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A Cool Day In Texas

March 14, 2013 by  

A Cool Day In Texas
Al Gore made his second appearance in a row at South By Southwest in Austin, Texas.

Maybe it’s the nature of large annual festivals. Entropy is a law, after all. It happened to Lollapalooza right about the time Metallica showed up. Anyone who has ever had the misfortune of skiing in Park City, Utah, during the Sundance Film Festival knows how much “indie cred” is left in that annual Hollywood hobnob hoedown. Hell, even CPAC, which hosted President Ronald Reagan a dozen times, is featuring Donald Trump this year. It’s not that I think “The Donald” is a self-serving buffoon who is tailor-made to be a ringmaster for the twisted freakshow that is reality television; it’s just that I think… Well, that’s pretty much exactly what I think.

But down Austin, Texas, way, the ultimate cool-annual-gathering-gone-bad story is unfolding right in front of us. Once an almost painfully hip music and arts festival, South By SouthWest (SXSW) has morphed into another faux-hipster snotfest at which corporate-backed liberal icons indoctrinate smug twerps who might as well sport nametags that read “Hello, My Name Is: Low Information Voter.” In all honesty, SXSW is welcome to invite, feature and obtain enormous corporate sponsorship deals from whomever the organizers wish. But I’m afraid the cool factor has melted away in a sea of liberal hypocrisy. Either that, or SXSW is actually what passes for hip these days, in which case the whole country is seriously screwed.

I’m willing to admit I’m not the coolest cat on the block. Not only was I alive when that reanimated corpse they’re passing off as Madonna was “Like a Virgin,” but I’m pretty sure I was alive when she still was a virgin. But I’m Jay-Z’s next Grammy compared to one of the headliners at this year’s SXSW.

Global warming inventor, alleged massage therapist-molester and foreign oil beneficiary Al Gore hit the stage to a roar of approval. While banners for Samsung, AT&T and other corporate giants fluttered in the Texas breeze, the nine-figure-fortune holder and private-jet traveler proffered leftist bons mots; and the evidently irony proof audience lapped up the tired platitudes like thirsty kittens.

The multimillionaire former Vice President and self-proclaimed Internet inventor took to lambasting income inequality, something he called the “stalker economy,” so-called “global warming” (or whatever they’re calling it this week) and even the coming plague of “spider goats.” And then, in a moment that could happen only at a mass assembly of liberals, Gore fired off this non-sequitur: “The NRA is a complete fraud…” I guess it takes one to know one, right, Albert?

Instead of jeers, Gore’s attack on the NRA earned a standing ovation. The epicenter of American cool, version 2013, got on its feet to cheer the greatest living exemplar of liberal hypocrisy for attacking a group he used to support over an issue with which it is unconnected in a place in which it would never be welcomed.

Either SXSW has declined into an orgy of corporate-co-opted pop entertainment or members of the next generation of American style makers and trendsetters are skinny jeans-wearing drones who honestly believe pabulum puked out by eco-nerds like Gore is manna from heaven. Now that I’ve thought about it, I think we might be screwed.

–Ben Crystal

Ben Crystal

is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power.

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  • phideaux

    Ben stop it I sprayed good scotch all over my keyboard laughing.

  • Opal the Gem

    If big Al gets much fatter his face will look and jiggle like Rosie O’s butt.

    • rendarsmith

      He’s definitely aged. I guess spewing all that hot air has gotten to him.

  • Bob666

    Poor Ben, he is on a search that will never end.

  • Renee D.

    Yeah. If you gotta try to be hip…’re not.

  • Howard

    First, why do so many insist on typing in all caps, go buy some damn glasses, as to Al Bore, yawn, just another hypocrite.

  • momo

    It appears that the only thing that’s not being effected by global warming is the ice cream big Al keeps slurping.

  • ibcamn

    this has been going on for a long time,get big acts to spread the vile contempt for the man!hip hop has done it since it has ben in music format!look at some latino music,rock,country its all over and the liberals want to use it!madonna said in a concert that we need marxist in the white house,wtf,she’s gone!saun penn is the same,many other actors have used fame to spread their political crap!many times i have left a concert or movie when i see a political scene or speach(steven segal was good for that)i have my own life and beliefs without some thing like this popping up in front of me!but to basicly being held hostage and forced to hear someone elses BS,thats just wrong!your at a concert,your there for music,not politics,i want to see and hear what’s for the music,not to have that expected pleasure eviserated with political beliefs that are not expected!(or my own)there should be a political advisory warning attached to the concert ticket in big red letters(marxist red)and on the flyers advertising the event,again an advisory stating political connections and advertisments!at least you know whats coming!nothing worse than the entertainer,in the middle of your favorite song,all of a sudden start crooning to a corrupt official or country or cause!all i think is get me out of here and give me my money back,i didnt pay for this!!!

    but it seems to becoming main stream.if the idiots have no will,then they will fall for the BS!

