Faking The News

I’m not sure why MSNBC chose network honcho Phil Griffin to host a briefing on their decision to abandon the pretense of balanced journalism in a web transformation which started beta-testing this morning. Surely, they could have presented a video compilation of Chris Matthews’ top tantrums, thereby allowing everyone to go back to playing Robot Unicorn Attack on their IPads without seeming rude. Perhaps Al Sharpton was forced to bow out after a tragic Soul-Glo mishap at the barbershop. Whatever the reason, Griffin took full advantage of the opportunity; bemoaning the trials and tribulations he faces trying to keep the flagging Democratic Party’s primary mouthpiece from imploding.


To that end, Griffin has decided the reason his charges can’t achieve the same ratings success as those crazy kids on Fox News isn’t that Megyn Kelly is a lot easier to look at than Rachel Maddow; nor that Kelly is eminently more trustworthy. Nope, our boy Phil thinks something fishy must be going on; and someone ought to get to the bottom of it.

According to Griffin, Fox News, which regularly trounces not only MSNBC but MSNBC and CNN combined, has somehow found a way to cheat the ratings system. Whined Griffin: “You guys should be doing some investigations – I have never seen it in all my years of cable. Same overnight, same everything, and they doubled their ratings in a day? It is impossible…”

Since Griffin and his retinue of has-beens, never-wases and never-will-bes operate as a de facto branch of the Administration of President Barack Obama, it’s clear that they suffer from the same cloudy thinking which has allowed the Democrats to transform from the party of slavery, Jim Crow and Chappaquiddick into an even sleazier collection of thugs, crooks and lunatics. In the twisted liberal mindset, conservative opposition to Obama’s daily drumbeat of disgrace must be a product of racism. Likewise, MSNBC can’t beat Fox – or that noisy guy hawking “Flowbies” on the Home Shopping Channel — and that must be a result of a secret plot involving Fox News, the Nielsen Corporation and the cable providers (one of which is MSNBC step-parent Comcast).

It never occurs to liberals that conservative opposition to Obama’s daily drumbeat of disgrace and dishonesty is actually a product of revulsion at his tendency to behave like a cheap knockoff of one of those old guys who used to own the Soviet Union. And it never occurs to a liberal like Griffin that MSNBC’s poor showing is actually a product of a lineup comprised of racist filth like Sharpton, two talking hairdos who are clearly clones of Keith Olbermann gone horribly awry (Maddow and that squeaky little fellow with the hipster glasses; like most of the universe, I’ve forgotten his name), and the essentially-unwatchable daytime filler MSNBC features instead of actual news.

Just as those who refuse to bow down to Obama’s fraudulent assaults on everything from our health to our wealth are smeared as “terrorists” and “traitors” by Democrats; those who refuse to waste viewing hours on a channel which the Pew Research Center noted is by far and away the least reliable in delivering unbiased reporting are presumed to be non-existent. Poor Phil Griffin; he’s confusing the available television viewing audience with Lawrence O’Donnell’s viewing audience.

To be honest, I’m not much of a Fox News watcher. Actually, I’m not much of a television “news” viewer. With resources like the Personal Liberty Digest™ and others, expecting to gain a meaningful insight into current events from the aptly-nicknamed “boob tube” is every bit the fool’s errand that is expecting MSNBC to attract viewers by hiring a violent – and quite possibly disturbed — racist like Alec Baldwin.

I have no idea who Griffin expects to lead the “investigation” of Fox News’ ratings. Evidently, the millions upon millions of Americans who find the Democrat Channel less palatable than the local cable-access channel’s “Houseplants with Henrietta” didn’t make his short list of TV detectives. Given that the incestuous relationship between the Democrats and the lapdog media produces inbred refuse like MSNBC, I wouldn’t be stunned to learn Attorney General Eric “Guns” Holder is on the job.

Let’s look at the bright side, kids. After carrying President Barack Obama’s water on Operation Fast and Furious, Benghazi, the IRS intimidation program, the NSA spying program and the rest of the scandals which have defined Obama’s tenure, the Democrat Channel finally found something worth investigating.

