Good for you? Of course. Good for us? It had better be; or you’ll be joining your erstwhile opponents on the electoral unemployment line.

If you, the freshly minted Republican House majority, can’t engineer significant reversal of the runaway economic disaster the Democrats have foisted upon us, expect 2012 to resemble 2006 instead of 1980.

Being a charitable fellow, I thought I would offer a few suggestions as to how you might ensure that your time in the political limelight lasts longer than a sparring session between Roy Jones, Jr. and Harry Reid.

  1. Cut spending. Check that — axe-murder spending. Don’t “rein in wasteful outlays.” Do “relate to runaway budget deficits the way Jason Voorhees related to scantily-clad teenagers.” Start with something worthwhile and visible, such as taxpayer funding for National Public Radio. It is not lost on me that the same liberals who say NPR shows no discernable bias are the ones crying for soulless conservatives to spare it from the legislative guillotine. If their programming is so marvelous (to be fair: some of it is), let them sell sponsorships like the saps operating above 92.1 on the FM band. Let’s see how many people are willing to snatch scratch from their own registers so Nina Totenberg can wish West African Death Virus on some Republican’s grandchildren.
  1. Cut taxes. I know — groundbreaking stuff. But I’m not merely referencing extending the Bush tax cuts for the leisure class — I don’t particularly care if Paris Hilton has to wait a month before buying her next pink-hued… thing. I’m talking about burying the entire dimwitted concept of the “rich paying their fair share.” The rich already pay their fair share, along with quite a few others’ fair shares, as well. What the Democrats want to do is send the American economic football team onto the field without the varsity offense. Enough badly mixed sports metaphors. Give the Bush-era tax relief another decade.
  1. Drive a stake through Obamacare’s undead heart. Tell the liberals that it “fails means-testing for long term viability.” Meanwhile, perhaps one of the left-wing jacklegs would like to enlighten the class about the new 3.8 percent real estate surtax slipped into the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act to pay for all of us to have our tests evaluated by a guy whose medical experience was gleaned from watching “Marcus Welby, M.D.” reruns. You Republicans will stand behind every state which sues to throw Obamacare overboard. Otherwise, in 2012, it will be ye who walk the plank, maties.
  1. Kill the bailouts, dismember them and bury them in deep holes miles apart. General Motors pocketed more than $50 billion in taxpayer swag and it’s increasingly unlikely they will make enough from their upcoming initial public offering  to pay back more than one-fifth of that. The same vehicular virtuosos who gave us mind-numbing Chevy rent-a-boxes and the Dali-esque (nothing else would do it justice) Pontiac Aztek can go pound tire dust. Ford didn’t take a nickel, and they’re doing just fine.
  1. Nail the pork barrel lid shut. Two words: West Virginia. Everything in that state which stops moving for more than a few moments ends up with a sign commemorating a dead Klansman-turned-legislator. Congress stuck nearly $17 billion in earmarks to legislation this year. We’re a trillion in the hole, and these clowns want to keep building proverbial bridges to nowhere. Yes, I mean you, Thad Cochran (R-Miss.)! Don’t think that R spares you from responsibility, pal.

Since the polls indicated the economy was foremost on the voters’ minds when they activated the ejector seat in the American Batmobile, I have focused primarily on economic issues. The Democrats will accuse you of causing gridlock, of distracting Obama from the business of governing. I would retort that distracting Obama from the business of governing is like distracting a wolf from gnawing on your wallet — or your kids. But the lesson remains immutable: Republicans, the nation has granted you an electoral reprieve.

Don’t screw this up, or more than mere anarchy will be let loose upon your world.

Return To The City On A Hill

My Fellow Americans:

Today we will exercise one of the most fundamental of the freedoms granted us by the greatest assemblage of intellect in human history. Today, thanks to the foresight and forbearance of our Founding Fathers, we rise together to choose the path we shall collectively — and individually —  follow into the future.

In the largest cities and the smallest villages, we will stride confidently into our polling places and offer our electoral endorsements to those whom we deem worthy to do our bidding as our proxies in city council chambers, State legislatures, Governor’s mansions and the Nation’s capital.

Despite the increasingly shrill calls from the left for a halt to the intellectual and industrial progress which has fueled this magnificent Nation’s greatness for nearly two and a half centuries, today we can add our voices to the mellifluous chorus of those who have gone before us on behalf of those who will come behind us. We can join hands and call out across the fruited plains:  Do not despair, brothers and sisters of this American family. The greatest days of the greatest Nation the Almighty has ever allowed to grace His green earth lie eternally ahead.

Even the most beloved President was merely a man. Without the blessing of the electorate, his most noteworthy accomplishments would have existed only in his imagination. The finest Senator was simply an aspirant to eminence without a collective nod of the peoples’ heads at the ballot box, consigned to the humdrum routine of daily life. The Governors, State legislators, mayors and even dog catchers who climbed the heights of distinction were faces in the crowd without the acclaim afforded to them by the people whom they served. 

Today, amidst the endless line of applicants and also-rans who have spent time and money begging for electoral scraps from the peoples’ table, we have the joy of granting the worthy our assent and barring the unworthy from our corridors of authority. Today, we remind them — at the loftiest moments of their political existence, from city council chambers to the U.S. Senate chamber itself:  The power is ours to lend you. The clout you crave is ours to bestow…or deny. Despite the gripes and groans of those who have lost faith in the American system of government, thus has it always been, and thus should it always be.

I often marvel at those who would sell their vote so casually; whether for cash, for patronage, or empty promises of governmental largesse. The idea of offering up that greatest reminder of personal authority over even the most grotesquely greedy, the most fanatically fatuous and the most stupefying and smug office-seekers for the promise of a potential plum is anathema to me. On this one day, no matter how humble our circumstances, we can tell those who yearn to be our masters: The Obamas, Pelosis, Reids and Rangels — that even in the lofty heights of electoral dominion — WE are the masters of America’s fate, the Captains of the National soul. 

Office-seekers: You are ours. You serve us. The mandates you claim, the authority you seek, even the remuneration you may receive is all contingent upon you performing the duties of your employment to our satisfaction.

My fellow Americans: Today we are the hope of the nation. On behalf of those who came before us, many of whom sacrificed their very lives on the altar of American virtue, I urge you to remember the promise of an American future they passed down to you. I urge you, on behalf of those yet to come, to consider the sacred liberty entrusted to us all, and consider which among those who clamor for your ballot is likely to preserve it for future generations.

Under the watchful eyes of your fathers and sons, those who have passed and those yet to present themselves; indeed, under the gaze of Almighty God himself:

Vote.

And if that soaring requiem for the American Dream didn’t move you, think of it this way:

You might as well vote. Most of the Democrats are going to do it at least twice.

A Kentucky Kicker

The mainstream media headlines carried the story aloft like banners at one of those left-wing “Keep America Stupid” rallies. “Woman Attacked by Rand Paul Supporter.” “Rand Paul Thugs Stomp Democratic Woman.”

Democrats, driven to the heights of hysteria by an impending Election Day which may well send Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) to smaller digs, and her Senatorial Deputy Droopalong Harry Reid (D-Nev.) back to Reno, were literally driven to paroxysms of joy at the images of a purported Paul backer taking President Barack Obama’s own strategy of “stepping on their necks” a little too literally.

Given the leftward lean of the MSM, the story was reported with the breathless excitement of a People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals member hearing the tofu delivery guy pulling up in his Prius. In fact, the casual observer might have thought Paul himself had ordered the assault. With Paul gripping a double-digit lead in the Bluegrass State’s Senate race, the left thought they might have been handed the October Surprise they needed. 

But Rand Paul had nothing to do with the alleged assault on Lauren Valle, not that you’d know it from the MSM accounts. In fact, the real story here is merely sad; the political propulsion is conspicuously contrived. A man behaved badly and his comeuppance shall come to pass soon enough. 

