Barack Obama is a conservative plant

Before you break your keyboard while angrily pounding out a complaint email to Mr. Livingston, hear me out. There is no way a rational human being can observe nearly six years of President Barack Obama’s executive efforts and derive any other conclusion. If the Republican Party wanted to bring an end to partisanship by destroying the Democratic Party from the inside, I’m not certain they could build a robot in a secret lab in the bowels of Republican National Committee headquarters that could do the job more effectively than our man Barry.

“What if we program it to make it to high office and then turn into a gibbering idiot?”

“We tried that with the Biden-bot. It scares the children.”

An examination of Obama’s tenure reveals that not only has he failed to properly exercise his authority, but he has done so in ways so spectacularly awful that they must have been deliberate.

To date, his “signature” achievement remains the survival of Obamacare. Sprung fresh from the copilot’s seat in Illinois’ Senate delegation, Obama rolled into the White House promising a government takeover of the nation’s healthcare system. Then, he engineered nothing of the sort. Instead, he essentially nationalized the insurance billing system, inserting a layer of bureaucracy into an already paper-heavy industry. Obamacare exerts no positive effect on the care received, nor could it. The remedies are the same, although they now cost more.

Moreover, since Obama spent some time post-passage illegally tinkering with some of the provisions set forth and approved by Congress, healthy Americans who might otherwise have used extra cash to pay down debt or make a purchase now have to budget for the federal fee for not being sick (aka the individual mandate).

Obama promised lower premiums. They jumped into the stratosphere. Obama promised “If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor.” When that proved false, he told us we remembered it wrong. When Healthcare.gov turned into the biggest computerized disaster since Time Warner merged with AOL, Obama tried to assuage concerns by pretending to enroll through the site.

Obamacare never gained the approval of the majority of Americans. So he shoved it down our throats anyway. Obama should have said: “While I believe this is what’s best for America, my employers (that would be you, dear readers) want the plug pulled, pronto!” What a secret GOP double agent might have said: “You’ll eat it, and you’ll like it.”

After getting punked in Syria by Dr. Evil’s cousin, Russian President Vladimir Putin, Obama moved on to arming both sides of the ISIS-pressed war. Obama could have stood up to both. A secret GOP plant would have issued contradictory statements in between rounds of golf and visits to the Hollywood cash trough.

Even situations that, while tragic and outrageous, were fairly straightforward proved too hot for Obama and his accomplices to handle. When Islamofascists attacked the Benghazi compound and murdered four Americans, Obama could have said something like: “Let me be clear. Terrorists murdered our fellow Americans. We will bring them to justice.” But a secret GOP double agent might have said: “Who’s this ‘Ben Ghazi’ dude everyone’s yapping about? I was in Vegas. By the way, how about that YouTube; they’ve got crazy evil stuff on there? Sure hope someone doesn’t see it and attack one of our diplomatic compounds.”

A competent chief executive would have laughed at the idea of exchanging Taliban serial killers for an unrepentant deserter. A GOP plant would have proudly announced the trade from the Rose Garden, all the while ignoring the plight of a Marine being unjustly held in Mexico.

Rather than hire a competent, or even semi-competent, attorney general, Obama tabbed soon-to-be-ex-AG Eric Holder. It’s hard to imagine someone being so openly hostile to justice that his performance would compare poorly to his days as a student radical, but Holder found a way. It went through Mexico and required selling guns to narcoterrorists, but Holder figured it out. What Obama should have said the moment the Fast and Furious debacle erupted: “Holder’s subordinates made a series of poor decisions which led to tragedy. His refusal to be forthcoming to Congress is unacceptable. I have asked for his resignation.” What a secret GOP double agent might say: “I have full confidence in Attorney General Holder.”

After promising to be “the most transparent administration in history,” Obama pulled the shades the moment he stepped into the White House. Simultaneously, the senator who opposed the Patriot Act on grounds that it infringed on civil liberties became the president who wiretapped, bugged, hacked and/or surveilled pretty much anyone who used the words “tea” and “party” in the same conversation.

Murders committed by Islamofascist psychos like Nidal Hassan and Alton Nolen are “random incidents of workplace violence.” Meanwhile, anyone who openly carries his .45 is a possible “domestic terrorist.” Obama could have said: “The overwhelming majority of Muslims are peaceful people who have — and want — nothing to do with Islamofascist barbarism.” A secret GOP plant might have said: “The future does not belong to people who slander the prophet of Islam,” while mocking a sizable portion of his own electorate for “clinging to their guns and religion.”

When racial strife arose, Obama could have called for calmer, cooler heads to help lead the nation back to some semblance of comity. A secret GOP plant would have chosen a side — usually the one looting the Gas’n’Go or posting the wrong person’s address on the internet.

Of course, it goes without saying that Obama’s handling of the Ebola situation would need a booster seat just to see “abysmal.”

Obama’s approval numbers swim with the political fishes these days. With midterm elections approaching like a runaway freight train, Obama has done everything but tie the Democrats to the tracks. His own party seems to be developing a pretty severe aversion to him. Alison Lundergan Grimes, the understudy to Ashley Judd in the role of “candidate so uninspiring she can lose to an old wire-puller like Mitch McConnell,” practically dove out the window rather than admitting merely to voting for Obama. And Michelle Nunn, whose campaign used to involve reminding people she’s Sam Nunn’s kid and fundraising with the first lady, now centers more on reminding people she’s Sam Nunn’s kid. They’re not merely running away from the President; they’re actually pretending they don’t know him and hoping we’ll all buy their “Bamnesia.”

It is possible Obama is a hapless hack, borne aloft only by the desperate partisanship with which the left has replaced patriotism. But it’s also possible Grimes, Nunn and their many fellow office seekers who suddenly can’t remember Obama’s number know something we don’t.

–Ben Crystal

Is Ebola a racist plot?

Mamie Mangoe, a friend of the Duncan family, wipes a tear away during a memorial service for Ebola victim Thomas Eric Duncan in Dallas on Wednesday, Oct. 8, 2014. (Nathan Hunsinger/Dallas Morning News/MCT)

Wednesday morning, Thomas Eric Duncan stamped his name in the history books as the first American to die of Ebola. Duncan, who arrived in the United States from Liberia on Sept. 20, passed away while isolated in a special unit at Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital in Dallas, 10 days after he was admitted and 13 days after he first sought care at the same hospital. All things being equal, Duncan’s death is sad. He was only 42; he was attempting to reunite with his estranged family; and he reportedly contracted the deadly virus while assisting a neighbor seeking care for the same disease. I have no doubt he’ll be missed by those who knew and loved him.

In and of itself, Duncan’s case seems fairly straightforward. A man from an Ebola-stricken country contracted Ebola, and it killed him. Given that Ebola victims’ survival prospects are relatively dim under the best of circumstances, it can’t be all that surprising that Duncan didn’t survive. But Duncan didn’t die in Liberia; he died in America. In America, nothing — even fatalities caused by fatal diseases — is straightforward.

Before Duncan’s body began to cool down from its feverish temps, the Rev. Jesse Jackson brought his considerable medical expertise to bear on Duncan’s death. Jackson said: “Whether you are white in Atlanta or whether you are white in Nebraska or black in Dallas — we know there’s different treatment among blacks in this country.” It wasn’t a jacked-up tropical super disease that cut short Duncan’s mortal coil; it was racism. And Jackson would know because he used to watch “ER.” Apparently, Jackson failed to convince others, including Duncan’s nephew, Josephus Weeks, who had nothing but praise for the THPH staffs’ efforts. “No amount of thanks in the world I can give you. [I am] forever in my debt for treating a man who had no means. He had no ways. But you treated him like a diamond. I appreciate all the efforts you’re putting in. Thank you on behalf of my family.”

Following Jackson’s diagnosis, the regressive clown car disgorged a horde of other self-professed medical experts. A CNN anchor named Ashleigh Banfield suggested “Doctor” Jackson might be on to something: “You cannot rule out the notion that he had no Social Security number when he went to the hospital, and had a strong, thick West African accent. And his partner even said he’s from Liberia.”

