An UN-Acceptable Proposal

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The U.N. wants to expand its domain to include the nearby Robert Moses Playground.

A good friend of mine is a citizen and resident of another country. A fine fellow, he shares very few of my political ideals. That said, he seldom engages in direct debate with me — mostly because every time he visits, we leave politics at the door. Also, we both agree on the merits of good wine and good food — an issue we both consider far more important than President Obama’s latest attempt to impersonate a competent executive. More importantly, he’s a better cook; and I’ll be damned if I’m going to allow the U.N. to cost me a good meal.

Among the areas in which we get crosswise to each other is the proper role of that august assemblage of the Upper East Side: the United Nations. He thinks the U.N. is a valuable diplomatic tool and potential military bulwark against the forces of tyranny, bloodshed and oppression. I think the U.N. takes up what might otherwise be fabulous East River real estate which could be put to better use as a landfill or secret mob graveyard. It is difficult for me to take seriously an organization whose biggest contribution to their host city is unpaid parking tickets.

Earlier this week, the U.N. followed up another red-carpet event for Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, evil midget and President of the Islamofascist “Republic” of Iran, with the announcement that it is nearing success in its bid to expand its domain to include the Robert Moses Playground. Already in the midst of a $2 billion renovation (which was supposed to cost around $600 million, but who’s counting?), the U.N. wants to purchase the park in order to construct a more than $400 million high rise next to its current shrine to peaceful diplomacy — or bureaucratic incompetence and appeasement, depending on which newspaper you read.

Truth be told, if the U.N. is going to vacuum up American oxygen (not to mention prime parking spaces), I suppose it’s fair for the organization to enjoy nice digs. After all, we wouldn’t want Lil’ Mahmoud to rant about whatever while standing on shabby carpeting, would we? It’s tough work to murder thousands of your fellow countrymen, rig elections and grind your country’s culture down to Paleolithic levels. Mahmoud’s tootsies deserve plush pile. In addition, if the U.N.’s Manhattan palace is nice, then Ahmadinejad and the rest of his fellow super-creeps (I’m looking at you, Hugo Chavez, presuming the chemo works) are more likely to stay in Manhattan rather than bother the rest of us.

But here’s the rub: The American taxpayer shoulders the burden of nearly a quarter of the U.N.’s budget. We’re on the hook for 22 percent of every failed negotiation, every unprevented genocide, every stalemated military conflict which cost thousands of lives and every half-billion-dollar real estate boondoggle designed to prevent lunatics like Lil’ Mahmoud from bloviating like a character from “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” in less-than-4-star environs.

Even in an economy which hasn’t been driven into a bridge abutment on the Alinsky Expressway by the profligate morons in the Democratic Party, I hardly think an institution as corpulent as the U.N. should redecorate its crib on the American taxpayers’ dime.

I’m not suggesting that the U.N. doesn’t serve a theoretically valuable purpose. If the nations of the world didn’t have a place to come and pay lip service to global peace and freedom, their various leaders would be forced to lie to the same flunkies all the time; and the flunkies would be forced to pretend they believe them without the benefit of the occasional vacation. But, surely, there are better locales and sources of funding than the United States and the contents of the wallets of U.S. taxpayers.

Instead of sponging off the beleaguered people of its least-favorite country, the U.N. should put the arm on those who are sympathetic to its cause (the real cause, not the stated cause). For example, George Soros is loaded. The Democratic Party has cash, and it will probably blow it on Obama 2012. For that matter, what happened to the billion dollars Ted Turner promised the U.N.? It obviously wasn’t spent on the victims of Islamofascism, Chinese purges or African genocide.

It is long past time to evict the U.N.’s collection of globalist riffraff, one-world buffoons and terrorist apologists. I hear Tehran, Iran, is lovely this time of year.

–Ben Crystal

Ben Crystal

is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power.

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