For her own part, Valle, a member of the George Soros-backed Moveon.org hate battalion, had arrived at the Kentucky debate to “present” Paul with an admittedly fake “award” for “service to” (something suitably conservative and therefore evil, stupid and/or racist… blah, blah, blah). So, Valle, like her ideological masters at the Soros School for the Simpleminded, has no class.

Neither does the guy who posed for the “Man most likely to be fired by the Paul campaign” photo with his brogan on her noggin. And that should be it. Case closed. The aggressor gets the hook from the Paul camp, everyone agrees hitting girls, even stupid, rude and/or communist girls, is unacceptable; and we “moveon.org” to “Election Day.conservative.”

Sadly, to quote ESPN’s Lee Corso:  “Not so fast, my friend!”

This wasn’t Service Employees International Union purple-shirted stormtroopers getting physical with senior citizens who object to Obamacare in Florida. Nor was it SEIU goons (again) pounding on some black guy who dared to be different in the Show-Me State (conservative activist and assault victim Kenneth Gladney). This wasn’t the New Black Panther Party toy soldiers waving bats outside polling places. In fact, this isn’t even a story about some wingnut assaulting a woman at the same debate mere minutes before the alleged attack on Valle

The Paul/Conway debate debacle is an opportunity to paint Paul as a fascist and his supporters as goose-steppers. Those aforementioned tales of liberal violence directed toward conservatives are documented fact, but they certainly don’t jibe with the Left’s last-ditch efforts to steer the Hope and Change Express back onto the Political Relevancy Parkway, so they don’t grab the headlines. 

In actuality, the Battle of the Bluegrass Beatdown is a shallow tale. It’s supposed to go: Guy hits girl. Guy faces punishment. However, in the days of Democrat desperation, the progressive progression now reads: 

  • Guy hits girl. 
  • Media checks guy’s political persuasion. 
  • Guy turns out to be Republican. 
  • Media claims guy is representative of all Republicans. 
  • Guy faces punishment for alleged assault. 
  • GOP faces media lynching for encouraging violence. 

Of course, if the avowed offense had been committed by one of Obama’s true-blue (state) toadies, the progression would follow thusly:

  • Guy hits girl. 
  • Media misses attack while bending over to tie shoes. 
  • Guy goes back to SEIU local HQ and has beer with fellow goons. 
  • Girl goes home, forgotten. 
  • Media ignores attack, and blames GOP for making poor SEIU thugs so angry.

I am not so foolish to suggest that the Republicans are entirely a decent lot, devoid of philistine and clod. However, as a self-manufactured electoral doom rises to greet the Democrats, some of their behavior is repellent to the core, regardless of whether the MSM chooses to acknowledge it.

Nonetheless, what we have in the Story of the Stomping of Valle is breathtakingly simple: Some people are cretins, political persuasion be damned. Valle may be a lunatic who’s allowed a tinfoil-hat brigade like Moveon.org take control of her underemployed cranium — but that means she deserves to be educated, enlightened, and if she won’t learn the errors of her liberal ways — ignored; not pounded like an Obamacare opponent who stopped to ask for directions at the local SEIU chapter.

Whichever way you choose to cast your ballot this Tuesday, remember:  Don’t hit girls — even when the Democrats say it’s all right.

In The Red Zone

Ah, autumn. The morning air is crisp, like the money Obamacare will lift from your wallet. Your breath begins to fog the air like the teary-eyed mewling of global warming pseudo-scientists. Temperatures drop like President Barack Obama’s approval ratings. The foliage erupts with hues reminiscent of John Boehner’s face and Maureen Dowd’s hair. Meanwhile, Americans gather in living rooms across the nation and drink cheap beer, eat the kind of food which makes cardiologists put down deposits on new Mercedes S-Class sedans, and roar for their favorites to push the ball across the goal line.

Oh, and there’s that whole “midterm election” thing, which is nowhere near the red, white and blue Americana as NFL Sundays and their attendant heartache and heartburn; but a great deal more heartwarmingly patriotic than two more years of saying “Speaker Pelosi.”

As Republicans roll toward a possible capture of both houses of Congress, and Democrats begin calling the movers and packing their “Most Likely to Win the Convicted Felon Vote” trophies, I decided to add a little pigskin patois to the upcoming electoral proceedings, and offer a look at a few races which are demonstrative of the changing tide of American politics. Obviously, I’m not going to cover the whole electoral gridiron, Personal Liberty Digest patriots, there’s always room in the comments section.


Sharron Angle v. Harry Reid
U.S. Senate — Nevada

The Mean Girl versus the Milquetoast. Republicans can take control of both Houses, a conservative revolution can grip the nation like Michael Moore getting his paws on the last hot-glazed at Krispy Kreme, and the Dems will still breathe a collective sigh of relief if Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi’s purse-porter can somehow hang on in the Silver State. Reid has lived on the edge in recent years, using the liberal bent of the mainstream media to hide everything from Jack Abramoff ties to patronage scandals. With Pelosi beyond the GOP’s reach inside her wealthy San Francisco perimeter, Reid is the top 2010 target. Reid’s political longevity may work in his favor, but familiarity has bred some serious contempt for incumbents this season. If Angle was slightly less gaffe-prone, Reid, a former boxer, would be on the canvas for good. As it is, this one is going down to the wire, with neither candidate able to cross the 50 percent approval Rubicon in 2010. I’ll call it an upset, with the aging champ finally taking the tumble.
Pick: Angle 50.5-47


Chris Coons v. Christine O’Donnell
U.S. Senate — Delaware

Something tells me that Christine O’Donnell is less of a legitimate candidate, and more of a statement by the Tea Party that the GOP had better get used to playing ball. After all, this race wasn’t supposed to be a race at all. Mike Castle should have locked this one up back when Joe Biden bounced to go play Johnny to Obama’s Señor Wences. But O’Donnell, backed by the Tea Party, showed Castle the door, simultaneously allowing otherwise forgettable Democrat Chris Coons to sneak through. I’m sure conservatives would love to claim this one is in play, but O’Donnell’s first ad was a plea to First Staters to trust that she wasn’t auditioning for Macbeth in her spare time. We’ve all heard the adage: “any publicity is good publicity.” Not necessarily, kids. With little else to fight over in Delaware, look for moderates to either stay home or begrudgingly cast ballots for Coons.
Pick: Coons 55-41


Michelle Bachmann v. Tarryl Clark
U.S. House — Minnesota (6)

Bachmann’s definitive statements infuriate Democrats and energize conservatives. Whether it’s her speculation that Obama “may have un-American views,” or her suggestion that some members of the Beltway crowd deserve investigation for “anti-Americanism,” Bachmann is one of those unapologetic types who make the wingnuts sputter with rage even more than normal. Her statement that opponents of the Ground Zero Mosque should be Federally investigated… oops, that was Nancy Pelosi. Both Bachmann and Clark are well-funded; and in what may well be an Electoral Waterloo for Democrats, they’d love to take Bachmann’s seat as a consolation prize. It won’t be easy — Bachmann has Tea Party backing, she’s a vigorous campaigner, and she’s a two-term incumbent.
Pick: Bachmann 52-46


Jerry Brown v. Meg Whitman
Governor — California

Where else? Former Governor, Mayor of Oakland, paramour of Linda Ronstadt and “Buddhist Economist” Jerry Brown heads into Election Day 2010 with a slight lead in most polls. The man dubbed “Governor Moonbeam” by some is by no means the strangest cat in California, but Meg Whitman’s campaign has done little to convince voters that Brown is an intellectual extraterrestrial. With Republican Arnold Schwarzenegger departing with approval ratings reminiscent of the disgraced Gray Davis (23 percent), it’s hard to imagine any Republican having any chance at all. But 2010 has been about as normal as the hairstyles on the Santa Monica pier. Whitman has a chance, but so do the rubes playing the nickel slots in Tahoe.
Pick: Brown 51-46