Prep an OR STAT! America needs a racist-ectomy! Banfield — who is whiter than line dancing at a northern Montana goat rodeo — went on to opine that Duncan’s allegedly poor treatment could precipitate a “wrongful death” lawsuit against THPH. While I’m certain the lawyers were already lined up at the hospital doors like dogs waiting for soup bones, it’s a hell of a stretch to suggest the hospital staffers acted with any malice or neglect — unless the accuser presumes they’re all sociopaths. “OK, Mr. Duncan. You might have a potentially fatal hemorrhagic fever, or it could be allergies. Take two of these and hopefully don’t die.”

Of course, Jackson and his backing chorus of race-baiters are carefully minimizing a few salient facts. Duncan had Ebola. It wasn’t allergies; it wasn’t even SARS. The man contracted a disease that regularly kills people. And Ebola isn’t new, even if its current iteration seems so. Ebola outbreaks have been recorded back as far as 1976, with an associated virus originating in Africa striking a town in Germany as far back as 1967. The idea that Duncan is the victim of a racist conspiracy stretching back at least 40 years is sillier than CNN’s idea of “journalism.” If Ebola is the product of a racist conspiracy, then the white people who have contracted it — including a doctor who risked his life to help fight Ebola and a cameraman for NBC News — must be collateral damage. If Duncan’s treatment were a consequence of racism, then THPH would sport a rather high ratio of black-to-white patient deaths, something that would have been noticed before now.

It’s also worth noting that Duncan lied about his exposure to Ebola in order to get here. I’ll be the first to admit that if I were exposed to Ebola, Liberia would be pretty far down the list of places in which I’d want to be marooned. Of course, I’m an American who would be trying to get home. Duncan was a Liberian trying to leave his. I know President Barack Obama has relaxed immigration standards to “you can enter if you pinkie-swear you’re not in ISIS,” but “exposed to Ebola” ought to fall into the “Do NOT pass go” category.

The current Ebola outbreak is far too serious to drown in a sea of ludicrous sound bites. While Jackson needs the race card in order to secure a paycheck, putty-faced talking hairstyles like Banfield and the rest of Obama’s cheering section are motivated by simple partisanship. A real African disease joins ISIS, Obamacare and the Internal Revenue Service in actively threatening Americans, and the Democrats are busy blaming imaginary causes.

Unfortunately, Obama and his regime have handled the Ebola outbreak with the same double-talk and bumbling which have marked every other gaffe, scandal and/or outright crime they’ve created. Actually, Obama has been largely absent from the proceedings, a consequence of his busy schedule of golf and fundraising. Fortunately, his surrogates have been more than up to the task of embarrassing themselves and the rest of us.

The director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Tom Frieden, M.D., fresh from an appearance on CNN in which he managed to argue both for and against heightened Ebola protocols, continued his confused coordination of anti-Ebola efforts. During a Tuesday press conference, Frieden argued both for and against travel restrictions to and from Ebola-stricken countries in Africa, announcing measures that could include questionnaires and temperature readings, precisely the measures that Duncan defeated to deliver Ebola to Dallas. However, he opposes travel restrictions, which might have been more effective than: “Do U have Ebola? Check ‘yes’ or ‘no.’”

Said Frieden: “We’re not today providing the steps that we plan to take, but I can assure you that we will be taking additional steps, and we will be making those public in the coming days, once we can work out the details.”

Right, they don’t know what they’re going to do; but they’re going to do something, and soon-ish. I just hope we can survive their efforts.

–Ben Crystal

The Ebola world tour stops in the U.S.

Bad news, kids. You’re going to die. Despite the womb-to-tomb security blankets of Obamacare, Medicare, Medicaid, preventive care, regular screenings, mammograms, prostate exams, proper nutrition, plenty of exercise and enough daily water intake to fill an Olympic-size swimming pool, the reaper is going to get you.

It’s probably going to happen like this: You’re walking down the street, minding your own business, hurting no one, and — BLAM! — you contract Ebola. You’ll start to feel run down. Then you’ll run a fever. Then the real fireworks will start, culminating in a death as miserable as anything Stephen King could imagine after a three-day absinthe bender. Death from Ebola is that bad.

Kent Brantly, M.D., who survived the dreaded import from the Dark Continent, detailed his experience at a joint Senate hearing last month:

I experienced the humiliation of losing control of my bodily functions and faced the horror of vomiting blood — a sign of the internal bleeding that could have eventually led to my death.

But, wait, that guy couldn’t have described the horrors of Ebola without surviving the horrors of Ebola. And if you can survive Ebola, you can avoid Ebola. Even the worst diseases ever to rampage through the human population like Rosie O’Donnell hitting the all-you-can-eat buffet line at the Glutt’n Hutt didn’t kill everyone around. In fact, the Black Death, probably Mother Nature’s most famous knockout punch, killed less than one-third of the people who knew about it. The Spanish Flu epidemic of 1920 was one of the pound-for-pound contenders, mostly because it killed otherwise healthy people in enormous numbers, and it managed to bury “only” about 3 percent of the worldwide population. AIDS can’t do better than an infection — not fatality — rate of 26 percent of adults in countries like Swaziland. I’ve actually been to Swaziland. They’d need an interest-free IMF loan merely to fund pipe dreams of one day rising to Third World status. Even cancer and heart disease, which are much more likely to finish you off than all of the aforementioned ailments combined, will probably wait until you’re older and slower before peeling you off the herd.

Truth be told, no superbugs, bacterial serial killers or monster maladies can touch the records set by humanity itself. Stalin, Mao and Hitler needed about 50 years to murder somewhere between 75 million to 150 million people. The multiple diseases that shared the “Black Plague” nom de maladie — mostly bubonic and pneumonic plague — needed 3,000 years to rack up similar numbers. So maybe Ebola won’t get you.

However, if the federal government has anything to do with it, it might. Now, before you roll your eyes, consider this: I don’t think the regime of President Barack Obama has any plans to deploy Ebola, West Nile, SARS or the East Asian Hemorrhagic Death Virus against Americans. Like most Democrats, Obama despises most Americans. But even a spray-and-pray president like our man Barry isn’t that twisted. Attorney General Eric Holder maybe, but not Obama — I hope. However, while the feds have busied themselves with spying on, auditing and/or otherwise harassing everyone who didn’t vote for Obama, Ebola has deplaned at Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport.

Less than a month after Obama called Ebola’s American travel plans “unlikely,” A man named Thomas Eric Duncan, who boarded the first leg of his trip in the Ebola-ravaged country of Liberia, managed to carry what amounts to a biological weapon through an international air travel security network designed to keep people from carrying any weapons anywhere. Let me rephrase that. Duncan, who got his passport, secured a travel visa, bought a ticket and boarded multiple flights, walked off the plane in Dallas with Ebola in his carry-on. He presumably had no criminal intent in doing so.

Meanwhile, not far south of Duncan, there are people who pretty much base their existence on getting here without so much as a consideration for laws of the United States. Some of those people intend to do a lot more than just ignore our laws. In fact, according to the government’s own security intel, some of them are members of the Islamofascist terrorist group Islamic State (ISIS, ISIL or “guys who would just love to send a bunch of human dirty bombs into every booming metropolis and small town from sea to shining sea.”) Considering Obama’s current immigration policy basically entails showing even wanted murderers from our southerly neighbors to their new, taxpayer-funded accommodations, I wonder if any ISIS psychos have traded in their suicide-bomb vests for a quick shot of Ebola and a ticket to Mexico City.

What’s worse, the government agency that exists solely to deal with serious diseases appears to be operating at the same standard of excellence as the rest of the Obama regime. In an appearance on CNN Wednesday, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Director Tom Frieden managed to both confirm and deny that Ebola didn’t actually need direct physical contact to jump from one victim to another. “(Ebola is) not like the flu, not like the common cold. It requires direct physical contact. … if you’re within 3 feet, that’s a situation we’d want to be concerned about.”

Frieden later took to Twitter to share his thoughts on protecting Americans from further Ebola fear:

Of course we should. Look what a wonderful job our other “tried & true public means” have done stopping it. Fortunately, Obama has stepped in to stem a possible American influx of Ebola-infected people by doing nothing. According to a Wednesday briefing by Obama spokeshole Josh Earnest, the government will not be imposing any travel restrictions on passengers originating from Ebola’s home field in West Africa.