-Ben Crystal

The Democrats’ War On Everyone

Earlier this week, Representative Michele Bachmann (R-Every Democrat’s Nightmare) stepped in a puddle of controversy when she linked President Barack Obama to the really nasty parts of the Revelation of Saint John the Divine. Bachmann said: “[T]he United States is willingly, knowingly, intentionally sending arms to terrorists… what this says to me… we are in God’s end times history.”

I’m willing to admit that kind of rhetoric carries a lot of weight. And I’ll further admit that I don’t share Bachmann’s apocalyptic world view. Among other things, the end times require some seriously heavyweight bad guys, and I have yet to see them appear. I’m not suggesting the world doesn’t have its share of creeps, and al-Qaida certainly qualifies. But for all the bloodshed and pain they’ve inflicted, al-Qaida terrorists live like cockroaches, constantly scurrying from the light to stay alive. I honestly don’t believe Armageddon can be engineered by guys who dream of one day moving out of that drafty cave in Waziristan and into a suicide vest. Even if they could force the world over the brink of destruction, their methods preclude them from enjoying the fruits of their labor.

Nonetheless, Bachmann’s pronouncement — which included the entirely accurate part about Obama’s arming terrorists — touched off a whole new round of Democratic hysteria. Among those who lambasted Bachmann was a friend of mine who happens to be a Democrat. This pal, whom I’ll call Darrow in reference to his career as a criminal defense attorney, is also a very nice fellow who plays a decent game of golf and knows a good glass of scotch when he drinks one, the truest test of a man’s character. When Bachmann fired off her catastrophic caveat, Darrow took her to task. A few of his fellow liberals piled on. And until I mentioned it, I doubt anyone realized that the whole conversation was essentially just a remix of the same songs Democrats sang about Sarah Palin, Arizona Governor Jan Brewer or any other woman who steps outside the role assigned to them by liberal men.

After all, Bachmann might be putting from the proverbial rough when it comes to apocalyptic predictions, but she’s dead-solid perfect on Obama’s shocking foreign policy ineptitude. And even if you refuse to believe that Obama is funneling weapons to some of the worst people on Earth, Bachmann’s warning is hardly the silliest thing said by someone in government. In fact, compared to a number of Democrats who seem stuck in their own personal auditions for “Liberals Say the Darndest Things,” Bachmann is a veritable sage. At the very least, I’d be willing to stake a pretty sizable claim that Bachmann:

  • Knows the moon is not a planet and that Neil Armstrong never walked on Mars.
  • Is aware that Guam is buoyant enough to withstand the U.S. military without capsizing.
  • Knows there are 50 States, and knows which ones border the Gulf of Mexico.
  • Can tell the difference between Tina Fey and Palin.
  • Recognizes handing weapons to al-Qaida is generally a bad idea.
  • Knows the difference between an actual terrorist and someone who simply believes the Constitution is worth more than a cocktail napkin.
  • Would prefer World War II veterans get the run of their memorial over, say, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and a herd of illegal aliens.

Bachmann hardly lives above reproach. But it strikes me that some folks can’t wait to pounce on Bachmann’s gaffes — or even ones Palin didn’t actually make — but can’t seem to find their righteous outrage when Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, Clinton (pick one), comedian Bill Maher, Secretary of State John Kerry, Representatives Hank Johnson and Sheila Jackson Lee, the “Revs.” Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, Rachel Maddow, Anthony Weiner, Chris Matthews, Michael Moore, etc. choke on their own toe fungus.

I’d call that a “war on women” were it not for the fact that the Democrats seem to be fighting pretty much everyone these days — except for al-Qaida.

–Ben Crystal

The Shutdown Follies

While President Barack Obama’s decision to physically bar those always-dangerous World War II veterans from viewing the memorial they paid for in blood has certainly reminded me of his almost pathological hubris, it has also reminded me that even Sisyphus himself would rather push his rock than try and talk sense to such a man. Sadly, Obama’s war on war heroes is hardly the lone example of the embarrassingly petty behavior Obama has displayed. From the magnificent vistas of the Grand Canyon to the National Mall, the Democrats staged this entire “shutdown” circus in an effort to distract attention from the sideshow freak that is Obamacare. Still considered the scandal-clouded Obama Administration’s crowning achievement, Obamacare — not to mention the statements Democrats continue to make in support of it — is as twisted by fraud as Bill Clinton’s next 5 a.m. “excuse.”