Barbara Boxer v. Carly Fiorina
U.S. Senate — California

It’s a good thing Californians don’t have photo arrays built into their voting machines. A casual glance at Boxer and Fiorina reveals an odd similarity of appearance. It’s also a good thing these two are not related, although Thanksgiving dinner at THAT house would be fun to watch — from outside. Boxer won by 20+ back in 2004, and Obama carried California by close to 25 points in 2008. But the economic meltdown which has hit the Golden State particularly hard, combined with Obama’s colossal ineptitude in response, has damaged Boxer’s chances somewhat. Considering Boxer lists so far to port that she actually refused to certify the 2004 Ohio election results based on the DNC’s fake Diebold-machine scandal, it’s safe to say that inland Golden Staters, who tend to lean right, may show up just to help Babs pack her bags. Neither Boxer nor Fiorina has 50 percent polling averages, with Boxer just ahead, I’m calling upset.
Pick: Fiorina 50.5-48


Proposition 19
Ballot initiative to decriminalize personal/recreational marijuana use

People who are unfamiliar with California’s internal politics probably assumed this was already the law of the land in the Golden State. Oddly, it isn’t. Perhaps more oddly, absolutely no one of significance on the California ballot supports it — including Jerry Brown, who would probably switch sides if the bill legalized LSD. U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder has stated that the Feds will pick up where the state leaves off if Prop 19 passes, which may actually boost Prop 19’s chances, especially if every pothead in California stumbles into the polls on Nov. 2.
Pick: NO 53-47


Ike Skelton v. Vicky Hartzler
U.S. House — Missouri (4)

The mere fact that Skelton’s seat is even threatened is newsworthy in and of itself. Skelton has represented Harry Truman’s old district for more than three decades, and is a reasonably moderate Democrat. Skelton is also the chairman of the powerful House Armed Services Committee, not a position normally held by a representative whose head may be on the block. Skelton held a double-digit polling lead a few months ago, but votes for TARP, the stimulus and Cap and Trade have dragged him into a dead heat with former State Legislator Hartzler. Skelton is nearly as old as Missouri statehood, and his clock may well be running out this time.
Pick: Hartzler 48-42.


Charlie Crist v. Marco Rubio v. Kendrick Meek
U.S. Senate — Florida

Charlie Crist used to be a Republican, more or less. Then, when former State Assemblyman Marco Rubio began showing signs of upending Crist in the GOP primary to replace the retiring Mel Martinez, Charlie dropped out to run as an independent. When conservatives statewide began showing signs of abandoning Crist, then he said he might caucus with Democrats if elected. When Crist said that his polling numbers against Rubio began to plunge like South Beach necklines. All of that was then. This is now. Rubio is way ahead to stay. Oh — Congressman Kendrick Meeks is the Democrat entry in this race. I’m sure someone will have a nice parting gift for him.
Pick: Rubio 47 – Crist 31 – Meek…a few.


Richard Blumenthal v. Linda McMahon
U.S. Senate — Connecticut

Ask any political satirist in the western world which race means the most, and they’ll probably tell you: “Sharron Angle versus Harry Reid.” Fair enough, the possible upset of the Desert Rat by The New York Times’ least favorite woman (other than Sarah Palin) is certainly newsworthy. But secretly, we all want Linda McMahon to give Richard Blumenthal a game. After all, if the former WWE executive wins, the jokes pretty much write themselves for the next six years. Just imagine the headlines the morning after a McMahon upset:

“Linda Lays the Smackdown!”
“McMahon Bodyslams Blumenthal”

This one should have been what the wrestling biz calls a “squash match.” In the race to replace the retiring Chris Dodd, Blumenthal has done as much to keep McMahon in the match as she has for herself. He exaggerated his military service record, which in actuality makes John Kerry a regular Audie Murphy by comparison. He flat-out lied about never accepting PAC money while bagging more than $200,000 in the first quarter of 2010 alone. And then there was that YouTube-tastic moment during the debate when McMahon choke-slammed him (see?) on job creation.

Nonetheless, recent polling has Blumenthal’s lead hovering in the double-digit arena. McMahon will have to come off the top rope with a serious elbow to win this belt. (I couldn’t resist.)
Pick: Blumenthal 54-44


There are quite a few races which I could have mentioned; but bandwidth trumps punditry. Alabama’s 2nd is worth a look, as is Colorado’s 7th. Joe Sestak has come back from the dead against Pat Toomey in the race to fill the Pennsylvania Senate seat which Arlen Specter essentially abdicated. In Ohio, former GOP congressional heavyweight John Kasich holds a slim margin over gubernatorial incumbent Ted Strickland.

And let’s not forget New York’s gubernatorial race, where hookers statewide harbor hope that Andrew Cuomo will turn into Client 11 — if Carl Paladino doesn’t hit him with a shovel beforehand.

The rest I leave to you, fellow Livingstonians. Vote early, vote often — oops, that’s ACORN.

Radio Free Ameriʞa

Even Stalin didn’t move this fast. It took Uncle Joe 15 years to put an x in the box marked “Trotsky.”  Note to Juan Williams: Stay the hell out of Mexico for the foreseeable future. 

Last Monday night, National Public Radio mainstay Juan Williams, exceedingly rare amongst liberals given his honesty and introspection, was speaking on Bill O’Reilly’s enormously popular nightly program. By Wednesday, he was cleaning out his digs at the taxpayer-funded, American Vsesoyuznoye radio.

Williams, who also contributes to the liberals’ bogeyman Fox News, was unceremoniously dumped from his gig at NPR for crimes against the proletariat, specifically: “not blindly hating all non-liberals.” Juan had committed an unforgivable breach of democrat decorum — denial of dimwitted dogma. 

Evidently, 9/11 left Williams with slight hesitation about boarding an airplane with a member of the same religion as the 9/11 hijackers, the Taliban, al-Qaida, HAMAS, Hezbollah, Abu Nidal, Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi, Islamic Jihad, Abu Abbas, Yasser Arafat, Mullah Omar, the PLO, Abu Sayyaf, Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigade, Ansar-al-Sunnah, Jamaat Ul-Furquan, Richard Reid, Ramzi Yousef, Khalid Sheikh Muhammad, Omar Abdel Rahman, Saddam Hussein, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Ayatollah Khomeini, Wadih el-Hage and Zacarias Moussaoui (to name a few): 

“…when I get on the plane…if I see people who are in Muslim garb and I think…they are identifying themselves first and foremost as Muslims, I get worried.”

Williams was not damning Islam in toto. During the same conversation with O’Reilly, Williams was careful to point out the potential bigotry in lumping a billion members of the species with irregular, bomb-heaving jihadis:

“…careful…there are good Muslims…You know, we don’t want, in America, people to have their rights violated, to be attacked on the street because they hear rhetoric from Bill O’Reilly, and they act crazy.”

Note the context. Liberal groups leapt to crucify Williams, but on their way to drive in the nails, they forgot that Williams’s statement wouldn’t vanish into the bandwidth ether like an Obama campaign promise. Tinfoil-hat brigadiers including the drones at Dailykos (whose owner, Markos Moulitsas Zuniga, openly celebrated the murder, dismemberment and burning of Americans by Muslim terrorists), MSNBC (where Rachel Maddow — Keith Olbermann’s mini-me — claimed former Texas Representative Steve Stockman had advance warning of the Oklahoma City bombing), and NPR itself (whose still-employed correspondent, Nina Totenberg proudly wished former North Carolina Senator Jesse Helms and his grandchildren would be stricken with AIDS), ALL deliberately missed Williams’ larger point.

But the purge wasn’t over. Within hours of NPR’s politically motivated termination of Williams, storm troopers across the blogosphere began an Orwellian revision of Williams’ public image. Here are a couple of servings of NPR’s regurgitated CYA talking points:

“He was hardly a lib. He was a closet conservative!” — Huffington Post buffoon.

“Juan Williams is a real liberal like professional wrestling is a real sport.” — Dailykos inmate.

“…he’s a Fox shill.” — Facebook poster (who is going to be furious that I was paying attention).

Actually, he’s an adroit analyst who has been victimized by an ersatz NKVD. I wonder how long it will take for NPR to photoshop Williams out of the All Things Considered softball team picture.

