Wendy’s (Pretend) Wild Ride

I’ve noted in the past that I believe some of our dear Democratic friends choose partisanship over principle. I realize now that I might have undersold the depth of their perversion. It’s more accurate to say that partisanship is their principle. How else to explain the latest clown to jump out of the Democrats’ tiny little car? After all the scandals midwifed into existence by various Democrats’ seemingly reflexive dishonesty, we are now being asked — nay, commanded — to ignore the news that rising leftist star and Texas State Senator Wendy Davis (D-Kermit Gosnell’s fantasies) is almost as legitimate as the love child of President Barack Obama’s “composite girlfriend” and Senator Cory Booker (D-N.J.)’s imaginary pal “T-Bone.”

Davis is the political equivalent of a one-hit wonder. If not for the fact that she’s become the poster girl for the abortion industry (aka “Abortion Barbie”), she’d be little more than a local curiosity (“That State Legislator who wears the pink shoes”). Actually, if not for her full-throated and oddly single-minded support of one of the modern world’s last socially accepted acts of pure barbarism, she’d probably join her conservative sisters as fodder for the misogynist ramblings of the pay-cable comedy set.

But Davis loves abortion, so we’re supposed to overlook the fact that her resume might as well be printed on rainbow paper and include a job as a unicorn wrangler. In fact, the usual suspects on the political port side claim those of us who refuse to play patsy are no better than he-man woman-haters like Martin Bashir or Representative Jim Moran (D-Va.). According to the George Soros-financed, inexplicably tax-exempt hate group Think Progress, noticing Davis’ fabricated resume notes comes straight out of something they call the “classic sexist playbook.” According to Davis, the Dallas Morning News story that turned the spotlight of truth on Davis was actually a ploy by her Lone Star gubernatorial opponent, Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott.

Davis is a Democrat. Thus, she’s sticking to her story even after it’s been exposed as fiction. She’s a figment of her own imagination — or she’s a bona fide sociopath. Either way, calling her critics “sexist” is offensively stupid. I would add that the left wasted so many gender-bias bullets to protect Susan Rice, Hillary Clinton, Kathleen Sebelius, etc. that the ol’ slander-spewer is empty.

The Democrats are also missing a hidden danger here. At a time when the party leader’s credibility is headed south faster than Senator Bob Menendez (D-the Dominican Republic’s less postcard-y spots) on a Cialis bender and when Madame Clinton has already announced her 2016 Presidential bid, the Democrats are gambling that the majority of the electorate either can’t or won’t differentiate between party and principle. Betting the House, not to mention the Senate and White House, that most people are either that stupid or that cravenly partisan seems unwise.

And honestly, it’s bloody Texas. Davis was already running uphill. Her one-note campaign struggles mightily to raise cash from actual Texans. She recently boasted about her supposed $12 million pile, which includes funds raised by similarly anti-life Democratic hate groups like “Battleground Texas” (funds that are not earmarked for any particular candidate). And her 2013 cash-grubbing swing through the Lone Star State came up almost laughably short; Davis raked in a total of $857 from the six largest cities in the Rio Grande Valley. Contrast that paltry sum to the $34,426.35 she bagged in House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi’s hometown of San Francisco, or the $57,391.84 she pocketed in Manhattan. While I’m sure Davis enjoys rubbing elbows with the well-heeled limousine liberals at Nob Hill and Upper East Side wine-and-cheese gallery openings, her multimillionaire sugar daddies and mommies don’t vote in the Lone Star State.

As if the lying, the fabrications and the obvious disdain for her own home State aren’t enough, Davis has managed to choke herself on her fancy pink sneakers. As the scandal grew, Davis took to Twitter to attack Abbott.

Putting aside the fact that Abbott is not responsible for Davis’s tenuous relationship with the reality, I’m pretty sure he understands “struggle.” He’s been sitting in a wheelchair for 30 years. Moreover, unlike Davis’s purported “struggles,” the wheelchair isn’t imaginary.