So according to those who purport to be our leaders and leading thinkers, Ebola isn’t coming to America, except when it is. Ebola is no real danger to otherwise healthy Americans, except when it is. Right, and ISIS doesn’t represent Islam; Obamacare is working perfectly; and Obama has a handle on everything. And on that note, I’m headed to the store to buy a few thousand gallons of Purell.

–Ben Crystal

Terror in the heartland due to ‘workplace violence’

It wasn’t an act of terrorism; it was “workplace violence.” It wasn’t motivated by Islam; it was motivated by the loss of a job. It wasn’t racism; it was rage. When Alton Nolen roared through the door of Vaughan Foods in Moore, Oklahoma, last Friday, he wasn’t bent on inflicting the sort of inhuman violence Americans consider abhorrent and Islamofascists consider an afternoon at the office. He was merely expressing his indignation at the brutal treatment of today’s workers by evil plutocrats. Heck, Nolen isn’t a terrorist; according to such leading lights as MSNBC’s Melissa Harris-Perry, he’s a “gentleman.”

So rest easy, America. There is no threat of a wave of Islamofascist terrorism crashing upon our shores. The fact that a radicalized Muslim beheaded one innocent woman and stabbed another in a fit of religiously inspired rage does not mean that radicalized Muslims will behead, stab and/or murder any other innocent women. Just because a Muslim angrily replicated identically abominable acts to the ones demonstrated by the Islamic State (aka ISIS, ISIL and those guys who totally don’t represent Islam) doesn’t mean you should worry that any other Muslims who think Sharia law sounds like a party are lying about why they just bought a new GoPro. So stop worrying. You’ve got nothing to worry about. Even though ISIS and other Islamofascist rats’ nests — not all of which were armed by the regime of President Barack Obama — consistently shriek demands that all Muslims rise up and kill as many Americans as they can, Nolen’s Oklahoma killing spree was an aberration.

I’m guessing we’re supposed to believe that Nidal Hassan’s rampage through Fort Hood — which our Democrat pals assured us was also “workplace violence” — was also an aberration. As were those wacky Tsarnaev boys up Boston way. Plus, the kids thought the Tsarnaevs were just dreamy! Did you see Dzhokhar Tsarnaev on the cover of Rolling Stone? OMG!

But if Islamofascists had any chance of spreading animalistic butchery across the planet, they would need to establish footholds in major population centers worldwide. And the idea that 7th century religious dogma would not only resist evolving like the rest of the world’s major religions, but metastasize globally in the 21st century is ludicrous. Yet the charred remains of Islamofascist “workplace violence” smolder in the memories of people from London to Paris and from Berlin to Madrid, while those who aim to visit it upon the planet are popping up like tumors in places like Detroit, New York and Moore, Oklahoma.

The Brits recently arrested Islamofascist blowhole Anjem Choudary after years of his openly proclaiming jihad against every non-Muslim in the UK. And here in the United States we offer tax-exempt respect to the Council on American-Islamic Relations, a hate group that has already been caught consorting with Islamofascist terrorists. By the way, pay no attention to the reports from inside the federal government indicating the operation of ISIS cells in the increasingly unguarded southern border. I’m sure they’re just taking in the idyllic charms of Ciudad Juárez, Mexico. Those ISIS guys are suckers for shellacked frogs dressed up to look like mariachi bands, rosaries made from mismatched neon beads and mezcal that makes hillbilly hooch look like Dom Pérignon.

Look, I am not suggesting we meet jihad with jihad. In fact, I wholeheartedly support the opposite idea. Civilization seems to struggle with the century-old lesson that the places where Islamofascism has firmly planted its flag are ratholes. But Islam clearly still struggles with the centuries-older lesson that religiously inspired warfare is a losing proposition. That’s why there are no longer armies of Christian soldiers, marching off to war. The country that expends the most in life and limb dealing with Islamofascism is the United States, and we’re constitutionally nonsectarian; ask any Democrat, if you can catch one on a break from parsing words to avoid offending the Religion of Pieces. There are no platoons of Jews sawing off people’s heads and posting videos of their barbarism so their friends can get their jollies during Hannukah. American soldiers don’t use children as human shields. British soldiers don’t rig buses with Semtex. French soldiers don’t shoot up shopping malls. And none of them behead innocent women in food-processing facilities.

The idea that we, meaning the civilized world, are at war with Islam is ludicrous. There are more than 1 billion Muslims on the planet. The overwhelming majority of them are just trying to get through the day, just like the rest of us. They have kids to raise, jobs to work and bills to pay. However, the minority has openly declared war on us. Rather than playing a seriously painful game of whack-a-mole from Aleppo to Kabul, perhaps we should consider calling the exterminator on the infestation here at home.

There’s nothing wrong with most Muslims. I expect quite a few of them are mortified by what animals like Nolen, Hassan and ISIS do in the name of their religion. Heck, one of the coolest guys I know is a practicing Muslim from Tunisia. It’s vitally important that we stop contorting ourselves because we’re worried about offending the hundreds of millions of peaceful Muslims worldwide. People are dying in Oklahoma just like ISIS abductees in Syria. What Nolen did was nothing short of terrorism. What Hassan did was nothing short of terrorism. What ISIS does is nothing short of terrorism. And what Islamofascism has planned for the rest of us is nothing short of terrorism, despite the fact that President Obama and his Democratic accomplices insist on calling it “workplace violence.”

–Ben Crystal

#StopRush and the Democrats’ War on Free Speech

As Wednesday passed gray, breezy and decidedly non-global warmish, I sat on the couch, trying to make sense of President Barack Obama’s address to the U.N. General Assembly. As is often the case when I have to fight through Obama’s tortured enunciations, I got bored. Don’t judge me; the guy needed close to 4,500 words and 40 minutes to tell the U.N. that he was committing the United States to a war against the same islamofascists he helped arm. At least, I think Obama meant to tell the U.N. about his plan to go to war with the Islamic State (aka ISIS, ISIL and those guys who totally don’t represent Islam). After Obama’s rambling soliloquy — which included references to Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, whatever they’re calling “global warming” this week, the Internet and his grandmother’s village in Kenya — I remained as mystified as a newly arrived U.N. diplomat trying to drive in Manhattan before they tell him his parking is free.

I needed to clear my head. So I steered onto the information superhighway. I checked my email, adjusted my fantasy football rosters for the weekend and then wandered over to Twitter to see what the cool kids were compressing into 140 or fewer characters. Under “trending,” I noticed the return of the long moribund hashtag “#StopRush.” Bemused by our regressive friends’ tendency to be distracted by simple ideas, I decided to see what had revived such an odd Twitter tangent. Obama was launching cruise missiles in the opening gambit of a war that even Democrats are acknowledging is every bit as ill-defined and open-ended as nearly every major conflict to which presidents have committed us since the late 1940s. Given the left’s declared opposition to war, I assumed Limbaugh must have done something far worse than make fun of a phony congressional “witness” and her demands for taxpayer-funded promiscuity to draw their fake outrage. To my surprise, #StopRush was the same weird little hate nugget it had always been. It was just Democrats calling for a boycott of Limbaugh and his advertisers, a recurring theme throughout more than a quarter century of Limbaugh’s eating liberals’ lunch.

Surely, Obama’s sudden sprouting of hawk feathers would drive even the bluest of blue-state liberals to panicked clucking. After all, the resolutely anti-war left wouldn’t abandon their most committed beliefs just because the guy calling the shots has a “D” next to his name, would they? And even if they would ditch their unicorns for war horses, they wouldn’t circle back to an anti-free speech campaign that has failed as completely as an MSNBC host on “Celebrity Jeopardy” (Chris Matthews, hello!), would they? And even if their hatred of differing opinions drives them to tear up their flannel onesies in outrage, people who claim to consider free speech sacrosanct wouldn’t orchestrate a fake, bot-assisted war to deprive a guy of his livelihood, would they? As it turns out, they really, really would.