Williams may not be alone. Mara Liasson, another NPR personality who moonlights at Fox News, is now in the crosshairs. Following NPR’s sacrifice of Williams at the altar of left-wing anti-intellectualism, Media Matters for America — the left’s Ministry of Truth — fired up the newspeak Thursday morning; calling for the termination of Liasson, who to date has taken no public position on fellow air travelers.

Peering into the depths behind the allegorical assassination of Williams reveals the shadowy figure of Stalinist sugar daddy George Soros, who has donated millions to both NPR and Media Matters. I won’t go so far as to suggest Soros is behind NPR’s move against Williams and MMA’s assault on Liasson, but given the sway he holds over the liberal movement in the United States, I would be less surprised by Anita Hill apologizing to Virginia Thomas.

In the wake of Williams’ demise, the long-overdue debate has erupted over the taxpayer funding of NPR’s port-side list (nearly $4 billion in the last decade). I contend:

  1. NPR has a right to show Williams the door. This IS a free-market economy, despite the aims of Soros and his liberal minions. Just like MSNBC has the right to consign itself to the Olbermann-induced memory hole, NPR can sweep out any vestiges of intelligent discourse.
  2. As taxpayers, we have the right to tell NPR to go beg at Soros’s back door for more swag.

To paraphrase NPR CEO Vivian Schiller: If they don’t like it, they can always take it up with their psychiatrists.

Girl Talk

Pity poor Maureen Dowd. How awful her life must be, carrying the psychic scars of indignities suffered during adolescence so far into her twilight years. Try to forgive her embittered rant against the girls who gave her a hard time in high school.

Appearing in Sunday’s issue of The New York Times, Ms. Dowd offered us heathens “Playing All the Angles;” a housecat-swipe of her claws at her teenage tormentors. Well, their proxies, at least — Mo never knew girls like Sarah Palin, Sharron Angle or Christine O’Donnell in high school. They didn’t live in the urbane confines of Washington D.C.’s well-heeled neighborhoods, and they surely didn’t score silver-platter jobs in the journalism field straight out of Rich Girl University. 

Dowd actually has talent as a writer, albeit drastically misdirected. Her tendency toward extreme bombast is far less noticeable than it might be were it not for the colossal talent-shadows cast by vastly more appealing thinkers like Charles Krauthammer (smarter), P.J. O’Rourke (funnier — on purpose), and Christopher Hitchens (more interesting — with better hair).

Her plagiarism and deliberate mischaracterizations are oft-noticed, but Dowd is a woman, so she demands — and gets a free pass. Let me amend that. Dowd is a liberal woman, so she gets a free pass.

She certainly doesn’t offer them. 

Just days after the California chapter of NOW stood up to be counted with Jerry Brown in calling Meg Whitman “a whore,” Dowd reserved her bile for Whitman, not Brown — nor NOW. 

Her screed focused primarily on Sharron Angle, the fund-raising machine who has hapless milquetoast Harry Reid cowering in the corner like a flyweight who’s just been told he’s sparring with one of the heavyweight boxing champion Klitschko brothers. But despite the fact that Dowd was evidently inspired by an Angle event, she made room for catty claws at other conservative women who are laying the proverbial smackdown on her liberal allies. Of course, she called Angle a racist, which was ludicrous, especially considering that Dowd is whiter than the putty-faced Park Avenue trust fund dowagers who still take her seriously.

As an earnest wingnut, Dowd takes the obligatory potshots at other nationally-reviled Women of the Right. To be fair, in the age of MSNBC‘s all-hate-all-the-time programming, old war horses like Dowd have to use as wide a choke as possible in their satirical shotgun. 

Welcome to America’s post-post-feminist era. Sorry, “strong women,” the girls of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy were locked out in 1999. 

Whatever happened to celebrating girl power, anyway? When then-First Lady Hillary Clinton decided to use her husband’s capital to put her trial lawyer pals in charge of the nation’s doctors, liberals like Dowd accused her critics of everything short of ersatz Salem Witch Trials. Now, strong women scare Dowd the same way a week at a nudist colony with Nancy Pelosi would scare…everyone. (I would need to iron everything I own the moment I got home.) 

Reading Mo’s Sunday simper was a glimpse inside the tortured psyche of American journalism’s most famous cocktail party conversationalist. She identifies eight Republican women by name, and then tears into them like she was the president of the science club and they were the cheerleading squad. 

“We are in the era of Republican Mean Girls, grown-up versions of those teenage tormentors who would steal your boyfriend, spray-paint your locker and, just for good measure, spread rumors that you were pregnant.”

But Dowd is an analytical commentator, not a jealous harpy, right? The only thing that was missing from her literary shriek was a pair of boxes at the bottom of the text marked:

“Check Y or N?  Do u h8 mean gurlz az much az me?”

Dowd compares her subjects to the “mean girls” who tortured her in high school; and then verbally shreds Angle’s hair, wardrobe, respect for the 2nd Amendment and even her… vehicle?:

“With casino red suit and lipstick… Angle… campaigns at times with a .44 Magnum revolver in her 1989 GMC pickup.” 

An ’89?  Horrors.  At least Dowd isn’t a “mean girl.”

The strong women on “The View” were so upset when Bill O’Reilly pointed out the religious identity of the 9/11 hijackers that they stormed off in stereotypically estrogen-soaked outrage. California’s NOW babes called Meg Whitman a “whore.” Rachel Maddow falsely implicated Steve Stockman in the Oklahoma City bombing. Nancy Pelosi wanted Federal investigations into opponents of the Ground Zero Mosque. And now we have Ms. Mo, howling like the runner-up to the homecoming queen about the high school-ish tendencies of conservative women.

Girls, girls, girls — save it 4 Facebook.

Strange Things Afoot in the Golden State

Actually, stranger than normal things are afoot in the Golden State. Considering they elected a governor who can’t pronounce “Golden State,” stranger than normal is a stretch in the land of fruits, nuts and O.J. jurors.

But, when Californians step into their voting booths on Nov. 2, they will face a choice which has drawn considerable interest from parties far and wide, most notably from U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder. 

California’s Proposition 19 is a ballot measure which would reclassify growth, use and sale of recreational marijuana as a legal activity, within certain parameters. (Sorry Spicoli, you still won’t be allowed to get baked in the bathroom before biology.)

Last week, Holder announced that while Californians might give Prop 19 the thumbs up, the administration of President Barack Obama will continue the decades-old tradition of giving it the Federal thumbs down. Specifically, the Feds will:

"…vigorously enforce the Controlled Substances Act against those individuals and organizations that possess, manufacture or distribute marijuana for recreational use, even if such activities are permitted under state law."

Does decriminalization really threaten a state in which the doddering Zen Master Jerry Brown is leading in the race for the Governor’s Mansion?  For that matter, does decriminalization threaten a nation in which Barack Obama is President, and one of the top rated programs on television involves the saga of halfwits called “The Situation” and “Snookie?”  Is it possible that we have more pressing concerns than either, or even “J-Woww?”

Of the massive taxpayer dollars dedicated to keeping taxpayers off drugs, about $15 billion go to marijuana enforcement. Marijuana-related arrests are closing in on 1 million annually. Law enforcement man-hours, criminal court calendar backlogs and those insipid “Ad Council” spots which try to convince you that lighting up now might keep you from being President (even though lighting up then didn’t stop Obama, George W. Bush and Bill Clinton) all cost time, resources and money. 

For many of you who regularly join me Outside the Asylum, the idea of decriminalizing marijuana is surely anathema. Let me be clear:  I’m merely suggesting that this is a debate worth having. I am NOT suggesting we roll a legal snowball down Narcotics Mountain.

Drugs like heroin, cocaine/crack and crystal meth should remain illegal, despite the potential Social Darwinian benefits of allowing the deserving members of the American herd to engage in self-culling behavior. Anything which makes stabbing yourself in the carotid with a dirty hypodermic needle, shooting the 7-Eleven clerk because he asked why your jaw was rattling like Jimmy Buffett doing a benefit show in Antarctica and washing your face with steel wool is a bad idea in the same vein as: “Don’t worry, our daughter caught a ride with Senator Kennedy.”

