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Animal Rights With Uncle Ted

March 13, 2013 by  

Animal Rights With Uncle Ted
Ted Nugent hopped in a helicopter recently with a machine gun and killed nearly 500 feral hogs.

In case you never saw the A&E television show “American Hoggers,” Texas and many other States are overrun by feral hogs. The pigs, 1.5 million strong, are destroying environments and cause more than $500 million per year in damage to Texas alone.

That’s why Motor City Madman Ted Nugent hopped in a helicopter recently with a machine gun and killed nearly 500 of the tusked beasts.

“I took my machine gun in the helicopter — in the Texas hill country — me and my buddy ‘Pigman.’ His name is ‘Pigman’; I’m the swine czar. I killed 455 hogs with my machine gun. I did it for Bill Maher and all those other animal rights freaks out there,” he told the Sirius show RumorFix. “My haters will hate me more for that.”

And Nugent was right, many people on the left and animal rights activists freaked out at the thought of Nugent making pulled pork at 750 rounds a minute. But many of those folks also failed to catch what Nugent said next as they wept for the poor little piggies that never made it to market.

“We distributed tons of the most delicious pork to the soup kitchens and homeless shelters of this state. Everything we did was perfect — win, win, win,” he added. “I had to adjust my halo as I was machine-gunning hogs.”

The moral of the story: Liberals can’t save the environment from invasive species while simultaneously feeding the homeless and having a hell of a time shooting a machine gun from a helicopter. So obviously Nugent is an unhinged madman.

Of course, it could just be another media attack on an outspoken conservative.

Sam Rolley

Staff writer Sam Rolley began a career in journalism working for a small town newspaper while seeking a B.A. in English. After learning about many of the biases present in most modern newsrooms, Rolley became determined to find a position in journalism that would allow him to combat the unsavory image that the news industry has gained. He is dedicated to seeking the truth and exposing the lies disseminated by the mainstream media at the behest of their corporate masters, special interest groups and information gatekeepers.

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  • Buster the Anatolian

    Way to go Ted. Now kill another 500 or so and donate them as well.

    • meteorlady

      What Ted killed is like 1 compared to the amount we have running around here. This is a huge problem for us and ranchers. My brother lives down on the border and they actually do more damage than the illegals do on his land.

      • Buster the Anatolian

        All the more reason for Ted to kill another 500 or more.


    That’s a lot of sausage and pork chops…need an extra hand, Mr Nugent?

  • Warrior

    Sorry Ted, that’s childs play. Bernacke can shoot off a hellava lot more than 750 rpm and he takes out many “classes” simultaneously!

  • rendarsmith

    So Ted, what did you do last month again?

    Ted: I already told you! I spent it in my helicopter gunning down feral hogs!

    Did you kill any?

    Ted: YES! Like 455 of them! They kept trying to destroy environments! What the heck would YOU do in a situation like that?

    Well what kind of gun did you use?

    Ted: A freaking machine gun! What do you think?

    • BruceB64

      I hope you are being sarcastic! If not, take a trip to Texas and “Talk” to some farmers or people who actually live there. Those Feral Hogs destroy Millions of Dollars in Crops, land and the Environment! Soon they will be in the cities. If you think hitting a deer with a car is bad, wait until you hit a 300 lb OR Larger hog!

      • rendarsmith

        Of course I’m being sarcastic! GOSH!

      • Jim S

        They are already in the city. They are causing a lot of problems around DFW. One of my friends has recently had them tearing up his yard.

  • Mike Austin

    Ted is great. He talks the talk and walks the walk. No regrets.

  • http://Personallibertydigest Ronald

    I am a longtime rancher and ranch hand from Tx and I can tell you that the hog problem is massive and growing larger daily! They destroy everthing in thier path, femces, water holes, crops, and pasture land. I have shot hogs outa helicopters myself, not with the luxury of automatic weapon though. I had to use a shotgun but was grinning the whole time. It was awesome!!!

  • BillT

    Isn’t there some 3rd world country where politicians can be used as food?

