2011 Was A Rocky Year

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Despite the best efforts of the left, suspension of the 1st Amendment was not among the news items this year.

It is always a bit of a stretch to gaze back across the preceding 12 months and rank the “top” news stories of the year. In our increasingly interconnected global community, events unfold at such a rate that it’s virtually impossible to select any number of news stories and proclaim the definitive list of anything. Nonetheless, I present to you my list of the top news stories of 2011. I selected some because they’re legitimately noteworthy, some because they shouldn’t have been. Indubitably, some of you will disagree with either my choices or my assessment thereof. You are, of course, welcome to do so; despite the best efforts of the left, suspension of the 1st Amendment was not among the news items this year.

Offered in somewhat chronological order:

Operation Fast And Furious. Attorney General — and New Black Panther Party patron — Eric Holder didn’t know a thing about the multimillion dollar operation that deliberately armed Mexican narcoterrorists who subsequently employed Holder’s largesse to murder hundreds of their own countrymen and at least two American law enforcement personnel. At least, he says he didn’t. Granted, the preponderance of actual evidence says differently, but Holder also says anyone who notices the discrepancy is racist. Something tells me Holder accuses the paperboy of racism every time The Washington Post ends up in the hedge.

The Attempted Assassination Of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords. We’re used to watching liberals politicize tragedy — especially tragedies involving firearms — before the proverbial smoke has cleared. Giffords survived; although in doing so, she denied the Democrats the opportunity to claim her as a martyr for their twisted cause. Jared Lee Loughner — who is nearly as disturbed as Ed Schultz — went on a homicidal rampage, and somehow the Democrats managed to blame conservatives. Following the attack, President Barack Obama called for a return to civility in American politics. The “new civility” lasted almost through the commercial break which followed Obama’s speech. Then Common Cause called for the lynchings of Supreme Court Justices Samuel Alito and Clarence Thomas, Michael Malloy demanded Seal Team 6 assassinate President George W. Bush and top union thug Jimmy Hoffa Jr. said about the Tea Party: “Let’s take these sons of bitches out!” And let’s not forget the entire Democratic Party’s smearing of the Tea Party as “terrorists” and “American Taliban.” By the way, Giffords is on the road to a near-miraculous recovery — not that you’d know it from the corporate media outlets.

The Fukushima Earthquake And Tsunami. As it turns out, immensely powerful natural disasters are bad. Despite our best technological, societal and moral advancements (or lack thereof), when Mother Nature drops the hammer, all we can do is try to survive. Much like during Hurricane Katrina’s destruction of New Orleans, man was as tiny and helpless in the face of nature’s wrath as ever. Much like Katrina’s aftermath, the left tried mightily to draw a logical vertex between an unstoppable force of nature and something they dislike. In the case of Katrina, the target of their irrational explanation was white Republicans. In the case of Fukushima, their target was nuclear power (and white Republicans). In both cases, liberals connected the “global warming” hoax to actual events. Japan has been busy rebuilding itself since the disaster, albeit without post-Katrina fanfare. Hardworking Japanese folks earnestly piecing back together their lives without complaining about free Visa cards or looting the Wal-Mart doesn’t make for liberal-friendly copy.

The Arab Spring. Admit it: When Tunisia fell, you briefly hoped that the Arab Spring would deliver non-burka freedom to the Mideast. Sadly, the Islamofascist Muslim Brotherhood is poised to spread across North Africa like a metastasizing tumor. Even Morocco, which normally provides Americans with the chance to say “I’ve been to Africa” without braving the “shootier” parts of the Dark Continent, is facing internal swelling. The corporate media are fond of drawing parallels between the so-called “Occupiers” and the Arab Spring forces. Consider how much fun the fleabaggers would be with the addition of lunatic religious fervor.

The Royal Wedding. Maybe I lack a romantic soul, but I thought the marriage of Will and… Kate (I had to check) was the biggest non-event since the last time two overbred, under-important people tied the knot. The real story is less about the merger of the Windsor and Middleton families and more about where to get the best odds on the over-under for how long these two will stay married before he cheats on her with a distant cousin and she cheats on him with some cat named Akbar. I did notice that the female guests’ headgear screamed “shallow gene pool.”