Consider legalization logic outside of the burden on law enforcement. This isn’t just an issue for slack-jawed frat boys, mouthy rock stars and the creepy guy with the dreadlocks who spends all day in front of the liquor store smelling like he rolled in something awful. 

Imagine the economic benefits if pot farming was legal. 

Pot is currently the top cash crop in about a dozen states, including Personal Liberty Digest’s home state of Alabama. In fact, it ranks in the top 10 in every state in the union except North Dakota (where it’s 11th).

Marijuana grows like a… well… weed. And I suspect those statistics understate reality. I somehow doubt every Farmer Brown in the hinterlands is entirely forthcoming with the United States Department of Agriculture inspector who drops by to check the sorghum fields.

Instead of $15 billion spent on the War on Weed, U.S. farmers could produce $115 billion in taxable commodity. Perhaps that explains support for decriminalization from Ron Paul, the late William F. Buckley and Nobel Prize-winning economist Milton Friedman. They recognize $42 billion in wasted total tax revenue when they see it.

In 1919, the 18th Amendment to the Constitution made booze verboten. For the next 14 years, organized crime grew from cottage industry to colossal enterprise. Getting tanked is legal again, while getting stoned is decidedly less so. But anecdotal evidence suggests alcoholics are much more likely to slide into a family of four while doing Mach 2 through the subdivision than the pothead who can’t find the keys to the minivan because they’re in… his pocket.

We’ve been fighting an intramural War on Drugs (marijuana division) for decades. We’ve spent billions on largely ineffective enforcement initiatives and put millions of otherwise non-threatening citizens behind bars, often turning them into hardened offenders by the time they get out. As unlikely as it seems, perhaps California has shown us a better way… dude.

Hoisted With Their Own Petard…

President Barack Obama’s most recent assault on conservatives is a new twist for the Democrats’ old school tactics of distraction, duplicity and defamation. As a November to Remember approaches in the fast lane, Obama has pulled the handbrake on reason… and steered his party into oncoming traffic.

His latest tactic: An effort to chain conservatives to that hotbed of radicalism, foreign intrigue and evil known colloquially as the United States Chamber of Commerce. Although seemingly a mild-mannered bunch of folks who wear khakis to work and own small businesses with those digital time-and-temperature displays out front; the Chamber, according to the Democrats, is a front for a massive monetary pipeline which funnels ducats from the darkest corners of the earth into the accounts of Republican and Tea Party candidates here at home.

We know what depths these bastards are plumbing, because Obama and his ever-vigilant allies have presented us with a mountain of… er… a plethora… um… a couple of examples… well, they said so; so it must be true.

They have it partly right. There IS a candidate out there who has collected huge sums of untraceable largesse from some fairly shady characters in some fairly shady locations. Some of this particular pol’s hauls were loaded in HAMAS and Tamil Tiger terrorist camps (more than $35,000). Some flowed forth from the oil-rich United Arab Emirates (more than $25,000). Some of the yuan even started its journey in Chinese communist checkbooks (a whopping $366,708.22).

But this mendacious money-grubber is no Republican. There is no Tea Party-backed candidate with their fingerprints all over this overseas swag. The beneficiary of the booty in question is none other than Barack Hussein Obama.

That’s right, kiddies. Every single shovelful of cash I just described went to your community activist-in-chief. It should be noted that when informed of a similar Tamil-tainted donation, Hillary Clinton returned the loot. The HAMAS-linked Money Claus listed his hometown as “Rafah, GA, 972.” Rafah isn’t some pastoral Peach State paradise, it’s a HAMAS-controlled refugee camp in Gaza (hence the GA).

As for the “972” — it’s clearly not a metro Atlanta zip code, but it IS the telephone area code for Israel, including the Rafah refugee camp. Also in Obama’s kitty: Cash from a donor listed with the Federal Election Commission as “Doodad” ($10,780), who listed his (or her) employer as “FDGFDGF,” where “Doodad” toils as a “DFGFDG.” Additionally noteworthy is a list of donors — whose largesse included dollars AND cents (think foreign exchange) — nearly as interminably long as a Proust seminar taught by a Chevalier impersonator with a speech impediment.

Last Sunday morning David Axelrod, Obama’s latter-day Goebbels, found himself squirming in the unlikely crosshairs of none other than Bob Schieffer. Schieffer, who once claimed he was unaware of the Democrats’ connection to the New Black Panther Party because he was “on vacation,” is apparently back from his intellectual beach house. When Axelrod vomited up Obama’s “Chamber of Commerce + GOP = some cat with too many consonants in his name is stealing the election” talking points, Schieffer — to paraphrase Obama’s own administration — stepped on Axelrod’s neck:

Schieffer: “But this part about foreign money, that appears to be peanuts, Mister Axelrod, I mean, do you have any evidence that it’s anything other than peanuts?”

Axelrod: “Well, do you have any evidence that it’s not?”

Axelrod’s response reveals the old “throw enough poo at the wall” strategy, one step from a “list of 205 names.”

Schieffer’s “peanuts” comment was a reference to a report in The New York Times (the rats are leaping off the liberal ship) which revealed that not only do the Democrats’ latest attacks on the Chamber and GOP lack citation, they’re purely defamatory, a simple “big lie” gambit. Evidently, Obama is counting on CBS returning Nielsen ratings which couldn’t make the Knitting Channel jealous because Obama was beating the drum again Tuesday. According to Obama’s spokesmodel Robert Gibbs:

"There’s no reason to back off. If there are organizations raising tens of millions of dollars that won’t tell us who their donors are, my guess is they’re not telling us for a reason — because they have something to hide."

Setting aside the fact that Obama has bagged boodle from Bangkok to British Petroleum (he’s the largest individual recipient of BP’s black gold), I can put this chapter of the DNC’s desperation down as quickly as Michael Moore can hover the spread on the craft services table.

But, I’ll give the honor to Schieffer:

“If the only charge three weeks (from) the election that the Democrats can make is that somehow this may or may not be foreign money coming into the campaign, is that the best you can do?”

A Word To The Wise…

While Democrats prepare for the winter of their discontent, Republicans are practicing their best end zone dance moves. As a student of history, I thought I might offer a Santayana-style caveat. Presuming November produces the electoral Waterloo the Democrats deserve, the GOP needs to remember the lessons of the past. 

Let’s step into Mr. Livingston’s “Way Back” machine:

November, 1994. 

Led by an emergent Newt Gingrich, the Republican Party wrested control of Congress from the Democrat machine after 40 years of hegemony. Two years after a previously unknown governor from a previously politically unremarkable state wrested control of the White House after 12 years of Republican dominance, the GOP returned the favor.

Oh, what heady days for the right. Two years of Woodstock-in-the-White-House policies; and finally someone who wasn’t governing by acid flashback-induced hallucinations got a hand on the throttle —  as opposed to a hand on a plump intern. 

But the Republicans underestimated Bill Clinton’s resiliency. Unlike President Obama, Clinton wasn’t blinded by starry-eyed obedience to the teachings of Frank M. Davis, Saul Alinsky and John McKnight. Instead, Clinton was the consummate trial-lawyer/politician, interested only in winning. Following his party’s electoral stumble, Clinton and his advisors formulated a new plan: Co-opting Republican ideas and employing a supplicant media to give Clinton credit. Bolstered by sudden media interest in Clinton’s participation in the supposedly “centrist” Democrat Leadership Council, Clinton gambled on leaving his base support in the dust for “moderate” status (“moderate” in the liberal lexicon meaning: doesn’t wear old “Che” t-shirts while jogging). The Democrats traded “you wouldn’t spend it right,” and imposing taxes on imputed rental income (they actually tried it) for “I think I raised (your taxes) too much.”

The ploy – nicknamed “triangulation” by Clinton’s cronies – worked well, and two years after the Republican Revolution, Clinton squeezed through the Oval Office door — albeit without a majority of the vote against a moribund Bob Dole — for four more years. 

