*Lighten up, for goodness’ sakes. Yes, we’ve been pretty serious for the past few issues of Chip Shots and Straight Talk. (And come to think of it, in This Week in History, too.) So this week, let’s lighten up a bit.
An alert reader told me that, because of the weak business climate, there will be a ton of mergers and acquisitions coming down the pike. He urged me to “get in on the ground floor.” If we do, he promised, we can make some big bucks. I know you’ll want to get in on some of these deals, too. So as a public service, here’s an advance peek at some of the headlines you’ll be seeing in the coming weeks and months:
- Hale Business Systems will enter into a four-way merger with Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush Co., and W.R. Grace. The new entity will be known as Hale Mary Fuller Grace.
- Polygram Records, Warner Bros. and Zesta® Crackers will unite to become Poly Warner Cracker.
- Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco and Dakota Mining will merge to become ZipAudiDoDa.
- FedEx and its major competitor, UPS, will soon be one entity. Yes, it will be known as FedUP.
- Think that’s bad? In one of the most unusual mergers ever, Knott’s Berry Farm and the National Organization for Women will merge to become Knott NOW!
- Finally, Victoria’s Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under their new name, TittyTittyBangBang.
And that, I think, is pun-ishment enough for one day.
— Chip Wood