He Really Hates Us

Less than a week before the Nation observed Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday, The New Yorker published a story about President Barack Obama. Editor David Remnick asked the obvious question about Obama’s abysmal approval ratings. Sitting in the shadow of King’s dream of a color-blind society that is united in harmony, Obama played the race card: “There’s no doubt that there’s some folks who just really dislike me because they don’t like the idea of a black President.”

Of course Obama played the race card. Excepting those occasions when the target is someone like Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, world-renowned surgeon Ben Carson or some other black person who demonstrated the temerity to allow their accomplishments to speak for themselves, the Democrats default to spurious accusations of racism faster than Texas State Senator Wendy “Abortion Barbie” Davis can shriek “war on women!”

I almost feel bad for our poor President. Facing public approval that is folding faster than Vice President Joe Biden playing Jeopardy!, Obama assumes his detractors must be motivated by what he calls racial animus. It has never occurred to him that his detractors might be motivated by myriad scandals that have come to define his tenure. In Obama’s mind, the Obamacare debacle, the Benghazi murders, unfettered National Security Agency spying on private citizens, politically motivated Internal Revenue Service harassment of innocent taxpayers, Fast and Furious gunrunning to narcoterrorists, and/or the arming of al-Qaida-affiliated Syrians are insufficient to explain the increasing disaffection Obama endures from the electorate.

What a shame that is — not just because it’s dishonest and crass, but because Obama’s tendency to blame racism for everything from political opposition to parking fines reveals a deeper (and actual) animus. This guy simply doesn’t like us.

And Obama is hardly alone. Late last week, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo fantasized about an Empire State free of people who believe in the sanctity of human life. “(C)onservatives who are right-to-life… have no place in the state of New York.” While New York, which has been hemorrhaging population to “red” States over the past few decades, has become increasingly inhospitable to non-liberals, it’s no California. In declaring pro-life citizens to be personae non gratae, Cuomo has essentially given the bum’s rush to the members of his electorate who recognize that there’s more to New York than Manhattan, the Hamptons and the Governor’s mansion. While Cuomo didn’t identify racism as a factor, there’s no mistaking his clear distaste for the millions of people who think life begins before you’re eligible for union membership.

This liberal hatred for the overwhelming majority of their fellow countrymen and women begs a question. In the case of Obama: What kind of man ascends to the highest office in the land despite absolutely despising half the population? For that matter, what kind of man would want to spend the loftiest moments in his career — indeed, his life — in a job that requires he interact with 150 million people (more like 190 million of late) whom he hates more than Martin Bashir (and pretty much every liberal) hates Sarah Palin?

I expect I can add that question to the miles-long list of questions to which Obama will never provide a satisfactory answer. I expect I can add that question to the miles-long list of questions about which Obama doesn’t care.

–Ben Crystal

Ready For Hillary

In the event that you live under a rock, have been trapped under something really heavy or are only just now returning from an all-expenses-paid, 5-star, 17-day getaway in a tropical paradise, I bring news. Hillary Clinton is officially running for President of the United States. Despite a resume that sports holes bigger than her Benghazi testimony, a 2008 Presidential bid that birthed the “birther” stories about now-President Barack Obama and a central role in one of the biggest foreign policy disasters ever to be denied by the Democrats, Madame Clinton is already the presumptive front-runner for the Democratic Party’s nod to handle the sizable cleanup job that will fall directly into Obama’s successor’s lap.

And the former Lady MacBeth of Little Rock is poised to continue her outstanding record of championing the cause of women everywhere.  Well, maybe not women everywhere. Women who struggle to lie convincingly under oath, think “it” makes a big difference, achieved notability without riding the coattails of a disbarred chubby-chaser and/or look like ladies need not apply.

And Hillary isn’t going to miss a chance to let her impressive accomplishments speak for themselves. She’s even offering collectibles. Want to book an early ticket on the Hillary 2016 campaign train? Let your friends know you’re all aboard with Hillary swag! There are “Ready for Hillary” bumper stickers. Slap one on your bailout-mobile today! If that bailout-mobile is a Chevy Volt, I’d recommend doing it right away; the stickers are not fireproof. If you’re looking for a handy-dandy vessel for your organically grown, cruelty-free, fair-trade, half-caff, triple soy latte, look no further than the Ready for Hillary Twitter Mug! Made (no doubt) from recycled hipster eyeglass frames with Libyan sand as an aggregate, the RFHTM (now that’s an acronym) comes emblazoned with the RFH logo, a picture of The Candidate getting outsmarted by a smartphone and even her curriculum vitae — lest you forget that Hillary Clinton was once considered a “hair icon.”