October, 2010. 

4 years after the Democrats regained control of the House of Representatives, voters are again restless for a House Cleaning. Speaker Pelosi and her minions, voted into the majority with promises of “draining” the so-called “swamp,” have proved to be averse to their own word. Congressional corruption, tyrannical decrees and oblivious incompetence are the rules of the day. Working in concert with the hopelessly inept President Barack Obama, Democrats have forced fond memories of 1994. 

Unemployment has skyrocketed into double-digits. Democrat responses to economic woes have involved disastrously harebrained schemes including propping up the union-ruined American auto industry, bailing out democrat-friendly Wall Street necktie pirates like Goldman Sachs, and protecting liberal sugar daddies through the passage of the DISCLOSE Act. However, before running back to their districts to try and save their jobs, they did manage to put a stop to one of the most fearsome threats to our national peace of mind: loud television commercials.

 The stage is set for a 1994-kind of historic election day. And despite their increasingly shrill assaults on Tea Party conservatives and increasingly desperate exoneration — or willful ignorance – of their own fellow travelers’ failures, liberals are worried about a new threat:  President Obama may lurch to the right “Clinton ’94” style. 

On Saturday, one of the “diarists” riding the Dailykos.com intellectual short bus began shrieking:

“No matter what happens this November, we know what will be at least one aspect of the corporate media’s response: they will tell us that President Obama and the Democrats must move more to the center…”

He needn’t worry his 750cc cranium. Even if Obama wanted to emulate the Democrat-still-most-likely-to-grope-an-intern and “triangulate,” his math just isn’t good enough. Obama is a cult member, a wide-eyed aficionado of far-left Kool-Aid who’s been spoon fed by liberal sommeliers like Alinsky for decades. 

They’re worried about the “corporate media” pushing Obama to the right?  Which media might this be?  I somehow doubt Obama is going to log onto Mr. Livingston’s Letter and suddenly realize the Reverend Wright has it wrong. 

But there’s the rub. While the Democrats may not have to moonwalk backwards from an electoral Barbarossa come November, they’re going to feel the sting. And while Obama’s incompetence increasingly rivals former-worst-president-in-modern-history Jimmy Carter, I urge you to forget 1994, and consider 1980, and 2012. 

In 1980, faced with the thunderous approach of Ronald Reagan, Carter barely survived an intramural coup. In 2012, the Democrats will certainly consider sending Obama to the ash heap for someone they consider a winner. And this time around, Reagan is a bittersweet memory for conservatives.

Santayana was right:  “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."  A word to the wise should be sufficient.

With Liberty And Justice For Some

Just under a month ago, patriots filled the space in front of the Lincoln Memorial for a demonstration.

Fronted by conservative icons Glenn Beck and erstwhile Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin, the Restoring Honor rally was massive. And when I say massive, I’m talking Rosie O’Donnell visiting the Twinkie factory massive.

The Democrat leadership quailed at the sight of a half-million spirited citizens standing up to be counted in opposition to the increasingly unhinged tyranny which President Barack Obama vomits down upon us from on high. Even the most desperately thorazine-deficient mainstream media outlets couldn’t deny the taxpaying muscle on full display.

Instead, they turned to the rhetorically geriatric tactic of reading Democrat Party authored hate speech memos mocking the intelligence of the Tea Partiers, calling attendees racist, and in a couple of cases, manufacturing laughably fictional tales of diabolical doings on the part of those opposed to Democrat dominance.

And then the Left decided to try and play with the varsity. A group which calls itself “One Nation Working Together” — in reality the usual collaboration of thugs like the Service Employees International Union, racist hate groups like La Raza, and even the artists formerly known as the NAACP (more accurately acronymed the NAACK — National Association for the Advancement of Cop Killers), announced a plan to hold a “One Nation” rally on the same real estate occupied by their foes.

Wingnuts nationwide polished their tinfoil hats and downloaded all the latest talking points so they could join in the hatefest. Then… they no-showed. Perhaps lower-echelon liberals didn’t want to miss out on their local ACORN chapter’s “How to steal votes and influence hookers” seminar.

Whatever the reason, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s minions are rushing headlong toward an electoral Little Big Horn; and compared to the Restoring Honor turnout, Saturday’s ironically-monikered “One Nation” rally was a Pop Warner consolation game played next door to the Super Bowl.

Among the top-of-the-bottom-rung orators who cracked One Nation’s big can of crazy: MSNBC 4th-stringer Ed Schultz. Ed howled with indignation. He shrieked at the top of his lungs. He sweated butter (Ed should consider his health). He thundered like he’d just been informed that Martha Coakley had been whipped by Scott Brown again.

Granted, picking on poor Eddie is like swatting a fly with an AC-130. But even I couldn’t devise the sharpest blow Ed suffered as a result of his rage during the One Nation circus. According to The Daily Caller’s Matthew Boyle, those few foot soldiers of the left who did sneak out of their parents’ basements reacted to Schultz’s barbaric yawp with bewilderment.

They had no idea who he was. The 4th pitcher in creepshow channel MSNBC‘s starting rotation — who guaranteed he could personally deliver a crowd as large as Restoring Honor — and he was as well received as Al Gore at a convention of narcoleptic coal miners.

Meanwhile, the biggest gunners in the Democrat brigade apparently forgot to load their weapons. The labor union schutzstaffel SEIU was supposed to bring busloads of purple-shirted storm troopers to cheer their fuehrers forward. And while the goons did leave a carpeting of familiar purple signs and more litter than a second-rate carnival, their numbers were as underwhelming as a speed-dating session at which all the bachelorettes are Janet Napolitano doppelgangers.

For such sensitive folk, they certainly did their part to justify the wages of the park cleanup crews. Perhaps the SEIU thought resurfacing the Mall in purple Astroturf would be good for recruiting. Or maybe they didn’t think there would be enough senior citizens on whom they could pound.

The Reverend Al Sharpton was there, along with fellow professional huckster Rev. Jesse Jackson. Evidently, neither of their regular congregations was able to…. ooh… awkward. Also in attendance were some of the folks Democrats would rather had stayed in their yurts, like the Communist Party USA. (Yes, Virginia, they do exist).

By Monday night, Schultz was back in his cage at MSNBC, apparently suffering from some kind of exertion-related delusion. He claimed the One Nation freak show was equal in size to the Restoring Honor rally, although pictures of the two shown side-by-side reveal a discrepancy larger than the population of a medium-sized city, or medium-security Federal penitentiary (not that a One Nation attendee would know anything about that).

But the best comment of the day honors have to go to our pal Al (Sharpton):

“This is what America looks like.”

Communists, racists, thugs, union filth and wingnut media “entertainers?”

Um… Al? Please tell Ed: you guys really need to get Outside the Asylum more often.

Right On Target

When firearms enthusiasts get to chatting about their favorite subject, bystanders might as well get comfortable. I routinely enjoy these discussions, if only to see guys nicknamed “Da’ GunZlinger” use “milliradian” in a sentence.

Over the weekend, I participated in one such impromptu panel of citizens. The original topic was “best scopes for a new AR rifle” (my suggestion: learn to shoot well with iron sights, then spend as much on optics as your wife will on that next pair of shoes she’s only going to wear once). True to form, the conversation trended toward liberal assaults on the Bill of Rights. One poster mentioned an interesting development in New Jersey, where State Senator Jeff Van Drew has introduced a bill to ease the burden on Garden Staters who wish to legally carry their firearms.

The bill is far from ideal; among its tenets is a requirement that New Jersey residents who wish to carry pay an annual fee of $500. However, closer examination of S2264 reveals some noteworthy details. 

I am troubled by the annual levy of $500. This is the United States of America, not the Pelosi Palisades Golf and Racquet Club. There is no membership fee in the Bill of Rights. In fact, the Constitution itself says so — most recently in the text of the 24th Amendment. The idea that any government, whether Federal, State or municipal, would apply an onerous charge to the exercising of a citizen’s rights is beyond repellent. 