A little background might be in order. #StopRush is not the grass-roots, mass media campaign its creators would have you believe. Begun by a blogger named Angelo Carusone (Twitter handle: @GoAngelo) for the Soros-funded hate group Media Matters for America (MMFA), #StopRush attracted the attention of a horde of leftist Twitter-philes, eventually growing so large and powerful that even Limbaugh’s own network honchos pulled the plug. By “horde,” I mean “fewer than a dozen people.” By “large and powerful,” I mean “fewer than a dozen people.” And by “pulled the plug,” I mean “continued to pay Limbaugh a salary commensurate with his unprecedented success.” As has been recently reported by multiple outlets, including Limbaugh himself, #StopRush is less grass-roots and more Astroturf. In reality, #StopRush is mostly the work of about 10 left wing anti-free speech activists who use multiple Twitter accounts and automation software to harass small businesses that advertise on stations that carry Limbaugh’s program. In fact, most of the poor consumer ratings, spam attacks and pseudo-petitions thrown at people targeted for destruction by Carusone and his accomplices can be traced back to these half-dozen or so regressives.

In the interest of full disclosure: I’m not a big Limbaugh guy. I harbor no resentment toward the man; but his show is on in the middle of the day, at a time when I — like most productive Americans — am working. I also have little patience for terrestrial radio. I think my years in the industry soured me on the business. The hours are lousy, the pay for minor leaguers such as I was is abysmal and the glamour fades not long after you realize that the sales manager isn’t kidding when he asks you to apologize to the local Dominos franchisee for saying their tomato sauce reminds you of off-brand ketchup. (It did; I didn’t.) Nonetheless, I certainly don’t harbor Limbaugh any lasting animus; nor do I think he deserves to lose his career simply because his rhetoric upsets hysterical regressives who are really just looking for a new distraction from Obama’s endless series of crimes and misdemeanors.

To be honest, I wouldn’t even begrudge Carusone, MMFA and similar Soros-funded yet tax-exempt hate groups like Dailykos — whose own blogger, Carol Wallin (Twitter handles: @FlushFools and @hrhprincess), is also one of Carusone’s fellow anti-Bill of Rights spammers — their right to repeatedly slam their heads against the talk radio wall. The 1st Amendment not only guarantees Limbaugh’s right to free speech, it also guarantees the #StopRush agitators’ right to oppose it, counterintuitive though that might be. If they want to spend their time bemoaning the perceived evils of talk radio, they’re welcome to it. After 25 years, Limbaugh is still rolling, while liberal attempts at counterprogramming — remember Air America? — end up buried next to Al Gore’s presidential aspirations.

As night fell on Wednesday, I found myself face to face — well, tweet to tweet — with three of Carusone’s anti-free speech trolls. Jason Rey (Twitter handle: @FranticQuark), Dennis Rohner (Twitter handle: @ShawToo) and the aforementioned Wallin. Of the three, I thought Rohner did the best work representing the #StopRush “movement” when he asked me “Are you Kochsuckers?”

By the way, Obama did declare war in his U.N. speech, albeit not on ISIS, ISIL, the Islamic State or anyone else who totally doesn’t represent Islam. He declared “war on war.” Maybe we’d find more success if we abandoned the cruise missiles and went after ISIS with the big guns: artificially inflated hashtag campaigns run by 10 people. Look how well it worked against Limbaugh.

–Ben Crystal (@Bennettruth)

Is President Obama An Accomplice To Murder?

I doubt the Foley and Sotloff families foresaw this outcome. Granted, their sons, combat correspondents James Foley and Stephen Sotloff, worked as combat correspondents. So the families knew — or should have known — about the occupational hazards inherent in reporting from the “shootier” parts of the globe. Nonetheless, no parent actively imagines his own child’s demise — unless he works for Planned Parenthood or NARAL, in which case such unnatural thinking probably earns him a paycheck. But the idea of losing a son to the medieval brutality of a bloodthirsty death cult like the Islamic State (aka ISIS or ISIL) isn’t unnatural; it’s insane, especially centuries after such madness became passé in the civilized world.

Even if the Foleys and Sotloffs did consider the shocking way in which their sons met their fates, I find it highly dubious that they expected to see videos of the murders on the Internet. The digital age has made life vastly simpler, easier and even more fun. Unfortunately, the animals who slaughtered Foley and Sotloff define “fun” differently than do the Foleys, the Sotloffs or even the Obamas. Even now, following the efforts by major social media networks to scrub the ISIS murder videos from their sites, they remain available to any budding jihadi with an Internet connection and a dream.

Even if the Foleys and Sotloffs — knowing the dangers inherent in meeting journalistic deadlines while dodging personal deadlines in places where “deadline” and “flatline” mean roughly the same thing — actually expected their sons to end up as props in islamofascism’s endless theater of the macabre, I’d throw a pile of cash at the idea that they’d spare absolutely no expense in trying to save their sons’ lives. Given a chance to pay a ransom to ISIS or lose their sons to some expat-Brit jihadi with an overdeveloped medulla oblongata and underdeveloped cerebrum, I’m sure the Foleys and Sotloffs would have begged, borrowed, stolen, mortgaged their homes and/or sold their own kidneys to scrape up the cash.

And even if the Foleys and Sotloffs somehow managed to look into the future far enough not only to catch a glimpse of their children’s misadventures but to construct a response plan involving avoiding more than a few off-ramps from the information superhighway while simultaneously scrounging up enough dough to buy their sons’ freedom in the event they were abducted by Muslim serial killers, I am close to 100 percent certain that they never planned for their efforts being thwarted by a Nobel Peace Prize-winning president of the United States.

That’s precisely what happened. Both the Foley and Sotloff families faced cajoling, harassment and outright threats from an Obama regime bent on keeping them from negotiating for their sons’ releases.

James Foley’s mother, Diane, recounted the rough treatment she faced for her efforts. “I was surprised there was so little compassion… We were told we could do nothing… meanwhile our son was being beaten and tortured every day.”

And a spokesman for the Sotloff family tells a similarly horrifying tale. “We had meetings with the administration… and basically he [an official] bullied and hectored them [the family], and they were scared.”

Think about what that means: Obama secretly — and very illegally — traded islamofascist serial killers for alleged deserter Bowe Bergdahl, even though Bergdahl willingly sought out his Taliban captors. But when Foley’s and Sotloff’s parents tried to raise private funds to save their sons from a terrorist group that Obama helped arm, Obama threatened them with prison.

I’m sure the Foleys and Sotloffs dreamed of success for their sons. I’m sure they prayed for safe, healthy, comfortable lives filled with love, work and — if they’re anything like my parents — grandbabies, lots and lots of grandbabies. In retrospect, I’m sure they would prefer the relative security of life as a convenience store clerk in Detroit over the risk of spending too much time too close to an army made up of some of the darkest souls outside a maximum security prison. But I’d wager all the money George Soros plans to donate to the Democrats in his life that they never thought they’d lose their children to islamofascists, that those islamofascists would be armed by the President of the United States and that the President of the United States would intervene in order to stop them from saving their sons’ lives.

Foley’s mother recently told CNN’s Anderson Cooper, “Our country let Jim down.” She was being kind. From my angle, the President of the United States is an accomplice to her son’s murder.

–Ben Crystal

Coach Obama And The ISIS Varsity

As I’m writing this, President Barack Obama has just wrapped up a prime-time address to us, his loyal subjects. The topic of his latest proclamation: the islamofascist brushfire in the Mideast that Obama’s bumbling fanned into a five-alarm inferno. What was once a civil war between the forces of Syrian President Bashar Assad and rebel opponents has now metastasized into a regional nightmare. And while Obama once dismissed the Islamic State (aka ISIS or ISIL) as terrorism’s “junior varsity,” apparently, the terror team has been called up to the big show.

In his address, Obama outlined a four-point program to arm and train “forces fighting these terrorists on the ground.” Presumably, those “forces” would then use their newly acquired weapons and training to destroy ISIS and then what? Join hands and sing “Kumbaya?” You’ll pardon me for asking, but I have a few questions I think deserve more than the usual White House fade, especially in light of the fact that Obama’s newest attempt at meaningful foreign policy is — by his own admission — more open-ended than an Internal Revenue Service audit.

