You Didn’t Win That Olympic Medal
August 30, 2012 by Wayne Allyn Root
Hello, I’m Wayne Allyn Root for Personal Liberty. The Olympics just ended about three weeks ago. They are still fresh in our mind. But it’s been enough time that our Olympic athletes will soon be visiting the White House for that ceremonial visit with President Obama. You know, the President who believes you didn’t build your business. You don’t get credit for success. It’s always government that made it happen. So I thought it would be funny to imagine what Obama might say to our Olympic heroes. I call this commentary, You Didn’t Win That.
Can’t you just hear Obama’s speech to the U.S. Olympic athletes when they visit the White House? He’ll point to their gold medals and say, “You didn’t win that. Government did it for you. We built the Olympic training center, the roads that lead to it; we provide the coaches and team doctors. Since we won the medals for you, please place them in the communal pot behind the stage. These medals are now the property of the United States government.”
But wait. There’s more. With ultra-liberals there is always another lecture. Obama cares so much about “fairness,” “equality” and “social justice,” he can’t possibly allow a teachable moment to pass without a lecture.
“I want all the champion gold medal winners to share their winnings with the losers. Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte, come on down. You guys are Exhibit A. It’s the collective — not the individual — that is important. All those gold medals you won hurt a lot of feelings. You are dividers — not uniters. You’re greedy. You should feel guilty for not slowing up enough to let others win a few medals too. We’ve got to spread the gold around.
“Michael and Ryan, you’re going to make $50 million off these Olympics. But that’s just not fair. What about all the other U.S. Olympians who will make nothing? The rowers, the fencers, the curlers. We can’t have winners and losers. Everyone should share in your success. So…
“Here is my Executive Order. Michael and Ryan: In the interest of equality, you will both give 50 percent of your $50 million endorsement money to the rest of the Olympians. That takes care of the Olympians. But remember, without our bean-counting bureaucrats and egomaniacal, blowhard politicians, you would never have won a thing. So, of the amount you have left, you have to give 70 percent to the IRS. I think that’s paying your ‘fair share.’ You owe us.”
But then Obama couldn’t help himself: ”One more thing. I am taking this opportunity to announce my new Executive Order for Social Justice. It isn’t fair that there are so few African-American swimmers and so few white track athletes and basketball players. I am ordering the U.S. Olympic Committee to no longer determine who makes the Olympic team based on talent. From this day forward, it must be based on quotas and affirmative action. You must set aside 50 percent of all swimming spots for black athletes and 50 percent of all track and basketball spots for white athletes. And, of course, I’m also mandating a few token slots for Latinos, Asians and American Indians.
“For far too long, the Olympics have been about talent, regardless of race. That was wrong. That was offensive. That was then. Now it will be based on social justice. Who says people want to see good swimmers? I think they’d rather see a rainbow of diversity and equality.
“And, one last thing: taxes. Each medal winner has to pay a $25,000 tax on your medals. You know, those gold things you no longer own. Just because you work harder and smarter than the next guy you will no longer be allowed to hurt people’s feelings by beating them. Win and you will be punished with massive taxes.
“Finally, by Executive Order I’ve also added a United Nations carbon tax to your taxes due. Each of you polluted the world and caused a dramatic increase in global warming with your carbon footprints traveling to Europe. So whether you won a medal or not, each of you is fined $10,000. Make the check out to Michelle Obama.”
As the White House press conference ends, the athletes are depressed and bewildered. The entire Olympic team, now with no incentive to ever again train past the point of exhaustion, retires en masse. Obama is thrilled. It is exactly as he planned. By retiring at such a young age, they remind him of government employees. He promises them pensions for not working for the rest of their lives and, of course, that guarantees them as Democrat voters.
Thinking of the hope and change he has just created: fairness; equality; social justice; the joy of the collective; and, of course, the full credit now assigned correctly to government, for all of these Olympic triumphs bring tears of joy to Obama’s eyes. He thinks to himself: “Gosh, isn’t this great? The Olympics are now just like my economy. Talent is replaced by fairness. It’s great to be God!”
And now you know exactly how every business owner in America feels under Obama! I’m Wayne Allyn Root for Personal Liberty. See you next week, same time, same place.