Rather than acknowledge the shocking cost increases, losses of coverage and even death panels that essentially define the $2 trillion behemoth, Obama and his accomplices have taken a two-pronged approach. When they’re not slandering Obamacare opponents as “terrorists” or even (my personal favorite) “Tea-hadis,” they’re pretending the debate over Obamacare’s future is somehow settled, since “it’s the law.”

Democrat rhetoric routinely descends to the sophomoric. But I can hardly expect more from a party that lionizes comedians like Bill Maher, a multimillionaire whose mommy issues could keep a whole team of psychiatrists busy until HBO’s next airing of “D.C. Cab.” Whether launching misogynist assaults on women like Sarah Palin, racist attacks on Dr. Ben Carson or the always-appropriate death threats directed at — well — nearly everyone, the left hides behind hate speech for the same reason Obama lies to his low-information base: Lying is easier, and it leaves more time for golf.

Harping on Obamacare’s legal status is fine. However, that the law passed under cover of “we have to pass the bill so that you can find out what’s in it” has produced precisely the opposite of its promised effects seems like a poor topic about which to gloat. “Hey, we scammed America out of $2 trillion and made a fairly clean getaway!” And I’d be remiss were I not to point out that the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution has been law for more than centuries and that the Democrats have accepted that fact as well as a fat guy accepts “We’re out of cake.”

On the other side of the Democrats’ shutdown follies is the debt limit increase demanded by Obama. “(Y)ou don’t negotiate… by putting a gun to the American people’s head by threatening a shutdown.” Putting aside Obama’s gratuitous gun violence joke, if Obama really wants us to allow him to take out another mortgage on our children’s futures, he might want to try a route that he didn’t personally consider “a leadership failure” until he found out being President is, like, super hard, you guys!

Now, the shutdown has engendered discussion of negotiations. I’m curious as to why anyone want to negotiate with the Democrats. Obamacare is a $2 trillion fraud. Obama and his accomplices forced this shutdown rather than give up on an entirely unworkable con of which they personally want no part. Obama has delivered Operation Fast and Furious, Benghazi, National Security Agency spying, Internal Revenue Service intimidation and Obamacare.

I don’t negotiate with criminals, and I damned sure don’t want my representatives doing so on my behalf.

–Ben Crystal

Your Move, America

The Democrats wouldn’t negotiate. Instead, they slandered their opposition as terrorists, anarchists, cannibalistic pedophiles or whatever. The Republicans wouldn’t back down from their stand against the fraudulently passed and fraud-laden Obamacare. Meanwhile, they all exempted themselves from the main bone of contention. Two sides of the same coin argued over a bureaucratic behemoth that applies to neither of them, and they managed to raise their petty partisan squabbling to a level loud enough to drown out the crowd at a Seattle Seahawks game. And now, they’ve managed to “shut down” the government rather than reach some sort of compromise.

To be fair, the Republicans are closer to correct than the Democrats. Obamacare is riddled with fraud and waste, and President Barack Obama and his accomplices left virtually no lie untold in their campaign to impose it upon the rest of us. However, in the interest of further fairness, the Republicans knew this lumbering legislative golem slouched toward Washington, D.C., from the jump. Obama made clear his socialist sympathies long before the closing credits rolled on his coronation telecast. And his war to deploy the Obamacare blanket in order to smother America’s future took longer than the Ottoman siege of Vienna. The Republicans knew it was coming, but they snoozed at their posts until the Turks were in the town square.

Of course, now the GOP is howling at the moon over Obama’s and the Democrats’ mendacious brutality in forcing Obamacare down our throats. And some of them did manage to keep up the fight when Speaker of the House John Boehner and others took their eyes off the prize. Nonetheless, the idea that Congressional Republicans gladly accepted a career exemption from the same legislative monstrosity from which they’re supposedly rescuing the rest of us ought to hike more than few eyebrows.

All this week, both sides have hurled charges and countercharges at one another. But the fact that both sides are soaked in the stench of hypocrisy makes their squabble less Battle of the Bulge and more monkey feces fight at the zoo. The Democrats have proven that they’re better at lying, cheating and mugging than a New Orleans mayor. From exploiting deranged murderers and their victims in order to roll so-called “gun control” laws across America to reading your emails if they contain the words “tea,”  “party” or even “Jesus,” they’ve relentlessly hammered away at our Constitutional freedoms. And while the Republicans have occasionally displayed spinal fortitude at least as resolute as overcooked spaghetti, they’ve cowered more than they’ve crowed.