Obama accomplices like Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid have been providing cover for Obama’s latest misadventure by referring to “moderates” in Syria and Iraq. Who are these “moderates,” and where were they when Obama’s plan for pacifying a restive Mideast involved arming ISIS against Syrian President Bashar Assad? Are we now supposed to accept that not only do such people exist, but that they have earned such largesse? Are we supposed to forget that ISIS used to be the very “moderates” we supported? Are we further supposed to forget that Obama’s policy regarding the very real threat of islamofascism has gone from “arming islamofascists to fight against other islamofascists” to “arming islamofascists to fight against the islamofascists we armed to fight against other islamofascists?” Are we even further supposed to forget that some and/or all of the people — islamofascist or “moderate” — have spilled from Syria into Iraq to fill a vacuum Obama created? And are we even further supposed to forget that the current crop of islamofascists hail not only from the Mideast, but from such exotic locales as London, Paris and Minneapolis? For that matter, has it occurred to anyone within earshot of the president that giving money and materiel to everyone who writes “moderate” on his nametag has led to nothing but heartbreak so far?

Taking to the teleprompter, Obama provided answers to precisely none of those questions. But he did declare ISIS to be a “terrorist group” requiring us “to degrade and ultimately destroy” them. That’s a far cry from “junior varsity,” a long bellow from “we don’t have a strategy” and a big shout from “manageable problem.” Keep in mind that the previous sentence reflects only the past few weeks of Obama’s eternal evolution on the appropriate response to islamofascism. Throw in “the future does not belong to those who slander the prophet of Islam,” the Iranian crackdown, the “Arab Spring” (for which Obama was entirely unprepared) and a few murders committed in the name of a phantom YouTube video, and the lack of both coherence and competence emerges.

We’ve gone from 9/11 attacks to attacks on 9/11. We’ve gone from fighting islamofascist murderers in the Mideast to fighting islamofascist murderers in the Mideast. We’ve seen Libya transform from a terrorist haven into a haven for terrorists, albeit terrorists who now use our embassy as a health club. We’ve even managed to regress to operations in Somalia and Yemen, because we’re retro like that. But there is something new under the sun. As we paused to mark the 13th anniversary of the original 9/11 attacks, we were confronted not only by the spreading fungus of islamofascism in the Mideast but by the realization that the infection appears to have spread to our shores. Moreover, even Obama’s own national security apparatchiks are now acknowledging the presence of ISIS vermin within a short swim of our own southern frontier. Given Obama’s avowed plan to let through every thug, gangster and reprobate through with the promise of free lifetime care and feeding, it’s hardly a stretch to think a few Abduls and Zameers might have snuck through amidst the Tomases, Ricardos and Joses.

Since Obama took home the Nobel Peace Prize for promising to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony, the world has plunged into outright caterwauling. Russia dug its old Soviet uniforms out of the gulag; China has extended its airspace to include everything west of Obama’s vacation rental on Hawaii; North Korea is developing long distance delivery systems for Kim Jong Krazy; and even our pals in Europe are starting to look at us funny. Of course, they’ve got problems of their own. From the Norwegian capital of Oslo to Madrid and from Paris to Istanbul, islamofascism is whirling like the proverbial dervishes. The most common name for newborns in England is Mohammed, as if our best pals needed another reminder of how much fun the “religion of pieces” can be. And here at home, a growth Obama considered beneath his notice has rocketed past his “manageable problem” to “we should schedule a biopsy.” As Obama acknowledged, “[T]hese terrorists could pose a growing threat beyond that region — including to the United States.”

I suppose it’s laudable of Obama to actually show up for work, much less offer a strategy. But as he wrapped up his meandering attempt to convince the world that he’s super serious this time, I couldn’t help but think two things: “Welcome to the varsity, ISIS” and “Man, I could have watched ‘World War Z’ on Netflix.”

–Ben Crystal

ISIS And Obama’s Manageable Message

I wasn’t appalled when President Barack Obama strode to the podium Aug. 28 to announce that “We don’t have a strategy yet” for responding to ISIS’s cancer-like spread across the Mideast. Well, I was appalled, but no more or less so than I have been innumerable times since Obama parked his carnival sideshow of a regime on the White House lawn.

To be sure, if you tell your own nation that you forgot to come up with a plan to keep islamofascist serial killers — whom you helped arm — from murdering Americans, that’s bad. If you tell those same islamofascist serial killers that you forgot to come up with a plan to keep them from murdering Americans, that’s worse. Hell, you actually forgot to come up with a plan to keep islamofascist serial killers — whom you helped arm — from murdering Americans? That’s positively embarrassing.

Nonetheless, during Obama’s royal proclamation, I caught a glimmer of some of that hope he used to peddle. Sure, he fumbled the ball and then kicked it around the field for a while, failing once again to provide satisfactory, or even comprehensible, answers to the questions his behavior raises. But Aug. 28 marked the first time I can remember in which Obama was flat-out honest with the world. The poor fellow finally admitted that he’s not up to the task.

Of course, I was paying attention to what the president was actually saying. Some of my pals in the lapdog media missed Obama’s message. They weren’t blinded by a glimmer of hope; they were bedazzled by the glamour of the president’s suit. But I appreciated the president’s rare honesty. Granted, his minions circled the wagons fairly quickly, with current White House spokeshole Josh Earnest “um-ing” and “ah-ing” his way through a clarification that clarified nothing.

… the president was explicit that he is still waiting for plans that are being developed by the Pentagon for military options he has for going into Syria …

Right. That must be why he gave ISIS money and weapons. He was hedging his bets while waiting for the Pentagon to figure it out for him. And by “figure it out for him,” I mean “do his job while he plays golf and makes ill-advised public statements.”

Look on the bright side: At least he didn’t try to act unilaterally. It beats his illegal alterations to previously passed legislation, deployment of federal agents against innocent American civilians and swapping islamofascist murderers for deserters.

Obama may not have a strategy for ISIS, but their second beheading video indicates they certainly have a strategy for us. It may be an islamofascist strategy, filled with beheadings, honor killings, clitorectomies and all the other hijinks that make their world such a party; but it is a strategy, and it did stump Obama. Meanwhile, imagine what Obama’s statement means to heavyweight thugs like Russian President Vladimir Putin.

The ISIS strategy also includes operations on our side of the globe. According to recent federal security bulletins, the already-hellish Mexican city of Ciudad Juarez is now playing host to not only the usual narcoterrorist trash, but ISIS trash as well. Take a moment to let that sink in. ISIS is definitively operating not only in our hemisphere, but right next door. In fact, now that ISIS is filling roster spots with people from as far afield as Minneapolis, they’re essentially operating out of the freezer in the garage.

It’s worth noting that a week has passed since Obama worried most of us with his admission of incompetence and wowed the media with his fabulous tan suit, and he has yet to indicate that he’s formulated a strategy for ISIS. He did announce Wednesday that he intends to downgrade ISIS to a “manageable problem.” But he indicated neither how he’ll accomplish it, nor what he considers “manageable.” A headache is manageable, but so is a brain tumor. In the case of ISIS, Obama’s directionless tangle of a foreign policy created the headache, and now it’s showing signs of becoming a much more serious condition. And that presumes a correct diagnosis.

During the same press conference in which he clued the rest of us into his plans to make ISIS a “manageable problem,” he also threatened to “degrade and destroy” them. So which will it be, Mr. President, aspirin or chemotherapy?

It isn’t news that Obama is a mile out of his depth. This guy has no idea what’s going around him anytime he has to deal with the actual responsibilities of the presidency – hence, his painfully obvious discomfort whenever he’s not playing golf, hitting the beach with the kids or getting his groove on with Jay-Z and Beyonce. His high-handed statism, born of a lifetime tucked into the insular cocoon of academia with its slow-witted stepbrother, “community activism,” resonates as well with people who work for a living as a national anthem duet featuring Roseanne Barr and Bette Midler. Witness not only his ham-fisted attempts to impose his will on the lives of the people whom he clearly considers subjects, but his equally thumb-filled attempts to “fix” the messes his pseudo-imperial tinkering routinely creates.