I don’t know about the rest of you. But, clearly, any man who thinks that being married to the Governor of Arkansas — the “FLOAR” item — isn’t qualification enough to answer the “red” phone at 3 a.m. must be fighting a war on women.

But Hillary is going to have to move some serious merchandise if she’s hoping to advance past the opening rounds of the 2016 Presidential tournament. While her own party’s nomination might be all but sewn up, the actual election is far from assured. Even against the backdrop of the so-called “Bridgegate” scandal, CNN’s latest 2016 Presidential poll shows Hillary losing to her barely more-conservative counterpart, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.

And even without a clear front-runner on the opposite side, Hillary doesn’t exactly ring the electorate’s bells. According to a new poll by YouGov.com, Hillary is only the 10th most admired person in America.  Not only does she trail the top vote-getter, committed pro-lifer Pope Francis I, she trails former President George W. Bush. In fact, poor Candidate Hillary finished the poll staring at the prominent backside of talk radio host Rush Limbaugh — although, to be fair, Limbaugh is far more popular among Americans than Hillary. In a final insult, the man who can claim credit for pretty much every notch on Hillary’s career belt since the early 1970s — her husband and former President, Bill Clinton — finished well ahead of her, meaning that Americans prefer a sex-obsessed, disbarred perjurer to his shrieking harpy of a wife.

Granted, election 2016 is still a fair stretch into the future. There’s plenty of time for a conservative to emerge as a candidate who actually wants to unify the Nation torn asunder by Obama’s and Hillary’s incredibly divisive tenure. There’s also plenty of time for Hillary to get tangled up in another scandal. Hell, by this time next year, with more than 20 months still to go until the big dance, we might be discussing Hillary’s chances of clawing her way onto Vice President Joe Biden’s ticket.

At least she’ll have that coffee mug in which she can drown her sorrows.

–Ben Crystal

Dear Media:

Thanks. Seriously, from the bottom of my heart, I offer to you my most profound gratitude. It took New Jersey Governor Chris Christie channeling the ghost of Tony Soprano to get you guys to come out against government corruption, but I’m not going to complain. Clearly, your intent in shrieking to the rafters about Christie’s politically motivated (by staffers, at least) cannonball into the deep end of the scandal pool stems entirely from a newfound belief that executives’ abusing their authority is beyond the pale, right?

Granted, pegging Christie for his involvement in a scheme to alter traffic patterns might not rise to the level of on-the-spot reporting about the corruption inherent in selling guns to narcoterrorists and then perjuring yourself in front of Congress about it; but it’s a start.

I’ll concede that sounding the alarm over a potential Presidential candidate getting tangled in inconveniencing commuters is no substitute for sounding the alarm over a President’s decision to abandon four citizens in some Libyan hellhole, but it’s a bit closer to actual journalism than the Democrats’ media normally wander.

Shouting across the rooftops of the world over gubernatorial meddling with one of the three driving routes between New Jersey and New York won’t un-tell all the lies we were fed over the multitrillion-dollar fraud still masquerading as Obamacare, but it beats cutting the story for a fun kicker about a singing cat.

And though giving the media version of a proctology exam to a political plan to turn the George Washington Bridge into an instant parking lot doesn’t reveal a disease as severe as a Presidential plan to turn the Internal Revenue Service and the National Security Agency into an Orwellian nightmare, it’s still a diagnosis — albeit as worthwhile as a chiropractic “adjustment” on a corpse.

