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Animal Rights With Uncle Ted

March 13, 2013 by  

Animal Rights With Uncle Ted
Ted Nugent hopped in a helicopter recently with a machine gun and killed nearly 500 feral hogs.

In case you never saw the A&E television show “American Hoggers,” Texas and many other States are overrun by feral hogs. The pigs, 1.5 million strong, are destroying environments and cause more than $500 million per year in damage to Texas alone.

That’s why Motor City Madman Ted Nugent hopped in a helicopter recently with a machine gun and killed nearly 500 of the tusked beasts.

“I took my machine gun in the helicopter — in the Texas hill country — me and my buddy ‘Pigman.’ His name is ‘Pigman’; I’m the swine czar. I killed 455 hogs with my machine gun. I did it for Bill Maher and all those other animal rights freaks out there,” he told the Sirius show RumorFix. “My haters will hate me more for that.”

And Nugent was right, many people on the left and animal rights activists freaked out at the thought of Nugent making pulled pork at 750 rounds a minute. But many of those folks also failed to catch what Nugent said next as they wept for the poor little piggies that never made it to market.

“We distributed tons of the most delicious pork to the soup kitchens and homeless shelters of this state. Everything we did was perfect — win, win, win,” he added. “I had to adjust my halo as I was machine-gunning hogs.”

The moral of the story: Liberals can’t save the environment from invasive species while simultaneously feeding the homeless and having a hell of a time shooting a machine gun from a helicopter. So obviously Nugent is an unhinged madman.

Of course, it could just be another media attack on an outspoken conservative.

Sam Rolley

Staff writer Sam Rolley began a career in journalism working for a small town newspaper while seeking a B.A. in English. After learning about many of the biases present in most modern newsrooms, Rolley became determined to find a position in journalism that would allow him to combat the unsavory image that the news industry has gained. He is dedicated to seeking the truth and exposing the lies disseminated by the mainstream media at the behest of their corporate masters, special interest groups and information gatekeepers.

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