But there are some aspects of Van Drew’s bill which pique my interest in a positive manner. Surprisingly, Van Drew is a Democrat, although I’m guessing he’s a bit lonely at party conventions. And his bill would begin rectifying New Jersey’s heavy-handed carry laws.

Under current law, seekers must convince their local police chief AND a superior court judge of dire “justifiable need” for a carry permit. Not to seem impolitic, but if the need in question is that justifiable, it’s probably too late to track down Sheriff Andy and Judge Roy Bean. Leave it to a liberal to put that point into perfect perspective by missing the mark entirely. According to Bryan Miller, Executive Director of some wingnut group called Ceasefire NJ:

"It’s very simple: Do we want to be standing in line at a grocery store, at a movie theater, sitting next to someone… not knowing whether that person is legally carrying a handgun?"

Um… that would be a resounding YES. Mr. Miller, I LOVE the idea of every half-baked crackhead, mugger, thug and villain having that exact question weighing on their minds. 

Currently, the Garden State requires fingerprinting and background checks for each handgun purchased, whether the purchaser intends to carry it — or use it to prop up the coffee table. And shooters had better plan ahead if they intend to go pop a few off at the range. During transport, each pistol must be placed, unloaded, in a fastened case and carried in the trunk of a vehicle. If the vehicle has no trunk, the unloaded handgun must be kept in a locked box out of reach of passengers. “See here, Mr. Carjacker. If you would kindly wait for me to unlock my trunk…” 

President Barack Obama’s “home” state of Illinois has among the most restrictive carry permit laws in the nation. And yet, when it comes to violent crimes per/100,000 population, the margin between the Sultanate of the Sainted Community Activist and Tony Soprano-ville isn’t exactly crosshair-thin, with Illinois suffering nearly 200 more annually per/100K. Washington, D.C., which has gun ownership laws nearly as restrictive as the Third Reich, would be a runaway No. 1 if it was a State, with nearly double the rate of any State. NJ-S2264 would set about correcting that extraordinarily bad math. 

Some might suggest that S2264 is a poor piece of politics. It adds unnecessary and illegal fees, layers of bureaucracy and will come nowhere near undoing the injustice current laws visit upon the law-abiding citizens of New Jersey.

But this is New Jersey — the reputed final resting place of Jimmy Hoffa. And in the last year, citizens have chosen Chris Christie as their Governor and now a Democrat State Senator is taking a chisel to the liberal wall around the Garden State.

Let’s look on the bright side and call S2264 a baby step in the right direction.

The Red Carpet For Mustapha

Perhaps the most oft-repeated slogan of the War on Terror is “…fight them there so we don’t have to fight them here.” Irrefutable logic when weighed against the designs of every two bit desert-dwelling nut job with a B-40 and a dream.

But what happens if the aforementioned nut job already has the B-40 (or 500 pounds of ammonium nitrate) and the dream; but isn’t dwelling in the desert? What if he’s in Detroit, or downtown Manhattan? What if he’s currently touring an installation run by the very people sworn to protect the lives, liberty and property he and his fellow villains threaten?

On the outskirts of McLean, Va. — a stone’s throw from our nation’s capitol — lies a theoretically ultra-secure facility called the National Counter Terrorism Center. In theory, the NCTC is the heart of America’s efforts to ensure that threats to American safety don’t come to fruition. Not far down the road from the NCTC is a facility much better known to many Americans — the FBI training center at Quantico. The NCTC and FBI’s Quantico facility would seem to be the sorts of places which terrorists only view through the meal slots in their interrogation cell doors.

Imam Sheik Kifah Mustapha has seen both, and with a Federal tour guide courteously offering answers to his reportedly detailed questions; and as revealed in recent reports by outlets including WLS-Chicago (which sent a reporter along), Mustapha got the grand tour of the nerve centers of our side of the War on Terror at the invitation of the guys his pals have sworn to set down toes-up.

Mustapha is a member of the terrorist group HAMAS. While most Americans are aware of HAMAS’s violent assaults on Israel, fewer are aware that HAMAS has earned a place of honor on the State Department’s list of Foreign Terrorist Organizations. While the FBI doesn’t think too highly of HAMAS’s ability to execute attacks on American soil, FBI Director Robert Mueller told Congress:

“Of all the Palestinian groups, HAMAS has the largest presence in the U.S. with a robust infrastructure, primarily focused on fundraising… its U.S. network is theoretically capable of facilitating acts of terrorism in the U.S.”

So, while HAMAS is content to treat America as an ATM, they can blow the bank up when their checks start getting stamped “NSF.”

Enter Imam Mustapha, our erstwhile FBI/NCTC visitor. A former operative with the now-defunct HAMAS cover group the Holy Land Foundation, Mustapha, who now runs the Bridgeview Mosque Foundation outside Chicago, is one of the unindicted co-conspirators in the case which proved to be the undoing of the HLF. And Mustafa was at the NCTC as an invited guest during the recent six-week FBI Citizen’s Academy, a part of our government’s Muslim outreach effort.

What’s next?

“Welcome to Ft. Meade, Mr. bin Laden. If you look to your left, you’ll see the main ECHELON servers. Just past that, you’ll see a photograph of… you.”

There are more than a billion Muslims on the planet. There are nearly 2 million Muslims in the United States. Surely, the FBI could have hosted a follower of the Prophet who doesn’t spend his time raising money for terrorists who advocate the extermination of the Jews.

Is there even a questionnaire?

“All right, Mr. Mustapha. Are you a citizen of the United States?”
“Yes.”
“Have you ever been convicted of a felony?”
“No.”
“Have you ever blown up a civilian target in the name of Islam?”
“Me? No. (heh-heh.)”
“Do you now, or have you ever advocated the annihilation of Israel and its supporters?”
“ALLAHU AKBAR, YES! I MEAN… No? Damn! That one always gets me.”

Mustapha’s resume contains warning flags big enough to cover the Dome of the Rock. Beyond his service to terrorist backers at the HLF, he also maintains close ties with the Council on American-Islamic Relations, a group which shares his “unindicted co-conspirator” designation from the HLF trial. In fact, reading the list of reasons why Mustapha’s visit to FBI facilities ought to involve shackles takes longer than a President Barack Obama press conference during a teleprompter malfunction.

Some will claim this piece has a distinct anti-Muslim bias and point to Tim McVeigh, or Eric Rudolph. But I contend in response that The Council on American-Creepy Loner Relations has a short membership roster and extremely limited funding, not to mention a God-awful acronym.

Clearly, neither McVeigh nor Rudolph is ever going to tour the FBI’s most sensitive facilities. But Mustapha has. Quite a few of his “religion of peace” compatriots openly promise nefarious plans for us. Allow me to suggest we not show the perpetrators of such abominations the location of the off switch for our terrorism alarm.

As Seen on TV

Fox News recently reported White House Science Advisor John Holden was urging people to cease using the phrase “global warming” and instead use “global climate disruption.”

Brilliant. Rather than acknowledge that the completely discredited global warming industry was headed out to intellectual sea with the rest of the political sewage, President Barack Obama was resorting to the timeworn trick of repackaging an old product. I could simply have observed how well that plan worked for everything from Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign to General Motors, but then I mused: Why not help?

Perhaps what liberalism needs isn’t a one-way ticket to Mao’s mausoleum. Perhaps a little polish might restore the luster to the fading ideology of hypocritical tyranny. After all, it worked for Stalin, right? Errr — it might be useful in getting those unsightly rings off the coffee table. Plus, Billy Mays has passed on, so a Democrat Party infomercial is right out.

So I have undertaken the Herculean task of coming up with all new slogans for some of the tarnished bastions of left-wing politics. I’ve tried to put a happy face on the fear-mongering which has befallen much of the Left’s front line, while at the same time restoring the honesty which all too often is as foreign to liberals as a good punch line is to a Whoopi Goldberg standup routine.

To wit:

Global Warming. So-called anthropogenic global warming is in all likelihood the most successful junk science in human history. Much like phrenology or heliocentric astronomy, global warming is a theory which merely fits the observable facts.