From Obamacare to the still-unfolding IRS scandal to NSA spying, Obama’s performance on the domestic front has been less than thrilling. Even his oft-touted “jobs” numbers are hollow — with record numbers permanently out of the workforce, others working two or even three jobs to make up the income they lost in Obama’s still-roiling recession and up to 30 million illegal aliens preparing to flood the legal labor force. Yet he’s a veritable superstar at home when one considers his road game record. For a guy who essentially won the Nobel Peace Prize on spec, Obama hasn’t delivered much of a return on investment to the boys in Oslo, much less the folks back home.

And now, as the 13th anniversary of the Sept. 11, 2011, terrorist attacks and the second anniversary of the Sept. 11, 2012, attack on Benghazi, Libya approach, and as the islamofascists ramp up their efforts to establish a worldwide “caliphate,” Obama has finally admitted that he simply isn’t competent.

Look, I’m glad he finally opened up about his own shortcomings. I just wish his timing was better. But, hey. Nice suit, Mr. President.

–Ben Crystal

GOP, It’s Time To Bring Down The Hammer On Obama Corruption!

Vampire Donkey

Barring a late-season push, the Democrats are heading into this fall’s midterm elections looking at a near total loss. President Barack Obama is dragging down his party’s image like a battleship anchor lashed to a rowboat.

Direct assaults on Americans’ individual liberties, once laughed off as “phony” by the Democratic ownership, have clung to the headlines like a particularly virulent fungus, mostly because Obama and his minions have a bad habit of doubling down when they get caught lying. But most importantly, the Democrats’ willful refusal to acknowledge that they’re not the only ones whose opinions count has infuriated Americans to no end. Yet the Republicans appear to be doing everything they can to keep the Dems in the game. At this point, as the country reels from yet another race-infused nightmare made infinitely worse by the machinations of Obama and his ilk, the only reason the Democrats are still in the midterm electoral fight is GOP hesitation to deliver the knockout blow.

Obviously, the biggest violator of the public trust is Obama himself. His scandal-plagued regime’s tendency to launch vicious attacks on his perceived enemies not only has produced the still-unresolved Obamacare fraud debacle, the Benghazi nightmare, the NSA domestic spying scandal, the outrageous use of the IRS as a political weapon and a foreign policy as confused as it is impotent; but it also has produced a presidency that is every bit as detached and isolated from the people it purportedly serves as the Hollywood bobbleheads are from the shmoes who buy tickets to sit through their dreck. Nonetheless, beyond the efforts of dedicated public servants like Congressmen Trey Gowdy (R-S.C.) and Darrell Issa (R-Calif.), the Republicans have made almost no effort to return justice to the fore. Instead, they’re suing the president.

Oh, how I loathe the idea of suing Obama. When dealing with a self-styled despot of such low character, a mere lawsuit just seems too small. The guy didn’t back over the mailbox; he backed over the entire U.S. Constitution. The image of House Speaker John Boehner and the rest of his blue-suited lawyer buddies sitting in the hallway of some courthouse waiting for some slip-and-fall case to finish up so they can play the lawsuit lottery strikes me as positively surreal. Moreover, seeing Boehner and his lieutenants filing into a courtroom like disgraced former Senator John Edwards and his ambulance-chaser choir is just plain funny.

Better remedies for a rogue executive exist, up to and including impeachment. However, as long as sociopaths like Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid are allowed to wander the halls of the Capitol with impunity, impeachment will flatline worse than Michael Moore in a CrossFit competition. Plus, impeachment would let far too many people off the hook.

I say it’s high time Congress goes old school on the White House. I’m talking Richard Nixon-era action — “Dirty” Harry Callahan interrogating a suspect or John Shaft going upside some sucka’s head! The president of the United States and a number of his accomplices represent a clear and present danger to the lives, the liberties and the pursuits of happiness of every American — even the ones who voted for him. When Nixon’s administration got caught trying to cover up its criminal activities, people went to prison. Obama and his henchmen have been caught trying to cover up a criminal empire, and not one of them has had their ticket punched for a stay in the big house.

Instead of some endless, special prosecutor-filled, mind-numbingly debated impeachment hearings, let’s see Congress drag every one of the Obama minions who got caught flouting the law onto the mat for a full-on, prison-yard beatdown.

  • Bring Attorney General Eric Holder back and punish him for his role in — and lies about — Operation Fast and Furious, which resulted in a significantly higher number of deaths than the Ferguson, Missouri, incident, albeit with fewer Jesse Jackson fundraising speeches.
  • Duckwalk back IRS stooges John Koskinen and Lois Lerner for their offensively cavalier — and incredibly stupid — attempts to whitewash what is a growing firestorm over the IRS harassment of innocent Americans.
  • Frog-march back former Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius for violations of the Hatch Act, not to mention Obamacare’s trillion-dollar excesses.
  • Pinch former ambassador and current National Security Adviser Susan Rice — and even squirrely little mouthpieces like former White House press secretary Jay Carney and his successor, Josh Earnest — and bring them up to Capitol Hill in handcuffs.
  • Hell, go all in. Get a warrant and make President Executive Orders himself do a perp walk. Unlike Obama — who overstepped his bounds in his executive orders on immigration, Obamacare (the post-passage changes for which he’s being sued) and so-called “global warming” — Congress actually does have the power to issue arrest warrants.

The Democrats would scream bloody murder. They would pivot from their usual yammering about racism, sexism and any other “-ism” they can dream up to screech like howler monkeys at the affront to the dignity of the office of the presidency. They’d accuse anyone and everyone they could of undermining the executive. They’d shriek about Congress overstepping its bounds. And — of course — they’d play the race card.

And here’s how the Republicans should respond: “So?”

The affront to the dignity of the office of the presidency presented by criminal charges would be nothing compared to the affront presented by Obama’s six-year house party. When the executive deliberately and illegally undermines Congress — as it has with Obamacare, the immigration ploys and upcoming U.N. “name and shame” global warming sham — I didn’t hear of too many Democrats wringing their hands over the offenses. And the old tack of smearing your opponents as “racist” is just plain sad.

Would all the arrests result in convictions? Probably not. Some of them might not even hold up in court. Neither did Obama’s attempt to force taxpayers to fund abortions, but the victims of that end run around the 1st Amendment still had to fight all the way to the Supreme Court just to beat it back. And again, I say: “So?”

If the Republicans start playing hardball, who will they send running for the hills? The Democrats are already conditioned to reflexively hate anyone of whom and anything of which their fuehrers don’t approve, so they’re not likely to swing back. Meanwhile, the conservative base would be energized, and the fence-sitters would finally hear a better campaign slogan than this: “Vote GOP! We’re Slightly Less Appalling!”

To the Republicans: Heed the wisdom of the ages, “Go big or go home.” And to the Democrats: Heed the other wisdom of the ages, “Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.”

The Personal Liberty Exam: Back-To-School Edition

The long summer of our discontent may finally be coming to an end. However, geopolitical brush fires threaten to rage out of control from as far away as Afghanistan and the Mideast to as close to home as south Texas. Meanwhile, tempers on the home front have flared up enough to produce block parties like the recent Ferguson, Missouri, shoot-and-loot soiree. It has gotten so bad that Al Sharpton might well be the most powerful person in the Democratic Party. He’s certainly the noisiest.

But all the noise has served as more of a distraction than a cry for attention. And when muckrakers like the suddenly ubiquitous Sharpton get involved, the din is worse than the caterwauling backstage at “The View” during a visit from Bette Midler. That creates more confusion than take-your-kid-to-work day at an abortion clinic. So I’m here to help. Turn off the TV. Put on your thinking caps. It’s time for the Personal Liberty Digest™ back-to-school liberty review.

President Barack Obama is responding to the growing threat from islamofascist terrorism by:

  1. Assembling a crack team of analysts to come up with the best solution.
  2. Assembling a crack team of operatives to liquidate the terrorists’ leadership.
  3. Assembling a crack team of allies to isolate the terrorists.
  4. Assembling a crack team of cronies to play 18 at Farm Neck Golf Club.

