What I Did On My Debate Monday
October 23, 2012 by Ben Crystal
As I write this, the hours tick inexorably toward the final Presidential debate of the 2012 electoral season. Millions, if not hundreds of millions, of people the world over will sit in rapt attention as Governor Mitt Romney and President Barack Obama tear into each other for our ballots like crackheads fighting over the wallet they just grabbed from the mugging victim. Candidates will bloviate; the moderator, CBS News anchor Bob Schieffer, will try to steer the forum to port while pretending to appear impartial; pundits will mock the participants; “fact-checkers” will eviscerate the candidates’ remarks in an effort to promote the agenda they swear they’re not promoting; and MSNBC hosts will suffer various degrees of mental breakdown — again.
Since the debate is supposed to focus on foreign affairs, Obama will point to our exit from Iraq combat operations as an accomplishment worthy of re-election. Romney will respond that Iraq is still a hellhole and has been reformulated with even more Islamofascist terrorism. Obama will claim to have delivered the promise of Nobel-worthy peace to the world. Romney will retort that the promise of peace carries about the same worth as all of Obama’s other promises and his Nobel Prize combined and that the situation in the Mideast is every bit the powder keg it was 40 years ago. Obama will then suggest that Romney lacks the experience to step into the Presidency. And Romney will say something like: “If I do the opposite of what you’ve done over the past four years, that’s probably a good start.”
Obama will note that “I” got Osama bin Laden. Romney will note that SEAL Team 6 “got” bin Laden and then Obama took credit for it — even forcing active duty personnel to sit for interviews with Hollywood vultures for some movie that will probably enrage Muslims. Obama will state that, under his watch, terrorism is on the run globally. Romney will state that terrorism may be on the run, but under Obama’s watch, it’s running at a dead sprint. Romney will express his revulsion at Obama’s mishandling of Benghazi, Libya; Obama will tell either the fifth or sixth version (I’ve lost count) of that sad story.
Obama will point to Romney’s finances in the Caymans and business interests in China. Romney will point to Obama’s finances in the Caymans and business interests in China. Obama will blame Romney for “outsourcing jobs to China.” Romney will blame Obama for forcing businesses to outsource jobs in order to stay in business despite union thugs, regulatory storm troopers and Obamacare costs.
On immigration, Romney will promise to enact stringent enforcement of illegal alien laws and increase border security. Obama will say he’s already done that. Romney will ask how Operation Fast and Furious fits into that claim. Obama will ask if “that’s the one with both Vin Diesel and ‘The Rock.’”
They’ll hem; they’ll haw; they’ll push and pull, accuse and counter-accuse, flex and bow, and try desperately to paint the other as grossly unqualified to lead America, much less the world, into the future. Their respective supporters will crow over their candidates’ victorious performance as their detractors shriek of lies and failings. It ought to be some spectacle.
Someone tell me how it turns out. I’m tired of these debate dog and pony shows and have the same respect for them that I reserve for “The Real Housewives of the Jerry Springer Shore” or whatever. I’m going to be watching the Bears-Lions Monday night football game. It’s not that I’m a big fan of either team; it’s just that I can always tell the two teams apart.