Listen, I know it’s tough for you guys. You have to hear about scandals from someone who is actually paying attention. Then, you have to determine whether the scandal will affect the political elite for whom you work. Then, you have to find out how they want the story covered, if at all. And — with notably few exceptions — you have to rely on the starry-eyed neophytes, self-important hacks and/or talking hairdos to actually report the story. So maybe you missed a few major scandals that might normally have sent a Presidency to the bottom of a Hawaiian lagoon (covertly selling guns to al-Qaida within a year or two of whacking its leader comes to mind); you’re a bunch of epileptic Neanderthals trying to conduct surgery in the Superdome. At least you’re trying, right?

Now, I know some people think you’re only gnawing on Christie’s “bridgegate” scandal because the Democrats hope “bridgegate” will sink Christie’s alleged Presidential campaign before he can steer it out of the harbor. If they’re right, then you media types are nothing more than paid button men for the Democratic crime family. Given that Christie is the political equivalent of Hillary Clinton in a slightly less-well-tailored pantsuit, I’m actually fine with that, as well.

–Ben Crystal

Mom Knows Best

Like any good son, I call my mother every week. I sit through the usual litany of complaints about how I don’t call enough, I don’t visit enough, three dogs are a poor substitute for even one grandchild, and my brother’s kids are perfect but that doesn’t mean that I’m off the hook and she’s not getting any younger, you know, and it would be nice to have one more baby to play with before she’s too old to enjoy it and by the way, I’m not getting any younger, either.

Sometimes, Mom gives me both barrels. Take last Sunday. Following the aforementioned golden oldies, Mom turned to a topic that disappoints her more than I ever could have: politicians. She bemoaned new New York City Mayor Bill De Blasio’s bizarre inauguration, surmising it might have been the most embarrassing few hours of television in history. “You can count the seconds until someone hints at redistributing wealth,” said Mom. I murmured my assent, blundering into her trap. “If you agree, then why don’t you say more about it?” she asked. “In fact, there’s a lot about (President Barack) Obama you could say, but don’t.”

She’s right. All right, Mom. Here you go:

Obamacare is the biggest fraud in human history. You just can’t say that enough. The lone benefit Obamacare actually offers is that it reveals the Democrats’ absolute obedience to politics over people. Obama has lied about virtually everything related to his signature “achievement.” Yet the Democrats are still desperately trying to impose it on a Nation that never wanted it to begin with. Imagine if Bernie Madoff had had the Internal Revenue Service on his payroll, forcing unwilling victims into his scam at gunpoint while exempting his accomplices. That’s Obamacare.

The Obamacare disaster is just getting started. Just less than a year from now, the so-called “employer mandate” delay will expire. Even with enrollment figures dramatically lower than promised, Obamacare fell on its face at the starting line like its shoes were tied together. Imagine the hijinks come this time next year, when a few million new victims are forced into the queue.

Obama’s friends are serious creeps. Granted, everyone has a friend or relative who makes them cringe from time to time. I’m willing to acknowledge that I’m probably that guy for a couple of folks. But I can’t help but notice that Obama doesn’t appear to have any associates who don’t give even the moodiest loner ever to buy a black overcoat a case of the willies. Of course, there’s homicidal terrorist Bill Ayers, racist flamethrower Jeremiah Wright and whichever ACORN thugs missed the audition for Jerry Springer’s next pay-per-view extravaganza. But there’s also his big-dollar bundler and current prison inmate Tony Rezko, Islamofascist and terrorist sympathizer Ingrid Mattson, convicted check-kiter and Illinois Democrat heavyweight Robert Creamer, head Service Employees International Union thug Andy Stern and even Charles Manson superfan Bernadine Dohrn. There are movie villains who hang out with less spooky sidekicks.

Under Obama, the United States is a state sponsor of terrorism. Remember last year, when Russian President Vladimir Putin turned Obama into punching bag over Syria? Well, what disappeared behind the bear’s brutal beatdown of Barry O. was the origin of some of the weapons being wielded by the Islamofascists fighting to take control of Syria from other Islamofascists. President Peace Prize took the U.S. from 9/11 to selling guns to al-Qaida in just more than a decade. Some of the weapons the al-Qaida-linked Syrians are playing with came from a U.S. controlled stash in Benghazi, Libya. No wonder the Benghazi victims’ pleas for help were ignored. Must have coincided with a shipment date.