Recent discoveries that major global warming “scientists” were falsifying their “data” nailed the lid down. High-profile backing of breathtakingly stupid Hollywood celebrities like Laurie David and uber-hypocrite Al Gore has finished off one of the farthest-reaching scientific scams since cold fusion was “discovered” 20 years ago:

  • ManBearPig is REAL! We’re super-duper SERIAL!
  • The power of imagination.
  • Is it hot in here, or is it… OH MY GOD!
  • Science? We don’t need no stinking science!
  • You say “summer.” We say “RUN!”
  • We can’t believe we get paid to do this, either.
  • Can everyone on Dailykos be wrong?
  • It’s Bush’s fault.

MSNBC. The destination cable outlet for Democrat National Committee talking points, MSNBC has been circling the bowl since Keith Olbermann led the charge to turn their primetime lineup into a bizarro-world version of Fox News. Desperately jealous “personalities” vent frustration and rage at their conservative betters, occasionally lapsing into fits of almost comical hysteria. It has apparently never occurred to GE management that the talentless nails-on-a-blackboard shrieking of Obama-cheerleader Matthews, the buffoonish Olbermann, Olbermann’s “mini-me” Maddow and mouth-breathing thug Ed Schultz might be the reason the channel’s entire primetime lineup can’t match the ratings of a single hour of Fox programming:

  • We love it here! (Please help us. We’re trapped in Keith’s basement.)
  • Sorry your remote broke.
  • If it’s even remotely related to reality — you’re probably watching VH1 again.
  • When Ed says “voter fraud is cool” he means that in a good way.
  • Like Fox News without all those high-calorie facts.
  • We promise, Olbermann’s only an hour.
  • Yes, Maddow looks like that on purpose.
  • Liberal talking points — we don’t write ‘em, we just read ‘em.
  • FEEL THE TINGLE!
  • It’s Bush’s fault.

The New York Times. Once the nation’s — if not the world’s — de-facto newspaper of record, The Times has descended into the depths of leftist illegitimacy. The “Gray Lady” is now a pale shadow of her former self, regurgitating Democrat talking points as actual news, occasionally without even rewording the releases. The plagiarism and fake reportage scandals of the last decade finally ended any pretense of credibility:

  • Remember us?
  • We were cool before email.
  • We were cool before mail mail.
  • You have to go somewhere during Department of State attacks on Drudge.
  • Print is so relevant!
  • So much more than Jayson Blair.
  • Check out our Pulitzers!
  • All the talking points fit to print.
  • Like the USA Today, without those distracting colors.
  • It’s Bush’s fault.

CNN. The world’s first global cable news network started slowly, but hit its stride during the First Gulf War. Sadly, liberal influence, led by former owner Ted Turner, forced CNN into an inevitable decline. While CNN hasn’t faced the same abysmal ratings as the tinfoil-hat-brigadiers at MSNBC, even the departure of Turner has failed to resurrect the once-proud network. The continued presence of weak personalities like erstwhile game show host Anderson Cooper and howling lunatic Jack Cafferty keeps CNN from shedding the “Clinton News Network” moniker it earned in the ’90s:

  • We used to be awesome.
  • Darth Vader does our voice-overs.
  • Like us, or we’ll send Carville to your house.
  • We’re so tired. So very, very tired.
  • Ted Turner has left the building.
  • Our ratings are still better than MSNBC’s.
  • It’s Bush’s fault.

Nancy Pelosi. Our current Speaker of the House rose to prominence after Dick Gephardt finally decided it was someone else’s turn to quarterback Washington D.C.’s intellectual junior varsity. This furious harridan lives in Catherine The Great-style wealth and comfort, but believes that the rest of us should live in Catherine The Great’s servants-style squalor. Much like the aforementioned Empress of All the Russias, Pelosi relates to normal people the way normal people relate to leper colonies. Pelosi also serves as a caution to those who might consider going the Leona Helmsley plastic surgery route. The mere idea of Pelosi’s proximity to the Oval Office is enough to make brave men quail. It will indeed be a sight watching her trying to get re-accustomed to the title of House Minority Leader:

  • Blinking is overrated.
  • Draining the swamp, one thimble at a time.
  • The miracle of Botox®.
  • I love poor people! They keep my houses clean!
  • It’s Bush’s fault.

Harry Reid. Pelosi’s Senatorial counterpart, Reid is the perfect foil for a shrill harpy like Pelosi. Despite reportedly having once been a boxer, Reid is small, weak-chinned and probably adept at standing in the ladies’ department holding his wife’s purse:

  • Compared to Obama, I’m John McCain.
  • Compared to Pelosi, I’m Barry Goldwater.

John Kerry. America woke up just in time:

  • Yooooou raaaang?

Al Gore. After losing the 2000 Presidential contest despite some exceptionally creative Democrat-engineered voter fraud, the wooden-faced and stiff-necked Gore has spent the last decade in an almost tragicomic attempt to re-establish himself as someone of note. After winning an Oscar for the world’s most inconvenient slide show, Gore continued to trot across the globe, lecturing the masses on the perils of global warming — oops — global climate disruption — while simultaneously leaving carbon footprints the size of Yankee Stadium:

  • PAY ATTENTION TO ME!
  • Do the bolts in my neck show?
  • Have Oscar, will travel (by private jet)!
  • RRRRRAAARRRRRRR! FIRE! BAAAAAAD!

John Edwards. An almost archetypical personal injury lawyer, Edwards built an eight-figure fortune exploiting the sick, injured and grieving, including one case in which he claimed to be channeling the spirit of a dead fetus (despite being pro-abortion). After Dick Cheney cleaned his clock in a 2004 Vice Presidential debate, Edwards staged a political comeback which derailed spectacularly when the National Enquirer busted him for an affair with a paid campaign contractor who bore him a child:

  • (singing)… The kid is not my son! (It IS my daughter, however.)
  • I am dedicated to ending the disparity between rich and… AMBULANCE!
  • I feel pretty! Oh so pretty!
  • Are they still hiring for a new Breck Girl?

The Ground Zero Mosque. The political hot-button issue of the summer of 2010, the Ground Zero Mosque was backed by shady finances and fronted by a Sharia-spouting Imam with an unfortunate track record of supporting the 9/11 attackers. Liberals leapt to the defense of the GZM in the name of the same religious freedom they would deny 9-year-olds who want to bow their heads in silent prayer before school:

  • Jihad, American Style!
  • Join us Fridays for Osama’s Greatest Hits, followed by bingo!
  • When we say “Allahu!” you say “Akbar!”

Barack Obama. So many failures, so little bandwidth. Elected on a wave of manufactured acclaim and old-fashioned race baiting, the former “community activist” has proven to be farther out of his depth than a kid wearing water wings swimming above the Mariana Trench. Backed by a rogue’s gallery of left-wing hate groups like the Service Employees International Union and the New Black Panther Party, Obama is plumbing depths of ineptitude unseen since the Carter Administration. Even Democrat Party candidates are showing signs of “losing the President’s number.” Despite desperate boosting by mainstream media sycophants and far-left-liberals, support for Obama is beginning to falter like a two-pack-a-day smoker in the 10th mile of a marathon:

  • Like Carter, except I don’t hate Jews that much.
  • Quiet, or Michelle will hear you.
  • What can brown do for you?
  • I can’t believe nobody noticed I lifted my campaign strategy from The Distinguished Gentleman.
  • It’s this or President Joe Biden.
  • I’m not asking you — I’m TELLING you.
  • Kenya… Hawaii… what’s the difference?
  • It’s Bush’s fault.
  • Did I mention it’s Bush’s fault?

This is by no means a comprehensive list. Obviously, there are many more leading lights of liberalism in need of an image makeover. Sadly, space and bandwidth limitations constrict my ability to offer assistance to every one of the travelers on the port side of American politics. More to the point — Mr. Livingston would probably prefer I not compose an Encyclopedia Britannica-esque compendium.

I leave it to you, my friends, my countrymen, my fellow Livingstonians to carry on.