Restore Your Passion For Life
December 2, 2010 by Dr. Michael Cutler
Did you know your level of sexual passion is related to your passion for life in general? Just consider it for a moment. How much happiness do you experience with your family, your friends, your work or your hobbies? How much passion do you feel for your spouse outside your sex life? Because, let’s face it, if you’re not finding passion together in the simple things such as fixing a meal, going for a walk or even sharing things about your day, it’s only natural that you’ll also find it lacking in the bedroom.
Passion For Life
On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the highest), rank your passion for life in general. If your score is low, you might be experiencing fear, frustration, feelings of lack or boredom. You might even be depressed. Sometimes mild or even pervasive feelings of sadness, gloom and despair can come out of nowhere and affect men and women very differently. Let’s consider both.
Men Without Passion
Men often don’t want to express their feelings of worry or sadness — even to their wives or family. In the American culture, men are expected to be the emotionless, strong, silent types, like John Wayne, who can handle anything. But in reality, roughly 6 million American men are diagnosed with depression each year, and millions more suffer in silence.
A large number of depressed men fall into the “tough guy” category. A “tough guy” is often unaware of his depression and minimizes his feelings as stress. But if you pay attention to a tough guy’s non-verbal behavior, you’ll see subtle evidence of stress, unhappiness or discontent. In the face of unrecognized depression, families are disrupted, careers are ruined and marriages destroyed. This is the legacy of our cultural expectations of men.
Women Without Passion
Statistics show that more women are diagnosed with depression than men. The reason? Women are very willing to verbalize their emotions and seek out help from a licensed professional, family members or friends.
Hormonal problems can cause depression in women. However, the biggest cause of clinical depression in women is a feeling they are not loved and unconditionally accepted — especially by the significant men in their lives (husband, father, brothers, etc.) Until a woman feels cared about, supported and beautiful, she won’t open her heart. A loving husband can help her regain self-esteem, and through effective communication, a couple can heal their relationship. Communication can also boost their passion for life, and with it, their sexual desire.
But remember the first rule of intimacy… non-sexual love first.
Many couples are very romantic, whether they have consistently great sex or not. These couples understand non-sexual intimacy. How can intimacy be non-sexual?
Intimacy is not just about sexual gratification. Intimacy occurs when two people step off their mental judgments about one another and focus on their feelings for one another. If you focus on “non-sexual love” first, you’ve taken your first step towards sexual intimacy.
And the second rule of intimacy is to activate your biggest sexual organ… your brain.
Believe it or not, your brain is your biggest sexual organ. Your thoughts and feelings can dramatically impact your enjoyment of sexual intimacy. This right frame of mind is essential to wonderful lovemaking. But if you haven’t been intimate for a while, getting in the right frame of mind is like cranking a car that’s been sitting for several months. Your hormones won’t kick in right away. However, there are ways to get them going:
- Fantasize. See yourself having the greatest sexual encounter you can possibly imagine. This is a great way to “fire up” your body.
- Release negative feelings. Let go of worries, stress and anger to focus on the “now” moment.
- Awaken your senses. Your sex drive responds to sounds, scents and even sights. Try music, candles, fragrant body oils… be creative!
Poor Nutrition Can Cause A Lack Of Passion
Your passion for life, including your sex life, is directly influenced by nutrition. So what foods should you eliminate to ramp up your passion?
Begin by eliminating refined sugar. It also helps to avoid caffeine and alcohol in excess. Identify food allergies with elimination diets, then refrain from eating those foods for several months to allow your immune system to reset itself.
Fatigue can zap your passion and your sex life. What causes this bone-numbing lethargy? It could be low or high thyroid levels, low cortisol, low human growth hormone, low testosterone, low progesterone, low DHEA or low blood count.
However, it’s important to consider the effects of prescription medicines, especially drugs that are antihypertensives or antidepressants. Loss of sexual desire is a well-known side effect of those drugs.
It’s possible to get off these fatigue-causing prescription drugs and get your sex life back by committing to a lifestyle of true health. You should eat vegetables — raw or as close to raw as possible — and eliminate processed foods and sugars from your diet.
But what if you’re eating right and feeling energetic but still are still having trouble with your sexual intimacy?
Natural Herbs Can Spark Your Sex Life
Prescription drugs like Viagra®, Cialis® or Levitra® can be expensive and have dangerous or even lethal side effects. For this reason, if you absolutely need them, consider some natural sexual enhancers instead.
According to the 2005 edition of Consumer Health Digest, the top-ranked natural sex-enhancers for women are Fematril™, Exotica™, Passion Rx™, Erostat™ and Vimaca™. These herbal combinations are considered to be extremely safe, affordable and effective, and often contain natural herbs like damiana leaf, epimedium, black cohosh root, isoflavones, valerian root, ginger root, gingko biloba, bayberry fruit, licorice root, capsicum pepper and red raspberry leaf.
Natural libido-enhancing products for men are aimed at increasing genital blood flow. As reported in the 2005 version of the Consumer Health Digest, the top-ranked sex enhancers for men, based on effectiveness, safety and price, are Enzyte™, SizePro™, PROSolution™, VigRX™ and Libidus™.
These natural alternatives can do some good, and I’m not opposed to you trying them. But please don’t depend on them any longer than you need to.
Regardless of your age, you deserve to be happy, so it’s important to restore your passion for life. Once you feel passion again, you can experience increased joy in your intimate relationship and reignite the flames of your sexual desire.
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