Obama and his minions are inveterate liars. These guys seriously make the Freemasons look like Wikipedia. What happened to his promise of transparency? We’ll have to pass it to see what’s in it. We can keep our doctors/plans/lives. Pretty much everything Attorney General Eric Holder has ever said out loud. Pretty much everything Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius has ever said out loud. Pretty much everything White House Press Secretary Jay Carney has ever said out loud. I’m still waiting for someone to tell us what exactly Obama was doing while the Benghazi Four were being murdered and why exactly the Benghazi Four weren’t rescued. Maybe we can find the answers we’re looking for on YouTube.

Of course, this list could be much, much longer. I hope you’re happy, Mom.

–Ben Crystal

The Costs Of Global Warming

Here at Personal Liberty, we make fun of the pseudoscience carnival ride that is so-called “global warming” on a fairly regular basis. Like my colleagues here and throughout the rest of the non-lapdog media, I enjoy a good laugh at the expense of the biggest cult in operation as much as the next guy.

After all, what’s not funny about a theory that needs a boost to see over trephining, phrenology and the belief that the moon is made of green cheese? In a purely rhetorical sense, global warming is bloody hilarious. If anyone else can come up with a theory that has required no fewer than four name changes since its invention just to keep up with actual weather patterns and yet remains a significant driving force in geopolitics, I’d sure get a kick out of hearing it.

The real cost of global warming goes well beyond the usual annoyances — such as giving liberals another reason to talk with their eyes closed at their wine-and-cheese parties, whine about SUV emissions while their private jet cruises at 33,000 feet and bark at Middle America from the red carpet at the Oscars while wearing enough jewelry to send an average family’s kids to college.

Global warming costs us all billions of dollars annually. Global warming jacks up your utility prices, thanks to the regulatory and tax burdens placed on the energy industry. Ask anyone with so much as a peripheral connection to the coal industry how much fun global warmists can be. Global warming skims a layer of cash off the top of the taxpayers’ till through treaty obligations and Federal study programs. According to a recent report submitted to the United Nations by our State Department, the United States has spent upward of $7 billion on global warming studies in other countries in the past three years. And global warming pollutes the airwaves and consumes bandwidth with every “news” report on the plight of the endangered arctic spiny snail darter (or whatever).

Sometimes, global warming exacts a real human cost beyond even forcing the rest of us to endure the continued celebrity of people like Al Gore. Last week, the world sat transfixed by the plight of the Russian ship Akademik Shokalskiy. It seems the good ship, loaded with a full complement of wide-eyed global warmists, found itself in a bit of a frozen pickle. While retracing the 1912 voyage of Sir Douglas Mawson, the Akademik Shokalskiy got stuck in pack ice not far from the coast of Antarctica. Lest you think the irony of global warmists trapped in ice they’d been told didn’t exist isn’t enough of a howler, consider the following image:


That’s a photograph of Commonwealth Bay, Antarctica. It was taken in 1912, decades before even global warming’s previous incarnation “global cooling” had been invented. In fact, it was taken almost 112 years to the day before the Akademik Shokalskiy sailed into the exact same harbor. You’ll notice the January 1912 edition of Commonwealth Bay is relatively ice-free. Fast-forward a little more than a century and not only is the harbor icier than whatever flows through Hillary Clinton’s veins, but the whole continent’s ice has increased to its highest level in 35 years.

One might think even someone on a boat full of global warmists might have bothered to at least check the actual weather forecast. As the cast and crew of the Akademik Shokalskiy discovered the hard way, global warmist icons like Gore make the perky morning weather gal on a small-market community public access channel look like the Oracle at Delphi. And yet, there they were, desperately awaiting rescue from one ice-bound ship after another. The whole saga took a few days to unfold, as ship after ship ran into the same subzero conditions.

Closer to home, the San Francisco 49ers beat the Green Bay Packers in an NFL playoff game that made even the legendary quote about “the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field” seem like an understatement, against the backdrop of a winter storm that delivered subzero temperatures in record numbers to a wide swath of the North American continent. If this global warming keeps up, we might all freeze to death.

–Ben Crystal