Al Gore And The Church Of The Global Warmists

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Al Gore speaks about his latest book "Our Choice" in Washington

Following a winter which sent the mercury further south than Senator Bob Menendez’s next “guy’s weekend,” I assumed that Al Gore’s inconvenient hoax didn’t survive the season. Nonetheless, the high priest of the Cult of Global Warming has crawled out from under the record snows to deliver an all-new diatribe about not only the coming climate disaster, but those villains who are responsible. According to the man who pocketed half a BILLION dollars by selling his failed cable netlet to some of the biggest oil barons of them all, “…the future of civilization is at stake,” and failure to act against so-called “global warming” is “immoral, unethical and despicable.”

I could take this moment to remind you that so-called “global warming” rests precariously on a spindle-thin tower of “evidence” which barely qualifies as anecdotal. I could remind you that in order to steady their scientific molehill, the warmists have to deliberately ignore mountains of evidence which directly contradict their dogma. I could point out the fact that the warmists have supplicated themselves at the altar of a deity which averages a name change per decade to reflect changing weather conditions which it failed to accurately predict. I could note the almost ludicrous hubris displayed by people who actually believe that our magnificent blue marble could be knocked out of its 4.4 billion year-old dance by a creature that has existed for less than 1/100 of 1 percent of it. I could remind you of the University of East Anglia’s infamous “Climategate” scandal, in which some of the chief missionaries of global warmism were caught contorting their “data” like they were auditioning for “Cirque Du Soleil’s” new show “CO2.”

I could, but I don’t need to. The wintry weather we actually witnessed has opened a credibility gap wide enough to swallow up even Senator Harry Reid’s bizarre “Koch brothers” mantra. By the way, Reid recently took to the Senate floor to blame global warming on the Koch brothers; meaning he not only ascribes virtually godlike powers to them, he’s a member of a completely different sect of global warmism than Gore and his minions, who believe global warming is caused by SUVs and incandescent lightbulbs.

I could also examine how so-called “green” energy policies are so economically ruinous, even if the warmists did manage to win a few battles in their war on science and sanity, the victories would mean billion-dollar boondoggles like Solyndra; which cost less than the First Lady’s shopping budget; and don’t hang around long enough to make a difference. Plus, the warmists’ wars on coal and oil, if successful, would turn the decidedly blue “rust belt” blood-red once the residents figured out that the warmists’ victories require by definition the loss of their livelihoods.

I’d even consider a wager that not even the 50 million illegal aliens who will all be voting citizens by next weekend or so will mark “si” on ballots where the question is “Do you support “green” policies, even though they serve no real purpose other than to make you nostalgic for the days of picking strawberries outside Mexicali?” Say what you want about the millions of illegal aliens who have exploited the political elite’s love of cheap labor and cheaper votes to sneak into the U.S.; they’re not much for sitting around.

I could do all of that; but I don’t need to. Instead, I’ll just say this: the high priest of the Church of Global Warmism is Al Gore. Gore boards private jets to traipse across the planet, stays in the finest resorts, allegedly molests the finest masseuses, speaks to the elite of the elite, leaves a bigger carbon pawprint than Godzilla did on downtown Tokyo, then retires behind the security fences at his 12,000 square-foot Malibu mansion and slumbers to the sounds of the ocean outside his door; all without missing a wink of sleep.

The global warmists intend to fundamentally alter human society at the behest of a man who actually thinks he alone has a special insight into the inner workings of the universe. The People’s Temple worked the same way. Some free advice to the global warmists: if Gore offers you Kool-Aid, decline.

-Ben Crystal

Ben Crystal

is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power.