  • dan

    I’m surprised that Al Bore hasn’t beached himself on the beach of public opinion….

  • http://yahoo Don

    this guy was laughed at when he was vp just like biden for being stupid. i think there was a time that it was brought up about him not being able to spell something like tomatoes. and this idiot puts down the nra.

  • Steve

    Al Bore has an enormous carbon footprint, sure wouldn’t want him to step on me!

  • speedle

    Ben, as usual, is the king of cynical comedy. Except in this case, being a Texan, I find this revelation a bit disturbing. Everyone should understand that Austin is sort of a “City State” within itself, an embarrassing progressive zit on the considerably large backside of the state. Being as it is the state capitol I suppose it is inevitable that government types would dominate (similar to D.C.) the political and culture scene. But it is disturbing because Austin is also the home of the University of Texas and over 50,000 undergraduate students, and that means there are a helluva lot of mush heads being influenced by these morons and left with resulting “moron cred”.

    Darrell Royal turns in his grave.

  • http://midcontent ridge runner

    The looks for the fat hog Gore shows his annual taxpayer yearly pay check of a a half a million, till he turns in to a worm casting waste, shows a giant waste of your taxes. Of it is just an other liars that hangs around telling everyone else how to live and exist, unless you are a facist/communist democrat.

  • roger

    any one who denies global warming in the face of all scientific evidence is a total fool and any liberal is blind to fact anyway so these ppl dont count and any standing ovation for pablum spew against the NRA and supporters of 2nd amendment have no right to breath free air put them in Gitmo with other terrorists and traitors any one who would applaud Gore for anything, but drinking hemlock, is a total annal retentive fool

  • R. Fine

    Give it up already – you right wing types lost the feakin’ election and if you don’t change your tune you’ll be losing the next election too.

    • Nadzieja Batki

      Making threats, snotnose?

      • R. Fine

        You seem a little too sensitive or defensive. What I said is not a threat it is a prediction. I am predicting that if Republicans continue on the narrow and high feluton path they are on they will lose the next election just as they lost the last one. You may not like that prediction but there you have it. Ignore it at your peril.

      • R. Fine

        I forgot to mention the third word in your three word comment. Fact is I do have a bit of a cold at the moment. Thanks for your concern. [ But in a few days whereas I'll be perfectly fine you'll still be a Republican ].

      • Bob666

        Yo Nads,
        that will be a fact of like, like the sun rising in the east.

        • R. Fine

          Read my posting again. It was a prediction and a fairly accurate one at that.

    • real man

      sorry bud at last count G.O.P. holds the house by a size able margin AND they just happen to hold thirty governor mansions too. by that count i’d say we been winning our fair share

      • R. Fine

        The mid term elections will be very telling. My prediction is that if Republicans can not begin to assit the President in moving the country forward they (the GOP) will suffer in House seats. Anyhow we already see GOP members coming on board in the House and we see a number of Republican governors coming on board with the Affordable Care Act. These are good first steps.

  • Mark

    I will have to agree with Speedle. The last time I had to endure Austin, I was met with arrogance without a clue and 70% of the streets and roads under construction at the same time.
    “Spotted Al Gore” can take a hike. He leaves a larger carbon footprint than any NASCAR event or coal fired power plant in existence..Bad thing about it, now my tax dollars are paying for it AGAIN.
    Both sides of the environmental argument use every asset to their fullest advantage. Nature will do what it damned well pleases, despite the best efforts of man (Nature vs Corps of Engineers –Katrina). I would hazard a guess that both sides would hire hit men if the voice of reason stood up and said “Look at history. It is cyclical.”
    Oh, back to the article…..Yep,the folks attending this concert have no connection to the land, There’s damned sure not anyone with “boots on the ground” in that crowd.
    If they really want to protest something, go hold their concert for the farmers in the Brazilian rain forests, in the factories using political prisoners making knock off products on the banks of the Xiang river, or in the face of a poacher going after Black Rhino horn. Now that would be the ultimate Survivor reality series.
    Hell, they need to do something worthwhile, like pressuring the Mexican and Chinese governments for food and trade regulations equal/identical to those imposed on folks trying to make a living here in the US.

  • Wil

    Ben, hate to say it,but you’re right. Austin,unfortunately,has been getting increasingly liberalized ever since the rats jumping the sinking ship of California have started making their way here.


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