The Execution Of Osama Bin Laden. OK, Democrats: good for Obama. I would have thought the elimination of the world’s most wanted terrorist was good for everyone; but when Democrats are involved, electoral politics trump humanity. Obama and the liberals — who despised President George W. Bush for “cowboy” diplomacy — decided to try on W’s spurs. Meanwhile, Obama employed the specter of terrorism to keep the doors open at Guantanamo Bay; simultaneously breaking a campaign promise and delivering the message that pretty much anyone on his enemies’ list could win an all-expenses paid trip to sunny Cuba.

The Trial Of Casey Anthony. This circus sideshow came within a white Bronco and Al Cowlings from being tagged “The O.J. Trial II: This Time, the Murderer is White.” Casey ended up walking on the murder charge and was instead convicted of lying to police; it was the legal version of watching Lawrence O’Donnell bloviate and only making fun of his tie. Her own lawyer called her a “lying slut.” Far be it for me to argue, counselor. Anthony’s current job prospects include an offer to star in a porn flick. It’s not lethal injection, but odds are she’ll handle that herself.

The OWS Uprising. Following the Democrats’ deployment of the union thugs to jack-boot the people of Wisconsin, we probably should have seen this coming. Initially, pushed by the Soros-backed liberal hate group “Adbusters,” the fleabaggers — who apparently want more government (except for soldiers and police officers) — managed to compile quite a resume in a short time. Fleabag squats hosted murders, rapes, assaults, theft, child molestation and enough drug busts to make the Woodstock survivors wince. The OWS protesters are essentially the same as every other group of liberal idiots. The Democrat elite has managed to convince a relatively small group of people that they represent a much larger group of people, and then encouraged them to do everything possible to complicate the lives of the real majority. In fact, they have demonstrated tremendous drive. Imagine if they displayed that kind of determination to bathe, go to work and/or move out of their parents’ basements.

The Assassination Of Moammar Gadhafi. When Gadhafi refused to tap out, Obama had him whacked. Of course, Obama didn’t have anything to do with it, except when Bill Maher is pretending Obama is “President Badass.” What a victory for our Nobel Peace Prize winner! No more sovereignty-violating, nation-building, irresponsible wars, right? When Obama assumed office, American military personnel were engaged in two shooting conflicts. As of the dawn of 2012, American military personnel are directly engaged in at least three; and Iran and North Korea are piling sandbags.

Campaign 2012. In your heart of hearts, you know this is as much fun as the roller coaster ride at Six Flags. First, Herman Cain made the mistake of peaking too early, leaving him vulnerable to a liberal media lynching. Rick Santorum is probably the most redoubtably paleoconservative of the GOP contenders, but he holds the same chance of victory as a burrito does of escaping Michelle Obama’s plate uneaten. Ron Paul has managed to hover around the lead without more than a passing nod from the corporate media, although the faked “he walked out on Gloria Borger” stories indicate growing fear from the Democrats. With some of his fellow Republican candidates taking shots at him, Paul is taking shots from the left and the slightly less left. I’m not certain what galls me more: the fact that nearly everyone running for President displays clownish tendencies or the fact that each of them is better qualified than the buffoon currently squatting in the White House.

Of course, a list of the top news stories in any given year will omit stories many consider momentous in the extreme. The unemployment rate continues to hover between “horrendous” and “Carter era.” People were assaulted. Some were murdered. Others were raped. Children were molested and otherwise abused. Valuables were stolen. Some of the aforementioned crimes even took place outside OWS rallies and/or Anthony Weiner’s imagination. Al Sharpton was allowed a television show, and Rachel Maddow was allowed to keep hers. Alec Baldwin’s “man of the people” act came to an abrupt halt somewhere between hawking high-interest credit cards and forgetting he isn’t the only airline passenger on Earth. And I’m fairly certain a pop star or two lip-synched their final hits.

Happy New Year, everyone! Here’s hoping we live through the next one.

–Ben Crystal

Ben Crystal

is a 1993 graduate of Davidson College and has burned the better part of the last two decades getting over the damage done by modern-day higher education. He now lives in Savannah, Ga., where he has hosted an award-winning radio talk show and been featured as a political analyst for television. Currently a principal at Saltymoss Productions—a media company specializing in concept television and campaign production, speechwriting and media strategy—Ben has written numerous articles on the subjects of municipal authoritarianism, the economic fallacy of sin taxes and analyses of congressional abuses of power.