In the caliphate imagined by ISIS:

  1. Everyone will enjoy religious tolerance.
  2. Everyone will enjoy intellectual freedom.
  3. Everyone will enjoy basic hygiene.
  4. Everyone will enjoy weekly honor killings.

The Gaza conflict is a result of:

  1. Hamas’ refusal to stop attacking civilians from behind other civilians.
  2. Israel’s refusal to allow Hamas to fire artillery at Israeli kindergartners.
  3. Hamas’ refusal to use foreign aid money for anything other than weapons.
  4. Israel’s stubborn refusal to stop being so Jewish.

The most influential world leader is:

  1. Vladimir Putin.
  2. Angela Merkel.
  3. Whichever Chinese guy is next to be purged by the Central Committee.
  4. Valerie Jarrett.

President Obama’s biggest foreign policy success has been:

  1. Arming both (all) sides of the Syrian/ISIS/Iraq combatants.
  2. Not scuffing Russia’s tires on their way into the Ukraine.
  3. Knifing Israel in the back.
  4. First lady Michelle Obama’s European shopping adventures.

Obama has expanded surveillance of Americans because:

  1. It’s important to know who might be planning terrorist activities.
  2. It’s important to know who might be planning criminal activities.
  3. It’s important to know who might have donated money to the Tea Party.
  4. It’s important to know what you buy on eBay.

The politically motivated IRS harassment of innocent taxpayers was initiated by:

  1. High-ranking Obama administration officials, possibly including Obama himself.
  2. Rogue agents acting roguishly.
  3. Lois Lerner’s hard drive, which became self-aware and immediately committed suicide.
  4. The janitor in the IRS’s Cincinnati field office.

Operation Fast and Furious is:

  1. A secret program in which the Obama Administration sold guns to terrorists and then lied about it to Congress.
  2. A secret program to identify the best actor to replace Paul Walker.
  3. A secret program to put an oversized spoiler on every Honda Civic in America.
  4. A secret program to make drift racing seem less ridiculous.

The situation along the U.S.-Mexico border could best be described as:

  1. The unavoidable result of Obama’s total incompetence.
  2. Chaotic danger.
  3. Dangerously chaotic.
  4. The future of America; and you better get used to it, gringo.

The recent San Francisco-area earthquakes were caused by:

  1. A nearby fault line.
  2. Nancy Pelosi’s excessive water usage.
  3. Football fans jumping on the 49ers bandwagon.
  4. “Global warming.”

Tropical Storm Cristobal was caused by:

  1. A combination of low atmospheric pressure, warm water and insufficient wind shear.
  2. College students partying away the last days of summer on South Beach.
  3. Obama’s continued refusal to close Guantanamo Bay.
  4. “Global warming.”

Hillary Clinton’s presidential bid is floundering because

  1. She’s “flat broke.”
  2. Her latest book sales are almost as low as Obama’s poll numbers
  3. No one really likes her.
  4. She’s been pinned down inside her compound by imaginary Serbian sniper fire.

Former President Jimmy Carter will serve as the keynote speaker at the Islamic Society of North America’s Convention because:

  1. He wants to build bridges between the cultures.
  2. This way, he’s exempt from qualifying from the Holocaust Denier’s Tour for 2015.
  3. It’s time these Muslims got serious about hating Jews.
  4. No one else will talk him.

Attorney General Eric Holder traveled to Ferguson in order to:

  1. Bring the full weight of federal law enforcement to the scene.
  2. Make sure all the local thugs, hoods and gangsters are getting the best deal on AK-47s.
  3. Burn frequent flier miles to burn.
  4. Avoid Chicago; it’s too shoot-y this time of year.

Sharpton left Ferguson because:

  1. His work delivering unity and healing to the community was complete.
  2. The Marriott St. Louis Airport isn’t as nice as Trump Tower.
  3. No one in St. Louis sells his brand of hair goop.
  4. There are way more Jewish-owned businesses to burn down in New York.

During his six years in office, Obama has lowered:

  1. The price of basic staples like groceries and gasoline.
  2. The number of Americans who have given up on finding work.
  3. The number of illegal aliens flooding the country.
  4. His handicap.

The stock market has reached record highs because:

  1. Obama’s economic policies have produced a steamroller of an economy.
  2. Labor costs are down since 100 million Americans are permanently unemployed.
  3. The banksters and their pinstriped Mafiosi are cashing in their chips with Obama.
  4. Who gives a damn? That’s “Wall Street, not Main Street.”

If Federal Reserve Chairwoman Janet Yellen pushes for rate increases, the result will be:

  1. Fewer Americans buying new homes.
  2. Fewer Americans buying new cars.
  3. Fewer Americans putting their money in banks.
  4. Who gives a damn? That’s “Main Street, not Wall Street.”

Obama’s style of governance can be best described as:

  1. Respectfully bipartisan.
  2. Honestly in tune with the taxpayers.
  3. Firmly rooted in constitutional dictates.
  4. Imperial.

I’d attach an answer key, but if you didn’t knock these questions out with relative ease, I’m not sure the answers would make much a difference to you. For those of you who scored well, congratulations. For those who struggled, don’t worry. With the vast resources available here at Personal Liberty, you will soon be on the road to intellectual recovery. And the best part is it’s free!

–Ben Crystal

The Long Train Of Abuses: Next Stop, Ferguson

In 1776, what may well have been the largest gathering of human intelligence in history decided to put a lid on what may well have been the most important convention in human history by issuing what may well have been the most important press release in human history. Known forever as the “Declaration of Independence,” the statement crackled with the kind of robust language and no-nonsense honesty that made that august assemblage so much cooler than their legislative progeny. (Seriously, compare and contrast: the Continental Congress versus the Detroit City Council.)

But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

Keep in mind that these guys were committing treason. They were not only working without a teleprompter, they were working without a basic safety net. If they had overestimated potential support from their target demo, they weren’t figuratively dead, they were dead-dead. But the situation had progressed to that dire a point. Virtually all the decisions regarding their fate were being made by people most of them had never met, in a remote city most of them had never visited. And those decisions routinely involved taking everything from their livelihoods to their lives with little to no recompense. Even if they managed to keep a little for themselves, there was an ever-present threat of the local garrison turning your barn, your house and maybe even your daughter into crown property. The king was an absentee landlord — and the worst kind. He never fixed the radiator; but miss the rent, and his goons were at your door. The only real difference was that the king didn’t actually own the building. So they gave the king history’s most famous fair warning.

To quote President Barack Obama, “Let me be clear.” I am not suggesting that we start assembling the best and brightest and shoving them Philly-ward. I’m not sure we’ve crossed the line from treason to “throwing off the chains of tyranny” just yet. Also, if we have crossed that line, I’m certain that we don’t want to dump our top thinkers in the City of Brotherly Love; we might not get them back. However, I am suggesting that current events dictate we should probably think about making travel arrangements.

Consider the national embarrassment unfolding in Ferguson, Missouri. And no, I don’t mean “that poor, lovable teddy bear of a boy, the Unarmed Teenager Michael Brown. They executed him just because he was a black child out for an evening stroll.” That narrative went to pot faster than Marion Barry with the keys to the narcotics squad’s evidence locker. It needs to be noted that Brown was a punk. While every other aspect of what occurred in that fateful moment appears to be saddled with multiple backstories, there can be no doubt that Brown was not an heir to Rosa Parks, nor even Trayvon Martin. Sure, the race-pimps, the professional protesters, the tragedy vultures and the low-information shriekers are loudly lionizing him as if he were a 6-foot-4, 290-pound Stephen Biko; but he wasn’t. Even if he had been, looting the McDonald’s and begging the crowd for donations — I’m looking at you, “Reverend” Jackson — isn’t a particularly constructive way to advance his cause.

Nonetheless, if bottom-feeders like Al Sharpton want to hit up the audience for their grocery money and nobody gets hurt, there’s actually nothing wrong with that. In this boy’s America, we’re not supposed to roll tanks for peaceably assembled people, even if they’re noisy, noisome or, as in the case of Sharpton, both. If the New Black Panthers, the Old Black Panthers or even the Tween Black Panthers want to don their berets incorrectly and march around in loose formation like a bunch of junior varsity martinets on a bender, then so be it. As long as they don’t break the furniture, the government is not supposed to respond with an infantry battalion.