The Democrats lied. But the Democrats nearly always lie. The Republicans backed up until they realized America was as disgusted by their cowardice as it was by the Democrats’ mendacity. Both played the same roles they’ve been playing for decades. Ultimately, the politicians behaved exactly the way politicians always behave without proper supervision.

And that brings me to the really tough part: If you’re looking for the getaway driver in the Obamacare crime story, take a gander at that cat in the mirror. From the most twisted Democrat to the least forthright Republican, every one of the career politicians in Washington, D.C., supposedly represents a sizable number of Americans. But with spare few exceptions, none of them seem particularly interested in what Americans have to say. And we let them wander this far down the Tyranny Throughway. They may have done the crime, but we’re doing the time.

Next fall, the Nation will head to the polls to judge our would-be leaders. If the past few years have left you feeling as nauseous as a bulimic watching Michael Moore eating dessert, consider your options. You can continue watching both sides gorge themselves on your freedom, or you can stop the gravy train.

–Ben Crystal

Welcome To The Thunderdome

Last weekend, the Democratic Party pointed a loaded gun at the heads of the American people rather than discussing alternatives to shackling America with Obamacare. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Jack Abramoff’s back pocket) took a break from the daily drudgery of making millions of dollars off corrupt land deals, shady gambling lobbyists and bid-rigging to turn both barrels on his Congressional adversaries. It seems the creepy curmudgeon from the Silver State has gotten his weave askew over the House’s continued refusal to simply accept the fraud-riddled and enormously unpopular Obamacare. According to the doddering corruptocrat Reid, those who rise against imposing Obamacare on an unwilling America — especially members of the Tea Party — are “anarchists.”

Now, I have no doubt that there are some people out there who honestly believe the world would be a better place without any government at all. And I’m not talking about the “black bloc” and other so-called “Occupy” wannabes who think it’s cool to wrap their faces in the table linens, avoid personal hygiene and throw bricks through the Dunkin’ Donuts window while their equally malodorous girlfriends video the whole thing with their iPhones. An actual anarchist believes in the complete termination — generally by violent means — of all government. That sounds like either a sequel to one of the “Mad Max” movies or maybe the doctrine of the sociology department at Berkeley.

That does not sound like the 17 Democrats who joined House Republicans in voting to add the so-called individual mandate to the list of delays and exemptions that Reid and the Democrats have already granted most of their cronies and all of themselves. As an example, consider Representative John Barrow (D-Ga.). I’ve met Barrow more than once. He is a squirrely little twerp who may well be the most perfect example of a white-bread, pencil-necked ambulance chaser living in the wild. For a guy like Barrow, ordering unsweetened tea at the country club is about as rebellious as he’s likely to be. If Barrow is an anarchist, then Reid is Tina Turner.

And I have yet to hear of anyone in the medical device field — especially the potential recipients of such devices — call for the violent abolishment of all government, simply because Reid doesn’t want to eliminate the outrageous medical device tax that President Barack Obama and his accomplices quietly tacked on to the already corpulent bill. For that matter, I have a hard time believing that the majority of Americans are plotting to violently overthrow the government and usher in a new era of America as organized and functional as Detroit (aka “Bartertown”). Nearly 60 percent of Americans oppose Obamacare. That’s 175 million anarchists. Sure, Harry.

And the idea that the Republicans hope for anarchy is just plain silly. Imagine Speaker of the House John Boehner. Now, imagine Boehner squaring up with the “Master-Blaster” in the Thunderdome. The image is as fantastic as Nancy Pelosi competing in the Miss America pageant.

Obama, Reid and their cohort of accomplices have raised the Democratic art of replacing debate and even partisan discord with rancor and rage. Indeed, I can’t recall the last time a liberal defended Obamacare with anything else. However, they’re now proudly threatening the safety and security of seniors, soldiers and sick people just to preserve a bureaucratic abomination about which their employers — that’s you — are nearly as excited as fans of the Jacksonville Jaguars are about the team’s Super Bowl chances.