  • ibcamn

    Ive always liked this man,now i love him!ha ha ha ha,i’m a little jelouse though!getting to target them hogs from a chopper with a fully auto weapon!OMG!!i’ll bet if his grin, at that moment, would have gotten any wider,the edges of that grin would have connected behind his head and the top of his head would have fallen off!!LMAO!!
    I got to meet him once at the mink ranchers annual golf tournement years ago,sadly.we were not on the same team,(snifle,snifle)but i’m okay now and i recovered!
    (to answer the question:i shot an 81,no handycap)

  • Bev

    The way I look at it (and yes I live in Texas) is that all of the exponentially populating pigs will be a godsend when this economy tanks. My mother has told me stories of growing up during the depression when deer became alarmingly scarce and my grandfather always hunted with hound dogs. In Texas there is no season on feral hogs. If you find one you can kill it. Female feral hogs can have more than 16 little piggies a year.

    • BillT

      Pork chops and applesauce.

      • JimH

        Hi Bill, Machine gun for the pork, shotgun in the orchard for the apple sauce.
        Cole slaw too.

  • AirCav

    Uncle Ted is my hero. I was a door gunner in the ‘Nam’ and I referred to my m60 machine gun My hog.

  • Bill

    Those ferals hogs are extremely dangerous also

  • Lesperance

    Ted, any chance of going full-auto on drones while you’re up there?

  • Brad n TX

    Got to love it!

  • moses

    ted you are awasom i hope the aninale right commies just suck on this till it kills them wonderful o how sweet it is.

  • CJ

    A local homeless shelter was forced to throw out hundreds of pounds of donated meat over ‘health concerns’ only because it was venison. I guess starvation is not a health concern to liberals.

    • meteorlady

      Here in my area we send our meat to USDA processors. We don’t have that problem. We harvest White Tail deer out of our area twice a year. If we didn’t they would be in danger of mass disease and starvation per our wild life wardens. We pay for the mean processing and have food banks calling to get on our list.

      The hogs are shot if they cross the river into our area. They are destructive and mean. People that live along the river are encouraged to shoot them and they do. We don’t want them as people have been injured badly by them, along with the massive damage they can do to a yard in one evening.

  • JeffH

    Gotta love Ted’s methods…drives the haters nuts and that’s a good thing. Ain’t no PC in his blood…what you see is what you get.

    C’mon Piers…you really did enjoy shooting that machine gun didn’t you?

  • Karolyn

    Just like the hunters who go to preserves where the animal has nowhere to go. Jus plain unsportsman-like. How could it possibly be legal to machine gun any animal from a helicopter? Sounds pretty sick to me. Thank goodness the meat was distributed.

    • meteorlady

      So Karolyn… how about over $5000 worth of damage to my newly landscaped yard? How about the people that are injured by them – they are nasty buggers. We are over run with them so what would you have us do? Feed them so the can reproduce faster?

      Gads…. do you like rats? Rats do a lot of damage inside your home but do you advocate leaving them alone also?

      • FreedomFighter

        I have several very large TomCats that relish the flavor of a fresh kill of rat or mouse and when they get one I reward them with fresh catnip or some cream — helps them digest the rat.

        Porkchop anyone?

        Laus Deo
        Semper FI

      • Karolyn

        I have no problem with them being culled but a machine gun?

  • FreedomFighter

    Ted — you are a true American.

    You turned a blight on Texas, to feeding the poor, and used a mean ugly gun to do it.

    My respect, admiration and support for all you do.

    Laus Deo
    Semper FI

  • meteorlady

    The killing of hogs from the air is getting popular however, the hogs are really smart. In some places they hear the helicopter coming and they all run for cover. That’s why it’s so hard to keep the population in check. They adapt and breed.

  • David Shaver

    Way to go Ted. I wish more celebrities were like you. It seems they are only concerned about their own ratings, than actually using their status to be beneficial in their environment. You are a true role model. God bless you and this great nation.

  • Rocky

    How cool is this !!! Not only helping get rid of a problem but also feeding a bunch of hungry people . Our own government sends billions of dollars to other countries while our own people starve in the streets and here comes Uncle Ted to the rescue . Oh yeah and I’ll bet that was as much fun as you can have with your clothes on , way to go Ted.

  • Chris

    Killing animals that are considered bad for an environment goes on all over the world, and killing is the only way man knows how to deal with the problem. I’m glad I’m not an animal whose life is snuffed out just because I’m trying to survive in this world. But until someone cares enough to try to find a better way, then this is the way it will be. My main problem is with Mr. Nugent’s way of handling this……….sadistically happy that it will upset those who love animals………..and therein lies his true character……….someone I would “not” want to know.


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