That having been said, when did the cops start resembling SEAL Team 6? To be fair, the average police officer, sheriff’s deputy and/or federal agent is probably a pretty good guy. “To serve and protect” means something to the cops I know personally, and I appreciate them for it. But watching the scenes from Ferguson, I kept flashing to the Third World rioting Hollywood uses as stock footage for the latest end-of-the-world disaster flick. I watched as police officers loaded out for a patrol in Waziristan rolled heavy into the noisy-but-peaceful protesters while the real scumbags pillaged and looted without facing even token resistance until the store owners started standing up for themselves. If we needed a look at what America will be when the police and the Department of Defense are the same guys, we’re seeing it in Ferguson, thanks to what appears to be a federal program to give every suburban police department light-armored vehicles and light artillery.

Images of government agents assaulting nonviolent civilians are hardly new. Despite America’s history of serving as a beacon of liberty in a world darkened by liberty, we’ve had some trouble keeping the lights on. And it appears to be getting progressively worse. It took about 25 years to march from water cannons in Birmingham to sniper rifles in Ruby Ridge. It took only 10 to go from Ruby Ridge to the Patriot Act. It took less than 10 to go from the Patriot Act to NSA domestic spying, politically motivated IRS harassment and a President who is less concerned with the rule of law than he is with his short game. Law enforcement in Ferguson and elsewhere looks increasingly like the armed forces, and now they’re even sharing gear. Remember that iconic scene of a federal agent tearing a terrified Elian Gonzalez from the arms of a family member? Remember how incongruous that image seemed when compared to our imagined ideal of law enforcement? It seems almost quaint now.

The government listens, watches and takes. And where’s the president, the theoretical first among equals chosen by the people to lead our great nation into the teeth of the 21st century? Well, right now, he’s probably on the back nine. But he’ll soon be back in the Oval Office, working on more illegal decrees, unconstitutional edicts and heavy-handed harassment of his fellow Americans. He might not be wearing a powdered wig, but he’s every bit the absentee landlord King George III was.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

As I said, I’m not sure the time to “dissolve the political bands” has yet drawn nigh. However, I’m rapidly tiring of the “repeated injuries and usurpations” — as I suspect many of you are, as well.

–Ben Crystal

Note from the Editor: Round two of the financial meltdown is predicted to reach global proportions, already adversely affecting Greece, Spain and most of Europe. It appears less severe in the states because our banks are printing useless fiat currency. I’ve arranged for readers to get two free books—Surviving a Global Financial Crisis and Currency Collapse, plus How to Survive the Collapse of Civilization—to help you prepare for the worst. Click here for your free copies.

Remembering Robin Williams

In the fall of 1988, St. Andrew’s School headmaster Jon O’Brien announced that our campus had been cast in the role of “Welton Academy” in a film titled “Dead Poets Society,” and that the star of the movie would be none other than Robin Williams. At the time, Williams was coming off his Oscar-nominated performance in “Good Morning, Vietnam,” and was easily one of the brightest stars in the Hollywood pantheon.

Headmaster O’Brien might as well have set off a low-yield nuclear device in the dining hall. A visit from Robin Williams! And then, Director Peter Weir’s army of movie-makers arrived. The production literally defined the year. Everyone was affected, often profoundly. While some students secured legitimate speaking parts (the skeptic-turned-believer “Hopkins” was played by SAS junior Matt Carey, who reportedly hauled in more for his performance than most of our professors made in a year) and others made brief appearances (my star turn was limited to approximately half a second onscreen), still others were forced into mild-to-major inconvenience — St. Andrew’s is a coed school, but “Welton” was all boys. Our girls faced all sorts of rigamarole in order to get to class without stepping into frame.

Academia fought entertainment to a standstill that year, as students occasionally had to live according to shooting schedules, including night shoots on campus. As the decidedly less-than-glamorous reality of movie production settled over us, my fellow students and I responded by:

  1. Getting nowhere near enough sleep.
  2. Getting acquainted with Williams’ co-stars. Gale Hansen, who played “Charlie/Nwanda,” was a particularly fun guy. Some of my female classmates favored a then-youthful Ethan Hawke, leaving my male classmates and me feeling decidedly nonplussed. James Waterston, who played “Pitts,” returned to campus that spring to escort one of my classmates to the prom.
  3. Gawking shamelessly whenever Williams stepped into view. The production company hired an SAS alumna as location liaison. She sternly commanded us to behave. We ignored her.

Our behavior, which included a coordinated plan involving putting mirrors in our windows to ruin the occasional night shoot, could well have jeopardized our beloved school’s role in the film. To be fair, Weir and his crew were probably a great deal more patient than we deserved. But we had a not-so-secret ally: The star of the show thought it was a riot. Williams encouraged us. He wasn’t present as often as the younger men were; but when he was, he was approachable, charming and every bit as funny as his onscreen persona.

One afternoon, they were shooting a scene in the driveway below our dorm. My roommates and I set up on our balcony to watch the goings-on. The location liaison caught sight of us, and gave us her best “I thought we discussed this after the ‘mirrors in the windows’ prank” look. Unbeknownst to her, Williams was behind her, doing a pantomime routine to beat the band. I honestly believe she left after the location shoot convinced that we were laughing in her face. We were nobodies, a bunch of high school punks behaving like high school punks. And rather than laugh at us, he laughed with us; rather than ignore us, he included us in the joke. He might as well have given us each an Oscar. And though he certainly didn’t owe it to anyone, Williams returned after the shoot to do a private show for the students, faculty and staff. To this day, I’ve laughed at only one other stand-up performance as hard as I did that night.

I had been as much a fan as anyone was before that winter. I was an outright cheerleader for Williams afterward. Robin Williams wasn’t just a talented actor; he was a talented actor who’d shaken my hand — on purpose! This was Mr. Keating, from Welton Academy. This was the guy who’d taken what would already have been an outstanding senior year of high school (SAS was — and is — one of the finest secondary schools in the nation) and made it extraordinary. He made no undue effort to keep us at arms’ length; nor did he deliberately draw attention to himself (as if he had to). Robin Williams, the star, was also Robin Williams, the genuinely friendly fellow. Robin Williams, the comedian, was also Robin Williams, the guy who looked you in the eye when he shook your hand even though he was Robin Williams and you were nobody significant. Robin Williams, the superstar, was also Robin Williams, the guy who cracked a joke and patted me on the shoulder when I nearly ran him over while sprinting down the back stairs from Hillier Corridor to the mail room.

Williams fought demons his whole adult life. He struggled with drugs, women and fame; and they clearly created a monster that overpowered him. I suppose there’s an almost stereotypical aspect to his fate, a clown who cries on the inside. But he also worked tirelessly for charities such as the Comic Relief series, took special pride in his association with the USO and even managed to bring a smile to the face of a gravely injured Christopher Reeve on a day when Reeve faced a surgery that stood a good chance of killing him. Say what you will about his personal issues, it’s hard not to grin at the idea of Williams striding into a Virginia hospital room impersonating an insane Russian proctologist. Reeve certainly did, saying: “For the first time since the accident, I laughed.” I can speak for neither Reeve nor his family, but I know there’s no price you can put on that kind of joy. Years later, when my younger brother lay in an Atlanta hospital’s ICU following a terrible accident, I shamelessly ripped off Williams’ bit. My brother didn’t laugh, but he also didn’t throw anything.

I’m glad I got to meet Robin Williams. I’m glad I got to know that not everyone in Hollywood is a simpering buffoon who’s long on wind and short on wisdom. I’m glad I met someone who sincerely sought to bring laughter to so many for so long. And I’m terribly sorry that he’s gone. It’s always tricky eulogizing famous people. Too often, the effort comes off as maudlin self-importance. After all, I’m just a guy who met someone famous. But he was a remarkable man. And meeting someone so radically different than anyone I’d yet encountered during what is arguably the most important year of any young person’s life was (forgive me) extraordinary.

–Ben Crystal