More to the point: Reid, speaking on behalf of the entire Democratic Party, says that you are an “anarchist” for wanting nothing to do with a governmental intrusion into your life from which he has gladly exempted himself. All right, Mad Max; you don’t support Obamacare? You can take Boehner’s turn in the Thunderdome. Just remember: Under Obamacare, two men enter; no one leaves.

–Ben Crystal

Obamacare’s Last Stand Or Freedom’s Final Days?

By the time you read this, the countdown will have passed T-minus four days and counting. If those stalwart stewards of the public trust — your Congress and mine — can’t figure out a way to close the gap between the Democrats and the overwhelming majority of Americans, then the government will close for business at midnight on Sept. 30. The sticking point — beyond the usual partisan chest-thumping that passes for Congressional debate these days — is the same as it has been since President Barack Obama snuck Obamacare through the side door: We the People like Obamacare about as much as Tokyo liked Godzilla.

Despite the enormous unpopularity that has attached itself to the unprecedented expansion of government control over taxpayers’ lives, the Democrats have drawn their line in the dust. They would rather turn off the lights in Washington, D.C., than consider compromising over a bureaucratic monstrosity about which they’ve been lying since it crawled out of former First Lady Hillary Clinton’s fevered brain close to 20 years ago.

And the problem isn’t a simple matter of perspective twisted by partisanship. While the Democrats whine about conservative intransigence, they very carefully ignore the reasons well more than half the country has joined people like Senator Ted Cruz in playing Horatio at the bridge against Obamacare’s Etruscan army. From time to time, John and Jane Q. Public get tired of being treated like marks in an elaborate con. And Obamacare is the biggest con in human history.

The savings Obama promised do not exist. In fact, they are replaced by shocking cost increases that surprised even some of Obamacare’s most vocal critics. Obama promised Obamacare would “cut the cost of a typical family’s premium by up to $2,500 a year.” According to Congressional numbers, individual premiums will rise by a minimum of 8 percent (Rhode Island) up to a maximum of 106 percent (Indiana, Kentucky, Wisconsin, Missouri and Ohio). Even a Common Core victim knows that math is bad.

Obama promised we’d be able to keep our coverage if we liked it. Yet Personal Liberty Digest™ doesn’t have the bandwidth to recount the tales of every taxpayer who has received the dreaded coverage cancellation notice from his insurance company. And millions more people have found themselves reduced to part-time status or even pink-slip status, thanks to the squeeze Obamacare has clamped onto their companies.

Obamacare is a scam from start to finish. It’s a penalty; no, it’s a tax. If you like your coverage, you can keep it — or maybe not, especially if you lose your job entirely. Even the death panels are real, albeit poorly hidden behind a smooth-sided pseudonym like “Independent Payment Advisory Board.” And that’s the kind of government we can expect in the future should the Democrats manage to get Obamacare in the barn before the Republicans close the door. If the conservatives in the House can’t put a halt to a law that is already stripping millions of Americans of the quality healthcare of their choice, we’ll have given up a major bridgehead between the America envisioned by the Framers and the America envisioned by Saul Alinsky.

As the proverbial clock winds its way toward midnight, Obama and his fellow Obamacare grifters are desperately trying to make enough noise to distract us from the same questions they’ve been ignoring from Obamacare’s infancy. If Obamacare is such a boon, why has Obama lied about its particulars? If Obamacare is such a miracle, why did Congress exempt itself; and why have so many of Obama’s cronies begged for similar get-out-of-Obamacare-free cards? House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi infamously cracked: “[B]ut we have to pass the bill so that you can find out what’s in it.” If Obamacare is the key to a paradise of government-provided healthcare, shouldn’t its proponents — like the self-exempted Pelosi — be shouting its praises across the rooftops?

As I write this, Senator Ted Cruz has entered the 20th hour of his brave stand against a steaming pile of bureaucratic babble with which its own creators want nothing to do. He has assembled some allies, notably Senator Mike Lee (R-Utah). The burning question: Shouldn’t every member of Congress who still believes that public service requires serving the public be lined up with him?

–Ben Crystal

The Liberty Test

With scandal, crime and death rocketing through the news cycle faster than President Barack Obama can double-talk his way through a foreign policy speech, I know keeping abreast of everything must seem positively Sisyphean. Between working to support the parasite class, working to support the political class and working to support yourselves, following the Democrats’ daily drumbeat of disgrace is probably more than you should be forced to handle.

