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An Open Letter to Sarah Palin

June 7, 2011 by  

An Open Letter to Sarah Palin

Dear Governor Palin:

I really do like you. I like the fact that your entrance onto the political stage has forced liberals to reveal that not only do they tend to be effete, pseudo-intellectual snobs, but also hypocrites of the highest order. I like that even when you do things which otherwise might be fairly mundane — going hunting, taking the children out for a meal, or even  heading out for a run — the Democratic Party reacts as if you are committing one of the crimes for which they readily forgive their own. I like the rather shrewd manner in which you play the left’s hatred against it. As I told a liberal friend of mine the other day, you remind me of that Carly Simon song “You’re So Vain.” You may well be “that vain,” but the song is about you.

Your presence in the political arena has raised liberal hysteria to monumental heights. Let’s be honest, ma’am, liberals hate you. And I don’t mean “hate” in the way they hate it when the barista puts too much soy milk in their lattes. I mean “hate” in the way George Soros hates it when President Barack Obama forgets his lines. Actually, I mean “hate” in the way liberals hate black people who don’t vote Democratic.

Unfortunately, Governor Palin, that means that every time you stumble, mumble or otherwise let your mouth get into gear before your brain catches up, they are going to savage you the way Ed Schultz evidently wishes he could savage Laura Ingraham. The excuse you offered Sunday morning for your recent revision of Paul Revere’s fateful ride was case and point: “… Part of his ride was to warn British that were already there. That, ‘Hey, you are not going to succeed. You are not going to take American arms. You are not going to beat our own well-armed persons, individual, private militia that we have.’ He did warn the British. And in a shout-out, gotcha question that was asked of me, I answered candidly. And I know my American history.”

I won’t accept it when Representative Anthony Weiner (D-N.Y.) changes the tale of the tricky Twitter feed as often as the girls he follows change their BFFs. I won’t accept it when the comedian/Democratic Party mouthpiece Bill Maher tells his sheep/viewers: “… the Bush tax cuts when he was in office and now the extension it’s something like $2.8 trillion to the richest 1 percent…”

I won’t accept it when President Barack Obama says — well — almost anything. So even though your actual statement has been drastically misconstrued — in fact, even the liberal Los Angeles Times now admits your comments were historically accurate — I cannot accept your explanation. You should have known better.

You should have just let it drop. Heck, Obama claimed his parents hopped aboard the love train as a result of a march in Selma, Ala., which took place three years after he was born. Every time Vice President Joe Biden opens his mouth, he turns into a Charlie Sheen-webcam freak show. Democratic National Committee Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz managed to decry foreign cars from the leather-trimmed seats of her foreign car, and then she voiced her concerns that illegal immigration might become an actual crime.

The Democratic leadership has the intellectual depth of a wading pool. But no one in the corporate media is likely to note that, because the media are too busy despising you. Look, ma’am, they are never going to like you. They are never even going to not hate you. In the interest of full disclosure, you are not my choice for President of the United States, but compared to the current President of the “57” United States, you’re a mama grizzly next to a Portuguese water dog.

I’m not asking you not to run. I’m not even asking you to stop traveling the country, giving Democrats seizures. I’m just asking you to tone it down, just a little. All this Democratic shrieking about you is making it hard for the voters to focus on sending Obama back to school in 2012.

Sincerely,

–Ben Crystal

Ben Crystal

is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power.

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