Lucky for you, Personal Liberty Digest™ offers a handy primer to prepare you for the big, bad world in which you live. And today, I’m going to assess how much information you’ve retained. Think of this exercise as if it were Obamacare and as if I were the death panel (sorry: “independent payment advisory board”). The good news is that, unlike with Obamacare, you can survive flunking this one.

Put your textbooks on the floor and turn off the TV, kiddies. This won’t hurt much.

1: President Barack Obama is arming al-Qaida-linked “rebels” in Syria because:

  1. Nobody deserves to face chemical weapons attacks — except in Iraq.
  2. He’d give guns to the devil himself if he thought it would wipe that smirk off Russian President Vladimir Putin’s face.
  3. Who said anything about the “rebels” having links to al-Qaida (besides the rebels, that is)?
  4. The Mexican narcoterrorists who benefited from Operation Fast and Furious are all stocked up, and Attorney General Eric “Guns” Holder is worried the ammo will spoil.

2: Syrian President Bashar Assad has agreed in principle to:

  1. Hand over his chemical weapons arsenal to a multinational task force for cataloging and destruction.
  2. Hand over the chemical weapons he hasn’t successfully hidden to a multinational task force for cataloging and destruction.
  3. Do his best to avoid being killed by the chemical weapons the “rebels” may or may not possess.
  4. Do whatever Lord Putin commands.

3: In light of the Syrian debacle, the world holds the United States in slightly lower regard than:

  1. Vladimir Putin holds bad punk rock bands.
  2. Vladimir Putin holds free expression.
  3. Vladimir Putin holds Barack Obama.
  4. Pretty much everyone smarter than Chris “Final Jeopardy” Matthews holds Barack Obama.

4: Obama recently whined Republicans are “trying to mess with me” because:

  1. He thinks they hate poor people.
  2. He thinks they hate black people.
  3. He thinks they hate poor black people.
  4. They keep bogarting all the good choom, yo.

5: An increasing percentage of Congress is willing to stand up to Obama on Obamacare because:

  1. It makes the DMV look like a well-oiled machine.
  2. It is already causing costs to skyrocket higher than Michael Moore’s cholesterol.
  3. It will deliver the same high-quality healthcare one can expect in such socialist paradises as Bangladesh.
  4. They hate poor and/or black people.

6: If Congress fails to defund Obamacare, Americans will face:

  1. Rationing, crippling costs and death panels.
  2. Pain, suffering and bankruptcy.
  3. Doctors who went to medical school in Guadalajara, nurses who got their training by watching “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” and administrators who are as warm and caring as Kermit Gosnell.
  4. The same high-quality healthcare one can expect in such socialist paradises as Bangladesh.

7: The recent massacre at the Washington Navy Yard was committed by:

  1. A deranged murderer named Aaron Alexis.
  2. Wayne LaPierre and the National Rifle Association.
  3. America’s gun fetish.
  4. An automatic AR-15 grenade-launching ICBM shotgun.

8: Violent crimes like the one committed by Aaron Alexis are caused by:

  1. The people who commit them.
  2. Wayne LaPierre and the National Rifle Association
  3. America’s gun fetish.
  4. Automatic AR-15 grenade-launching ICBM shotguns.

9: The biggest current threat to Americans is:

  1. “Gun violence.”
  2. Obamacare death panels.
  3. Syrian “rebels.”
  4. Automatic AR-15 grenade-launching ICBM shotguns.

10: The Democrats and their RINO accomplices are pushing amnesty for illegal aliens because:

  1. They consider political pandering and vote-buying more important than national security.
  2. There are some jobs Americans just won’t do.
  3. The hedges at Nancy Pelosi’s house ain’t gonna trim themselves.
  4. “Illegal alien?”  ¡QUE RACISTO!

I’d post the correct answers; but if you didn’t already know them, you’re in the wrong class. Remember, kids, that there are three types of people in the world: Those who recognize the greatest threat to liberty is a stupid citizenry, those who exploit stupid citizens to press their attack on liberty and those who worry about automatic AR-15 grenade-launching ICBM shotguns.

–Ben Crystal